So, I’m a software engineer at one of the FANG companies, and a “friend” from college that I haven’t talked to in years suddenly messages me, asking for my work email. I’m like, why would you ever need that? And he replies, “I’m gonna send you an email with a link, can you open it from your work computer? I’ll pay you for doing that, and it’s totally legal.”

Yeah... how about fuck no.

He blocked me after I refused.

"Let's create a docker-swarm cluster thingy for this application with horizontal scaling to learn docker and run this application better!"

This stuff is so overwhelming and I don't understand half of how to possibly set this up 😅

Facebook publicly announced that it won't build a backdoor into its services for the intelligence agencies as for the latest requests to weaken/remove the encryption.

I can only imagine the intelligence agencies going like this now:

NSA director: Alright, as expected they said no so they won't have more damage to their public image, lets go for plan A 2.0!
NSA employee: Aaaand that is?
NSA director: Serve them a FISA court order requiring them to do this shit anyways but also serve a gag order so they can't tell legally.
NSA employee: Ahh, fair enough, I'll get that rolling. By the way, how did we do this with WhatsApp's encryption again?
NSA director: Oh that one was simple. There's a backup function which nearly everyone uses on either Android/iOS which does plaintext backups to Google Drive/iCloud.
NSA employee: Oh, okay. How do we access that data again?
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore!
NSA employee: Right, but then still the issue of how we even collect the encrypted messages from Facebo...
NSA director: PRISM/XKeyScore as well, don't worry about that.
NSA employee: But, how'd we justify this....?
NSA director: We probably never have to as these programs operate outside of the public view but otherwise just call terrorism/pedophelia... BAM, done.
NSA employee: Gotya, let's put this into motion!

Wow, just wow.

The Dutch national security spy agency and also their military one are complaining that the organisation that was brought to life to check if they don't spy on innocent people (and execute illegal hacks and overstep their surveillance powers etc) is investigating too much and asking too many technical questions relating to ongoing operations.

Well, this shows that this is necessary apparently! I'm glad this organisation is doing their job.

Oh, the irony.

Tl;dr; even password as simple as 123! Could be too dificult to use for unauth access. Even if you write it down for someone! Some minor HID config changes could be unbeatable for some people.

I always leave my lappy at the office and I leave it turned on and connected so I could connect to it from home if I really need to. The holiday is not an exception. I left it connected too.

Forba few weeks I was trying to connect to it from home to doublecheck xpra command I was using. Without any luck. The lappy was unreachable all this time :/

today some people came in the office. I reached out to one of them I trust the most to check on my lappy. And he says it's charger is unplugged. Fucking janitors...

I ask to plug it back in and turn it on. LUKS password prompt pops up. I send him the pw via sms along with a note that I'm using non-EN kbd layout. He confirms he'll manage.

20 minutes later he pings me "are you sure the pw is correct?". Yes it is! 5 more minutes later he pings me "... Is this how you type numbers and symbols with your layout?" nope, it's the other way around!

10 more minutes later he plugs in his own kbd, still fails. Sets up my layout in his lappy, spends a few minutes using it, plugs it back to my lappy and FINALLY enters the pw correctly.

Come on dude.. 😁

The company behind ads on dutch national news sites/tv stations is stopping with tracking ads.

The interesting reason behind that IMO is that they have this very simple 'banner' which asks in a very understandable way whether people want (or not) tracking shit/cookies placed/loaded on their browser.

Apparently 90% of all visitors go for the "No" option so they don't see the point in continuing to try it anymore.

Awesome!

Julia is a smelly pile of steaming shit.
https://discourse.julialang.org/t/...

Jesus fucking christ would you look at that pile of pure utter shit. The dumbfuck dev somehow managed to break WHILE loops for devs coming from python, and I speak for myself and probably others when I write most of us python developers are functionally braindead. If you can somehow fuck it up for python devs, a significant portion of the people you're trying to attract (owing by the syntax), then you should probably just go head and delete your whole git repo now.

Julia is a prime example of why you don't listen to your users on fucking github about the direction of language development.

What a bunch of fucking booger eating retards.

Holy fuck, muscle memory just saved my ass.

At a train station wanting to do some work on my mini laptop which has disk encryption (LUKS I think). Realised that I forgot the password partly 😬

Few tries.... incorrect. FUCK.

*hey, let's try to let my hands do the work based on muscle memory!*

*starts typing the password (its insanely long) and presses enter*

*succesfully unlocked, booting...*

😅

Ordered a new high storage dedicated server (rented online) today.

The fucker wasn't delivered as soon as I hoped so decided to finally go to bed at 2am.

Aaaaaand then, of fucking-course, I got the email with the deployment notification literally the second before I went to sleep.

No sleep yet anyways, I guess 😅

My employer tried to install my app in his IPhone X and he scold me why the apk not supported. I explain to him that apk is for Android. He yelled :” don’t give me shit , you don’t have a degree on this so shut up, I do have, apk are universal because it is coded in Java

I have had a meeting with "CTO" of pretty big factory. I was suppose to propose a new cloud solution for existing Sharepoint application. Unfortunately we didn't get into any agreement , because the dude only accepts SharePoint solutions and when I started talking about the cloud, he literally went nuts. He later have told me that he has been working here for over 20 years. The technical staff of that factory is just him and some other young guy and they only task they doing is to maintain complex Sharepoint infrastructure. If we hosted application in the cloud, he would lost his job.

Biggest terminal hack I've discovered till now which is so fucking obvious I can't believe I literally just started using it:

Executing the date command right before and after another command/series of commands to see how long shit takes.

$ date; command or commands; date

This is incredibly useful when rendering loads of data in screen sessions!

I actually feel rather retarded for only thinking of this now.

Me, a junior dev: * reports an important issue and a possible fix *

Senior dev 1: nah, it'll do just fine.

Senior dev 2: that won't be an issue, don't you see? It's under control, man.

Senior 3: why are you even here? Why are you even talking?

Manager: yeah, what could possibly go wrong?

* a year after releasing the product, one of the seniors got fired and another one was hired *

New senior: this thing is bananas, code is inconsistent and there's memory leaks everywhere, how does that even work?

Me: nobody believed me when I said that.

Manager: it did work very well, where's the issue?

Me: it's everywhere, goddammit! Don't you see?

New senior: junior dev is right.

Me: I've been a WHOLE YEAR saying that!

Manager: did you? Really? Nah, you didn't.

...

I'm tired of this shit.

Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!

Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?

Client: Yes that one!

Me: Are you connected to the VPN?

Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.

It was my first ever hackathon. Initially, I registered with my friend who is a non coder but want to experience the thrill of joining a hackathon. But when we arrived at the event, someone older than us was added to our team because he was solo at that time. Eventually, this old guy (not too old, around his 20s) ( and let’s call him A) and I got close.
We chose the problem where one is tasked to create an ML model that can predict the phenotype of a plant based on genotypic data. Before the event, I didn’t have any background in machine learning, but A was so kind to teach me.
I learned key terms in ML, was able to train different models, and we ended up using my models as the final product. Though the highest accuracy I got for one of my model was 52%, but it didn’t discouraged me.
We didn’t won, however. But it was a great first time experience for me.
Also, he gave me an idea in pitching, because he was also taking MS in Data Science ( I think ) and he had a great background in sales as well, so yeah I got that too.

Just generated a postgres (postgis) database of 456gb. Need to copy it to my own pc....

*tries scp'ing*.........*10mbs*.........................
*alright, lets try this with rsync*....*10-20mbs*......
.
.
*compresses the entire database into a 241gb file*
*moves the file to the root of the webserver*
*starts downloading with axel*.....

108mbs!

Those tiny 'hacks' can be fun.

Professor:
For your first assignment, create a Java application which can do the tasks X, Y and Z but make sure that your output is formatted exactly the same as my two examples in the PDF I've provided. You don't know if these are tabs or spaces? Just pick one and hope for the best. Oh, and don't forget to save all the generated objects in a Collection. The fuck do I know how they should be sorted in there, just make it look the same. Anyway, you can upload your code on our server sometime next week where your program will then be tested. Good luck.

PS: All my presentations are written in Comic Sans. I heard you kids love that shit.

damn this is brilliant

What does a devops engineer work on in the current season?

Autumation.

Dev: Hi Guys, we've noticed on crashlytics that one of your screens has a small crash. Can you look?

Me: Ok we had a look, and it looks to us to be a memory leak issue on most of the other screens. Homepage, Search, Product page etc. all seem to have sizeable memory leaks. We have a few crashes on our screens saying iPhone 11's (which have 4gb of ram) are crashing with only 1% of ram left.

What we think is happening is that we have weak references to avoid circular dependencies. Our weak references are most likely the only things the system would be able to free up, resulting in our UI not being able to contact the controller, breaking everything. Because of the custom libraries you built that we have to use, we can't really catch this.

Theres not really a lot we can do. We are following apples recommendations to avoid circular dependencies and memory leaks. The instruments say our screens are behaving fine. I think you guys will have to fix the leaks. Sorry.

Dev 1: hhhmm, what if you create a circular dependency? Then the UI won't loose any of the data.

Dev 2: Have you tried looking at our analytics to understand how the user is getting to your screens?

=================================

I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to respond before they come online. I am fucking horrified by those responses to "every one of your screens have memory leaks"

Oh fuck... OH FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS!

So, I made an interview and recorded it with Audacity...

Stupid me only stopped the recording and closed it...

WITHOUT SAVING! I DIDNT FUCKING SAVE THE FUCKING RECORDING! FUCK!

I DIDNT SAVE HALF AN HOUR OF AUDIO! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN! IT DIDNT EVEN ASK ME TO FUCKING SAVE IT!
or was it??

FUCK NOW IM PARANOID!

I wouldn't say least successful but my current one has an extremely irritating annoyance.

I have to setup a tile server (for those draggable maps in browsers and such) and I've come to the point where I'm skilled enough to at least setup the server. BUT:

- Generating the tiles from a database to PNG pbf files at a max 15 zoom level of only even the goddamn nerherlands will take more than a hundred days and I want the entire goddamn world. (20 core rather powerful server).
The end result is veeery fast.
- The importing is fast enough but generating them on the fly is so painstakingly slow 😫

😖

I'd love to develop stuff I find cool for a living and currently doing a first try but right now I can keep this up for a few more months until I have to get a job again :/

Seriously, the amount of motivation I have right now is goddamn high but money is going to become an issue soon.

So apparently someone discovered an exploit in iOS devices which would make shitloads of devices jailbreakable and it can't be updated due to the chip being read-only.

I'm not an expert on this by far but hereby a source:
https://idownloadblog.com/2019/09/...

Again, I'm not an expert on this but it does seem awesome that a lot of devices (if I read it correctly) are jailbreakable now (when someone developed one with this exploit)!

Finally, fucking finally, after twenty fucking trillion tries, a huge ass import is going steady and fast.

I'm literally, out loud, encouraging the import process 😅

"Yesyesyes keeeep it going!"
"You can do this!!"
"You're doing very well!"

I feel like a fucking retard but I'm so happy its finally starting to work 😅

I ALWAYS, *ALWAYS* do a triple check before I format a drive/USB flash drive/anything.

Sometimes I think its stupid but hey, you could never know!

Just wanted to format a USB flash drive so I formatted it with gparted, didn't go well so I took it out, back in and was about to try again when... last check....

Oh, that not the flash drive, that's my main SSD 😅

CTRL+R in gparted aaaaaand my flash drive is there again, formatted, done.

Thank you, self taught triple check 😅

So I have complained to our landlord about a noisy neighbor who keeps blasting shitty music at midnight, and technically its against the law as well, but this bitch ass joke of a human being ignored even the most highest of authority.

Seeing I can't solve it with democracy, I finally gave up with any reasonable type of way to restrain this motherfucker (even calling police didn't help) and went full asshole with him

I know his WiFi uses WPS PIN, but I'm not gonna throttle his network, I want to piss him off so much he'll regret living beside me, or at our place entirely.

So I performed a Evil Twin attack, I had my Raspberry Pi act as a both cloned AP and a deauther. Finally the plan came to effect.

I ran the deauther in his AP, effectively disconnecting his devices, and had the devices connect to the cloned network. The primary aim of my attack is to annoy this bitch ass to the point of no return. The project I used serves a website on the cloned AP like a update for his router. I intentionally made it run overnight, blasted Lo-fi hip hop and went to sleep. Before I dozed off, I can hear their scream of rage because they can't blast their music at full volume (waddaya guess, they use Spotify).

I finally woke up the next day, and I find neighbor complaining about me, and they were trying to tell the landlord I was hacking them. It's technically true but its not as bad as domestic disturbance for a full fucking week.

Landlord asked me if I did it, I declined, she believed me (I know she does because she knows I'm a pure soul unlike this mofo). Then he left frustrated, threatened to sue me for hacking.

I just smickered, he can't really prove anything unless I was being sloppy.

Nowadays I get good sleep and finally we live in a quite peaceful place now. Now you may ask, what happened to that guy? After he threatened me, the next night he found his things outside his own room, he was kicked out by the landlord.

Moral of the story: we ain't hating on your music taste but don't showcase it like its the most important thing in the world when everyone is sleeping. Case and point, don't be an asshole

Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.

I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.

"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"

It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅

Me and a friend are having a bite and drink in a park.

Friend takes a picture of the donut he bought to send it to a friend. The picture takes a really long time to send so I ask how big the picture is (obviously as in size (KB/MB) and he's an it guy/programmer as well).

Friend: uhm, the donut is... Idk... *shows size with hands* this big?

Me: *facepalm*
Friend: oh, that size 😅

Tutanota.

It's very functional while providing great data protection/privacy features at the same time.

And it's free by default! (although I do pay for a premium account)