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Search - "worship me"
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25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often
(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))
1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room17 -
Some people have a Bible by their bed to worship; some people, me, have Code Complete 2nd Edition by their bed.8
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So before today, I'd never used GoDaddy before. Not even once. My supervisor walks in and happily informs me that I'm going to be adding photos to a website that she does editing for. Okay, fine, that's stupidly easy. What I did not realize, however, is that this entire website had been built using GoDaddy's site builder, and if you're not familiar with it, thank whatever gods you worship that you've dodged that bullet. I hardly want to go wandering around somebody else's web hosting, so I search about for a bit praying that there's SOME semblance of a normal text editor someplace, because text editors make me happy and all, and find very little on the regular site. Already not thrilled. So I figure, how bad is this site editor? Really, how bad can it possibly be?
Oh, you poor misguided son of a -
Anyway, I go in and look at the site. Slideshows everywhere, nothing is aligned correctly, it's a web designer's nightmare. Thankfully, I'm not a web designer, so I press on and reorganize a little bit. I try slapping a new slideshow on their, and discover that unlike the way it SHOULD work, elements do not move to allow for other elements, they just sit there and let you throw things on top of them. I stare at my neatly-stacked slideshows for a second in utter disbelief, knowing but not really accepting that I'm going to need to take every last one of those slideshow elements and slide those little so-and-so's down by hand. ....why? Who designed this? Who decided that was a good idea? I do some Googling to see if there's anything out there to make this less horrid, and lo and behold I find a GoDaddy page about their FTP file manager! It's under web/classic hosting, which apparently means it's deprecated because I spent the next ten minutes hunting around for the "web hosting" link those chicken-lickers were so proud of and it's nowhere to be found.
Alright, so they want to do this the hard way.
At this point I'm screaming internally and PRAYING that I'm just being stupid and not seeing anything to make it easi-
No, not even easier. Just less stupid. This website builder makes no sense. It's like hiring a contractor to build a bridge and handing him a box of Legos and a banana.
So I do more googling and find instructions on getting to the file manager. FINALLY. The first step is find "Hosting" under "My Products." I rush over to My Products joyfully, hoping I can get this stupid website up and running reasonably quickly, and...!
There's no hosting tab.
No button.
Not even a little hard-to-see link. At this point my brain is screaming. WHY would you give me a website builder but absolutely no way to actually write the website? Do people actually use this thing? I mean, I get it if they want to make it nice and accessible for people to make websites without overwhelming them with HTML but if they know how to edit the website and they don't want your help, why would you force me in to this? Why? Then it occurred to me that maybe the organization just hasn't ever had a web developer in it, ever, or at least not one who was willing to help out with the website, so they purposefully signed up for hosting that deprived them of any kind of HTML editor. Then on top of all of that, I noticed that on the home page, which had been edited by someone else long before I ever looked at it, ALSO had one of these stupid slideshows that I had to reorganize by hand, and some sad, angry little man had put in one of the photos sideways. It was SIDEWAYS. Just sitting there on its side, the photo's occupants staring at me with sad eyes begging me to turn them facing up again. I sat there and stared at a badly-designed website in a questionably-designed editor. And I wondered. I wondered who put this all together, and I wondered why *I* was the one doing it, when I work for a university and the website was for some beach homeowner's association. And I wondered if this job was a task that my supervisor had agreed to do and just passed off onto an office monkey. And I wept bitter tears at the realization that I am that office monkey.6 -
>be me
>be excited for secret santa
>buys gift
>the guy who got my gift is happy :)
>wait till the end of the day
>no gift for me :/
>leave office with nothing to be excited about
>reach home
>get to know about steam winter sale
>buy games to the point of happiness ;-;
10/10 would worship gaben ;~;15 -
Guys who "can't get girls"… treat women like people, like, you know, like they're… humans? Because that's what they are?
Once I gave up on trying to give girls special treatment, I got a lot of attention. This goes both ways, no matter if you hate them/worship them. I was desperate, I gave up, I dropped my facade, and I went into my first relationship. I was never without a partner since I was sixteen. Partners kinda overlapped, and when I knew I was going to end a relationship, magically, another relationship emerged out of nowhere.
The only time I wasn't in one was after my ex left me when I was at the lowest point of my depression. I took two weeks off, looked for a partner more meaningfully, and boom, we're together for I don't know how long, we're in a polyamorous relationship, we never had a fight ever.
Overall, my number one advice is you should stop giving women special treatment psychologically. Talk to them just the way you talk to your friends at the bar, or to any person you're not sexually interested in. You being horny ruins everything.4 -
Me: Why do we do this this time consuming, low value thing?
My tech lead: Because if we don't, a box becomes red on some executive report.
Me: Why is this deadline so important? It's not customer facing or any kind of critical bug/vulnerability?
My tech lead: Because it was a company wide mandate, and we'll show up on some executive report if we're late.
Me: *angry dev noises*
They must dole out lashings to the tech leads and the directors any time we fail to meet some completely arbitrary demand. The act like the world is going to end any time we get too close to a deadline 🤦♂️
Makes no sense that they then turn around and worship the ground senior leadership walks on. I wonder if it's some weird form of stockholm syndrome.5 -
Why is there evil in the world?
"Because of free will 🤓🤓🤓"
---
🌌 Universe A (ours):
❌ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to imagine a new color
❌ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to grow wings and fly
❌ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to create a new planet
❌ today i can "use my free will", but if i use it for something God doesn't want me to, ill burn forever
---
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to commit evil
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to rape, kill, start wars
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to lie, deceive, suffer
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to get diseases
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to die of starvation
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to die of natural disasters
✅ today i can "use my free will", but I NEED TO suffer so i can build my character
---
What does this tell us about the creator of the existence?
By analyzing this, you can clearly see how:
The most HARMLESS things, are disabled for us to use with our "free will",
while the most HARMFUL things are allowed for us to use with our "free will"
What do YOU think:
What IF, An all-good, all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful GOD of the existence created a universe:
---
🌌 Universe B (imaginary):
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to imagine a new color
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to grow wings and fly
✅ today i can "use my free will", but it IS POSSIBLE to create a new planet
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to imagine doing evil
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to rape, kill, start wars
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to lie, deceive, suffer
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to get diseases
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to die of starvation
✅ today i can "use my free will", but its IMPOSSIBLE to die of natural disasters
✅ today i can "use my free will", but i do NOT NEED TO suffer and still build my character
✅ today i can "use my free will", but if i use it for something God doesn't want me to, i do NOT burn at all
---
Please tell me, non biased, rational objective answer, is Universe A or Universe B better?
Tell me why, and give a very Very good reason, why couldnt Universe B exist?
If God exists, why didn't God create Universe B? Why did he CHOOSE to create universe A?
"if God exists, he is either Not-All-Powerful, or Not-All-Good"
- Neil Degrasse Tyson
Im having a midlife existential crisis.
If God is real, WHO said he HAS TO be All-Good?
If God is NOT All-Good, would you believe in such God? Would you worship such God?
What if God is NOT All-Good? This would explain why Universe A was chosen over Universe B.
What do YOU think, why would an ALL-GOOD ALL-LOVING ALL-POWERFUL GOD CHOOSE TO CREATE UNIVERSE A, WITH PAIN, SUFFERING AND EVIL?13 -
I haven’t worked as a software developer since net didn’t suck. But I pay attention and I watch all these requirements that strike me as “worship some trendy technology until it dies or is revealed as utter crap and end up jobless” does anyone hire problem solvers anymore in an environment dedicated to ensuring they’re stimulated to succeed ?2
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Today i am dominating at my job. Little to say how glorious and powerful of a god i am. I am The LORD. I am who I am. Im so perfect and unwrongful that i ace all my tasks. Glory to me. U all should just accept defeat and bow down on ur knees to me. Worship the best devops engineer the world has ever seen11
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"I prayed to God for a bike, but i know God doesn't work that way. So i stole a bike and prayed to God for forgiveness"
- Italian mafia drug boss Al Pacino
This made me think about something. If by my 26 years of existence God has NOT rewarded me just once (by being successful and escaping the matrix) in spite of my hard effort of trying to do that on a legal and fair way... Could that mean that I'd have to switch teams? Join the dark side?
Like how the fuck does satan help you achieve materialistic shit (including success) but God doesn't. Does that mean i should worship evil side so the evil force can push me to escape the matrix in any way possible, and once that's done and i escaped the matrix thanks to the force of evil then i leave this dark team and switch back to the light team, the God team and then pray to God for forgiveness?
Is it possible?
Like temporary worship of evil and then pray to God for forgiveness later cause that's how God works apparently30 -
i have this " best friend " whom i highkey dislike. so she keeps saying ' you are my best friend / good friend ' but then shes so loud and she hangs out with seniors way more than with us (me and my other friend) and she expects us to love her and worship her like a fucking god? bitch hell nah. learn to fuck off man. like she thinks shes best friends with everyone when reality is that tons of people dislike her and are willing to betray her in a split second. so i guess choose your friends wisely1
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Earth is hell. Let me explain.
What is this floating rock in the middle of nothingness that we're on? It can truthfully be described as
"It is a place where few enjoy living while majority suffer"
Do you know what else can be described like this?
Hell.
Let me go even deeper.
I am a christian. On tiktok lots of atheist And christian videos pop up for me. I like seeing them both because i like forming my own rational conclusions. The more i saw those videos the more i realized:
"Hold on... If satan and his demons are supposed to be busy burning in hell and suffering in eternal torment, then how are they here? How is satan ruling this floating rock in the middle of nothingness and spreading so much evil around? Shouldn't he be busy being in hell?"
Some christians replied to me saying "well satan is a very powerful angel and he can be in multiple places at once"
I am not going into how this logic is flawed.
The other christians replied "satan isnt in hell right now but he will be thrown there once the 2nd coming of Lord Jesus Christ comes, the rapture and judgement day"
Wait a second. You're telling me satan and demons are not in hell right now? Where are they? Chilling in heaven? And since we're being threatened to going to hell, we the people go to hell Right Now but satan does not? God rewards the MOST evil entity by not throwing them in hell but throws in hell some person for doing infinitely less evil than satan? Ok
This has lead me to conclusion that the Earth is Hell:
1) satan is not in the hell that we imagined - he's here, which makes this place the true hell
2) satan rules this world
3) everyone suffers, but the more evil, immoral, corrupt, satan worshipper you are, the better life you're gonna live
4) what kind of life you're gonna live by being good and praying to God? You're gonna live a poor live, you'll remain broke and helpless
5) this world is a place where God doesn't help you but Satan does if you worship him - what other place can be described like this? That's right Hell
We are all in Hell and that makes perfect sense considering how everything is fucked, immoral, corrupt unfair and everyone is full of bullshit.
To repeat:
- I am not optimistic. I believe by being an optimist you're lying to yourself about shit being better than it is which in future will make your life even worse
- I am not pessimistic. I believe by being a pessimist you're just dumping more depression into your life and making it harder than it already is
- I am realistic. I will say shit how it truly is without giving a fuck whose feelings gonna get hurt or what someone thinks. This is the only single source of truth.
We are in Hell right now.15 -
Portrait of Me, Writting Documentation -- a short french film:
The processes applied to any section of memory utilized for a given purpose should be strictly limited to those declared by the associated type that encapsulates the purpose in question until release or mutation.
That is to say, improperly encoding the intended usage of such a block by utilizing an identical type or alias thereof for a multitude of incompatible situations, giving place to guesswork to arise, constitutes the prostitution of an abstraction.
Such heinous acts of symbolical pimping have received strong condemnation from multiple digital rights organizations, as well as our own, prestigious office. Let it be made Crystal, Alizé and Hennessy clear, that we will not stand for this kind of degenerate practice, and that any heretical sects and cabals built around worship of the strange creatures that arise every eleventh night from the depths of the Black Mausoleum will be prosecuted with the full force of the law.
As a young, corageous man once said at the peak of his career: "it is only through the self-inflicted, hyperbolic discharge of smouldered, comminute perennial anadenanthera colubrina spermatic fluid that the cannonical transfiguration of our collective rectosigmoid junction can be brought to fruition". He was immediately violated with might and ire far beyond our wildest, most profligately depraved fantasies, yet his message lives on.
I leave you now to be ritually and figuratively blown by a posssessed mortician that is to become concubine to our dark master; the long journey to the old graveyard will be perilous, and my destination most assuredly fatal, as I depart to give my firstborn to our Lord Berzchjanzad -- a blood sacrifice meant to appease him from peeling off my skin and refashioning it into a bloodied scarf to be worn around his thumping, grandemonic cock.
And in this moment, as I stare blankly at this teleprompter, the president wishes to reassure you of his sacred vows of stalwart and promethean gayhood, and may __these__ nuts bounce on chins forevermore. Here's to *not* bleeding to death in retribution for this unending litany of sins...
Yet all predictions come to pass.
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