Product owner (who is also the application administrator): please build feature to allow administrators to create automatic alerts to be sent to application users

Me: ok
Feature gets built, tested and deployed to production

Two months later:
PO: I've noticed in our monitoring tool that there haven't been any alerts sent out to users. What's going on??

Me: well have you created any automatic alerts?

PO: umm, no. How do we do that?

Me (inside): 🤦

These guys have fortiguard installed on their server and it’s blocking traffic to my url but they are so convinced I am the one with the issue, spent two hours convincing them and the issue was resolved the moment they listened 🤦🏿

I just quit btw

Anytime you feel down, just remember this.....

New format!!!

Junior: We have a problem

Senior: Well what is it you're working on? Maybe I can-

Junior: Nevermind, got it!

Senior: ...

Junior: ...

i kinda feel embarrassed all the time. i feel like it's never enough, i don't know enough, there's so much i don't know. i do enjoy my work and sometimes there are moments where i'm proud of what i've done, or these "i'm a fucking genious" moments when i solve a bug or a certain problem or when something finally works. but if i have to do something new, i tend to panic a bit, as long as i do not yet have a concrete solution in mind.
my perception contrasts with the feedback people give me, but even when i'm happy about the positive feedback, i tend to think to myself, "they're wrong, it's not that great"..

i got access to production of our internal website 😈😈😈

I'm finally gonna fix that shitty css

Fuck Microsoft teams

That is all

Meetings are the worst enemy of good productive coding day 🥲

PM in daily: your turn. what have you done yesterday?

me: so i finished my PR for feature x and now i'm only waiting for review feedback there, so i can close this ticket today if no major rework is required-

PM: this is not what i asked, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.

me: uhh... okay, also i started working on task x
[note: task x, a task per definition involving a large amount of research, was very coarsly defined and it wasn't even clear to the PM what he exactly expects from me, and we agreed that the scope needs to be refined in the process],
so as a first step, i started doing some general investigations to get an overview of the topic and learn about concepts a and b-

PM: again, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.

me: okay well, i have DONE basic research on topic xy and collected information-

PM: this still does not answer my question, what's the deliverable?

me: ...so uhhh.... i read papers? i researched info online and collected and prepared information and links in a presentation which i'm also planning to present to the team-

PM: okay, can you please split your jira task in subtasks so everyone knows exactly what you're working on? otherwise we have no idea what you're doing.

for fuck's sake, shut up. just shut up

So, I applied for a job lately and the first interview via Zoom went pretty good. Then I got an invitation for a second interview at the company.

I got there, was guided into a conference room and the two head of departments along with an HR woman joined. After a bit if chit-chat HR rep said I should tell them in the next couple of days if I'm still interested. HR left, the other two gave me a tour of the complex, lasting about an hour.

then we got back to the conference room, waited for HR rep and when she arrived she told me something along the lines of "Yeah, we got an impression of you now and you don't need to contact us anymore if your are interested...."

me to myself: "wait what? that sucks...."

HR: "We are impressed enough of you that we want to hire you immediately. Here is the contract!"

me (completely speechless): "oh... OH... THANKS, but... OHHHH" (having a stupid perplexed grin on my face)

I mean... I got the job and pay is good, but PLEASE don't trick me like that!!! I nearly got a heart attack!!!

Fucking Jira!

You fucking piece of fucking shit. You're about as useful as a nacho cheese enema.

Fuck Atlassian, fuck Jira, fuck fuck fuck fuck!

We are in 2017! :)

500 kbps hotel wifi my ass. I hijacked the smart TV's Ethernet connection and voila: 100mbps

Fuck fuck fuck
I wrote a super long rant and then devRant crashed. Everything is lost.

I've got an Arduino now and I was building lights the last weeks to understand the coding. But when it comes to use full stuff I could do my mind is empty. Do you have any suggestions for me?
.
.
I know there have to be FUCKs in a good rant. So I will miss use the tags...

Ok so I've been working on this bug for the past four days, fucking non-stop. I wanted to fucking die, was wishing I could just "pkill -f mylife". I tried fucking everything, did what the documentation told me to, stack overflow, tried different versions of the API, read through more lines of documentation than lines in the bible, to no avail. Start comparing screenshots of error logs from the past four days, notice that I started getting a line saying that it's connecting to the config file in a different location from default. I realize that the config file does not match the config file provided by the package installed, so I switch it to the default location. IT FUCKING WORKED, I've tested it nearly 10 times now and I am still in disbelief. It was a rollercoaster of emotions fixing the bug but now I'm just smiling like a fool in my chair at work now.

Dev deleted a branch I was working on. When I asked him why, he responded "I don't know. I didn't create the branch so I thought I could delete it"

Frack!

I don't know what's worse:
The size, the time or the file name

I like that google explains how to install Android studio after downloading it. Like people who download android studio don't know how to click next, next, next, next, install.

Don't go to an interview with apple with your Android

Kind of sad when you think about it.

A little summarised story for ya:
>Makes a rant
>Gets over 200 rants and rising
>Steady rise of increments over weeks
>Gets to 283 increments (hope of getting to 300 for a stressball)
>Updates app
>Literal update log:
"Stressball limit is now 500"
>Cries in a corner

Train conversation between 3 girls:

A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls

Whenever I mistype, "git status" as "git statsu", I thought I was speaking Japanese. 😂

This is what most people do... lol 😂😂😂😂 😂

Unsubscribe link on an email results in 403?? WELL FUCK YOU TOO, ASSHATS!

Today is April 1, 2017. Saturday.
Okay, checking emails.
...
WTF errors in production??
Checking...
Oh...
throw new \Exception('April fools!')
-___-

When someone asks me about good coding habits ...