My laptop just took a full cup of coffee and didn't blink an eye.

Thank god for spill resistant stuff that works.

Unfortunately I now how to make a new coffee, so it's not all good news.

FUCK PEOPLE ON STACKOVERFLOW ANSWERING JAVASCRIPT QUESTIONS WITH FUCKIN JQUERY SOLUTIONS! IF I EVER WANT JQUERY I WILL TELL YA!

NOW GTFO AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!

That moment when

Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.

I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!

It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?

He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.

I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.

83w4r3

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.

My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

Tips for using jQuery:

Don't

*Builds a web component for a client website*

CLIENT: I don't like it, can I have it a tiny bit over to the right more

ME: Taps the arrow key a few times making it look like I'm doing something.(Which actually does nothing)

Client: 👌Perfect

😂😂😂 Wut 😂😂😂

I am pretty fast...😂😂

Jetbrains IDEs be like

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

Computer programming is now a language according to Texas apparently

Client side validation be like:

Footage of me hacking the FBI using a school computer and advanced hacking mechanics

Yea google, your machine learning is doing great. Good job!

So, someone submitted a 'bug' to Mozilla.

As some of you may know, in the next year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands is going into effect.

Another fun fact is that the dutch security agencies/government have their own CA (Certificate Authority) for SSL/TLS certificates.

The new law says that the AIVD (dutch NSA/GCHQ equivilant) is allowed to hack into systems through obtained certificates and also that they're allowed to INTERCEPT TRAFFIC THROUGH OBTAINED PRIVATE SSL/TLS KEYS.

So someone actually had the fucking balls to submit a fucking issue to Mozilla saying that the Dutch State certs shouldn't be accepted anymore when the new mass surveillance law gets into place.

This person deservers a fucking medal if you ask me.

Hahahah :) alter ego

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

Apple, instead of inventing new file systems, stop fucking littering my directories with .DS_Store crap.

My most used words:
1% Hello
1% Yo
3% Hi
5% Fuck
10% Shit
10% Lol
70% I don't fucking know

All Chinese who write github codes in English and comment on code in Chinese. Please please stop. Use one language.

Write once ... works forever
Write once ... get paid forever
The new GIG !!!

"Can I have an app? It's a million dollar idea: you take a picture of yourself and it tells you if you're pregnant or just fat. I don't have any money at the moment but I'm willing to give you 5%, maybe less if my friend wants to join. plus, no ads, and make it a free app so it will be liked alot."

Can you shut the fuck up? do you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about? that's the most fucking ridiculous idea I've ever heard. how the hell would it even work?

A small typo error can make you rethink about your existence 😂😂

Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

Multithreading.

Got my first paycheck as a Developer.

devDucks Ordered!

:)

Heroku allows you to deploy your webapp from Dropbox...

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE!

Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.