been trying to figure out why the result of a linux service wasn't updating after 30 min i noticed i was calling 'systemctl start service' instead of 'systemctl restart service' FUCK MAH MUTHAFUCKING LIFE 😊

My company just blocked devRant ip...

Well, now I need to use my own mobile data to procrastinate

My friend at school (IT High School in Poland if you're interested) just asked me what version of Windows does Elliot in Mr. Robot use. After I said that it's not Windows, he didn't let me finish my sentence and said that you can't push macOS theming this far.

Are you a iOs developer/Android developer/graphic designer/web developer/3D artist aged 18 - 30? Are you fluent in English, both written and spoken? Well, that's nice , Good day 🤡

There was a dark shadow inside the watertank of the coffee machine. I put new water in and voilà a really fat spider came out.

The coffee the last days was really good....

At the top of a 2000+ line source file

I don't get it -.-!

No, I don't know why your keyboard isn't working. I'm a web developer. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's an escape - I don't even have a home anymore
.
.
.
Definitely time for a new keyboard

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

Dev life

The joys of web dev

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

Being part of the team who did the initial investigation and analysis on the wannacry ransomware which took down our hospital. 100 hours in one week getting everything back online. Was intense but amazing!

Gillette Excel

Um.. okay, install now i guess.

Bitcoin is $2,450 and all i can do is google the price.

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

My manager promised to give promotion to me in this quarter, But yesterday he was fired by the company. :-(

HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Malicious Subtitles ?!?!? What's next malware in my coffee ?

They break your heart too 😭💔

Memory Lane

My friend had an awesome idea for an app, but, he doesn't seem interested in doing anything 😑 I should I make the app or do nothing?

When someone out of nowhere starts to endorse your skills in LinkedIn

:/

Looking for internships for the summer, a comp. sends me a email at 3 in the morning and I had emails from them flagged and my phone woke me up. I'm not mad about rejection but rather why send me a email at 3 I like to sleep sometimes.

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

Creepy..... WTF

Who else think this is awesome