A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

setTimeout(() => {
// some temporary fix, will solve later
}, 0)

...aaaand it stayed there for eternity.

Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position

Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.

Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”

Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit

Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.

Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work

Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.

Dev: …

Saw this on LinkedIn

You've heard of 404 messages. Now theres...

Interviewer: How will you solve the travelling salesman problem?

Me: *explains the solution on whiteboard*

Interviewer: It is slow. Can you do it in linear time at least?

Me: It is NP hard so it is not possible. For a restricted case, it may be possible

Interviewer: You are stupid. Do not apply again.

Found this awesome license plate in Oslo today

Time to print out project source code

The reason I hate windows

Exactly

GDPR course :/

Me after coding the whole night w/ 30-minute sleep.

Back when it was My Computer, not just This PC

Windows be like

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

This kind of bullshit advertising is the reason everybody thinks we can do that every new whimp of the client within a few minutes.

Fuck off! Making real custom websites/apps takes time, planning, design, coding and testing. Its not just pressing a few buttons.

Translation: Make a website? 30 minutes.

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

My rubber duck is not hatching from my rubber egg. I'm starting to worry :-S

try {
❤
} catch(e) {
🍺
}

Pretty accurate answer I must say

This is the best thing I've seen all week.

People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?

Me: That machines take over the world.

Girlfriend: What?

Toaster: What?

I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.

Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"

Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."

New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".

She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...

New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"

I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.

Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"

Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."

QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"

Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"

I keep grinning, and I nod.

"I might have offered her a permanent contract"

When your girlfriend bathroom is highly active on github

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

Books doesn't have Ctrl + F

Linux pople be like

padding intensifies...
From r/ProgrammerHumor

Me - "Hey, would you like a coffee?"

Linux User - "Let me tell you about Linux."