I actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Stackoverflow vs GitHub

sad story

God I'm immature.

folder sizes...

Companies asking if your desired salary is negotiable.

This is hilarious 😁

I closed atom in frustration and installed vscode.

I...

I think....

I think I'm in love....

Morning conversation with wife.

As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter

She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.

Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.

She: that not funny, why do you always do that.

Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.

A little later.....

She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)

I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)

Sure 😂

idk why people keep saying Chrome hogs up all the memory
i have 16gb of RAM and it just takes 14gb

QA: It's not working.
Me: Are you getting 503 errors?
QA: No, just the one.

Random guy : Well I'm not tracked on the internet, I use private tabs.
Me : Well, I'm not sleeping with your mom, I use condoms

"Work for me", client said, "I won't pay you but you will get some reputations for working with us" he added.

"Sorry, my body can't digest reputation", I replied.

Somehow every programmer that i met, started programming at age of 8-10
Like wtf were you programming, an alarm clock to watch Spongebob Squarepants?

Me: I have been working for you for almost 12 years now, and I feel that my current pay is not comparable to the work I currently produce. Therefore, in order to secure my future as your employee, I must request an immediate raise in pay to a level that is acceptable.

Boss: I can't afford it. If you want more money, you need to bring in more clients, plain and simple.

Me: I'm serious. If I don't get a raise, I will qui---

Girlfriend: Babe, stop talking to yourself and come to bed...

Me: Okay... [looks in mirror] This isn't finished...

When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?

Me: I don't know. We've never done one.

President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?

Me: I don't know. I've never done one.

Refactoring old Js code with Ramda.

4 all the JavaScript haterslovers:
Check out typescript.

I fell in love with it months ago.
😍

‪I use Linux because I enjoy unexpectedly learning how to mount an encrypted disk after a software update deletes the boot directory... on a Thursday night while other people drink beer.

If you can't save yourself anymore...

Allllllright. Time for another one of these. It's necessary.

We get it, you don't use/like/acknowledge Google. Please, kindly STFU already with it. The entirety of the smart internet has made your point.

Oh, because I use Google I'm a fucking idiot? No, you are for thinking that. I've used many engines and consistently have they given me worse results. "Oh, it's because they build a search profile for you, they're spying" Yeah, I get it already, fuck off.

Linux is NOT the thing that's going to solve every single human problem, so please stop treating it like a good and saying everything else is complete shit and nobody should use it.

Windows has issue, but so does Linux. At least I can (usually) comfortably update Windows, knowing what the update includes, without having to read the source code fhanges or be scared that there's a fucked up package update.

Just because something isn't open source doesn't mean it's the fucking devil. And just because I USE that closed source thing doesn't make me... Well, anything really, except for a guy who actually gets different programs. Please stop trying to tell me what I NEED TO DO to be a "good person" or user or anything like that, I'm going to do what I damn well please. If that means using Windows with Closed source things like Nvidia drivers and cards, the so be it. Got a problem? Go fuckyourself with it.

Came into work this morning to find someone had scarred my Mac monitor with this symbol of hate

Pc vs Iphone X? 😃

1/3 of US bandwidth is used by Netflix...

the rest is used by `rm -rf node_modules && npm install`

Friend: You seem so happy recently, is your startup finally profitable?
Me: Naaah, I simply started drinking on weekdays...

Coming from C# background, I don't think I will ever be able to consider Java code beautiful 🙄🙄

Being honest in an interview:

- Can you work under pressure?
- I can, but I'd rather not.

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.