Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Two factor authentication atrocities 😍😍

Just for reference in the post. I'm 24 years old.

Guy: How long have you been programming?
Me: I started when I was about 10, so about 14 years
Guy: are you one of the anonymous?
Me: ...

This code isn't working right, better check the log...

ERROR: There was an error.

Alright, cool, chill. Thanks for the top notch error handling. 👌

Had to switch to a MacBook due to my new employer and the layout is driving me crazy!

Almost 20 years I've been typing the @ by altgr+q (German layout).

At the same position is now command.

And command+q closes the current window instantly.

This happened almost 10 times today...

Every. Single. Time.

Don't Tell

Ladies and gentlemen, the "unlimited" WiFi at my hotel...

My girlfriend knows what a coder needs when it’s their birthday. Lucky to have her. Walked into my room and it was set up like this.

okay, I promise.

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Me as a boyfriend

Btw , am single now

Project manager: how was the day?
Me: wrote a few lines of code
Me: ran the code
Me: full of errors
Me: I cried

When I worked for an online dating app, at one point we had the ridiculous idea to try to take a popular LinkedIn feature and convert it to a dating app feature in order to capitalize off of the success LinkedIn had with it.

The feature was LinkedIn endorsements. The idea was to allow the dating app users to get endorsements from people in their contacts lists on certain traits/features from a defined list (ex. Funny, smart, etc.). It wasn’t a terrible idea on the surface, but the way we planned to execute on it was insane and everyone knew it was going to fail. To avoid any controversy all of the endorsable terms were watered down to the point where no one would ever find using them/asking their friends for endorsements to be any fun. And the worst part was how we planned to get people to ask their friends for endorsements - management wanted us to build a contact list importer and just spam email contacts with “please endorse me” emails. The whole thing was ridiculous.

No one, including myself, wanted to build the feature/spam tool but management really wanted it so we had to build it. Like expected, it failed very quickly when it was clear no one cared about getting their real life friends to endorse them on some dating app, and the spam contacts took was ineffective and... spammy.

Double standards :p

He is going places.

Me: *Watching a movie*

Main Character: "Oh no, we have to hack the CIA to figure out how this machine works! Hacker girl, do the stuff"

Hacker Girl: "Consider it done!"

Hacker Girl: *Opens Linux bash*

Hacker Girl: *types 'mkdir Hack_CIA'

Hacker Girl: "They have two-factor authentication in place, this is going to be a hard one."

Hacker Girl: *Types 'cd Hack_CIA'*

Hacker Girl: "I'm in!"

Me: "..."

Friend: "Wow, so well done, so realistic!"

Me: *Dies*

At my study's final exams, I coded a system with login and everything included.

Showed it at the final delivery:
Fake client: awesome! So how do I logout?
Me: 😐
Me: 😶
Me: 😁
Me: 😓
Me: 😭

Yeah, you couldn't logout.

Programming in a tree. I usually climb up here and read, but I decided to code, and I didn't drop my laptop :D

I covered the screen with my hand because my code's ugly, and I don't want anyone to see it lol.

I've started collecting pictures of my friends!

customer who didn't paid for 3 months: why is our server down?

me: server?. what server?.

Been using this monitor layout lately, like it a lot better than side by side when using a laptop

On the last working day of our CEO.
CEO: As a software company, if we are to build an airplane would you ride on the airplane that we built?
Everyone was silent.
Me at the back of my head: I'll ride. I know for sure that the airplane will never start.

windows update code

function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}

T-Mobile needs someone with 82 years experience y'all

Made my day 😂😂

Ghostery just leaked all of their users email addresses in their GDPR compliance email.

Using this from now on!

JavaScript we need to talk 😂😂