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Search - "php fuckery"
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FUCK PHP!!!
We were trying to go live with a big online shop, it is connected through a crappy API to SAP.
PHP keeps outputting fucking errors because our intern doesn't fucking know how to properly write PHP.
YEAH, JUST FUCKING RETURN A WHOLE DIFFERENT TYPE OF DATA IF THE FUNCTION HAS AN ERROR.
Oh and using fucking strtr( ... ) to insert stuff in a string is REALLY FUCKING 1337...
And when you think the whole fuckery has reached the summit, just look at how HE FUCKING CREATED THE UGLY EMAIL TEMPLATE:
$content .= "UGLY HTML ABOMINATION";
$content .= "MORE UGLY HTML";
$content .= "HTML WITH SPELLING ERRORS";
$content .= "<table>";
$content .= "TEARS OF TIM BERNERS LEE";
$content .= "<table>HE FOGOT THE FUCKING '/'";
and dozens more of these lines...
and the whole piece for ALL 3 FUCKING LANGUAGES...
Thanks for writing the fucking backend stuff, it is better to rewrite the whole piece.19 -
We can compile, transpile, and do all sorts of fucky internet things through an entire development pipeline and then troubleshoot through all sorts of hackery and dev sorcery to output html.
Or I can just index.php and be done with it.
I dunno man, I dig frontend and using the popular js libs to put shit online and be done without having to deal with the fuckery that is wasm or use something similar to Rust to bring shit to my clients.
9 times out of 10, these dudes have been well served with the php or node or even golang that i give them.
Seems that a lot of tools coming up just make shit harder.
Even VBScript seems simpler compared to the amount of web fuckery going on right now.
Yeah I keep current, but fuck, every day it seems as if shit was just getting more and more complex16 -
At a meeting:
"We don't know why <past developer, they all know who this motherfucker is> did it this way but we have to..."
Me: *slams table* no, stop. I am tired of this. Y'all must've really liked this guy. But he did it this way because he was a fucking idiot.
A
Fucking
Idiot
There is no other reason for this amount of fuckery that I have to be bothered to fix and mess with on A DAILY BASIS so I am gonna go ahead and call it as it is. The dude was a damn moron and no one here stopped him. I know he was a janitor here that got his cute lil associates and y'all wanted some good will hunting shit to happen, but <said dumbass developer is no matt damon"
Them: "YOU CaNt JusT UsE ThaT lanGUAGE"
"Am i gonna fix this shit?"
"Well......no one else kno...."
Me: "exactly"
Legit man i am sick and tired of this shit. I did not earn a B.S in comp sci. Graduated in the top percentage of my class, am suffering through my MCS to fix php like a fucking moron all day.The rest of my web devs backed me up.
Aaaand btw..no, it is not my job. I am a fucking analyst, i provide data reports, i program said reports, i am tasked with this shit because i used to work for then as a web tech.....got a different position cuz i was tired of it...fuck me right?18 -
My boss just asked me to participate in a conference call to help an external senior dev implement some stuff/tool into our website.
My boss suspects that he doesn't even know Git...
Let's see how that whole thing will turn out.
My boss told me that he looked at his code and it already looks like an abomination of PHP...
It is enough that my boss usually writes shitty spaghetty code.
I will not sleep well this night.1 -
Tru story:
We have a folder that we keep as shared documentation known as Javascript And PHP Fuckery made by yours truly in which I added a bunch of fixes to fuckery written in those 2 languages by previous developers.
The entire department has access to those files(as in all of IT) and I have been commended by the head of our department for my determination and uncanny ability to spot fuckery and fix it.
He says that he "thoroughly enjoys my colorful mastery of language, sarcasm and cognitive imagery when dealing with documentation regarding the code horrors done by previous developers"
By cognitive imagery he said that he meant my thought process and that he wouldn't trust a developer that does not use this language.
Fucking killing it b.
I'll let y'all(as in youse) when I am done with my Book(if anyone here steals the idea of the title as js php fuckery i am gonna sue you)1 -
I was at a meetup yesterday where the topic was PHP7. I'm frontend though went there because of my backend friend. I have one question. How the fuck do you guys understand PHP? To me it looks like total black magic fuckery. Respect to all my backend fellas!9
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At work, my closest relation is with the DBA. Dude is a genius when it comes to proper database management as well as having a very high level of understanding concerning server administration, how he got that good at that I have no clue, he just says that he likes to fuck around with servers, Linux in particular although he also knows a lot about Windows servers.
Thing is, the dude used to work as a dev way back when VB pre VB.NET was all the rage and has been generating different small tools for his team of analysts(I used to be a part of his team) to use with only him maintaining them. He mentioned how he did not like how Microsoft just said fk u to VB6 developers, but that he was happy as long as he could use VB. He relearned how to do most of the GUI stuff he was used to do with VB6 into VB.NEt and all was good with the world. I have seen his code, proper OOP practices and architectural decisions, etc etc. Nothing to complain about his code, seems easy enough to extend, properly documented as well.
Then he got with me in order to figure out how to breach the gap between building GUI applications into web form, so that we could just host those apps in one of our servers and his users go from there, boy was he not prepared to see the amount of fuckery that we do in the web development world. Last time my dude touched web development there was still Classic ASP with JScript and VBScript(we actually had the same employer at one point in the past in which I had to deal with said technology, not bad, but definitely not something I recommend for the current state of web development) and decided that the closest thing to what he was used was either PHP(which he did not enjoy, no problem with that really, he just didn't click with the language) and WebForms using VB.NET, which he also did not like on account of them basically being on support mode since Microsoft is really pushing for people to adopt dotnet core.
After came ASP.NET with MVC, now, he did like it, but still had that lil bug in his head that told him that sticking to core was probably a better idea since he was just starting, why not start with the newest and greatest? Then in hit(both of us actually) that to this day Microsoft still not has command line templates for building web applications in .net core using VB.NET. I thought it was weird, so I decided to look into. Turns out, that without using Razor, you can actually build Web APIs with VB.NET just fine if you just convert a C# template into VB.NET, the process was...err....tricky, and not something we would want to do for other projects, with that in we decided to look into Microsoft's reasons to not have VB.NET. We discovered how Microsoft is not keeping the same language features between both languages, having crown C# as the language of choice for everything Microsoft, to this point, it seems that Microsoft was much more focused in developing features for the excellent F# way more than it ever had for VB.NET at this point and that it was not a major strategy for them to adapt most of the .net core functionality inside of VB, we found articles when the very same Microsoft team stated of how they will be slowly adding the required support for VB and that on version 5 we would definitely have proper support for VB.NET ALTHOUGH they will not be adding any new development into the language.
Past experience with Microsoft seems to point at them getting more and more ready to completely drop the language, it does not matter how many people use it, they would still kill it :P I personally would rather keep it, or open source the language's features so that people can keep adding support to it(if they can of course) because of its historical significance rather than them just completely dropping the language. I prefer using C#, and most of my .net core applications use C#, its very similar to Java on a lot of things(although very much different in others) and I am fine with it being the main language. I just think that it sucks to leave such a large developer pool in the shadows with their preferred tool of choice and force them to use something else just like that.
My boy is currently looking at how I developed a sample api with validation, user management, mediatR and a custom project structure as well as a client side application using React and typescript swappable with another one built using Angular(i wanted to test the differences to see which one I prefer, React with Typescript is beautiful, would not want to use it without it) and he is hating every minute of it on account of how complex frontend development has become :V
Just wanted to vent a little about a non bothersome situation.6 -
The web is just a fucked up place. Anytime i have an idea and wanna slap together an mvp, i always feel like web standards are just made by people who have no professional training and once every year come up with some bullshit so they dont get fired.
Figure 1: cors
You wpuld think that setting "access-control-allow-origin" to * would let, well, * through, like in every other field of programming, but no, make sure all 97 other headers match or you will just get a cors error. The server expects application/json and you didnt specify that? Fuck you, have a cors error. Both express and flask have specific packages addressing this one problem so i guess im not the only one.
Figure 2: frameworks
Remember reactive programming? Remember rxjs? No you dont because all frameworks reimplement rx with shadow dom fuckery. Did you know you can have your fucking templates with 5 lines of rxjs code? Amazing huh?
Figure 3: php
It still exists for some reason.7 -
I really, really need some help here.
We have a service provider that is utter shit. Due to their shittyness we have a server to which our customers point their domains and then we forward the request to our shitty provider. This worked well until our provider blocked our server's IP.
They can't come up with a reasonable explanation as to why it's happening, and even though they've whitelisted our IP it keeps happening. I've tried changing the server's IP, but it takes 5 minutes and we're blocked again. Probably some traffic that they deem fishy.
Does anyone have any good or bad idea on how to work around this fuckery? The server at our provider is running PHP, so I'm thinking if I can set up some sketchy tunnel or something, but even then it might be caught on a lower level.
I'm really, really grateful for any ideas or advice. Even of the shitty kind.5 -
Fuck Drupal. Fuck the work environment I have, and fuck CMS in general.
I have a task that consists into removing any @extend from the different SCSS files so the compiled file is lighter than before (so far it went from 10mb to 750kb). Everything went okay but suddenly PHP decides that the fuckton memory it has isn't enough anymore and wants more. And makes VirtualBox freeze. Which makes Windows 8.1 freeze. It's 11:10 AM when I write these lines and I haven't been able to do SHIT since 9 AM.
The lead developer just told me "you touched some PHP code you shouldn't have approached in the first place". DUDE I haven't written anything in PHP IN TWO WEEKS !
Also, why does fucking Kint exists, when Laravel has dd() and Symfony has var_dump, and they work as fine as Kint, but they don't need 580 Tb of RAM to run and load a fucking page?
Having to work with this fuckery of a CMS is something, but having to work with Windows 8.1 makes me feel like working on some cancer with a computer built before the first World War
Now I finally go back to work, that's cool, I only lost 2h30 of my fucking day doing nothing but restarting VirtualBox and my fucking computer. FUCKING YAY.1