Details
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AboutSomeone who really wants to quit their job because boss thinks just because you think it that day you can code and prod it that day \m/
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SkillsPHP, Python, Android Java
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LocationPH
Joined devRant on 1/28/2019
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Boss: Let's hire a new person to help us recreate our website
Us: sounds good!
Boss doesn't hire anyone and starts the website on his own
Boss: I started the new website. It's in server X and the address is test.y.com. I also want all of us to work on it
Me thinking: great he just wants us to modify the hosted files like he does 🙄
Me: I'll move a copy to GitHub for version control.
Boss: Great!
Boss creates a backup folder on the same computer and folder path that the hosted files are on.
Someone please nuke that server so my boss learns version control like I've asked before. I think I'll opt not to work on a website where he and my other co-workers will just overwrite each other's changes because he doesn't want to learn to git 😑4 -
I really like retro games and there is this thing called retropie which turns your raspberry pi into an arcade machine. Since I have way too much time, I decided to built an arcade machine case out of wood with an old TV and analog sticks from Amazon. So yeah, I wired everything together and wanted to share it with you guys. I'm still searching for stickers to put on the top and on the joystick panel, but for now I really like the result. Tell me what you think!14
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"This is now urgent we are in risk of breach of contract."
*travels an hour just to discuss*
"Oh don't worry, don't panick about it, so and so is probably sorting it. We most likely don't need it."1 -
Funny how it's the conversation when I give my 2 weeks notice that all this comes up, like:
1) how they were "talking about giving me a raise"
2) how they were "hiring more people" so I could spend more time coding and less time doing bullshit
3) how they were going to fix all the other broken things in the company
How do you think it would fly if instead they fired me and I promised to fix everything that's wrong about my working there after the fact?
Anyway, I knew they would pull this bullshit so it was expected. Excited that I signed the new offer today. Finally getting market rate pay and expecting better work environment as well. 🐶3 -
*Now that's what I call a Hacker*
MOTHER OF ALL AUTOMATIONS
This seems a long post. but you will definitely +1 the post after reading this.
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fuckingcoffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Credit: http://bit.ly/1jcTuTT
The bash scripts weren't bogus, you can find his scripts on the this github URL:
https://github.com/narkoz/...53 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.105 -
Developer vs Tester
(Spoiler alert: developer wins)
My last developent was quite big and is now in our system testing department. So last week i got every 20 minutes a call from the tester, that something did not work as expected. For about 90% of the time i looked at the testing setup or the logs and told him, that the data is wrong or he used the tool wrong. After a couple of days i got mad because of his frequent interruptions. So I decided to make a list. Every time he came to me with an "error" i checked it and made a line for "User Error" or "Programming Error". He did not liked that much, because the User Error collum startet to grow fast:
User Errors: ||||| |||
Programming Errors: |||
Now he checks his testing data and the logs 3 times before he calls me and he hardly finds any "errors" anymore.3 -
Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...2 -
Working on a (PHP based) monitoring system and currently writing rules/testing stuff.
I wrote some rules which check a few pages of a dutch site displaying if certain bigger services have disruptions and I am pulling the pages of a few ones I'd like to be notified about when they have issues.
Started the engine and received an alert about one big ISP over here from the monitoring system. Didn't believe that it would work right away so went to check that specific disruption page and...... they have a disruption right now!
IT FUCKING WORKS.
Good monitoring system 😊 *pats system*5 -
Le monday morning after a commit on sunday evening...
PM: BLAAAH!!!! Your commit broke the site, nothing is working!!!!!!
Me: What? All of tests passed (coverage 95%), no issues were found.
PM: NOO!!!! Site is broken, we can't use it no more!!!
Me: Ok, what's the problem?
PM: I've tried to enter -10021 into this field on that page and it gived me an error.
Me: Ok? So, that single page is broken?
PM: No, whole site!!!! This is important
Me: Sure... Let me take a look
* PM tried to enter a negative value into an unsigned field that I've mutated yesterday after checking LIVE database if there was no records with negative value. Reason: we've hit an int limit and there was no chance that the value would be negative. Validation? Well, yes.... Except that page was added by him this morning without even checking everything else *
Me: Here, this is the issue, *gives explanation*
PM: Well.... You shouldn't do this. This is unacceptable. You must never leave int fields without negative values. Didn't they teach you in school that integers can be negative?!
Me: What? *consufed as hell*
PM: *More morale... blah blah blah....* Revert it back!
Me: Ok but if anything else breaks, copy of this slack conversation will be kept.
PM: Don't care! Fix it!
Me: * Reverts the fix, saves chat copy * - Done.
PM: Great.
* 5 wild minutes later *
PM: BLAAAH!!!! Site is down, service is not working, what have you done?
Me: Reverted the change needed for it to work. Todays schedule is full with other important tasks. * pastes a screenshot as a proof that he asked me to do this *
PM: FIX IT NOW! Apply your fix.
Me: You're the PM. - Done.
PM: Great, now I'll fix my code. You should be more careful next time.
Me: * YOU DENSE MATHA...KER * Sure.
How's your morning going? :)9 -
i know i am late to the party, but i am beginning to fall in love with json for my use of static data procession!
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I just realize that companies dont value a good developer, they just want a developer that can do the job done for clients to get money, i understand that just recently and im sad that some people are just in it for the money not for the love of the craft and technology.8
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A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.
It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.
Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).
So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...
So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.
We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!401 -
Gonna be basic af here:
1) Let me use the latest version of my language of choice + libraries
2) Unlimited decent coffee (not starbucks but not folgers either)
3) A nice private office with a door so I can be uber productive if necessary.