When 1 update isn't enough

Should I get my new domain for 12 months or 1 year? Decisions, decisions...

So seeing everybody posting different "volume controls" from r/programmerhumour, here is the most simplest imo

I cannot spell for shit, so my coworker keeps commenting on my pull requests with spelling fixes...

Decided to buy this for him today...

That time when I was wrong, the client was wrong, but my algorithm was right.

I'm proud of you son

console.log('This website owner is a verified shit nugget. Avoid business.');

If you get a bad client, warn others! ;)

Boss: Are you busy?
Me: *Schrödinger's silence*.

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

I BOUGHT A DOMAIN IN MY SLEEP!!!

Now I don't know what to do with it!

A girl just canceled our first date to watch Avenger's Endgame with her friends. Pres ++ to pay respects.

Certain developers allocated memory before it was cool. they where called heapsters.

So I went for interview today.
.
.
Interviewer : Can u give some theory test about php?
Me : Sir, Can u please open your site?
Interviewer: sure 🙂
Me : Sir, I just logged in as Owner of ur company, Your site is not protected from sql injection.

Interviewer : 😌😌
Me : Sir, test?? 😜
xxxxxxxxxxx -------------------- xxxxxxxxx

One time my co-worker put a tiny piece of tape inside the USB receiver of my mouse which apparently makes any USB device stop working. It took me a while to figure out why my damn mouse wasn't working even though everything was properly plugged in and it had new batteries.

When I found the tiny piece of tape I was instantly knew who it was and it was pretty funny.

Ooooooh I just skip a heart attack and shit myself at the same time, thank god for error "can not delete database, database is in use"

OneDrive:
Login -> Password/Account is wrong
Forgot Password -> Account does not exist
Registration -> There is already an account with this email adress
Well, Fuck you

Had a dodgy stomach. Muted the mic & let out an almighty fart.

Only, as you'll have guessed (and I quickly guessed from the silence that followed), I'd missed the mute button.

A devops engineer in its natural habitat

That's the real difference!

That's the exact question that came to me 2 years back when I was also going to go to sleep early tonight

Oh but I insist ...