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Search - "coffee & beer"
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First world problems...
I've been working at this startup as a tech lead for a little over a year, and we've grown from 3 to over 150 employees, and a bit over a million end users.
I've spent tens of thousands on high end displays and chairs for your lazy butts, on external consultants to help and train you, even those fucking dirty recruiters have leeched their shares of the pie. I built an amazing luxury kitchen with a fridge, beer cooler, induction plates and a blender for all your crossfitting bodybuilder meals, but forgot to think of my own needs.
NOW I JUST WANT TO BUY A GOOD COFFEEMAKER AND ALL THESE FUCKING TEASLURPING FAKE DEV-BROS SUDDENLY START SCREAMING ABOUT BUDGETS AND HOW COFFEE IS NOT NECESSARY IF YOU MEDITATE. FUCK YOU, WE'RE LIKE THE ONLY STARTUP IN THE COUNTRY RUNNING A FAT PROFIT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID MINDFULNESS IOS APP. GIVE ME MY FUCKING ESPRESSO OR I'LL BLEND YOUR BALLS INTO A PROTEIN SHAKE.25 -
** Non Dev Rant **
I just need to rant about this because I'm furious.
Last night I had a house warming party. It was mostly, if not all, of my girlfriend's friends. I'm a cranky old developer so I don't have friends.
Everyone was nice and dressed nice and brought us gifts.. all of the gifts were pretty much specifically for my girlfriend.
So this one girl came... she's younger.. around 25. She came with no gift (I wasn't expecting gifts I just need to mention it for the plot), and was dressed in sweat pants. Alright, no problem.. I really don't care at least she's here.
So as more guests arrive I finally get a gift. Someone brought me a case of beer and a couple of yummy cookies. I had to put it down on the kitchen counter for a bit because I needed to grab more chairs.
The basement door where the chairs are is 10 feet away from where I left my present..
I come back from upstairs.. not even 5 minutes later and I see sweat pant girl stuffing one cookie in her fucking mouth and the other in her pants...
Are you fucking kidding me!? I bought desserts and snacks and all the alcohol you can think of and you steal MY fucking present. Not just one of them... but BOTH.
She saw the other guests give me it.. say "here buddy this is for you"... followed me in the kitchen and STOLE my fucking cookies.
I was going to eat them this morning with my coffee and I realized I couldn't because this fucking ass hole took my fucking cookies!!!!
I hosted this party for my girlfriend's SJW ass hole fucked up friends... put a smile on my face... pretended to like people... and for once didn't yell at someone... and the fucking thanks I get is 2 stolen fucking cookies.
Fuck her.20 -
My employer keeps sending booze to our houses.
Officially meant for coronaproof zoom social meetings where they play stupid bingo games and quizzes on Friday afternoons.
Why they're sending 2 liter bottles of Rum, 3 bottles of rosé wine and 12 cans of craft beer for the 6th week in a row... I really don't know... I don't even attend the zoom meetings.
All I know is that during breakfast, rum is better mixed into coffee than through cornflakes.
Anyway... Why was this a rant again? Oh right. Can I sue my employer for baiting me into an addiction? 🤔42 -
In an alternate universe, devs live in their own country.
They make their own rules and dictate how much they are paid. They maintain the entire world’s infrastructure.
They don’t go to work, since their entire country is the workplace and guess what? Cold beers are free(a thank you from the beer company guys for coming up with all their inventory management systems)
Pizza is free too.
There is no government (laws are passed depending on upvotes on devRant )
No racism, sexism or any other ism ending words . Devs just code.
Oh, and the state police, preferably known as keyboard warriors patrol the streets and offenders are punished by limited internet speeds. 😂. It is said some actually commit suicide because of this unbearable punishment.
Fuck yeah they have coffee farms. That’s the only thing they don’t accept as *gratitude from other nations because those sons of bitches might fuck that up too.
And everyone drives teslas 😂
Okay I have to get back to work now. That multi universe travel machine won’t buy itself.15 -
What Keeps u awake all night
(When u have to complete a project overnight)
1. Cigarette?
2.Weed?
3. Coffee?
4. Tea?
5. Redbull?
6. Beer?
7. Glucose? (As in my case 😛)
8. Anything else?61 -
I found that the best place to work on code was at one of my best friends' apartment because:
- cat
- comfortable desk with more screens that I could ever wish for
- coffee AND beer machines at one arm extension from the desk
- cat8 -
TLDR: Read the post.
Bare with me here, I am new to all of this jazz. But I wanted to tell a story.
I have been a programmer for a while now, working on various projects with various companies, doing various things. I know that sounds vague, but it's the truth.
I never work on the same thing, ever, I never work with any fancy IDE, because I don't need one. I personally believe no developer works with the massive huge code base all at once, but instead works on it in pieces. That's a story for another day.
I have seen the shittiest of the shittiest and some how survived, I have been beaten down by code bases that were out sourced yet some how managed to stand up and gain my baring and fight back. I have dealt with clients, bosses and idiots from A-Z. Watching them all scramble around for their pennies like greedy rich white men seeking more pennies to swim in.
Some how I survived all this. I started working from home almost 3 years ago, the freedom is exhilarating. The ability to fuck off for most of the day and work at night, or work all morning and fuck off. There's nothing better.
As you work from home you think, this will be amazing. Until the crippling loneliness takes over and even the 6th bottle of beer doesn't quench the thirst of human contact. The pain of being trapped in the four white walls of your office makes that bottle of tequila, to numb out the emptiness inside look more satisfying.
At some point, you crawl out of your space to find people to interact with, refusing to be beaten down by both shit code and loneliness only to find all your friends, family and significant others are working, in offices, where they cant just fuck off for a day with you. The silence of the house, the office, the what ever becomes deafening.
its crawling all over you like bugs that pick away at your mind, breaking you, hating you. So you decide that a coffee shop is the best place, only to sit there and people watch or check Facebook or what ever else people do at coffee shops that isn't actually work.
The point in all of this, is that working from home is both a positive and a negative. It has destroyed me, created a workaholic and, probably, an alcoholic. There isnt a day I dont wish that I could sleep away the deafening silence of the world around me as every one busies off to the office.
One might think: get an office job, but I have become accustomed to my misery, pain and suffering of working from home, isolated and medicated by vaping and alcohol. the freedom, from what I have found, is worth more then the sacrifice of it - to work around people I slowly begin to hate, people that make me want to overdose on anything rather then see their smug faces and be beaten down by their idiotic words, code bases and money grubbing hands...
I guess I'll get back to work now, in my house, with my cats, my vape and my beer. Here's to freedom and the sacrifices that go along with it.5 -
I just accepted an offer as a backend dev for a startup in Berlin, Germany. I’m looking forward to all the coffee and beer I will drink while I work. 😆7
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Serious Question/Poll
Imagine a job where instead of a worker, you're a partner. Hold on, I know that sounds markety...
Let's say instead of an employee, you're basically like a free agent. The company has a pool of projects that are approved to develop, and you can pick what project and what team to work on. More than that, you can even choose how much you want to work on it, and get paid accordingly in ownership stake of said project (on top of your base salary)
What if you were encouraged to submit your own ideas about everything, and that feedback is instantly public, before anyone (management) can water it down, take credit, or worse, suppress it entirely.
What if you could work from anywhere, home, not home, middle of the ocean, whatever.
Plus, we give you a budget to buy your own pc/mac whatever. As long as you can code on it, we don't give a shit.
Also, foosball and ping pong, beer, coffee, cool work environment and all that kind of shit too.
Paid training, for even whimsical new technology, in fact, especially so.
Want to do agile, fine, hate it? fine, just find the team and project that does what you want.
What else am I missing?17 -
Another day, another job description
# Benefits
- Flexible work hours
: You'll be coding to midnight
- Ability to work from home some days
: But watch out for those other days..
- Our office space provides free coffee, beer and soft drinks as well as an amazing modern workspace
: Our tax expense will get you gee'd up and tipsy til you loose track of time. (Future diabetes health insurance not included).
- Growth and future progression opportunity
: Pinky promise!
- Receive valuable company equity
: Plus a set of steak knives for four easy payments
- Latest MacBook Pro
: We own this. We own the thoughts you have while looking at this. Plese think many thoughts.6 -
My day:
5:30AM - 2yo son wakes me up, I send him back to his bed
6AM - wakes me up again, gotta grab a coffee
7:30AM - leaving towards the office
8:30AM - finally arriving to the office, after horrible traffic.
*continue working on major schema change I started yesterday*
12:30PM - Lunch + Beer
1:30PM - Tequila time!
*back to work*
7:30PM - Finally done with coding, leaving the office
8PM - home at last
9:30PM - Beer time
9:31PM - "I'll just write a couple of more lines"
12:30AM - "That's it, no more code for today"
12:31AM - "I'll just scroll through devRant"1 -
DevRant MeetUp in Nijmegen 4th Jan'20:
I'm goin' scouting this Sunday.
Got six locations to check for compability.
Lots of coffee, tea, beer, wine and such to evaluate. Btw : what's our price level? Medium?
Anyone in for culture, arts or even partying?! =)
Cheers!11 -
Is it weird that I avoid forced socializing in my office? On mondays in the mornings we have a breakfast where essentially people gather (its a small gathering with 3 founders 1 cto and 3 employees), they have some pastries and juice.
And then they are talking about some bullshit for one hour.
For me personally monday mornings are for coffee and contemplation. I dont want to listen how boring their weekend was and try to impress them with my boring weekend. All that interaction feels so fake shallow and politically correct.
Dont get me wrong I care about my colleagues and what goes on in their life, but this forced monday morning and forced friday afternoon 1 hour gatherings are sooo draining and useless for me. I feel that only couple people are actually open during them and others are never sharing about their life, so esentially that gathering becomes an interrogation of 2-3ppl and topic revolves about them.
Gosh its draining. Gonna “be late” tomorrow again bcs I dont care. I would rather come in and go straight to work.
Having a beer after working means 100 times for me than that shallow and pretentious forced socializing that these guys are pushing so hard. Almost feels like micromanagement on personal level.5 -
!rant
Super awesome day today.
1. Got up early to do a risky production deploy and it worked!
2. Three PRs approved before lunch.
3. Got some time to continue learning scala.
4. Coffee and cupcakes with some refugees and discussed work as a software engineer.
5. Tried virtual reality for the first time. Really fun.
6. Helped prepare our goals for this quarter and present them to the department.
7. Department meeting had free local craft beer and pretzels.
8. Went bouldering after work and flashed a 6c.
9. Curled up with my wife watching Netflix.
I really love my life sometimes.5 -
!Dev
Sitting in a bus on 19 hour ride with my class to England a few things to rant about came to my mind:
Why the fuck do you have to blast shitty german rap music out of your fucking JBL boxes and why do you have to turn up the volume so much that I can still hear it although I am wearing headphones, listening to music and sitting 5 fucking rows in front of you.
Also why the fuck do clocks in buses never display the right time? How hard can it be to make the clock display the right fucking time?
Another thing: why does this bus which is especially made for long rides not have a fucking trash can?! Seriously wtf?
Rants aside I am really looking forward to staying in England for a week although I won't have a computer for the next week :(
Another thing: why the fuck is the coffee you get at pull-ins so fucking disgusting ?
Like srsly, it is made by a machine and still tastes like thrown-up.
And why the fuck does everyone look weirdly at you when you buy a can of red bull but everything is fine when someone my age drinks 3+ liters of beer and then throws up? What the fuck? People look at me weirdly when I tell them that I don't drink any alcohol, heck I am actually not even allowed to do so because I am 15 and not 16 (beer is allowed in Germany if you are 16+ but nobody really cares about that). Heck where I am from they even encourage you to drink beer? What the fuck??!!
Anyway looking forward to England and also sorry about the long non-dev related rant. Just had to rant about some people and society.
P.S. do you know any (preferably free) Android apps / games where you have to code or just solve problems with logic?14 -
!rant
Hello World!
Just wanted to ask about the best souvenirs in Munich, Germany?
Our CTO is currently having a consultancy work in Munich, and would like to let him repay his debts for not delivering deliverables on time or should I spank his butt instead? So much for his demands and ignorance! 🤔 😈
Or any recommendations that could be of help?
Danke!2 -
Stupid stupid stupid API that returns a 204 on failed validations.
Informative docs? Hell no! Here's a few hundred long-ass field names that you need to pass as a JSON.
Doesn't work huh? Yeah, you're structure's all wrong. Some of these are grouped in vaguely named keys like "Wholesale".
Oh you need those as well? Yeah, you can see the whole structure if you try to GET an object.
Oh you need an ID to GET an object? Yeah you can just go ahead and create as many as you want. This is just a sandbox API, it's cool.
Oh that's not the point? Ahh you need the structure to be able to create one! *haha* Right, I'll get back to you on that.
* Email correspondence over 2 weeks time. I have still yet to be able to make a an actual successful request. The fucking 204 doesn't count if it doesn't actually create the resource.
Fucking fucky fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
I swear to god if I ever meet this guy in person, I will probably buy him coffee or beer and have a long talk about how to build proper REST APIs.
Because I'm nice like that.8 -
Just relocated to work in stockholm to work as android dev. Any devs out here who would like to meet up have some coffee or a beer and teach me the swedish ways? :D1
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!rant
Fewd! on devrant meetup Nijmegen Jan 4th '20
Referring to https://devrant.com/rants/2341210/...
Been scouting restaurants and cafés last sunday. Nine candidates, from collab spaces, bars to restaurants.
We have a city centre at hand.
Whereas three collab spaces been closed (Sunday) and won't open within our desired times. The 'coffee lovers' is a minimalistic bar at the city's public library, not explicitly offering space for meet ups. And the Honigs' house coffee bar does only serve business hours.
Three remain on my short list:
- Cafe Jos meesterschenkereij
Snacks, beer ( 80+++ brands) and whiskey, very cosy, 15min simple public transports.
- eetcafe goed volk
Vegan food, wine, classy, 15min simple public transports.
- Cafe Faber
Rustical, beer n standards, built for tall peoplere, total city centre.
All three can specially accommodate us that evening.
Anyways. The city is full of bars n stuff.
I'd like to side our choice with a survey (scientifically personal data friendly) :
https://terminplaner4.dfn.de/AMGaFX...10 -
Saw this meme in an article the other day about why it's a bad idea to make your guru-grade devs quit.
It suddenly dawned on my that the meme pretty much summed up all the decent Devs i've worked with over the years - they generally turn coffee and beer into code. -
Why is it a faux pas to have a beer for breakfast but having wine, champagne or coffee isn't?
They're all delicious morning stimulants and should be treated exactly alike no matter the time of day. This type of discrimination should end now.
Fuck.
***RANT***11 -
Here are my 5 fav things on my desk, my MacBook Air, my iPhone, my kids pictures, duke figurine and my coffee ( or beer depending of the time ). wk15
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//TODO:Describe your day with block of code
using Friend.Drive;
using Coffie.Machine;
using MyCheck;
namespace Raspik.Week.Thursday
{
public class Init
{
#region Morning
public void Init()
{
this.status = _status.WakeUp;
this._getReadyToWork(Coffee, Closes, Laptop Bag);
bool success = this.getToBus();
if(!success)
Friend.Drive.ToWork(Beer,ListenToMetal());
Coffee.Machine.DoubleEspresso();
MyCheck.WorkOn(Jira.Moderate, Jira.Blocker);
#endregion
#region Noon
this._eatFood(Beef,Ale)
this._devRant.CheckInteresting();
this._facebook.CheckInteresting();
this._workEvents += new EventHander(InternetStatus);
this._coolEvents +=new EventHandler(Purge_Nerf_War);
MyCheck.WorkOn(Jira.All);
MyCheck.HappyHour(Beer,Whiskey);
MyCheck.OnlineMeeting(Client);
this.GoHome(Friend.Drive.Home);
#endregion
#region Evening
while(true)
this._baby.Diaper.Change;
this._goToSleep(this.KissWifeAndChild));
}
}3