Code comments be like....

When your boss wants it done now but you're on vacation

Waiting to see if anyone notices

Q:What's more dangerous than no documentation ..

A:Wrong documentation ..

To the new devs:
Never push production on friday

So...

It seems that I am building a toolbar for IE11.

Send me your wishes and love.

P.S. Not a joke

D: “Did the attackers exfiltrate any data?”

M: “I can’t say for sure, but most likely based on—”

D: “—but did you find any undeniable evidence of it?”

M: “Keep in mind that the absence of evidence isn’t necessarily evidence of absence. There was very limited logging to begin with and the attacker erased artifacts and logs.”

D: “If there’s no evidence, then there was no exfiltration.”

M: “If a business doesn’t have cameras on its front door and then gets robbed, it can’t claim there was no robbery just because they didn’t video-record it.”

D: “That’s a poor analogy. Nothing’s missing here. I couldn’t care less if a robber made a *copy* of my money. That isn’t robbery.”

M: “... If the Titanic really hit an iceberg, then how come no pieces of an iceberg were ever found in the wreckage?”

Interviewer: what leadership experience do you have

Me: 3 years experience in an administration position

Interviewer: Good, where?

Me: in a WhatsApp group

Me brute forcing into the appartment (where i rent my room) modem:

*tries all most easy/logical combinations*

Nope.

*tries more difficult ones*

Nope.

*hmm.... no please not both just blank....... 😷*

Admin access granted.

😩

(Years ago)

Me: I just found out, "Co-worker X" is making 15% more than me, despite him being a shitty developer and putting us 2 weeks behind schedule? Not fair. I did about 70% of the work on this project. I want a raise of 30% to make me feel appreciated at least.

Boss: Well, unlike you, he's already finished college and has a degree in software engineering. It's a company thing to base salaries on educational attainment.

Me: I have two weeks left on my contract, after that I'm gone. I hope his degree will help you meet the deadline.

* Product was delivered two months late, buggy as hell and the company faced penalties and other crap.

That pain

I 😍 non-ascii characters, how about u?

Wait... Why didn't anyone thought about that?

Definitely should get one!

// TODO hahaha

Had to post this...

Me (6yo): Whatcha doing?
Dad: Programming.
Me: ???
Dad: If I type this on the screen and hit this key *color appeared on screen*
Me: *eyes go wide... Dad is magician*

And here I am nearly 30 years later still learning.

Friend: What's your favorite language?

Me: Javascript.

Friend: But it isn't a programming language.

Me: *throws keyboard at her face*

I actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Android Developer job ads next week:
* +10 years of experience in Kotlin.
* +3 years developing enterprise level apps using Kotlin.