Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Valentine's day

I love the feeling of closing a ton of tabs after finally fixing a bug.

They just bought 2 fucking 23" extra monitors for every developer in my org.
FEELS GOOD MAN

Dev: what do I call this file ?
Me: just name it something meaningful so other dev's know what it is

Two days pass

Me: time to do code review .. oh look a new file ..

Git comment : new file for sax parsing , architecture gave the ok.

File name : SomethingMeaningful.java

Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

If you like Google algorithms better, you can always just precede your duckduckgo search with !Google
Returns an encrypted Google search

Found on telegram

Mom: what are you doing ?

Me: i'm installing daemons in my computer.

Mother: *sprays me with holy water

Programmer at an eye test...

just found this on reddit... this is freaking hilarious 😂😂

Linux : Born to Be Root
Windows : Born to Re Boot

Following the trend..

Gitkraken because it makes working with branches, submodules, merging, amending, rebasing, squashing, stashing etc. super easy and visual. Especially useful in huge projects.

On Amazon buying Whole Foods.

"Stylized"

Thanks Apple. This is what we needed!

This app is basically silicon valley twitter

Thanks @dfox for adding the double tap to upvote feature, I mean, bug. You're a saint

Who else think this is awesome

How does a front-end developer get away with murder?

$('body').hide();

//I'll see myself out

void walks into a cave
doesn't return

So I need to create a nice new web app. Let's look at some cool JS frameworks that I can work with.

*5 mins later* Hm, Angular sounds good, is there any good competitor?

*5 mins later* Wow, React sounds awesome as well. Let me learn it.

Google search result:

"Planning to use react? Check out Vue JS first"

*5 mins later* Ok so vue seems faster than React and much easier to learn. Let me see if Vue is the final choice.

Google search result:

"Angular VS Knockout VS Ember VS React VS Mithril VS Mercury VS Ractive VS Vue VS Riot"

Nope, fuck it

Check out this superb website that I made..

http://localhost:8080

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

"So, why do you want to work at our office in mexico?"
"I want to be a señor developer."