Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Me: I have admin rights
Windows: Looks legit
Me: can I delete this folder ?
Windows: Nope

macOS treats chess like it's the System32 file in windows

My school.

We have free WiFi access, but you need to login into your personal student account to use it.

Turns out, SQL Injection works.
It gets worse.
Table name "schueler".
SELECT *
Well.
Got all data on all students.
Name, address, phone number, passwords in plain.

I reported it using an anonymous email. Partially fixed. Standard quotes now get eacaped. Still, passwords are now MD5.

Had a customer on the phone who couldn't figure something out. Wanted to give him instructions so I asked him whether he used mac or windows (getting used to not including Linux in that question). His reply: uhm this has a weird name... do you know elementary os?

Me: you're a Linux user?!
Him: yes, I'm done with windows and mac.

Then i gave him the instructions. Nice twist of the day!

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

A client wanted "a video on a server".

I took a server, put it on the ground, stood on it carefully and took 'a video on a server' 😊

I was so tempted to just send it 😆

When you go to type portal.office.com and pornhub.com appears in the auto fill on a clients computer..

try {
❤
} catch(e) {
🍺
}

Everyone loves a bit of banter

loving xkcd comics!

It has finally arrived, WhatsApp adverts are official...

The symbol nails it!

The transition from developer to manager.

We just spent 30 minutes standing around watching Elon Musk launch his car into orbit.

I love working in IT.

*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

Got call from extremely angry customer, our product is shit and doesn't work. At all. Important customer so I went to visit.

He had the perfect setup, our product to the left, our competitor's to the right.

He connected the Ethernet cable to their product, it worked. He plugged it out and connected to ours... Nothing. Shit.

I started to debug on the premises, took logs, everything. It seemed like our product didn't receive any data at all. What the fuck? Tried everything, debugged low level, still nothing. Sweating as hell.

After two hours I got a strange feeling. So I swapped place, our product to the right, competitor's to the left. Now OUR product worked, competitor's zilch.

THE FUCKING ETHERNET CABLE HAD A GLITCH. IF YOU BENT IT TO THE RIGHT IT WORKED, IF YOU BENT IT TO THE LEFT IT WAS BROKEN.

I had never seen a customer be this embarrassed in my life. He apologized to me, my boss, his boss, the Queen, everyone.

We got the contract.

Interview went well until i asked my questions about them.

"Are pet-projects a thing in your company"
... no.

"Can i attend programming gigs in a workweek, and are they paid by the company"
... no, no

"Any restrictions on the IDE"
... yes we only allow visual studio
"Wait, frontend web development in vs?"
... yes

"Do you develop in other languages then JavaScript"
... only Java

I calmly stood up, told them "I dont think that the company and I are a good fit. Thanks for your time."

Came across this and wanted to share it with everyone here! Haha

Good job apple.

My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

Wtf!
This is the github version of "Nothing" android app. 😑

Can't express how happy and grateful I am in words.

My senior dev, shortens “analytics” into “anal” variables. Iam literally dying while Reading through the code!

FUCK HIM! FUCK HIM!

JUST CAME TO REALISE THAT AN OLD CLASSMATE DURING UNIVERSITY STOLE 2 OF MY PROJECTS AND PUBLISHED 2 PAPERS UNDER HIS NAME.

HE EVEN ADDED THEM IN HIS CV.

SUCH PEOPLE SHOULD DIE.

Recently, at 2am, he even called me and asked for some doubts on other topic, I helped him too. Turns out such he was such a cheap person.
Let him call me next time...

Why do some female programmers place emphasis on their gender?

It's always: female programmer... Female web developer... Female android dev... Female Sysadmin... Etc

I mean, you don't see males saying "I'm a male programmer."

Female programmers aren't rare anymore. More and more of them are starting to program, so what's the point of emphasizing your gender?

For some reason, females think it's "special" to be a female programmer.

How does your gender relate to your skill?

When you say "almost 2" instead of 1.7 because you're not sure your customers understand the decimal system.

My senior designed this Error page.. and the message is damn funny..

No one dare deploy anything the week before Christmas - no fucking way I'm writing a hotfix under the Christmas tree again this year