I. FUCKING. HATE. MOBILE. DEVELOPMENT.

I already manage the data, devops, infra, and most of the backend dev.

We had a mobile guy. He was great. I never had to think about it and kept moving quickly on my work. #SpecializationOfLaborFTW

He left. Why? Because they wouldn't give him a small raise despite being one of the best mobile engineers in the firm. WTF.

I made the mistake of picking up just enough slack on this workflow in the interim such that I'm, apparently, the fucking god-damned release manager, fixer of pipelines, fixer of build configs, fixer of anything where someone just needs to RTFM for a half-hour to not fucking break things.

Now, 8 months later...and, apparently, Fortune 500 companies are too fucking god-damned cheap to pay for someone who actually knows WTF they're doing for a very reasonable thing to have at least one dedicated set of eyes for.

I never wanted to be a mobile dev.
I never will want to be a mobile dev.
And I certainly don't want to manage your HALF-FACE-FUCKED detached expo configs.

There's a reason I never intentionally involved myself in mobile. All the way down, it's just shitty cross-compilation, transpilation, dependency-hell, brittle-as-fuck build processes so we can foot-gun and mouth-gun react-native and expo and babel and whatever the fuck else cargo-culted horseshit into the wild.

And why? What's the actual fucking root cause? The biggest white elephant that ever fucking elephant-ed? It's because Apple and Google decided to never collaborate on a truly-native cross-platform SDK--where engineers could write native code that compiles to native binaries that's simply write-once, run-everywhere. They know they could have done that, and they didn't. So what'd they get back? Expo--a too-cleverly-designed backdoor/hack--more-or-less a way to circumvent the sane release process software has usually followed: code -> executable -> deploy. Or code -> deploy (for interpreted langs). Expo's like "keep your same executable, we're just gonna to do updates by injecting new code into it whenever we want". Didn't we learn anything with web? Shit gets messy real quick? Not to mention: HEY EXPO, WE WERE ALREADY BUILDING NATIVE APPS, YOU SHORT-SIGHTED FUCKS. THANKS FOR LURING OUR CTOs INTO FORCING EXPO DOWN OUR THROATS W/ THE IMPLICIT (BUT INCORRECT) TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE PROMISE THAT WE CAN HAVE WRITE-ONCE, RUN-ANYWHERE WITHOUT ANY BUY-IN OR COOPERATION FROM THE ACTUAL TARGET PLATFORMS.

And, we just, like, accept this? We all know it's garbage engineering. The principles we learned in the classroom aren't just academic abstractions--they actually yield real-world results--and eschewing them yields real-world failures. Expo is tightly-coupled to high-heaven, with leaky abstractions six-ways-to-christmas, chock-full of foot-guns, and fails the most basic test of quality: does it, "just work?"

Expo is fucking shameful and it should fucking die. Its promises are too bold, its land-mines too many, its future-proof-ness is alway, always, always questionable as fuck and a risk to every project that uses it.

You want a rant? This is my fucking venue, 'tis not? Well, then this is a piss and vinegar rant straight from my blood-red, beating fucking heart:

EXPO FUCKING SUCKS. AND IF YOU'RE A FAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO.

Doomed

Credit: thecrazyprogrammer

Unpopular opinion: I like JavaScript.

If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

Getting told that technology is bullshit and that humans have forgotten how to interact with each other (meaning being social) by people from the same age bracket that throw a fit because they can't use said technology is both hilarious and infuriating.

Seriously, aren't these old farts more concerned with things such as starbucks not putting "merry Christmas" on their fucking red cups? Am I supposed to take their shit seriously? No the fuck I am not, and neither should you.

If your old ass can't work how your fucking smartphone works, or have a haaaaard time trying to select Netflix from your smart tv app selection then the problem is not my generation. Its your dumbass for not keeping up.

Its fine if you don't want to use technology, fuck if I care. But you ain't winning this shit because of your preferences regarding technology.

Also, telling me that I am wrong for wearing my headphones at the gym to shut people off. Wtf dude, not everyone wants to fucking talk to others all the time, specially during gym time. I am there to work out and get sexy af, not to ask you how your fucking day went, I don't know u, i don't want to know you, you already showed me how fucking close minded and uninteresting you can be, why the fuck should I give that shit a chance?

Fuck outta here with that shit. He went on to tell me that software is made by people with 0 social skills. Booooooy I would have your granddaughter(she is my age) any day of the fucking week and you can tell me if we lack "social skills"

Foh

Attend all the meetings, they said. They're super important, they said. You'll get more code done if we hyper-report on progress they said. The bugs are piling up and we need to have even more meetings, they said.

STOP SAYING THINGS AT ME AND LET ME FUCKING CODE YOU INSUFFERABLE CUNTS.

Some of y'all talk way too much shit about web development tools/libs without being web devs yourselves......

I don't know enough about OS development to talk shit, you see me doing it? no

fk me I am getting so fucking fed up with this community, it used to be cool rants about the shit that we go through, now is just pop wannabe dev ranting meme bullshit

Internet explorer: Microsoft acquire github!

So I finished uni three weeks ago. Interview for a my first junior web developer position a week ago.

Received news yesterday that I got the job. It’s been a good couple weeks I’d say.

Finally got fucked off with windows crashing.
Tra bitch.

The bible has arrived

Well then 😂

OMG people please stop being so fucking lazy... help me help you... RN I have multiple support people asking me to fix a bug that they can't even describe (and honestly I doubt it exists) and a fellow developer who refuses to give me a DB or migration to test his patch but wants me to merge it urgently. FOH and die, y'all.

"You should blog as a developer."

Ain't nobody got time foh dat.

Anyone else develop distain for a recruiter when they ask for your current salary?

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman go into business together, they would call it Amazon Web Services

Quickly coming to the terms with the fact that software development inside companies is just the perpetual motion of putting out fires as quickly as possible just so customers can still be ignorant cunts.

tests? ain't nobody got time foh dat. my brain already does all the job. it assumes and says to myself "all tests passed ✅" whenever i make quick changes

i like to live dangerously 😂

It's only August but I already know what I'll be thankful for come Thanksgiving:
1. Our next president.
2. Integration tests.

Having a fantastically shitty day and it’s currently only 08:05.
Last night spent the entire evening moving into my flat and building the colossal amount of Ikea furniture, ended up going sleep around 3am.

Because of my fabulous two and a half hour work commute to work everyday I have to leave my house at 6am. Three hours sleep? Excellent start.
Leave my house at 6am good start, manage to get on my first bus no problem, bus driver being the horrendous cunt he is slams on his brakes because going round a sharp corner at 40 mph when the speed limit is 20mph is a fucking brilliant idea you cunt, consequently it sends my protein shake all over me, my clothes and my laptop. Cheers cunt.

So now it’s half 7 and I’m at the train station & I realise I’ve left my wallet at home. You’ve. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Me.
8 o clock roles over train inductor comes round asking for tickets and the power hungry scrotum drops a £60 fine on me. Cheers. You. Cunt.

So now I’m wondering whether I should just save myself the hassle get off the train at the next stop and jump in front of an incoming train.
Today can suck a fat meaty fiery cock from hell.

In one session 36 hours. I lost someone close to me and I kinda didn't leave my office for any form of social interaction for three weeks.

Fuck companies that want you to build new systems that are a superset of what they already have when they can't even tell you what they have now. Fuck you with your bullshit, nonsensical, self-contradicting, third-assed diagrams--some half-UML, half-clip-art, half-pie-chart drivel. If you're the CTO of a company and you want me to think long and hard about rebuilding your distributed systems, you can think long and hard about expressing what you already have. And NO: a verbal explanation pow-pow WebEx over your DSL connection with your protege that mumbles worse than an Atlantan rapper doesn't count as fucking "knowledge transfer" of your fucking architecture, FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Why are you paying me to architect your new stack if you're just going to mandate that I use Guice and Jersey "because that's what you're using already"? I'm sorry. You're wrong. Spring Boot is not a "dying technology". I'm not going to build you a servlet from scratch. Get fukt.

Approaching the end of my first week as a junior web dev.
Spent the week writing automatic web suite tasks for an entire e-commerce platform.
Arguable the best way I could have been introduced to the code base 10/10 would recommend.

There are few things I hate more in software development than writing mappings from shitty SOAP apis to JSON.

Found myself in a career predicament.

I’m currently working at a tech startup and it really does have the potential to really take off.
But recently the CEO has taken compressed working and remote working off the table for the most part which at this stage in my life is quite important.
Today I was offered a position at a different company with 4/5 days a week with a 10% pay increase.
Now the time has come to make a decision and I really don’t know what to do because I’m pretty sure the worst thing for me to do is make the wrong choice and end up kicking myself in a years time.
Was wondering if any of y’all have had to make a similar choice in your career

I hate workmates who commit every thing they have done for the day with one commit which doesn't even explain what they did! Won't you just commit every fucking major change.. Please? Ffs!

Came to the realisation that I wasted three years in uni, today my final grades were released - for those who give a shit I got a first

I was happy till I realised I got my dev position without them even knowing my final grade.

Multiple projects on fire. WHY, GOD, WHY?

-Recently started a new job so I’m new to the infrastructure-

Spent the vast majority of the day trying to SSH into one of my company servers to sort some random bug out on the website & the connection kept being rejected despite the day before it working when passing the .pem key into the SSH along with the ip & my username, nothing new there.

Anyway, everyone’s mad busy so I don’t wanna bother anyone to ask why, so I check confluence, no documentation for SSHING into our scheduler or the code the server I need to access. Never-mind.
Spend another couple hours trying debug it on my own, no luck. Never-mind.

Finally seize my opportunity and ask for help; ‘Oh the server IP changes daily so you need to run a task through our scheduler that you need to SSH into to return the list of IPS and that dynamically changes so that’s how you get the IP’

Oh ok. Why is there no documentation for that again? I mean. Thats generally some pretty important information you’d pass onto your starters.
At least I can say I won’t be making that same mistake again.

I’m done with people who claim they don’t have time to do something.
Constantly hearing people complain they don’t have time to do things, oh fuck off you cunt. You work a nine to five, you get home at half five and you sit at home doing fuck all while you complain that things aren’t going your way.
Doesn’t even have to be about developing, lost count with the amount of people who claim they don’t have time to go the gym. Dickhead, you have a 24 hour gym three minutes away from your house. You could go after work, instead you’ll sit on your ass, eat a load shit and then complain you’ve put on weight.

If you’re doing fuck all to make things happen then you lose the right to complain about your circumstances. Stop blaming other people for your fuck ups because you ‘don’t have time’ to get shit done you absolutely holocaust of a human being.
While I’m at, fuck people who think it’s my soul mission in life to fix their shit, believe it or not I don’t give two flying fucks about your circumstances if you’re doing fuck all to help yourself.
Do me a favour and kindly drink some bleach.

I don’t, I just throw my self in a perpetual motion of bullshitery and self-loathing.

Inheriting an ejected react-native expo app is cancer.

String good =
"I'll never give up type systems!!"
+ " Do you hear me?!"
+ " Never!";

bad =
"Can't believe it made it all the way into prod."
% NaN + 3 / '11'