Apple rejected my app, because they throught there was a frickin Windows phone on my loading screen.

How insecure can you be?

Wife: I got a Roomba for Christmas!

Dev Husband: oh.

Dev Husband *hours later* : Did you know it has an MQTT interface accessible over IP? I already wrote a NodeJS app to track if we need to empty the bin.

QA: There is a bug in your program, it doesn't work !

DEV: What? It is working on my machine, let me show you *opens app*

QA: Well, then I will tell our clients to use your machine every time they want the app

DEV: ...

Just found a "pro" app to learn linux... The dev used a non linux icon (windows dos) as the app icon.

Dev: why should I develop windows phone apps. Almost nobody uses this kind of shit.

Customer: Why should I use a fucking windows phone. The windows app store is as empty as a ghost town.

> be me
> want to write troll "viruses" to fck arround with frieds
> write batch files
> shit everyone can see what I do
> google 'how to make exe'
> install VS
> google 'make exe with vb.net'
> spend 3hr/s copying the Internet
> send friend exe
> blocked by antivirus
> write other bullshit
> actually learn stuff
> shit I'm kinda good at this
> keep going
> 4 years later
> be system administrator / devop / web dev / app dev / desktop dev
> get paid
> inb4 wants to troll friend - finds dream job instead

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

Normal app: "DEV I NEED THIS, 1 STAR. WITHOUT THIS IS SHIT"
devrant app: "Guys, I've created a client for desktop computer for devrant, tell me if I can upgrade anymore"

Such beautiful community ♥

Average Joe: creates a chatting group in WhatsApp

Dev: creates a own chatting app

Phone app on Android Marshmallow has a contact in Favorites even though I don't contact her often OR have her marked as Favorite. Nice little glitch you have there, dev.

Me: hey dev, my in-app purchase isn't reflected on other phones with your app
Dev: *cricket noises*
About a week later...
Google Play: an update for this app is available
20 minutes later...
Dev: nope, that isn't an issue.

You updated the app minutes ago after being silent for so long. No mention of it being fixed in the changelog, no mention of it being fixed in the reply.. nothing. But I'll eat my hat if you didn't silently add it in and shoved it under the rug. Dickhead.

At least the issue doesn't exist.. anymore.

Please don't be like that...

Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!

Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.

Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!

Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?

Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!

Dev: …What about this is small?

Manager: Well that is the requirement.

Dev: …

Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….

Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app

Ticket Description: (blank)

Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>

Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?

Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all

Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?

Dev: …

User: There’s a bug in the app

Dev: How do I reproduce it?

User: I don’t want it reproduced, I want it fixed!

Dev: …

Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.

--- 3 months previous ---

Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.

CEO: documentation? on what?

Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.

CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.

lead dev: ..... eh ok

O2: *approved*

... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.

Fuck any dev who thought playing sounds automatically on a webpage or on a mobile app without user's consent is a good feature. Especially when you don't even include a setting about it.

Yes I'm directly swearing at any devs from Instagram.

Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.

Dev: Um, why?

Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.

Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.

Manager: What? How do you know?

Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.

Manager: You have a Mac?

Dev: Yes

Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?

Dev: …

Manager (via phone): You need to setup the CEO with access to the app IMMEDIATELY

Dev: Ok…What’s the occasion?

Manager: There is a big important meeting right now where we go over our achievements for the year and my plan was to have him log in and play around.

Dev: Likely would have been worth mentioning at this mornings standup.

Manager: Don’t be a smart ass. In fact, if you were actually smart you would have given him an account in the first place! So you’re just an ass then, what kind of idiot doesn’t give the CEO an account to an app like this?

Dev: Actually you specifically asked for him to be removed when I added him. “Unnecessary Optics” you said.

Manager: THAT’S BULLSHIT, I NEVER SAID THAT!!

Dev: It’s in our meeting minutes from 2 years ago.

Manager: STOP WRITING THE THINGS I SAY DOWN IT’S COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.

Dev: I’ll make a note of that request

Manager: YOU ABSOL—ok looks like he’s waving me back in the room now the account must be working now bye. *click*.

Dev: Moron.

Mac: Hello welcome please sign in

Dev: Fair enough

Mac: Oh you haven’t signed in in awhile please get get verification from other device

Dev: kk

Mac: Oh you don’t have a dev account, please sign in on this website

Dev: Hm.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account you need to download this app

Dev: ???

Mac: Are you sure you want to open this app you just downloaded?

Dev: Sigh.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account on this app you need to sign into it

Dev: For the love of god

Mac: Ok now you can build with Xcode.

Xcode: No you can’t. You have to sign in

Dev: fuck sakes.

Mac: Are you sure you want Xcode to access files on your computer?

Dev: …Yup

Xcode: Signing in isn’t enough you have to select the fact you are signed in a dropdown nested 3 menus deep.

Dev: God damn.

Xcode: Build failed please sign in to phone as well.

Phone: New sign in detected, please verify with alternative device.

Dev: Jesus.

Xcode: Build success! Pushing to iPhone.

Dev: Finally.

Xcode: Unknown error occurred. Please go to support.apple.com for help. :)

Dev: …

Dev: So tell me some specs about the app you want.
Client: something like facebook.
Dev: you know facebook has too many features for even having a price tag?
Client: what? Will I pay too? I have the idea.

....

I know I have ranted here before about how I hate this client and the changes they are always making, but today the app was officially launched with a big media presence! I have never felt such kind of joy as a dev before!

" The junior dev just told me about an app called devRant. What have you been ranting about me on it?"

Beware of PMs.

"secure" messaging apps which aren't open source.

Isn't it common sense that, when you can't check an app for anything because it's closed source (backdoors, vulnerabilities etc), you technically can't be sure whether it's actually secure or not?

And no, I'm not going to trust an app dev on his/her blue fucking eyes on this one.

1) get an idea for a cool app
2) evaluate feasibility and execution
3) ensure accessible data streams and APIs
4) get excited and realize the idea is doable
5) see someone has done that exact thing and it's already published on the Appstore :/

Me: Well, it's time to make a new app!
* opens up VS Code *
* opens folder selection dialog *
* creates a new folder called "notes app" *
* yarn inits that folder *
* installs react and react-dom *
* installs webpack, webpack-cli, babel-core, babel-loader, babel-preset-env, babel-preset-react, style-loader, css-loader, file-loader, html-webpack-plugin and clean-webpack-plugin as a dev dependency (install is pending) *
* copies a webpack config from some other project *
* creates a babelrc file *
* copies a yarn script called "build:dev" which would launch webpack *
* dev dependencies installed *
* tries to save *
* vscode doesn't save because files differ *
* tries to copy dev dependencies *
* fail *
* tries again *
* saves *
* writes bare-bones index.jsx *
* yarn build:dev *
* opens build/index.html in firefox *
* gets satisfaction *
* writes bare-bones App.jsx which is a react component but it's an entire app *
* yarn build:dev *
* opens build/index.html in firefox *
* gets satisfaction *
-- trim --
* walks out of his room to his mom's room where's sbc is located *
* grandma plays solitare on laptop *
* i ask grandma for a laptop *
* grandma gives me laptop *
* glues all components into App.jsx *
* yarn start:dev (magic of webpack-dev-server) *
* opens localhost:8080 in firefox *
* searches how to update a component prop *
* nothing found *
* registers on devrant and verifies his email *
* writes this rant *

Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!

Dev: ...

Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?

Dev: ...

Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!

Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

Why do some non-devs treat professional app development like some kids craft-making hobby that requires zero skill and knowledge or brain?
A friend (with ZERO knowledge about coding) said to me today, teach me, or tell me how to learn this app development, I'll learn it within a month and make my own apps plus do freelance app work in free time, apps fetch plenty of money easily. Blah blah.
Not the first time, other non dev friends have talked in the same way on other instances.
It's insulting and infuriating. I don't even know what to reply.

- Take a course called "Mobile Application Development"
- Teacher is new and is thus lost on how things work because there is no formal training for them
- Teacher only knows Objective-C so that's all we're allowed to use
- Nobody owns a Mac and I think one or two people had an iPhone/iPad
- Only 4 public Mac computers are available to the school
- One to two people are on them frequently, limiting our time on them as well
- Not a part of the schools normal imaging and updating system, so we get to do it ourselves, which takes up like a week or two of classes (4 classes)
- This includes installing XCode and getting Apple IDs
- No real instructions are given besides "implement the APIs for Facebook, Twitter, and Google Maps into an app"
- Being an ass, for the final day instead of showing off the app we made I made a PowerPoint of my dislike of Objective-C and various struggles I ran into and how I decided not to make the app at all.
- shrug emoji

Senior Manager: I have to use your app today, how do I do that?

Dev: Well first you log in, and then you clic—

Senior Manager: That’s way too low level, I only deal with things on high level! Explain it to me from a high level.

Dev: Use the app to orchestrate the visibility of action items to stakeholders and pivot the leverage towards buy-in.

Senior Manager: Hmmmm….

Dev: Agile.

Senior Manager: Aha! I understand how to use the app perfectly now!

Senior Manager’s Account: Last Login - Never.

Open source for the win!

Working on a new awesome project and found an open source android app which does most of what I need. realized that one of its features is very annoying for me so was sitting behind my desk like fuck me.

........ Suddenly remembered that the app was open source.

Cloned the repo, imported into Android studio, rewrote the part (very tiny part, I'm not a Java dev) that needed rewriting and built the app.

Installed it onto my device through adb and bam, works! (Although not ideally yet but I overlooked other features needing adjustment).

😎

So I’m working on an app with a friend who is designing it and I spent a week building a custom segment control as a menu bar. He said that it looked nice but he got inspiration to make a tab bar instead 😑
Cheers to the dev life

I always look at this app but never post anything because of lack of amazing Dev things happening to me. Still one of my favourite apps.

Proud of my dad today.

He used to be the type of person who installs any application/software without reading what's being displayed on the screen. And my browsers used to be filled with all those toolbars and random search engines.

But yesterday when he was installing an app on his phone, he came to me asking "why does this app need access to contacts. It shouldn't require them in the first place".

I've succeeded in my mission.

Dad: 1
Shady Dev: 0

QA: did you test the app first?
Dev: Yes, I test all my code all the time.

*QA crashes the app within first 5 seconds.*

A day before the deadline.
Project manager decides that we are ready to publish the same app with the iPad version too. Without asking dev team.
+Yep, sure. What could go wrong?
I'll keep you posted.

“Fullstack dev continues to be consistent”

We’d an enhancement request where we needed to support Ionic apps. Our manager didn’t know anything about Ionic so she asks us what it was instead of asking Google.

Manager: so what’s this Ionic thingy?

Me: Ionic issss.... (gets interrupted by Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like... (consistent with his opening lines as always) it’s a third party plugin which converts react app and html pages to native code.

Me: (thinking of sacrificing him at the altar of Lucifer)

Manager: Nice!

More to come.

In a mobile project far far away...

Dev: Now we need a ui expert to beautify the app.
Boss: we dont need him its beautiful as it is.

5 mins later....

Boss: here Is a ton of ui changes dear dev. I trust that you have creative insight to make changes that I like :)

My boss we don't pay you to code (yeah unfortunatly don't have a dev jobs)
My boss two day later : Hey we heard you love dev can you make an app for us

It sucks, been working in restaurants for 18 years, switched to code, for the best (all details go between these ...) but now it's worst, no job, nothing, a 39 years old junior web dev doesn't exist, getting ready to live outside, happy I found that app tho. You guys are so much fun :)

* Got my first job as php dev
* Two weeks later I'm writing Angular app

PM: hows the android app going?
Android Dev: gradle downloading... blocked by network admin.

PM: anyway how is the iOS app going?
iOS Dev: cocoapods downloading... blocked by network admin.

PM: ... i guess the only thing running now is the web admin right?
Laravel/VueJS Dev: composer nodejs/npm/yarn downloading... blocked by network admin.

PM: team lets retest the api endponts
Team: Postman downloading... blocked by network admin.
Team: -_- Insomnia REST Client downloading... blocked by network admin.

PM: code study?
Team: even visual studio code/android studio/xcode is blocked. :(

.... sad dev life

anyone here with the same problem?

When you send the design mockups and the dev team returns the app. We are done!

I am happy, I made my first android app.

I'm pretty young for a dev and I am still learning as one but I find it sad how nobody at my middle school knows anything about code. But I'm glad I got this app because I get to see what devs are up to 😃 blessdd

Dev: (Watches user print out screenshot of maintenance app to do list, walk across facility to printer. walk across facility to equipment and check things off on paper, then walk across facility back to their terminal and copy the findings over.)

Dev: We made the app responsive so they could do that on a mobile device. Why are they printing?

Manager: Printers are cheaper than getting more tablets.

Dev: …

Dev: Can we at least get a printer at each terminal so they don’t waste so much time walking across the facility?

Manager: That’s too many printers to maintain. It’s easier to just have one.

Dev: …

User: The app is crashing! Fix this immediately. We can’t do our jobs without it!!

Dev: Patch applied, can you confirm it is now working on your end?

User: EXCUSE ME?! THAT IS NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY! WE ARE WAY TOO BUSY, ASK SOME OTHER DEPARTMENT TO DO THAT OR DO IT YOURSELF!

Dev: …

Meet 'SBI Online' app from Play Store, in their own words:

What they were supposed to do?
"Experience the new Retail Internet Banking of SBI"

What they do?
"SBI online app will redirect to SBI Retail Internet Banking (online SBI) site"

Why do they have app?
"No need to remember URL",
"Less memory space required on device"

App storage space?
F**king 2.6 MB, just to redirect users to their website, in third-party browser.

Long rant...

*Designer Posted image of newly designed layout for our app on trello.

Dev 1 (me, being the junior, on ios) : so... What's the size for x, Y, z, a, B, C?

She: it's 9 for the small text, 10 for sub title, 12 for main title.

*shows her the design on app
Dev 1: seems too small

She: just make it to look not small.

Dafug?

*finishes the app layout for that screen.
*working on next screen

Dev 1: your new design is for the screen of 1920x1080. But our supported screen size starts from 320 width. So there'll be text overlapping each other and ui might screw up.

She: uh.. Just... Put those that will overlap to the next line.

*shrugs
Dev 1: ok
=======
2 days later
Dev 2 (senior, working on Android)
Dev 2: so... What's the colour for x, Y, z

*Dev 1 laughs on the inside because of the struggles we have with her.

Dev 1 to Dev 2: is it common for her not to follow the design guidelines?

Dev 2: yeah man.. We just have to adapt her design into our app guidelines.

*sigh

Dev 2: there's a new icon here on this screen, so you wanna change the icon? Can I have the icon file?

She: oh.. No.. Use back the old one, because I just copy and paste.

Dev 1: so... This progress bar of yours, doesn't show its background colour, because you filled it already. So what's the background colour if the bar isn't filled?

She : hmm.... Oh.. Well.. Maybe try x.. ? *doesn't look nice* how about Y? *doesn't look nice* how about...

Me : why not you try in your computer first instead of me changing it here by code, it's much faster this way.

*seriously, wth?

Dev 1 and 2: there's additional text in your new design, what is it for?

She : oh.. No no. I copied extra due to copy and paste. Just ignore it.

Dev 1 and 2: what's the spacing gap between x and Y? And how about the size of the box?

She : oh.. I just estimate it, and for the box, not sure either, you can follow old design, because I'm just putting a box there for illustration purpose.

Mother fickle, what fuck man.

Dev 1 and 2: *flips table.
*we didn't, but.. It's freaking annoying.

When your app run smoothly, but your boss dislike it because "loading media content is too slow".
Then you explain him that those content are downloaded, so having a slow connection means that content will load slowly.
"So? Make internet faster, you're the dev"

*In the final weeks of development with a project on a short timeline because the client "needs it".*

Client: "We've hired a consultant we want you to work with."

Me: "Okay, can we push this to after the delivery?"

Client: "Of course"

Wake up to an email from the consultant with a list of scripts he just ran on the production database server for the currently live app.

Get follow-up emails about bugs and app crashes from the client.

My rage is so hot it can keep warm an Eskimo tribe over the winter season.

!rant, just wanted to express my excitement to someone

Not sure if this counts but technically I got my first freelance dev job designing an app for a club/small business at school. I have a lot to learn still but I'm really happy about the opportunity

Just an ionic app that I need to work on.
In the former dev defense, it was meant for mobile while I'm running it on Iridium on macOS, don't know if that counts

Anyways send help ASAP!

Joined a new company / team to work on an iOS app that has 2 different backend environments "Dev" and "Prod". Also being referred to in iOS speak as "Debug" and "Release".

Been trying to get accounts on these backends (no sign up in app, its controlled via another process). Eventually get access to "Dev" for one of the regions, so I load up "Debug" and its not working.

This is odd, so I open the Android app and load "Dev" and it works? I then Notice Android has "Dev", "QA", "Staging" and "Prod" for every region where as iOS only has 2 of these.

So I go back to iOS and find the file for the settings and it has iOS Debug assigned a variable for the backend Dev ... which is actually pointing to QA. Because they use QA to Debug and not Dev.

... confused? join the club

Dev manager: Php 8 is around the corner and i'd like to move the project to it
Dev: this would be a huge change I don't think you understand what you're asking...
Manager: Yes I understand, we'll plan 2-3weeks for the migration
Dev: the app is under symfony2.4, what you're asking is completly off the mark
Manager: look we'll plan it and we'll see don't be pessimist
Dev: ok whatever

I left the company, good luck to my fellow dev

I have now worked on integrating Stripe, Razorpay and PayPal on our app.
While Stripe has an absolute gem of a documentation.
Reading PayPal's documentation has been one of the most torturous week of my dev life.

The first time i made my own electron app, and saw it working and displaying live data the exact way i wanted it to be doing it.

At the same time, it was the first time i felt like been a real dev in all meanings.

My non-dev friend: What is this app about?
Me: The community who called # sharp.

Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.

Dev (4 months later): Here it is

Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.

Dev: …

Management: foobar resigned. We need to have a dev who can work the android app project.

Me: You have to find a dev who can work with that stack.

Management: You!

Me: Me?

Management: Yes, You.

Me: Me? Why me? I'm a web dev.

Management: Starting tomorrow you will work for 2 projects.

Me: but..

Management: accept it or..

Me: Okay. -_-

Management:

Me:

Well I’m 6 weeks into my first Dev job. They haven’t really given me much to do, so the boss let me come up with my own project for an internal app, which is nice.

Worst collaboration experience story?

I was not directly involved, it was a Delphi -> C# conversion of our customer returns application.

The dev manager was out to prove waterfall was the only development methodology that could make convert the monolith app to a lean, multi-tier, enterprise-worthy application.

Starting out with a team of 7 (3 devs, 2 dbas, team mgr, and the dev department mgr), they spent around 3 months designing, meetings, and more meetings. Armed with 50+ page specification Word document (not counting the countless Visio workflow diagrams and Microsoft Project timeline/ghantt charts), the team was ready to start coding.
The database design, workflow, and UI design (using Visio), was well done/thought out, but problems started on day one.
- Team mgr and Dev mgr split up the 3 devs, 1 dev wrote the database access library tier, 1 wrote the service tier, the other dev wrote the UI (I'll add this was the dev's first experience with WPF).
- Per the specification, all the layers wouldn't be integrated until all of them met the standards (unit tested, free from errors from VS's code analyzer, etc)
- By the time the devs where ready to code, the DBAs were already tasked with other projects, so the Returns app was prioritized to "when we get around to it"

Fast forward 6 months later, all the devs were 'done' coding, having very little/no communication with one another, then the integration. The service and database layers assumed different design patterns and different database relationships and the UI layer required functionality neither layers anticipated (ex. multi-users and the service maintaining some sort of state between them).

Those issues took about a month to work out, then the app began beta testing with real end users. App didn't make it 10 minutes before users gave up. Numerous UI logic errors, runtime errors, and overall app stability. Because the UI was so bad, the dev mgr brought in one of the web developers (she was pretty good at UI design). You might guess how useful someone is being dropped in on complex project , months after-the-fact and being told "Fix it!".

Couple of months of UI re-design and many other changes, the app was ready for beta testing.

In the mean time, the company hired a new customer service manager. When he saw the application, he rejected the app because he re-designed the entire returns process to be more efficient. The application UI was written to the exact step-by-step old returns process with little/no deviation.

With a tremendous amount of push-back (TL;DR), the dev mgr promised to change the app, but only after it was deployed into production (using "we can fix it later" excuse).

Still plagued with numerous bugs, the app was finally deployed. In attempts to save face, there was a company-wide party to celebrate the 'death' of the "old Delphi returns app" and the birth of the new. Cake, drinks, certificates of achievements for the devs, etc.

By the end of the project, the devs hated each other. Finger pointing, petty squabbles, out-right "FU!"s across the cube walls, etc. All the team members were re-assigned to other teams to separate them, leaving a single new hire to fix all the issues.

!rant
This is a nice community and this app is a great too. No ads or promotions are also there. So how does app manage financially ,i know there is a swag store but is that enough .As community gets larger, more resources are needed to keep everyone happy ryt ? more servers etc..
Will there be a different model when this expands ?

!dev

Picking the web development field and becoming more of a business person than a dev.

I want to develop more interesting things (like games, AI, etc) rather than corporate websites and web apps. Now, I can't even write a mobile app ffs.

I can't even work on my hobby project lately.

Just discovered a major bug in a frontend app of ours that might have been collecting wrong data in a form for months already :)

That is what happens when you put a back end Dev to do front end and back end while demanding rework every fucking 2 days for 9 months straight.

So we're making a desktop app using Electron and I got super excited when I ran the quick start thinking, "Wow, I'm actually going to develop a desktop app!"

But then the reality hit me that I'm still technically working with HTML and all and that I should be ashamed of calling myself a dev over this so how I'm cry-studying it's documentation while testing different stuff.

Having trouble logging into an app I am suppose to be working on with another dev. Debugging and found this:

// TODO: Temporary Optional because the API is not working properly

... i'm not happy for so many reasons

Just wanted to spread awareness about a Windows 10 devRant app called "devRant Unofficial". It's literally a 1:1 clone of the Android and iOS apps.

Maybe the devRant team could contact the dev for come co-operation and get an official app for Windows 10 with little to none effort?

It works on mobile and PC so I can easily use it on my Lumia and Surface. I know most of you guys here use macOS, but for us Windows devs, having an official app would be cool.

I know Valve talked to an unofficial developer of the Steam app for Windows Phone, and gave him approval for removing the "unofficial" tag. I suggest you guys do the same.

Happy 2016's death everyone, and sorry for the long and boring post!

Name of the branches in a git repository are like

dev
dev-branch
dev-hotfix
dev-test
dev-merge
dev-app
dev-com
dev-com
dev-ref
dev-staging
dev-username1
dev-username2
dev-username3
.
.
.
.
.
.
Master

Me: I deprecate a react component, because it's bloated and no longer makes sense, and I let everyone on the team know that we're working to get rid of that component

Other Dev: Hmm, if I copy this component for every time that it is used, rename all of my copy's and delete the original, I got rid of the deprecated component...

Me: After hearing that deprecated component was removed... "Good job other Dev"

Me: A couple of weeks later after dev leaves company and I start adding some new features to the app "WTF"

Came into this company as a web dev. Now I have to develop a native iOS app in swift.

FML

Im the only dev at our app company. Beta due tomorrow. Im learning im astonishingly bad at handling stress

- How do you think, could you port our app to iOS?
- Never did iOS apps, but I will learn and try, maybe I will became iOS dev

Fuck, I'm still supporting it
Dear Android devs, never come to the dark side! It's a nightmare

Only if people understood the amount of effort that goes behind building a simple app.
Even if it's a simple notes app, I've to design the UI (at least 2 different activities - 1 for the list and the other for editing notes), write the code which makes it run i.e. without which the app is just a piece of empty design, think about what data
structures to use (that notes you are saving need to be stored somehow) and then club everything together and hope nothing breaks (spoiler alert: something will definitely break).

People need to understand that it's not just putting some fancy buttons and boxes around. Also, I'm not just making the app for one device. I've to make sure it works on different screen sizes, different versions of the OS (a user can't imagine how many functions need to be re written because something got deprecated in the process and I'd to switch to something different).

Also I'm not just sitting at my computer and converting coffee to code. I've to think about the flow, structure, design, navigation, backend etc. Of the app; most of my time isn't spent writing code but thinking/studying how to write the code. I also need to wait while the project is compiling/building every time I want to test it.
A function which you think is hard to implement night be really easy while something you claim is easy might be a nightmare. Oh and I didn't even mention how I need to stick to some design guidelines to make the app look consistent with the rest of the OS.
If you're wondering why a developer is spending most of his time on a browser, he isn't playing internet games or browsing reddit ( at least you better hope not), he's probably looking at the docs/stack overflow to get something to work/fix something!

Wow! That was long. Thanks!

What you see:
"we gonna build a new application to replace our legacy one"

How to read:
"we gonna make you put more shit in the legacy app whenever we want and still keep asking about the new app you don't have the time to make"

I get the mobile app dev job and they let me use Flutter to build apps

Just logged into Google play dev console and noticed an app i made a couple years ago at a conference has 300 downloads and a good rating. I don't care to share the app name though, as it may tarnish the rating if other developers saw it, haha.

So a recruiter called me for the Mobile App Dev position just to asked me wether I am familiar with "CODING IN XML"?

I was like if xml is consider a programming language, json will be too.

Downside of being a developer without design skills & creativity.

--

Yesterday, i created a simple food ordering app for our office. I shared it to my dev colleagues and got a decent feedback (except for the new hire). But when shared it to people like writers and graphic designers. I feel a bit off.

Graphic D: "The app should not use a blue color scheme. because blue is an UNAPPETIZING COLOR", "The yellow color is too vibrant"

Writers: They are blabbing about the grammar and spellings :(

New Hired Dev: Can you share me the codes?

** I always trying to learn how to do webdesign but i think its not really for me :(

iOS dev here
Just wanted to share my experience on updating Xcode and why I schedule 3 hours for this process.
So, updating Xcode via the AppStore has always been flaky at best and ofcouse Xcode needs to be closed first. You hit update, the button turns gray, half an hour in you still see no progress...
That's why I often just download it from the dev center. But since Xcode Ghost the app is also wrapped in a signed container.
So,
Downloading: 10 minutes
Expaning: 60 minutes!!!
After that I move the app in place and fire it up, always have to close my music player first grrr...
After that Gate Keeper verifies the app for another 60 minutes.
Finally Xcode comes to live.
Only need to install new command line tools for another few minutes and I can continue coding.
Wait. Half my day is over!
Why Apple? Why?
#wk24

True story
Was free at work so applied for a stretch project.
PM: you know mobile dev?
Me: yes, built a few apps
PM: good, we have an old app we want you to take the JAR change everything but the look of it and make it a new hybrid app with the required features.
Me: *kill me please*
PM: and use WordPress as the server.
Me: ...........

Accepted the challenge. Did the entire app in ionic and build a server for it with SpringBoot. Client loves it PM is still doesn't know😂

Final interview for a native Android remote job via Skype

Client: Should we make a hybrid app instead?
Me inside: fucking hybrid app, hell no, the job posting was for a native mobile dev, and hybrid apps are shit
Me: We could have so much flexibility and can adjust so much better in the future when adding features when we go for a native mobile app

*phew* I almost lost my calm back there

!(!(!(!rant)))

When you're using a sophisticated software and you've shown your work to your non-dev friends and they say "Wow! What APP did u use?"

Furk it! App sounds like a small icon on your mobile phone to take a selfie putting a dog filter to post for everyone to see! You call this tool just an "APP"? May Zeus forgive this blasphemy.

destroy(rant);

I could not do anything else. Physics, Chemistry, Biology didn't interest me.

Tried competitve programming, failed miserably.
Tried app dev and server dev, they surprise me with their awesomeness everyday :D

I was debugging a new version of a calendar web app I've created, and was puzzled when the code for rendering calendar events was never hit...Till I realized, there are no calendar events this week in the dev environment. Silly me! *LOL*

ComputerToucher: *opens Jira ticket* Dev team needs tokens for the APM for a new app with multiple tenants. Ezpz. Hey, developer. Do you want one golden token for all of your app tenants or would you like us to generate one token for each?

Developer: Let’s have a meeting to discuss it.

CT: It’s…an exceedingly simple question. One token or 4? Which does your app support?

Dev: Yeah I think we should discuss with this with the platform team, can you set up the call?

CT: (Internally) I am the platform team? Do you not know how your applica-never mind I’ll just ask the PM directly.

CT (in chat): I’ll ask PM to schedule the call.

*Goes back to Jira ticket, changes priority to 4, removes ticket from sprint entirely, picks something else to work on*

Finally, finally, finally! My very first app with React Native is up and running. I know the hard part comes now, but I'm so incredibly happy, considering that I didn't even think I would start developing an app until two weeks ago, let alone learning React...

Dev: "presenting my privacy-focused XYZ app!"

App: is 100% online despite features I could build in fucking bash, has integration with 3 other sites

Me: [x] Doubt

Dev: The server is completely down right now. Nobody can access the application, we need to divert some resources to horizontally scaling our app.

Manager: Hm, this was not in the schedule. I need to consult senior leadership on what to do about this. I don’t want to be held accountable for making a decision on this complex and highly nuanced situation.

Dev: No need, I have a solution. Just need a week to build/test/deploy the ability to horizontally scale.

Manager: But that will cause delays to new features.

Dev: New features don’t matter if the app can’t even load.

Manager: Ok you can implement your solution but it can’t take any time. I need those new features out.

Dev: ???????

Killed the backend production db of my app with a dev ops guy for 20 hours.

The emails I received were not the nicest of all time.

Ad an Android dev, I hate that hybrid solution like cordova, react native or similar frameworks. Companies sell their apps for ridicolous prices, so every native Android/ios dev need to get it's work faster and for a lower price.
Customers can't understand that hybrid app are faster to create but works worse. I'm hating you, hybrid-guys

It finally comes! <enki/>'s invitation code for "the 5-minute daily workout to level up your dev skills" they said.

!rant
Flutter is the best SDK I've ever used in my life. So insanely easy to learn and use, and it lets you build both Android and iOS apps?!?!
If you haven't checked it out, even if you've never touched mobile app dev, give it a shot. Super fun and super easy.

I'm wanting to try and develop an Android app, but I want to include Add and a paid version.. what's a good closed-source license? (I'm used to working with GPLv3)

I basically want to hold all rights and disallow modification and distribution.

Me and the unofficial CTO (3rd party's CTO) are interviewing an ios dev. (I'm an android dev, btw)

CTO: In your view, would you find developing an ios app would be faster or at the same speed as an android dev?

Me: *shock*

Canidate: I've never developed on Android before, but I'd think it would be the same speed. We both need to make screens, views, and type code.

what the fuck, going through user reviews and seeing countless 1-star reviews about "there are ads at the bottom" or "premium features cost money"

meanwhile, on my side, I am lossing money because of API fees so THEY can experience the app. I would love to make the app free, but I can not. they should try being a dev for a day

Some thoughts about time relations in app dev:

10% - minimal ui & coding main functions
10% - testing
10% - writing web api just for fun
70% - try to "design" an ui

Am I the only one having problems with ui?? 🤔

I just got started in my web development course in college now but I'm really not interested in waiting another year or two to finish my prerequisites when I could be learning and making my own stuff by now. I'm learning HTML and doing pretty well. But any tips for a guy trying to get into the industry? I know CSS and JavaScript are some of the basic tools I should know and also WordPress. Any advice is appreciated? Any good online courses I could also take to speed things up a bit?

Senior Dev Idiot: "Ugh, I have another meeting with my business users because they forgot how to use my app. I JUST had a training session with them last week too. Users are soo stupid!"

Yeah... No. If your users can't remember how to use your app after a damn week, that means your app is shit and not intuitive or user-friendly enough. YOU are the stupid one.

Phonegap, when you are using the dev app: yeah nice seems to work fine

Phonegap, when you start the compiled app: welp time to run over my dick with a truck

Lead Dev sends rant about the app being a week late...

Doesn't take into account that I was pulled off it for two weeks to work on something else and the other dev was on maternity for two weeks :/

Dear my school app developer,
.
I'd like to say FUCK YOU! update your app before asking money from me.

This is what they teach in management schools apparently

0 bugs - Dev doesn’t exist
1 bug - There’s a bug!
2 bugs - There’s many bugs
3 bugs - There’s so many bugs
4+ bugs - The app is full of bugs

Dev gets told in the morning there's an emergency fix needed due to a critical issue with the app that's in production and that the fix needs to be in the release that will be cut this evening.
Dev drops everything he/she is working on, works frantically all day to get it in 2 minutes before the deadline.
Release gets cut.
Next day release gets trashed because some exec did not like the size of the font used in some obscure part of the app even though it's been this way for 6 months...

My newly joined developer colleague had some problem starting the web app we are working on locally. After changing some configuration files,

Me: Restart the app

My Dev Colleague: Do I have to close it?

Me: Yeah, there will be a red cross on the right top corner, just click on that😑😒

When you have to add new features to a 5 years old app, because it would be a heavy lift to rewrite.

So no dev lead has the balls to bring it through the board, so you are stuck with ancient and awful code.

Be me
Work at software contracting company
Get a new client, iOS objective-c app with ~40000 lines of code
Previous Dev didn't leave a single comment, and he didn't use a database, he used 'NSUserDefaults'

Holy fuckin shit. Fuck java updates.

Today we deployed to production with a java app. For whatever reason it didn't work, just throwing SSL errors left and right.
Same app works on dev and qa

There's only one tiiiiny difference: Java 8 141 on dev/qa, Java 8 171 on prod

Guess what happened in 171 ... they updated the CA

rip 4h debuggin

#include<rant.h>
#define useless unnecessary

int main()
{
Fuck off Zuckerman and any dev who codes such shit for useless permissions and especially FUCK YOU CLIENT for asking your dev to ask for all useless permissions for your fucking app just because you think it's cool ;

return 0;
}

That moment when you realize that the iOS dev uploaded to ITunes Store an app pointing to the devel IP and not the production one Omg! (i'm an android dev)

Before Dev rant clueless about how to create a app that shows 360view of a car, and change the content when different Color is clicked

After basic idea from Dev rant
Finally able to figure it out and built it in 2 days. Honestly got lot of irritation at first, because have to learn everything from scratch and lots of errors.

I get that people mess up sometimes but their mistakes make it in to production...

Currently developing an app with React Native for work. It started as a "would be nice to have" feature but now people wanna join my dev team and company wants to see results too. And I am just a student trainee. FeelsGoodMan

My dev goals:
Want to publish my first app in this month and at least one more in the year. :)

I love react native but I hate the fact that I have to type

cd android && ./gradlew cleanBuildCache && cd .. && react-native bundle --platform android --dev false --entry-file index.js --bundle-output android/app/src/main/assets/index.android.bundle --assets-dest android/app/src/main/res/ && cd android && ./gradlew assembleDebug

just to generate an apk file.

I've been a Windows OS user for nearly 20 years, Mac OS user for nearly 2. (Java/ C# dev)
I've had more BSOD on the Mac than on Windows. I've had 2 today, once when opening the laptop after not touching it this weekend, second whole in a debug of an app.

My first dev project outside of school work was an android application I made for my then-girlfriend to track time between contractions and count kicks during her pregnancy. It was horrifically ugly but it was my first android app and it worked!

What the best database solution for web and smartphones dev?
Is mysql the good choice?
I’m an “old” dev with old usage, php-mysql-JavaScript.
Is it a 2018 solution or am i a dinosaur?
All data will be stored on server side. Web and smartphone app as client.
Thanks for your experience sharing.

Woke up 4am today to push my first iOS app. Took me three phucking hrs to realise apple is down! Their FUCKING dev stats website says all is green! Fuck u xcode

I've published my first app on the Play Store! Does this mean I get to call myself a developer now? 🤔

I had rough week last week. Accidentally deployed dev code to production, soon found out there was no production version of code to do a redeploy. Deployed another app to production, it was working fine then another Dev changed a data type in the database from bool to nullable Boolean which broke some Linq queries. Looked like I deployed crap code. 3rd week with company.

Doing Android for 2 years now, and still freakin have to debug for 2 hours, on why my app isn't communicating with the backend.
Only to realise, INTERNET permission not requested. 🤦
Anyone else suffering from the same problem?

Dev rant UWP is awesome , the best windows app with the cool design 🙆‍♀️

Oh my effing goodness...just went through the repo of an app we're working on and this new dev in our team saved his commits with, "ok", "done", "fixed", "another one", "arrggghhh!", "wow!"..."not complete"...for fucks sakes...DUDE!

Did a wireframe walkthrough and a fellow dev ask, "Which language is the app written in?" "Visio, exported to PDF ..." Guess it was a pretty good wireframe.

My best dev experience this year was the success of my company intern app at work, where I am employeed since last December beside my studies.
The company founder, the CEO, the head of department and the marketing department all like my app and in January it will be deployed to all company phones 😀
Whish me luck that there won't be any serious bugs 😅

!rant

I've been posting "dev logs", if you can call them that, to YouTube every now and then as I make progress with this funny little app I'm making. They're just videos of me testing something in the app with background music.

But today, someone was interested enough in my terrain generation, to ask for a tutorial, and I got my first subscriber!

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

>be me
>some months ago
>apply for a node.js job, send them my resume with links to my git repos
>get an interview, they tell me they appreciate my additional android dev experience cause they be working on an app.
>think to myself "oh nice, imma get this job!"
>"Anon, we gonna test you, ok?"
>"okay no problem"
>I prepare for both node and android but mostly node
>test day arrives, I'm hyped
>test is actually to make a maps android app in 8 hours
>wat?!
>do it anyway, achieving some functionalities
>a couple of weeks after
>I email them, asking news
>they basically say "oh we sent you a message on skype to tell we continued with another person as a backend dev because they had a better android app"
>log into skype
>0 messages
>mfw pic related

I deleted the Facebook app on my phone (2.5 hours of background use a day?!)

Now I have nothing to close to immediately reopen and feel like an idiot. And don't you dare suggest dev rant, this place barely has enough content to open once a day.

Wow so many teachers... Looks like lots of people take CS. The only CS teacher I have is myself (and books).

Best Dev experience... So far... Writing Watcher.

First app I wrote using modular design and I use it still every day.

When the developer knows your pain 😂

Why does everyone screenshot a Tweet, instead of using a perfectly good app 'Tweet2Pic' being available on Play Store.

P.S: I am the dev, shamelessly promoting my app. I am not sure if I can share links here 😅

Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.

Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.

Product manager: ...

Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!

I started iOS app dev thinking there’s good scope in the future,now I hear people saying app dev is gonna die switch to data science. Tf

Me: I need to build my APK and upload it so I can show my friends when I meet them at the mall in a few days

Also me: *writing this rant*

When you have a dev domain, yet your senior developer coworkers still add "Dev" to their app names..

Sure I'll be the sole developer on this Facebook equivalent app whilst also being the lead dev on 3 others!

Worst part about being a dev.

Non-technical people see your awesome app.... and then bring their faulty hardware gear for you to fix! Wtf!!

Finally joined the supporter program. This app has been an amazing way to vent frustrations, get some dev related humor, and see what other devs are up to so I couldn't be happier to pledge my $2 a month. Thanks for an amazing app @dfox and @trogus!

There's no provisioning script. Code repo's there, but no configuration files. Missing folders that break the app. No documentation on what to install, what directories to create, NO instructions. Nothing. Just an empty Ubuntu vagrantbox and a git repo. Took the entire morning and then some, just to replicate the dev environment. Fuck

App dev paper questions

A dev in the team just found out about JavaScript promises. Now he is putting them everywhere but never handling errors, so it's impossible to tell where the app is actually failing because the error points to the Babel polyfill and the stack trace is not long enough.

Craziest deadline: job processing system for a manufacturing company, Android app, live updating web interface, integration with 3 existing systems, custom/new database and workflow... 9 days from concept to prototype. I was the only dev on it.

Yes, the product sucked, and no, I didn't really sleep.

!dev

While I'm not all too great with developing things, still learning actually, I am good at breaking things unintentionally.

For instance, I fucked the YouTube app up so badly, even a force stop isn't fixing it.
Gonna try rebooting, see if that helps.

"Our app needs a barcode scanner"
Fair enough, let's do this!
Android implementation using Zxing: 3 days. Ios: 9 days...
1. Dev iPhone has a subtle hw defect that doesn't let it connect to the computer anymore...
2. Our app-framework doesn't have a proper plugin for ios barcode scanners yet.
3. The first barcodescanner implementation is completely broken
4. Swift is not possible because of conflicting framework plugins
5. Build a plugin from scratch, using zxing objective c port.
6. Build problems with main app.
7. Fuck my life

Happy!
Being an Android Dev myself, I bought my first app in Play Store!
Nova Launcher Prime was offered @ ₹10 (~0.15$). No matter how small the contribution is, it's quite a special joy to support another dev!

Goals for 2019
- Land an internship at either of the companies I'm in the final stages of interview for.
- Nail my exams.
- Publish an application to the app store.
- Buy an RTX 2080ti.
- Start a blog.
(Dev-ish goals I guess)

My first rant in ages:
Been assigned to a new Laravel project at work and the murthafucking lead dev got no fucking clue how to architect a big laravel app. Lead dev talking trash about encapsulation and every big oop grammar he can find while asking us to come up with an architecture concept for the app.
My annoyance is, the fecking project been in planning for like 7 months and d lead dev keeps saying he is looking for ideas on how we will build the app. Fuck this shit!

that white screen of death though

The most horrifying thing for any Android Dev:
The client wants to build a media app and owns a Samsung device!!!

when the dev server is so locked down you can't even recycle the app pools

Learn C, become more fluent in Java, get more into mobile app dev

Start mongo, start my node server, start the app, quick "5mins" look on dev rant started 30mins ago!

So working for a company and the dev team I’m apart of works on a legacy rails app. Technical debt is high, no automated tests, no proper routing and also running unsupported versions of the language.

I joined seven months ago and got the current team doing automated testing so that’s a plus, they bought this app four years ago and there’s been no language updates, testing, cleanup, security updates, nothing, just adding to bad code.

Now we’re looking to actually upgrade language versions, the language and the framework now this will cause a lot of stuff to break naturally due to how outdated it is.

So I started putting proper routes into place how things should of been when things were being built as we have some spare time I decided to go out of my way to clear up some of the technical debt to get ahead of the curb. Re-done an entire section of the app, massive speed improvements, better views, controller, model, comment clean up and everything exactly how it should be.

I push the PR,
*other dev* - “why are we doing all of these other changes”
*me* - “well to implement routes properly, we have to use the new routes I just did some extra cleanup along the way”
*today, me* - “can you lend me a hand with one of the routes the ID isn’t getting passed”
*today, other dev* - “this wouldn’t of happened if you didn’t redo all these files, let’s just scrap the changes”
…

Sooo, I’ve spend three weeks improving one section in the app, because I’m having issues with one route according to this dev I should scrap it? Wait come again, am I the only one in this team who cares about making this app better all round?

Frustrating…

Found a bug on dev iOS devRant app
It happens when you are switching between view controllers using the tab bar

I don't know if our QA is good enough. We were developing an app for both ios and android. I, an ios developer, told the QA guy that it will take long before uploading the app in the testflight (convert swift2 to swift3). After a week the app is now uploaded in the test flight and at the same time my partner, an android developer, uploaded the android version of the app in the play store beta. The QA guy started to raise bug issues about the android version. He wanted to fix the bugs immediately since our boss needed to upload it in the play store and appstore. The QA guy kept on complaining to my partner why the android version is buggy. Then he said something we, me and my partner, facepalm.

The QA guy said " You shouldn't convert the app to swift 3. The ios version is fine when converted why the android version is buggy. You need to revert it back to swift 2"

We sit there in silence, thinking if we pity the QA guy or laugh at him.

I just hate it when people dont know tools of their profession!
You are a dev..... Learn git goddamnit!
You are a frontend dev.... Know SASS and various other tools that will make your and people around you's life easier.
You are a backend dev.... Know how to use linux and know which tool to use to make the app faster.....
Or else dont talk to me and leave me alone.

"We have a rockstar react dev on our side"

*Me, after deploying my first react based app using CRA to bootstrap*

<_<

>_>

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
'I guess this is my life now'

I kinda hate Java. And Android Studio.

I have to develop an app for participant registration/management for college techfest by 10th march.

Fuck.

(I'm using Cordova or React Native, but still.)

Fuck.

Startup needs app done for MVP at a money fair. Startup finds good team. Startup plans every little thing written and has most of the app screens ready. Team signs NDA to see screens and docs. Startup keeps working on docs. Startup postpones dev start to after the fair! Thank you for wasting team's time! FUCK YOU STARTUP! BTW, that's a great app you have there... on 'paper', though it is just useless piece of crap. Great job you headless fucks!

@dev-rant @dfox @trogus
Feature+bug
I think it would be better for the dev