Manager: I can’t believe you use Linux, that is such an outdated operating system. You need to get with the times and move to a more modern one like Windows or Mac. Literally NOBODY uses Linux anymore, do you still go to Blockbuster Video too? Ha!

Dev: …

I’m starting to realize that 80% of my job is resisting the urge to punch this guy in the face. Thanks goodness for remote work.

starting python guys. wish me luck

Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?

Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones

Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?

Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—

Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!

*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*

Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!

Dev: …

This rings true even if the customer is internal. Built a feature and provided documentation on how to use it and one of the end users still used it wrong.

It was a simple validation process too. Input the member ID then click validate, the app then checks if the person is in the system and fills in some other fields and does some other backend stuff. How could you get that wrong?! 🤔

So today this Mother F**ker get HR to back him up to accuse me of not communicating well in the team because I consistently asked him (the code owner) why he kept coding not following the coding guideline.

How is it not communicating? He literally ghosted me and blocked me every time I ask him questions. Which I somewhat don't understand what he is trying to do. HR lady told me that a senior software engineer should have the knowledge to understand everything and all the code.

But the code looks like this :

Dev: So we’ve been working on X for about 2 weeks now, it’s about halfway do—

Manager: Btw what is the status of X?

Dev: I was just telling you

Manager: Oh, I wasn’t listening.

Dev: …

Dev: So as I was saying, we’re ab—

Manager: Oh and where are we at with Y?

Dev: …

Interviewer: *looking at my GitHub* do you use devrant?
Me: ...yes
Interviewer: ok, cool

I had an interview once where the dev interviewing me recognised that I had devrant avatar as my github profile picture.
Maybe that was one of the reasons they didn't get back to me after that interview? 🤔

What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server

Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?

Manager: Yes

Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?

Manager: Yes

Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket

Manager: What’s so funny?

Dev: Nothing

Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

\(+_+)/

Hence proved, CSS is more difficult than rocket science..

so i finally said fuck windows 😃

Ah... The satisfying feeling when you close a ticket with Not an Issue aka the User is Dumb...

Though it took a long time to get the evidence I needed...

It bothers me more than it should when people pronounce sql as sequel.

I don't know what's worse:
The size, the time or the file name

‎Nobody needs CSS anyway.

If you've ever contemplated suicide, Microsoft is there to help.

Instantly thought about new js framework name

How many devs here never joined a college and now are in good place in a company or freelancing? How did you get your job?

A game being built in Godot engine..

So much better than unity 3d

When it's been 4seconds since you posted a question on Stack Overflow and no one has answered it yet.

Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh Nuh nuh....

rant || !rant
My father-in-law wants me to buy a new computer for him. He's currently using an old Acer minitower running more malware than real software on shitty Windows Vista. He only uses Email (Outlook 2003), Facebook and Youtube. I'm gonna get him a MSI Cubi Intel N3700/4GB/120GB SSD with Linux Mint and problem solved. No more malware/virus calls from him. I'm installing Mint on Vbox right now and I'm loving it from second 0.

So my actual job is being a nurse at the local hospital, with coding being just a hobby. However, the way some IT–Related things are treated here are just mind-blowing. Here are some examples:

Issue: Printer is not recognized by network anymore due to not being properly plugged in

Solution: Someone has to tell the house technician, if the house technician is currently not available, ask his assistant who only works part time and like twice a week. House technician took the printer (God knows why), came back 2 days later and plugged it back in.

Issue: Printer 1 of 2 on ICU has run out of ink and since all computers default to printer 1, nobody can print.

Solution: Call the house technician, blah blah, house technician comes, takes ink cartridge of printer 2 and puts it into printer 1.

Issue: Public WiFi is broken, can be connected to but internet access is missing. Probably config issue as a result of a recent blackout.

Solution: Buy a new router, spend 5 days configuring it and complain about how hard networking is.

Issue: Computer is broken, needs to be exchanged with a new one, but how do we transfer the data?

Solution: Instead of just keeping the old hard drive, make a 182GB backup, upload it to the main file server and then download it again on the new computer.

Issue: Nurse returns from vacation, forgot the password to her network account.

Solution: Call the technician who then proceeds to open a new account, copies all the files from the old one and tells her to pick an easier password this time. She chooses "121213".

DevConfession

I often google names for my variables to see if I find a betrer fitting synonym that reads better

Hahaha 😂😂

I haven't told anyone I know yet but yesterday I got a call from a user and she asked me if I could come down and take a look at some software I support. I did and fixed the issue.
She then asked if I could take a look at her computer because help desk and PC team had tried to fix and couldn't.

5 minutes later I fixed it (every site she went to gave cert error in both chrome and ie). I stood up and there was a couple seconds of me and her just facing each other not saying anything. She was smiling ear to ear the whole time. (This issue was weeks old I think). Then she walks towards me......

And hugs me.

Lead Dev: Just use jQuery, it'll save us from adding a whole new directive in Angular.
Me: 🤦‍♂️
Coworker: 🤦‍♀️

Programmers calender..

So we are a bunch of nerds huh? Without any social life? or friends?

You motherfucker, if it wasn't for the community that developers have built, you would still be living in stone age. Seriously, the way we share our hard work with each other, spending hundreds of hours on a library and making them open source on the internet, I don't think any other community out there does it so selflessly.

So next time you're calling me boring, you can take a big piece of shit and put it up in your arse.