into the darkness

Try if you can

😢 ..damn true...

New Project at work.
First commit: 'Initial commit'
Second commit: 'Refactoring'
-.-

LinkedIn Manager to Satya Nadella: ‬

‪LM: Hey, how are you doing? At Linkedin we need to buy Github accounts. ‬

‪SN: Just a min... Yes. We bought Github for $7.5 billion. ‬

‪LM: Dude, we need github account for our developers. It’s just $21/user.‬

‪SN: WTF🤦🏻‍♂️

Me: *programming*

Team: *furiously discussing something outside of my expertise*

Me: *programming*

Team: *finally acknowledging my existance* "Yeah, dude. We are going to delete te project and start over because we can't fix this issue [which we have never ever discussed with you]."

Me: "What, that's stupid."

Team: "Well, do you have any bright ideas to fix it?"

Me: "Gimme until tomorrow."

Me: *programming*

Team: *doing absolutly nothing*

Me: "I fixed it!"

Team: "Why didn't you do that a week ago?"

Me: "You didn't ask..."

And so goes te story of how i was almost killed by an angry mob.

Been telling relatives that I'm an applied math major to get out of helping them with their tech issues.

weedX 😂😂

I dread the day that Slack has a “... has read this message 2 seconds ago” feature. Please Slack, continue letting me pretend I haven’t seen that message that I don’t want to reply to.

Never leave your login on a postit

I think Linux is indeed Userfriendly, there are just Users which aren't Computerfriendly.

Who said I can't read my own code after 2 months?
*Opens code*
.
.
.
.
.
*Cries in a corner*
*The world hates me*

My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

There's a hell lot to learn about webpack configs.... it's a different world in itself..

Today is NFF. No Fukk Friday. Not a single Fukk will be given today. No.

Lets design something creative that exactly looks like that site.

- every manager ever.