My devduck is so old its prehistoric.

Year 2200, somewhere unknown. A robot drone flies above a now destroyed city. As it slowly descends down, it finds it's way into a building. In the rubble, a monitor is still flashing. The drone moves toward the monitor. After few minutes of analysis, drone releases a connector from it's belly. It connects to CPU nearby. After scanning the system for another few minutes, it's apparent the system was not the new OS which the Government released and Mandated. Rather, a prehistoric OS which legends spoke in hushed tones. An OS so powerful, which controlled then millions of computers.

Like the story so far? Should I continue?

Fucking retards. They make us submit 3 fully fledged fucking Android apps (with ALL the generated boilerplate crap), all zipped into one fucking folder which cannot exceed 10MB.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU DUNG-EATING PREHISTORIC APE ?! ONE PROJECT ALONE IS 60 MB, HOW IN THE MOTHER-FLIPPING HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FIT 3 OF THOSE INTO 10 MEASLY MEGABYTES?!
Ever heard of git you moth-eating-cactus-fucking pricks?! Time has come to learn it !!! Private repos are a thing, you cocksuckers.

May your bed be infested with bugs and your code riddled with Greek semi-colons. Fucking dimwits.

You know it's the holidays when you go to your parents house for dinner and fix the router, your mom's phone, your dad's iPhone, the smart tv, your brothers email account reset, your grandmas prehistoric phone and then you go to your wife's family for dinner and you find yourself fixing her mom's iPhone, her dad's laptop her uncle's tablet, her cousin's ps4 and every freaking thing that connects to the Wi-Fi. Well, it's the holidays, at least there was food and drinks all around...Happy New Year everyone 🍷

What almost made me quit: They still use SVN...

Aaaand until recently, some parts of their framework had to run on Java 1.5...

After moving, I don't have DSL yet so I have to use mobile data to get internet access. Additionally I had to finish a freelancing job. In Germany you have one of the most expensive and least reliable mobile networks in europe.

I had to upload my develpoed software to a remote server

So I suddenly was sent back in time. A single call would have disrupted the download (I can't use internet and phone at the same time, might be a phone issue). While my phone has "high speed" volume left and showed at least HSPA, but I still, the upload rate was prehistoric:

I am so fucking done with all these incompetent fucktards!!! Why would you keep a client-brief in secret from your colleagues?! Why on your screwed delusional Earth you think it is perfectly okay if you don’t communicate the changes ahead your team? How could you - microbrained prehistoric dinosaur who petrified to your own semen - think that I can estimate with my time and do my work when you are barely able to think ahead 2 minutes without letting me know the actual scope and deadlines???!!! AND NO telling me the day before NOT GONNA MAKE IT VALID!!!! You failed in life you failed in evolution you played my trust and I don’t give horseshit about your career! Go fuck a hedgehog, eat it and shit out on the same fucking day. Tomorrow a new era starts and prepare yourself as I am hereby vow that I am not going to care any of your bullshit! I vow that every time you come to me with a new task, I will start it WHEN I can and do it between 9 and 17 and if anyone asks I will calmly tell the hard truth about the overbred, human shaped, evolutional dead end you are...

When the client uses IE 8

I'm making a telegram bot to allow printing and scanning for my roommates that have Windows and since printer and scanner are prehistoric there are no drivers that work with Windows higher than XP.
I'm looking for more ideas on features for bot.

Well, no rubber duck for me but this guy is my partner since many years ago (since I've started my carrer).
Not even those prehistoric bugs last forever!

"Web" Teacher wanted us to learn horribly outdated html in the middle of web2.0 wave.

HTML5 ? CSS3 ? nope.
No CSS at all, and longest part of the class was on the importance of prehistoric HTML doctypes.

Capitalized tags, tables, BGCOLOR attributes...

Like she scrapped everything on W3schools...

Doing college homework! Computer graphics and multimedia! Yaaaay!!
Except....

Well I have to WRITE BY HAND the entire programs ( net about 500 lines, phew ) on PAPER!!

Reason?
Professor: it will help u get thru exams and is a requirement for university. They don’t permit printed. It is a better habit to write ur code than print it.

Me: goes to my corner and cries listening to sad music 😭😭😭
WHHYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Why do they have to follow prehistoric rules yet!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Somebody please tell me: Why the HTML for emails it's so prehistoric? I feel I'm in 1997. 😭

I have to add an endpoint to integrate an API and I want to vomit when I think about this major security issue they introduce.

What type of prehistoric dumbass thought GET requests with username and password in the query parameters is a good idea to burden your partner with.

Today our so called "architects" chose the most complicated, most unmaintainable, prehistoric way to handle a simple, really easy REST problem...they stood around the white board, marveling at the alleged brilliancy of their imbecile drawings and tried to show us low life devs how we should implement this or that idiotic aspect of their crazy solution. We looked at each other desperately, raising our eyebrows at each new wave of insanity. No one spoke up...that includes me. I feel shit right now. Implementation sprint starts tomorrow. Thinking of grabbing a life vest and jumping overboard right now. Our customer will strangle us for this wannabe crap and I am already scared having to show the resulting API to them.

I normally have my Windows desktop and my Kubuntu laptop, but I’m on “holiday”, and I only brought my laptop. “I can write a simple research proposal on it, right?”, I thought. Ahahahaha, no. Turns out Libre Office and Mendeley are fucking useless on Linux. I had to give up and use my mum’s prehistoric Windows 7 laptop... Also Snap is “great” in theory (basically a Linux setup.exe, rendering packages pointless), but nothing I’ve tried worked so far. Docker can’t figure its permissions out, Chromium cursors break, and Mendeley doesn’t even detect Libre Office as installed. What a fucking shit show. I love Linux for dev, but no fucking surprise that no sane human being uses it for everyday tasks.

Give up trying to change CS education since current formal education systems used since the prehistoric times are unable to teach CS properly. Instead, tell the students from day 1: "What you'll learn is either already outdated or will be outdated by the time you graduate. Be ready to learn stuff by yourselves or switch your major."

We need x amount of features, feature requests changing all week long and then we will demo.

3 days later, all work the for demo can be thrown away because it isn't in the sprint planning and probably the features aren't needed any more in the future. FML _-_

In mid 90's, I played games in uncle's computer. I remember playing prehistoric, volfied and outlaws. It was first DOS, then Windows 95.

I have Ubuntu 16.10 installed on my laptop...guess how painful is it to install new packages :/ I should really add reinstall to newer version to my to-do list.

There should be a blacklist for websites that don’t allow 2FA or do it through SMS. There’s no excuse for sites such as PayPal not allowing TOTP, only some prehistoric hardware based token generator.