Details
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AboutBritish Bloke in Switzerland
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LocationZürich
Joined devRant on 6/22/2017
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So I picked up my little brother (6th grade) from school.
Him: We had computer hour
Me: Cool what did you do?
Him: We programmed a game
Me: That's cool. In what language did you program?
Him: English
I burst out in laughter because I didn't expect that answer.
I know I should have asked the question better.
After that I found out that they used scratch.7 -
FUCK.
That feeling when you get inspired with an idea for a web app, do a quick search and find out there are already 2-3 sites that offer exactly what you envisioned...
My motivation just sinks so low after cases like this!
PISS.15 -
Dev1: I started work at a new company.
Dev2: Cool, how is it?
Dev1: Well its ok... but they are a bit weird.
Dev2: How weird.
Dev1: Very weird, they round my pay to 1000 insted of 1024.
Dev2: Yeah weird.6 -
Apple rejected my app, because they throught there was a frickin Windows phone on my loading screen.
How insecure can you be?30 -
1. Have idea
2. Write down features that thing should have
3. Make a wireframe design
4. Write down possible names for it
5. Open GitHub-Repo
6. Never start coding it
7. Cry5 -
An entirely typical exchange at work:
PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?
ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?
PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.
ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.
PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.
ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.
6 hours later…
ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.
PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.
ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?
PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.
ME: Babelsets?
PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.
ME: There are users!?
PM: Of course!
ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.
PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?
ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?
PM: Yeah.
6 days later…
ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?
PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.
ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!
1 hour later…
ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.
PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?
ME: What cron?
…
ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.
PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.
ME: Right. I’ll change it...
PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.
ME: What visual?
...53 -
Ahhhhhhhhhhh I live for that moment when after debugging, you can finally close all those tabs one by one until the only one left is devrant.io 😎11
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*goes on site looking for free anime to stream*
Site: *popup* we noticed you're using an ad blocker! Please turn it off to continue using our site!
Me, an intellectual: *opens chrome developer tools, finds the HTML for the popup, opens its corresponding CSS and adds display: none; continues watching anime blissfully, without popups and ads*
Who said being a developer wasn't a super power?18 -
She: "Better not visit devRant for the next.. weeks"
Me: "Lol, what have I done?"
She: "The new iPhone is out"
Me: "..."6 -
Happy today! 13th of September. The 256th day of the Year, that equals to 11111111 in Binary. Finally, Happy Programmer’s Day, The people who Dev & Rant 😍🤗🎂7
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I am really sorry to inform you guys that I fucked up the notifications of v1.3.1. You might not have noticed it but it doesn't update the notifications correctly sometimes.
I would urge the existing users to update the app to v1.3.3 which is the most stable version right now.15 -
Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!
... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!
... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"
Dear client, next time get to know better your users...8 -
On a break I went into a Best Buy to browse laptops. I had no intention on buying from them because they suck, but I just wanted to touch a few and look at specs. A salesman then thought it was a smart idea to approach me. Immediately, he was talking down to me about specs and asking if I needed it for email, Facebook, Instagram, and the like. I'll be honest, I am super girlie in my appearance and mannerisms. So I get it, I suppose. The big pseudo-nerd is going to help the little girl find a cute, social media laptop. He actually walked me over to a pink HP Stream lol. Sure, I like pink, but I don't want a useless paperweight of a machine. When I mentioned I need a new rig for coding, he actually chuckled and said "really?". So I replied "yes really, you presumptuous cockbag" and walked out. Needless to say, I won't be buying there.153
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I curb procrastination by throwing in a random "sudo rm -rf --no-preserve-root /" to my test cases to see if I have unsafe evals. It's like Russian Roulette every test.1