#define AUDIOLB_EXIT_ON_ERROR(hres) \
if (FAILED(hres)) { goto Exit; }

#define AUDIOLB_SAFE_RELEASE(punk) \
if ((punk) != NULL) \
{ (punk)->Release(); (punk) = NULL; }

Looking through old audio code I wrote. Found these macros. Will most likely reuse for a new project. It works damnit!

Do you feel lucky?!

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

Ranters this week

Another benefit of working from home: PRIVATE TOILET.

One fucking toilet for 15 people is not enough.

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

I fucked up hard for the first time yesterday at work.

Came in and expected a huge speech from the bossman.

He called me to his office:

Explained me where I went wrong and what I should do next time with a big smile on his face!

No doubt 😂

Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...

Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"

WTF!!!

Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"

Me: “I want the AWS instance with 2TB of RAM.”

Friend: “What on earth for!?”

Me: “I need to run the Slack client and Chrome at the same time.”

She: "Better not visit devRant for the next.. weeks"
Me: "Lol, what have I done?"
She: "The new iPhone is out"
Me: "..."

#iPhone X users in a nutshell: Welcome to Android gestures.

Job interview.

Head of development: "I'm looking for the perfect php developer with perfect MySQL knowledge."

Me: "We'll ok. Good look with finding that unicorn. I think we are done here."

The problem with some people is that they are the gatekeepers for other people's careers and that they are begging to be bullshitted: "Yes of course I am the best of all php developers! And I don't only know MySQL but am pretty awesome in YourSQL as well!" As if I want to work in a team posers.

Yep that's how I want to wake up, with a mini heart attack ...

The GashlyCode Tinies

A is for Amy whose malloc was one byte short
B is for Basil who used a quadratic sort
C is for Chuck who checked floats for equality
D is for Desmond who double-freed memory
E is for Ed whose exceptions weren’t handled
F is for Franny whose stack pointers dangled
G is for Glenda whose reads and writes raced
H is for Hans who forgot the base case
I is for Ivan who did not initialize
J is for Jenny who did not know Least Surprise
K is for Kate whose inheritance depth might shock
L is for Larry who never released a lock
M is for Meg who used negatives as unsigned
N is for Ned with behavior left undefined
O is for Olive whose index was off by one
P is for Pat who ignored buffer overrun
Q is for Quentin whose numbers had overflows
R is for Rhoda whose code made the rep exposed
S is for Sam who skipped retesting after wait()
T is for Tom who lacked TCP_NODELAY
U is for Una whose functions were most verbose
V is for Vic who subtracted when floats were close
W is for Winnie who aliased arguments
X is for Xerxes who thought type casts made good sense
Y is for Yorick whose interface was too wide
Z is for Zack in whose code nulls were often spied

- Andrew Myers

Me and ma kid

My little sister is taking an intro to web development in college right now... They're really setting them up for success over there with their unregistered copies of DreamWeaver... Heavy sigh

We are currently building a CRM for a company, and we have to demo it for some of the users, two guys start asking couple of questions.

Them: what it is built with?.
Me:PHP, do you know it?
Them: No we only know WordPress.
Me: well WordPress is built with PHP.
them: Ah that's probably why we thought it looked like WordPress.
Me: yeaaah probably... sure :)

Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

Two unit tests, no integration tests.

Yoda speaks like he wasn't careful with his async calls

"a Jedi You are"

What the fuck

Whoever designed the McD's website for India is a fucking moron! Who the fuck adds the fucking CVV number as a hidden fucking *integer*?

Can't fucking write a CVV that starts with 0! Had to shell out fucking cash!

Who the fuck ever developed and fucking tested it were probably high AF and fucked up in the head at the same fucking time!

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

FUCK PHP!!!
We were trying to go live with a big online shop, it is connected through a crappy API to SAP.
PHP keeps outputting fucking errors because our intern doesn't fucking know how to properly write PHP.

YEAH, JUST FUCKING RETURN A WHOLE DIFFERENT TYPE OF DATA IF THE FUNCTION HAS AN ERROR.

Oh and using fucking strtr( ... ) to insert stuff in a string is REALLY FUCKING 1337...

And when you think the whole fuckery has reached the summit, just look at how HE FUCKING CREATED THE UGLY EMAIL TEMPLATE:
$content .= "UGLY HTML ABOMINATION";
$content .= "MORE UGLY HTML";
$content .= "HTML WITH SPELLING ERRORS";
$content .= "<table>";
$content .= "TEARS OF TIM BERNERS LEE";
$content .= "<table>HE FOGOT THE FUCKING '/'";

and dozens more of these lines...

and the whole piece for ALL 3 FUCKING LANGUAGES...

Thanks for writing the fucking backend stuff, it is better to rewrite the whole piece.

I just discovered the clear notifications button...

I wasted so much time going through them manually 😂

My dad finally lost all hope on me when I took my PC to the repair shop.

"Son, you're studying computer engineering"

"My apologies, papa"

What can I do ☹️ It wasn't booting at all.

And this is why you do backups...
More pictures in comments.

I love my Linux =D
P.S. The fun part is that I fixed that kernel panic eventually

So do these guys count as rubber ducks? 😂

I don't get 50 shades of grey.

They should have called it: "256 shades of gray unless you're on 10bit HDR, then its 1024 shades of grey"

That would have made much more sense

Okay, so I was helping an elderly woman with her laptop + internet today (with payment). Problem: Laptop connects to WiFi, shows internet connection, but you couldn't even go to google.com.

The router wasn't the issue as my phone worked on the same WiFi. After a lot of troubleshooting steps, I noticed that Windows forced IPV6 for all WiFi connections for some reason. The router doesn't even support IPV6... So I disabled it and everything started working again.

WHY THE FUCK DID WINDOWS NOT TRY TO LOOKUP A IPV4 ADDRESS IF THE IPV6 FAILS? BOTH WERE ENABLED! WHO AT THE FUCKING WINDOWS 10 DEVELOPMENT TEAM THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?