Sitting on the bus updating my system.
Random girl: What are you using?
Me: Linux :).
Random girl: Ohh I use Mac, because that doesn't have viruses and can't get hacked!

*me waiting for a cliff to jump off*

If you accidentally send out a porn link, your best line of defense is to send 10 more, then blame it in a virus.

In fact just make a virus at this point.

I code using Vim to avoid memory leaks.
Nothing leaks outside Vim. Nothing ever leaves.

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the Seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Been AFK a couple of hours.

Any cool new JS frameworks?

People say go big or go home. As if going home is a bad thing. Hell yeah I wanna go home and I wanna take a nap when I get there.

Came across this gold:

Q) What is the best naming prefix for a global variable?

Ans) //

One of the scariest pumpkins I've ever seen...😂😨

Wise words to live by...

I love these wires.

Definitely not malware!

Well played, Google assistant! well played!

It's friday, don't forget to push your code before you go home 😊

Optimising code

Hmm... Can someone help me find the "please wait" key?

FUUUCK! AAARRRGGGHH!
My colleague just typed 20/20 in a calculator😨 and he didn't believe me when I insisted that it was 1😭

Little Hack
It annoys me whenever I encounter a website like quora which hides the real content with a overlay and a pop up to sign in. Little do they know I just delete the overlay element from the Dom 😁😁.
Who else does this?

IoT is when your ai powered toaster is mining bitcoin to pay off its gambling debts it has with the smart fridge.

I got my first job as a programmer... for a salary twice as big as we had at home for four people. I'm f***ing excited!

Wish me luck :)

Yo mama so fat that when she sat on binary tree it became a linked list