Every computer programmer. :)

Tired of studying maths?
Trigonometry is useful ;)

A little ago, a devRant user drew something awesome (fantasy stylish) of another devRanter.

I said in the comments that I'd kill for a drawing of my own character!

A day later I got a mention. He'd drawn my character!

Thanks a lot @ichijou! I find it awesome, it's in a frame on my wall now :D

Honestly if the StackOverflow community was set on fire and I had a huge tank of water

People in Africa wouldn't die from thrist anymore.

Ranted about this guy yesterday (who didn't get that we weren't hosting his server).

Today my colleague picked up the phone and was like "yo, I've got this guy on the phone asking for you *explains who it is*"
Me: Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE. FUCKING FINE, PUT HIM THROUGH 😡
Guy: hey! I just wanted to let you know that the issue has been solved, it was not on your end.
Although I know I'm not required to do this, I want to apologize personally for the behavior of my it guy. It wasn't okay and if you got any stress or whatsoever due to him, again, my sincerest apologies! I've had a talk with him, it won't happen again. Have a great weekend!

Glad those kinda people still exist!

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

Me: Dad, can I borrow your car?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Me: sudo??

Hoooray !!!

Ducky!

10 years later...

A decent internet connection, at last!

Let the downloads begin!

not sure if sin or ...

Quick shout out to windows for thinking .css files should be opened with Skype.

So I worked on getting a server ready for about 30 hours last week to be ready for a deploy on Monday Night (last night). Not only did I work on it for 30 hours, we had two other architects and a senior engineer working on it too. We got everything done Friday and it was ready to go with a simple cutover on Monday night.

The only thing left to do was deploy a link change Monday night on the existing landing page. My part was the backend servers and application that had the complicated SSO system and the other part was just a link to get to the SSO. I asked the person responsible for deploying the landing page's link if he was ready about a dozen times. He kept saying he was deploying X (the code name for the project deploy) and that is all he was doing.

Now jump to that night. They have decided that a single landing page wasn't enough and they were going to deploy a full CMS. Well no one knew what the hell was going on and they didn't realize that the landing page was hosted externally on another host. After arguing for two hours they delayed the deployment for multiple days. 24 hours later they are still trying to figure out the CMS on a host.

30 hours and four senior engineer's time wasted to get everything done for the deadline all to be canceled because of on jackass's lack of planning. WTF

I code and test on live sites during peak business hours

Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-

When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.

If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).

Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.

Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.

Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.

Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.

Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.

Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.

Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.

Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.

To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.

Only starting to use Linux (mint) as main os a month ago

Penguin fact: the largest living penguin species is the emperor penguin (1.1m tall, weighs 35kg)

Microsoft support: "Your antivirus software is causing problems with the memory management."

Me: "I use Windows defender"

Microsoft support: "Oh..."

Me: 🙃

Boss: “Our YouTube channel doesn’t look at all like our website.”

Me: “I’ve made it look as close to our branding as YouTube allows for with its limited editing controls.”

Boss: “This is unacceptable. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I cannot accept the blame for this. YouTube is setting the design parameters for all channels and I can only do so much.”

Boss: “You can call the YouTube, can’t you? Why didn’t you call them?”

Me: “.......and ask them....what?”

Boss: “You don’t ask! You tell! Our company has been around for 140 years. Our brand name carries that weight. They’ll change their design to what we need if you’re assertive enough.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.”

Yet so far away! I didn't realize that 25% of the way to a goal was "So close". Math was not this developer's strength I suppose.

Tomorrow, I'll tell my product manager I'm "so close" to completing our latest Epic.

Our website doesn't look the same on phone and desktop.

Please remove responsivness.

So, someone submitted a 'bug' to Mozilla.

As some of you may know, in the next year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands is going into effect.

Another fun fact is that the dutch security agencies/government have their own CA (Certificate Authority) for SSL/TLS certificates.

The new law says that the AIVD (dutch NSA/GCHQ equivilant) is allowed to hack into systems through obtained certificates and also that they're allowed to INTERCEPT TRAFFIC THROUGH OBTAINED PRIVATE SSL/TLS KEYS.

So someone actually had the fucking balls to submit a fucking issue to Mozilla saying that the Dutch State certs shouldn't be accepted anymore when the new mass surveillance law gets into place.

This person deservers a fucking medal if you ask me.

I made a web app and a mobile app for a client two months ago. Yesterday I shut down the server because I wasn't paid yet despite my multiple warnings and reminders.

Under thirty minutes the money was in my bank account.

Sad thing is they weren't responding to me, ignoring or lullabying me with good cop bad cop acts, acting like friends etc...

Lowering my bar to people / agencies like this depresses me.

Btw they are my former agency, they have all the money in the world but turns out they are all jackasses after all...

Fuck this guy

(Original artist: @shencomix)

F U C K I N G
P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N

My duck came in, along with his two capes, the stickers I forgot to ask for, and the note I requested.

In the special instructions box, I asked that they include a note that said something random, and they delivered.

"devRant ducks do dances directly downstairs daily"

Well done @dfox @trogus or whoever does the shipments, I'm thoroughly entertained :D

I hope all the liquor in my system will be null in next 2,3 hours. Amen.

Edited code directly in live. No peer review, no testing.

Coding gods, forgive me.

$19billion later, here we are

Stack Overflow : None of us is as dumb as all of us