This guy is pure evil 😈

they All Suck Their Own Way

Still waiting for when AI models would discover that humans have just 5 fingers on one hand

Check this: what if doctors treated like programmers 😉

the two code review personality types

review activity:

- dev A: requests code review, sets dev B and dev c (myself) as reviewers

 - dev C comments: this review is marked with a complexity > 9000, touches > 20 files and has zero comments... also there's a lot of refactoring going on, making it hard for me to tell what the actual relevant changes are. can you please add more comments to this review?

 - dev B (10 mins later): approved review

Hearing that a company plans to digitalize the entire business model and move away from bureaucracy 💪

Hearing that said company plans to run the entire infrastructure on an iMac in the office 😨

2 colleagues just had a meeting with the CEO and the meeting just ended:

Colleague 1: "I'm gonna jump out of the window"
Colleague 2: "Make sure to land on your head"

Must have been a very productive meeting.

When trying to log into a financial site and it tells you your credentials are incorrect, when they aren't, all because you are using something other than Chrome or Safari is a new low.

If I’m looking for a framework or tool and it doesn’t have any immediate code on the homepage, but rather just a bunch of marketing BS, fuck you I’m not using it

CEO: What are your plans for these hollidays?

Me: Clean up the house. I haven't had much time because we've had some busy last few months.

CEO: Seriously? Are you joking? (I could see in his eyes, "why would a talented programmer ever waste their time doing menial housework...") I mean, you could be working instead and earning a couple more bucks...

(Fuck him, none of his business...)
Me: I can't delay it this time. My wife has dust allergies.

CEO: Oh. Ok. I get it. When I was a kid, my father and I had some serious dust allergies. The house maid had to clean everything thoroughly at least once a week.

Not surprised...

Ladies, gentlemen and other genders, I present to you: Chrome Refresh. Yes, when the app is full screen, the leftmost tab's left edge looks like this.

Sorry.

HR: On your resume it says you went to Yale.
Me: Yes, for my sister’s graduation.

For our programming peeps ...

docker documentation is terrible. Mf'ers seem allergic to giving actual functional examples.

Watch me generate a 1-to-1 copy of the docker compose docs (real & true):

`docker compose --help > docs.html`

for FUCK's SAKE! Microsoft, STOP OVERRIDING CTRL+F IN YOUR WEB-TOOLS.

I know you can override it
I know you know how to make a fancy search module for your websites/tools (Teams, GH, etc.)
I know you think you're soooo hipp and cool by doing so

But for crying out loud, quit being an asshole and stop overriding ctrl+f.

If I want to search for a substring in a page, that means I want to search for a substring IN A FUCKING PAGE, not in just a section of a page you choose.

Fucking asshole!!

https://github.com/morrownr/8814au/...

right, try searching for a commit message "support kernel"

fucking plonkers

Found the secret Bethesda HQ. It’s located in Germany and is disguised as an old people’s home.

thankful for the new guy that handed me the opportunity to explain what the “cd” command does by linking him a pastebin that just says C DEEZ NUTS

The forbidden pillows.

I fucking hate it when apps are not named the same way as the fucking product or company. "Connect" app. Connect fucking what? "Mobile bank". Let me try to search for it using the name of my bank. Haha, oops, I forgot I should rather go fuck myself. MusicCast. You're fucking Yamaha and if I can't find you at Y then gods help me.

Visual Basic.

“Does VBA for Excel count? Because if it does then VBA for Excel has reached the ”nuclear resistant cockroach” level in finance.

You wouldn't believe what sort of processes in very big banks/financial institutions are built using 10-year-old VBA macros. In fact, VBA consulting for finance is a very juicy cottage industry at least in Europe to this very day.”

https://retool.com/visual-basic

Why the fuck do resume maker apps have a monthly/annual subscription?

Migrate and entire fucking ERP system in NINE DAYS.
"It's just copy and paste!"
Yeah, if both systems worked exactly the same. And if they do, why switch?

Public transport system in my city has the following option for monthly subscription: you can register your DEBIT/CREDIT CARD in some sort of whitelist and use it on the doors to access the subway or buses.

They. Save. Your. Card.

I tried to unsubscribe from an email list and it says “Please allow 10 business days for us to process unsubscribe requests to be processed.” WHY TF do you need 10 BUSINESS DAYS?? I UNSUBSCRIBED 3 DAYS AGO AND YOU’RE STILL SENDING ME YOUR DAMN EMAILS.

THE TALE OF THE CRAZED VISIONNAIRE

Once upon a time some masochist woke up and snorted a gallon of glue. "I NEED PAIN", he shouted, and then proceeded to hammer down his own cock over an iron anvil, in an effort to uncover the most intense pain a human could experience. And yet even such a punishment was not enough, for our pain-starved hero thirsted for even higher heights. "This hammering can't satisfy my spirit", he proclaimed; "I shall find ever greater pain than what little solace these tools can provide, but it's much too hard a task for a single mortal to complete in one lifetime. And lo, I will gather around me the bravest and uncover the intense sorrow no human has ever experienced before!". And for his journey he found himself a loyal fellowship, all striving to find the ultimate pain a mortal can experience.

"But who could be crazy enough to follow a glue-fueled schizo who hammers their own genitals?", you might stupidly ask. But why, the JS community of course.

Government: Taxes have gone up due to inflation!
Company: uWu, No problem sensei-chan.

Supply Chain: Manufacturing costs have gone up due to lack of supplies!
Company: uWu, No problem sensei-chan.

AWS: Server costs are up due to inflation!
Company: uWu, No problem sensei-chan.

Employee: Cost of my services have gone up.
Company: Listen here you little shit.

Raising kids is like using Windows. You know what you want him to do, the kid knows what you want him to do,... But he still decides to do whatever HE wants.

The frustration level is the same

I recently deleted a bunch of bookmarks from between 2002 and 2014. None of the websites even worked anymore.

Fuck react!

Most unrealistic deadline I've had?

The client gives us a project with A 3-month deadline. All good, at first.

3 days later they told us that they're cutting out the funding and they gave us two options: Either stop the project right away and get paid for the work so far, or somehow finish the project in 7 days and get paid for the 10 days worth of work.

My idiot boss chose the second.

Saturdays and Sundays were declared working days, everyone screaming at each other, devs running around scrambling code to make the webpage render and keep it responsive.

Forget unit or automation testing, we only did not null and undefined testing and submitted the project.

Yeah, I hauled my ass out of the company just after that.