You know what? Fuck this shit. We spend most of our life locked down in a school, we are being told facts, tested and stressed for many years with the only hope to get out as soon as possible.
Failing is something that keeps you there indefinitely.
Parents keep pushing on kids to achieve the best and get good grades to have a job.
Then something happens.
You get out of school and what happens?
You start working.
A.k.a modern slavery...
Employers thinks that since you are young they are doing YOU a favor if they decided to hire you.
So you find yourself having to do the same tasks everyone is doing, perhaps you are even fully capable of managing them and get the shit done but guess what!!
You are paid the minimum.
You barely make enough to pay off your rent which keeps you locked away from Holidays abroad, from that huge cake you desperately want.
And guess what! Try to raise your voice and you'll get fired in a Matter of seconds, replaced with someone else which accepts any condition.
You dream of a house, a family and a car but you can't even eat healthy with that salary.
So you are forced to buy cheap and low quality food from the same store again and again till you had enough and spend some days with that horrible feeling...
Calling you to get a job interview feels like they are doing you a favor, they always try to give the minimum possible and expect you to work in a serious manner and respect their deadlines.
Colleagues earn a lot more even though they aren't doing anything different from you.
For the first year you won't have any holiday, let alone traveling or anything different from just staying home for 3 days straight.

Banks won't give you a loan because your job doesn't pay off
The day that your car is broken you struggle to eat the whole month.

On top of that, taxes. Because they aren't taking away enough.

I don't want to live this life, I don't want to become a modern slave and work 8-17 everyday for the rest of my life and retire with a shitty retirement pension that won't probably grant me anything again.

I had enough of this shit.
I don't want to go back to work and pretend to do what I am supposed to do with a smile on my face knowing that I am just a number and that no matter how skilled I am I can always get replaced with N number of people for a lower salary of mine.

I am tired
I dream of a life that I won't ever reach this way.

Today I looked up houses prices and felt like shit.
I will never in my entire life be able to afford something so expensive, let alone buying furnitures and what is needed or what I like.

I dream of having my place, my dog and my family but apparently I am asking too much.

How is this even fair in 2018/2019?

I... I am... Speechless.
I wonder how many people out there are in the same situation or even worse and I can't even wrap my mind around that.

This is just modern slavery.

My boss makes a shit load of money from young people that can't complain because they are threatened and will eventually be replaced...

This is my rant.

Proof that the team is overworked, stressed, and tired.

Someone forgot to add the life juice...

> Root struggles with her ticket
> Boss struggles too
> Also: random thoughts about this job

I've been sick lately, and it's the kind of sick where I'm exhausted all day, every day (infuriatingly, except at night). While tired, I can't think, so I can't really work, but I'm during my probationary period at work, so I've still been doing my best -- which, honestly, is pretty shit right now.

My current project involves legal agreements, and changing agent authorization methods (written, telephone recording, or letting the user click a link). Each of these, and depending on the type of transaction, requires a different legal agreement. And the logic and structure surrounding these is intricate and confusing to follow. I've been struggling through this and the project's ever-expanding scope for weeks, and specifically the agreements logic for the past few days. I've felt embarrassed and guilty for making so little progress, and that (and a bunch of other things) are making me depressed.

Today, I finally gave up and asked my boss for help. We had an hour and a half call where we worked through it together (at 6pm...). Despite having written quite a bit of the code and tests, he was often saying things like "How is this not working? This doesn't make any sense." So I don't feel quite so bad now.

I knew the code was complex and sprawling and unintuitive, but seeing one of its authors struggling too was really cathartic.

On an unrelated note, I asked the most senior dev (a Macintosh Lisa dev) why everything was using strings instead of symbols (in Rails) since symbols are much faster. That got him looking into the benchmarks, and he found that symbols are about twice as fast (for his minimal test, anyway), and he suggested we switch to those. His word is gold; mine is ignorable. kind of annoying. but anyway, he further went into optimizing the lookup of a giant array of strings, and discovered bsearch. (it's a divide-and-conquer lookup). and here I am wondering why they didn't implement it that way to begin with. 🙄

I don't think I'm learning much here, except how to work with a "mature" codebase. To take a page from @Rutee07, I think "mature" here means the same as in porn: not something you ever want ot see or think about.

I mean, I'm learning other things, too, like how to delegate methods from one model to another, but I have yet to see why you would want to. Every use of it I've explored thus far has just complicated things, like delegating methods on a child of a 1:n relation to the parent. Which child? How does that work? No bloody clue! but it does, somehow, after I copy/pasted a bunch of esoteric legacy bs and fussed with it enough.

I feel like once I get a good grasp of the various payment wrappers, verification/anti-fraud integration, and per-business fraud rules I'll have learned most of what they can offer. Specifically those because I had written a baby version of them at a previous job (Hell), and was trying to architect exactly what this company already has built.

I like a few things about this company. I like my boss. I like the remote work. I like the code reviews. I like the pay. I like the office and some socializing twice a year.

But I don't like the codebase. at all. and I don't have any friends here. My boss is friendly, but he's not a friend. I feel like my last boss (both bosses) were, or could have been if I was more social. But here? I feel alone. I'm assigned work, and my boss is friendly when talking about work, but that's all he's there for. Out of the two female devs I work with, one basically just ignores me, and the other only ever talks about work in ways I can barely understand, and she's a little pushy, and just... really irritating. The "senior" devs (in quotes because they're honestly not amazing) just don't have time, which i understand. but at the same time... i don't have *anyone* to talk to. It really sucks.

I'm not happy here.
I miss my last job.

But the reason I left that one is because this job allows me to move and work remotely. I got a counter-offer from them exactly matching my current job, sans the code reviews. but we haven't moved yet. and if I leave and go back there without having moved, it'll look like i just abandoned them. and that's the last thing I want them to think.

So, I'm stuck here for awhile.
not that it's a bad thing, but i'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed. and it's just not a good fit. but maybe I'll actually start learning things. and I suppose that's also why I took the job.

So, ever onward, I guess.
It would just be nice if I could take some of the happy along with me.

DISCLAIMER: UNPOPULAR OPINION

I'm tired of the Linux community, they effectively discourage me of taking part in any discussion online

I'm currently making Windows-only soft, some game stuff, some legacy DirectX stuff you got it.

Everytime I go online, this shitty pattern happens, when I stumble upon a problem in project I don't know how to fix and I ask for help
These are responses
- HA, HA, WINDOWS BAD, HA, HA, GET REAL SYSTEM
- In Linux, we can do X too. I mean it has 4x less functionality and way shittier UX and is even harder to implement but it can probably work on too Linux, so it's better, yes, just move to Linux
- btw you didn't like Linux before? Try this distro man, it's better <links random distro>

Is there anything valuable in the Linux community? I feel like these people don't like Linux anyway, they just hate Windows. Every opinion, tip is always opinion based. Anyone who works on internals knows how much better and how well thought is Windows kernel compared to Linux kernel. Also, if someone unironically uses Linux distro on desktop PC then he's a masochist because desktop Linux is dieing. So many distros ceased work only this year.

Is it a good tool for servers and docker containers? I don't have my head stuck up my ass to admit that yes, it's much better than Windows here.

This community got me stressed right now, I fear that when I go to bathroom or open my microwave there's gonna be a Linux distro recommendation there

😠😡😠😴

Just double tapped my old school, paper notebook to "wake it" before writing something down. Feel like calling it a week and just go home.

Rant

I'm tired of this shit!!!

First I receive a task to create a new functionality for the app that I'm working on and some documentation (this is the only good part of all the rant) but no design.

It's been 2 weeks since I got assigned to this and still no design, no assets, no API calls that ACTUALLY WORK.

Today was testing a plist to get a banner link, and for 1 hour that little fucker didn't returned the image I was asking.

Better, I wasn't getting ANY IMAGE. Turns out that the link sends me to a HTML URL that doesn't have any image... go figure!

So I've been working on this from some images inside the PDF with the documentation given.

Oh! Wait! There's more!

The cherry on top is that I'm implementing a chat/voice call/video call into the app and the framework that I will be using is being created now, and it's not even finished!!!!!!

I'm currently tired, stressed, anguish and frustrated.

I have a live issue(a bug to hot fix asap), 7 files to reprocess to be finished by tomorow, 2 enhancements( 1 under pre-live testing, 1 for live release), and an unstable internet connection today. Tomorrow is saturday. Clock is ticking.

How am i suppose to finish everything on time? :(

I finally decided to switch to Linux (I still have Windows for work, but I want to give Linux a try too). I was about to complete the installation (Arch Linux so I was quite tired and stressed cause of fuck ups) when BOOM my fucking phone with the installation guide falls on my laptop's power button and powers it off. Fuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk. I have to do everything again. Shit.

My previous employer, which I've described on here many years ago as "the best job I've ever had", pivoted a couple of times during my time with them.
I felt obligated to help them, next thing you know I'm no longer developing, the company focus changes and I end up in a general IT support position.
I knew I needed to get out, but the skills I'd picked up were mostly forgotten because they weren't being utilised. When I looked for other positions nowhere was taking on someone at my barely-existent skill level, despite being well liked in terms of company and team fit.
I was tired all the time, stressed out, miserable. I couldn't grow in the company and was starting to worry about finances due to company issues. I thought COVID and lockdowns would help me get myself back in the game, but I burnt out with everything I was trying to take on at once and didn't make much progress.
When I was made redundant I'd thankfully picked up enough to finally find a much better position. The old company was in a lot of trouble and it's a case of when, not if, it will fold.
Now I really am doing the best job I've ever had, feel much better about myself and my relationships have improved.

Ah, the internal struggle.

Half an hour of debugging to find out why my code wasn't being called multiple times inside setInterval().

Only to realised that I was using setTimeout() instead of setInterval().

This is what depression and tiredness does to people.

Random thoughts that I need to put somewhere. that I’ve been holding in and have to get out.

I feel like I’m more welcomed and wanted here than in real life. My friends don’t really think about me when making plans anymore, no one really thinks of me in general.

In school I was the awkward kid that was nice to everyone and I’m not taking the whole graduation well. I miss high-school and my vocational school, I miss my friends and I’ve just felt like things ended too soon and I just kinda feel alone

I wish I could just sit down and program and not procrastinate the only time I seem to be able to get stuff done is when I force myself. I feel like I’m such a shitty developer for not fighting it better. I need to be better.

I’ve not had a good few weeks. Since I’m taken a semester off from college no one in my family besides me is able to stay with a family member that’s in the hospital. I volunteered because I care for them deeply and want to help them. but it takes a huge toll on me since I have to be the one that listens to the doctors tells the rest of my family what’s happening. While Im kinda freaking out because I’m scared and nervous and NOT READY and I’ve had to stay a week there and I’ve been having to stay on and off and I haven’t really told anyone how I really am feeling about it all because I don’t like to be vulnerable in front of people and it’s been really hard and taking a toll and not helping the procrastination.

I’m stressing out man. I can look at let’s just say a sorting algorithm for now. I can look at that insertion sort and I can understand what’s happening, but if you were to tell me I was supposed to be able to write that just based off a description I couldn’t. I need to be able to design and understand algorithms but I don’t know where or how to start. There was some course I was gonna try and see what that does. I put aside JS completely to focus on C# but I’m just stressing out over here. I learned the basics of C# although I feel like I’m learning it wrong but I’m moving on to SQLite and it’s my first Database experience and it’s confusing me and I also don’t know how I’m going to be able to use it for my future applications yet I’m just expecting too much out of me idk I love programming but sometimes it’s a cruel mistress

Feeling like shit, tired, stressed and then going into a performance review where aparently im far exceeding what i need to do. Makes me wonder why i need to feel like this, i dont really feel excited although there was positive news.. I think i need sleep

Coding from 8:00 am to 10:35 pm (still counting) straight with 3x10 min breaks ........ Just another typical Sunday. FML

I was typing a rant about this deadlines of a legacy project I have to work on but I'm just too tired/stressed/angry todo so... Maybe in a week or two when the fucker is finally done...

I'm about to graduate and I'm fucking exhausted ALL THE TIME. When I'm not in class, I'm at work. When I'm not at work or class, I'm working on projects. Trying to cover all my bases has left me incredibly anxious and unable to rest, so I don't sleep well and I'm fucking tired constantly, making it more difficult to do *anything*.

And if I hear "it's almost over" ONE MORE TIME :| yes, I know it is, that's why I'm freaking the fuck out, because I have 3 major projects I'm trying to balance on top of my internship.

I'm also trying to lose weight so I have to curve the stress eating. I cut out nicotine but I'm slowly picking it back up because

If I'm constantly stressed
And I can't rest
And I can't enjoy food
And I can't enjoy hobbies

Im basically just sitting here for HOURS every day losing my fucking mind without any distraction. 3 weeks until I graduate and it feels like an eternity. Every day is pain.

How to unfuck my fucking organism? Ive been mad ass tired af to the goddamn point that i can not Fuckin sleep or think or function or fuckin code motherfucker

Madass tired and stressed

well had a low-grade fever all over my body for like 4 days
finally crashed yesterday it seems and actually got tired. got the sickness brain malaise

sucks

I've been sick 3 times in the last 4 months. this might actually be optimistic. I started seriously trending up with my brain improving after the new year. damned VAIDS

when I was 17 the high school I went to asked for a release form from my mom to give me vaccines. I didn't know anything about them so I got her to fill it out. the nurse asked me which ones I already had and I said I don't know. I guess you can give me all of them. because I didn't know anything about what vaccines were

so I got about 15 vaccine shots in one day. I didn't even get sick the day after or anything. went about my life as normal

but now thinking back in retrospect, suddenly I had developed attention issues / ADHD. I was extremely smart so it didn't do anything to my schoolwork, but it annoyed me especially socially-speaking because I would get bored easily and have trouble paying attention to stuff. still being smart you can guess what you missed easily enough. it just made me feel weird and isolated and that was that

around 19 I started having like, a constant cold/flu. it was driving me nuts. this kept going until I was 21. I was complaining about it to my mom and she didn't know what to do. I went to doctors but they were useless. one guy gave me penicillin which was useless. I figured I was just unlucky, not that doctors are taught wrong on purpose (back then I hadn't yet done my health science degree, I had dropped out of it because of the realization that it was a waste of money since the teachers actually didn't teach you anything. it was sad. so I switched to comp sci because I already knew a lot about computers, thinking it was the school and not the health field -- the comp sci degree actually taught a lot though)

eventually my mom had talked to somebody I guess in the old country, and they suggested I get echinecea. I found a place to buy it and started taking it. my symptoms went away and I was so scared they'd come back I took that pill for 3 months. I only stopped because turns out it made me allergic to my favourite rayon shirt -- like if I touched it I got creepy crawly feels on my skin lmao

... and then I never got a cold or flu again actually, not until COVID at 28 I guess (wow I really have missing gaps in my memory, because it doesn't feel that long ago). I never pieced this together before but I've been analyzing it now. I did get fevers if I was stressed -- like over exercising, or the time I got my wisdom teeth taken out, but I never officially had a cold or flu.

I got the COVID vaccine in late 2021. now it's early 2025. that thing fucked up my life. it's been 4 years. how has it been 4 years? I actually can't remember one of those years at all...

this timeline is pretty similar to the vaccines I got as a kid. my brain started improving this year. it makes me so sad. I used to be 145 IQ. then I couldn't even remember a grocery list of 3 items at the store. I would talk out loud because I couldn't think inside my own head... it was really bad. I'd have lapses in time, turn yellow, my toes are STILL purple. I can't eat most food and even the food I can eat can be sus on me. every moment of existence is a gamble on my health. I can't eat any sugar and I don't know why, I can't eat any flour and no it's not gluten or glyphosate. i cant even eat fruit. I can't even eat canned corn lol. I can't eat anything pre-packaged at the store maybe because they use seed oils. I just live off butter and meat -- and sometimes the meat can be too fatty for me. I can't drink teas I used to drink a lot of. hell I even react badly to like certain ginger spices but not others. like Jesus what the fuck. and every time if I eat the wrong thing minimum 5 hours or at worst 3 days it knocks me out. the amount of rage I have at my life being totalled by this thing cannot be understated.

but I started being able to think about January. I've been exponentially regaining myself since. but I've also gotten bouts of like the worst flus I've ever had, and I had pneumonia as a kid!

I wonder if it's just my immune system coming back. just like what happened at 19-21

I'm too scared to take echinecea. I can't eat onion or garlic because they're immune modulating, and I guess it like asks too much of my body so it knocks me out. I tried an echinecea pill before after this sickness and while I don't remember exactly what happened because of all the brain issues probably, I do remember it was bad. there's a lot of herbs and supplements I can't touch if they are supposed to strengthen your immune system

but maybe now I'm getting sick so much because my body is ready and strong enough

I got back from my small 3 day vacation Sunday and I also decided to just take a break and relax before I hop back into my lil project I’m working on but it makes me feel like shit for taking so long to get back to it. Like I know I need breaks but I feel like I’m not good if I take breaks like this Idk don’t get me wrong I fuckin love programming more than anything but i just don’t want to force myself to work on something even if I do love it.

Usually this is somehow fluent what is "the worst" advice, since it rather depends on context, and contexts changes.

There is, though, one thing that was bad idea from the start, on so many angles that even now I believe it is actually " the worst " idea you can have : imagine you have a team, you have work to do, and, as usual, there are people there, and people have their goals and opinions. The worst thing you can do there is to engage with politics, either team- or company-wide.

I was specialist from Poland in German automotive branch. Cars, trucks, AI, this kind of stuff. ( It just sounds interesting, trust me )
Small company working as subcontractor.

The first thing I though is something like, why this or that person is going to tell me what to do or why is he allowed to rat me out or talk behind my back... so this guy told me this is how it is around here and you either play it or suck for everyone. So I went with it, if they want to fuck with me, I will fuck with them.

So fast it went House Of Cards kind of way and in the bad way kind of way. Instead of getting progress we were busy doing political stuff, usually law related, like finding each other misconducts, and there were no end to it. As I had most experience I with systems and stuff we were doing, outcome was pretty good for me, but after some time it escalated to such size that atmosphere was unbearable and I was so stressed and tired of this shit I left. It's miracle that management tolerated this so far. People were as toxic as nuclear waste site (or dota/lol players)

So far the conclusion is to sometimes suck it up once in a while or just clear the atmosphere as fast as possible. Otherwise you will wade in shit up to your chin for very, very long and it is not really healthy on the long run...

I'm tired and stressed and it's friday

all my work is done that is required for monday, i should do testing and code cleanup, but i'm burned out so instead i'm gonna play with grafana and see what I can do with it, seems cool and something more interesting to do than code cleanup and wanting to cry