Someone stole my mouse when moving office... Dude the things on MY DESK are mine, you can't just take people's stuff and make it yours

Now I am using your crappy mouse... 😑

Overheard some guy talking about robotics on the phone, turns out it was all about MS excel macros.

people need to stop abusing terms like big data, AI etc. to make them sound 'smart' 🙄

Got this from boss (a few colleagues got it as well):
Sites have been down over the weekend and seems the only person cares is PM! There is a condition about working when required (i.e. unpaid OT) on your contract! It is essential that sites are properly managed even at weekends - we run a online business! If anyone has problems we'll discuss next week
*Note: site was partially down and there was no major impact on the business

When I explained why we need to rebuild the sites, you said not now - almost 2 years now, still nothing happens.
When I asked if we can get managed hosting or load balancer, fecking NO again
After asking for my opinion on the sites, you & the puppet think my honesty is me being negative and incorporate, and exclude me from meetings and major part of my work

Go fuck yourself! I've warned you about the status of the sites and you did not want to listen SO DON'T TELL ME I'M NOT DOING MY JOB WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE STOPPING ME FROM DOING IT PROPERLY!
I'm sure we'll have our meeting very soon, cheapskate.

working on legacy code and saw this:

@records = unpublished_collection.published

Wait, what?

"AJAX is a football club isn't it?"

Defeated, not sure if I should be laughing or crying...

When left hand feels itchy because you may have copied something a bit ago and never pasted it, but now you don't know what or why

Signed up on Trello, got everything set up there and everyone has an account.

But my dear PM, why the hell are you still sending out a screenshot of your bloody spreadsheet bug tracker and ask everyone for updates????

Fellow devRanters how do I get (force) my PM to use a project management system instead of silly tables?

Why a non-dev has access to reboot servers....?

why.....WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?

Email from boss: Have a nice weekend everyone!

Colleague A's reply: The weather is gonna be bad...
PM: Oh then A, you can stay at home and make sure the sites are working over the weekend!

5 seconds later boss replied:
Oh enjoy watching the sites then!

I can tell you two are from the same pile of turd *smh*

"we have add a lot of cost partly due to currency exchange rate, but we also added some services and servers, we'll have a meeting and see what we can cancel or re-arrange."

So now....
- JIRA is gone
- SEO tools are gone
- budget for site security & SSL undecided
- Servers are too expensive.
$800 for twelve 2-24gb ram servers with backup, I call that bargain

Can't wait to see the websites falling apart. Now where are my popcorns?

"Specs are out of date at time of writing. Basic premise of how this works: {link}"

and link goes to a 404

Just realized whose silhouette GitHub used when they created their logo.

"let's put an advert right next to the login/registration area so everyone can see the ads"

Thanks for reminding why I love adblock, how retarded you are and why you should never be allowed to touch ux/ui.

f your theory about users != customers.

Hope better ads standards slaps in your face, HARD

Dev: linters can help us by keeping us focused on important problems.
Linter:

124:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
[...]
150:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
151:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
152:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
153:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
154:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
155:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
156:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
157:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
158:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
159:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
160:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
161:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
162:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
163:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
164:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
165:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
166:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
167:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
168:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
169:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
170:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
171:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
172:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
174:5 ✖ Expected indentation of 2 spaces indentation
175:3 ✖ Expected indentation of 0 spaces indentation

50 problems (50 errors, 0 warnings)

Why do SAMBA network drives have to suck this much? Yeah I understand that compiling to a network drive is probably a bad idea just for performance reasons alone but can't you at least not fuck with my git repo?

$ git gc
Enumerating objects: 330, done.
Counting objects: 100% (330/330), done.
Delta compression using up to 24 threads
Compressing objects: 100% (165/165), done.
Writing objects: 100% (330/330), done.
Total 330 (delta 177), reused 281 (delta 151), pack-reused 0
error: unable to open .git/objects/7e: Not a directory
error: unable to open .git/objects/7e: Not a directory
fatal: unable to mark recent objects
fatal: failed to run prune

$ git gc
error: unable to open .git/objects/00: Not a directory
fatal: unable to add recent objects
fatal: failed to run repack

$ git gc
Enumerating objects: 330, done.
Counting objects: 100% (330/330), done.
Delta compression using up to 24 threads
Compressing objects: 100% (139/139), done.
Writing objects: 100% (330/330), done.
Total 330 (delta 177), reused 330 (delta 177), pack-reused 0
Removing duplicate objects: 100% (256/256), done.
error: unable to open .git/objects/05: Not a directory
error: unable to open .git/objects/05: Not a directory

PM: I can't see the Facebook page, can you check what's wrong with it?
Me: *click click tab tab* There's not much I can do... I don't have the admin access
PM: Who is the admin?
Me: ABC (who is on holiday)

PM then decided to bombard ABC with emails & phone calls (& to ABC's family)

PM: When ABC comes back, ask for the login details
Me: But that's linked to the personal account.....
PM: It doesn't matter

Where the f is privacy?

p.s PM is an arrogant bastard who logged in to ex-colleague computer, read her personal emails, found out she went to a job interview, told the boss and asked her to come back then fired her on the spot

Boss changes plan & schedule for this year's projects at least 5 times within 3 weeks.

Since everything changes so frequently, would you mind making the following changes as well:

1) Give everyone a better PC/Mac
2) Get a better PM
3) A sales team that can sell things

Or maybe a more creative, decisive and organised boss so we can have all 3 wishes at once just like Kinder Surprise

Manager complaining about why things were done in a 'different' (not the manager's) way.
If you bloody define your tickets better, this shouldn't have happened right!?
I wouldn't have to keep chasing you for details EVERY SINGLE F-ING TIME and I probably wouldn't have to redo and undo the same sh*t 4, 5 times

Client: Are we getting the finished site next Monday?

Supervisor: no it should be the week after, that's the date I have on our dev schedule.

1st week into the project, we pointed out the PM messed up the project end date (he took beginning of the final week instead of the end of week) and apparently he(& CEO) didn't bother to inform the client about the mistake.

WTF PM you f-ed up every single project since joining the company

Hi fellow devRanters, I need some advice on how to detect web traffic coming from bad/malicious bots and block them.

I have ELK (Elastic) stack set up to capture the logs from the sites, I have already blocked the ones that are obviously bad (bad user-agent, IP addresses known for spamming etc). I know you can tell by looking at how fast/frequently they crawl the site but how would I know if I block the one that's causing the malicious and non-human traffic? I am not sure if I should block access from other countries because I think the bots are from local.

I am lost, I don't know what else I can do - I can't use rate limiting on the sites and I can't sign up for a paid service cause management wants everything with the price of peanuts.

Rant:

Someone asked why I can't just read through the logs (from several mid-large scale websites) and pick out the baddies.

*facepalm* Here's the gigabytes log files.