buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

I have got 99 problems and emoji encoding ain't one of them.

P.S. /r/softwaregore

Thanks Apple. This is what we needed!

Rant
Why do shithead clients think they can walk away without paying us once we deliver the project !!!

So, here goes nothing..
Got an online gig to create a dashboard.
Since i had to deal with a lot of shitheads in the past, I told them my rules were simple, 20% advance, 40% on 50% completion and 40% after i complete and send them proof of completion. Once i receive the payment in full, only then i will hand over the code.
They said it was fine and paid 20%.
I got the next 40% also without any effort but they said they also needed me to deploy the code on their AWS account, and they were ready to pay extra for it, so i agreed.
I complete the whole project and sent them the screenshots, asking for the remaining 40% payment. They rejected the request saying my work was not complete as i had not deployed on AWS yet. After a couple of more such exchanges, i agreed to setup their account before the payment. But i could sense something fishy, so i did everything on their AWS account, except registered the domain from my account and set up everything. Once i inform them that its done and ask for the remaining payment.
The reply i got was LOL.
I tried to login to the AWS account, only to find password had been changed.
Database access revoked.
Even my admin account on the app had been removed. Thinking that they have been successful, they even published ads about thier NEW dashboard to their customers.
I sent them a final mail with warning ending with a middle finger emoji. 24 hours later,
I created a github page with the text " This website has been siezed by the government as the owner is found accused in fraud" and redirected the domain to it. Got an apology mail from them 2 hours later begging me to restore the website. i asked for an extra 10% penalty apart from the remaining payment. After i got paid, set an auto-reply of LOL to thier emails and chilled for a week before restoring the domain back to normal.
Dev : 1
Shithead Client: 0

I sent this email to client:

Hi Christine,
Can we shit this afternoon and go over the scope of work once again?

In reply she sent me this meme with few LOL emoji

ive been doing webdev for many years now, but i think its time i move on before i die from crazies.

who the hell thought it was a good idea using emojis for fucking css class names.

This is wrong on so many levels

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

Friend: Hey! How do you uh... alt tab out of the game?

Me: *wtf* Uhhh... You press alt tab.

Friend: *after 10 seconds* Oh! That’s why it is called alt tab.

Me: *crying laugh emoji*

90s: We'll have flying cars in future!

2017:

This is my life now, the cancer has taken over...

ahaha. The white Slack emoji skintone is frowned upon at $work, and we're encouraged to use the yellow one instead to be "inclusive" -- but fear not, the brown ones are totally fine.

Gotta love woke companies.

WTF GOOGLE, WHY...

EMOJI CODE FTW!

*Male devs dying of heat, air quality almost requires a rebreather*

*opens window*

2 seconds later
Female dev: "I am cold"

😑🔫

[some cunt decided the gun emoji had to be removed. with all my heart, fuck you and your family]

I might have posted this before. But I am going to post it again. Because emojis.

Me: 😁 Software lead I have finished coding the thing.
SL: 😀 Cool, good job. That is going to really help out the analysts.
Software Manager: 😐 hey I noticed you have coded a new thing and pushed it to integration.
Me: 😁 Yes.
SM: 😐 Well how do you know when it's done?
Me: 😑 . . . When you run it and it does the thing?
SM: 😐 Did you write test steps?
Me: 😕 Yeah . . . they're in the issue ticket.
SM: 😐 Yeah but how do you know those are right?
Me: 😕 Because I wrote the thing and the test steps?
SM: 😐 did you put any steps in our acceptance test procedure?
Me: 😕 No.
SM: 😐 why not?
Me: 😧 Because the acceptance test procedure tests requirements. There is no requirement for this functionality.
SM: 😑 Then why did you do it?
Me: 🤔 Because it was an internal request from the analysis team. There is no customer impact here.
SM: 😑 I really think we should write a requirement.
SL: 🤔 But what requirement is he going to attach this to?
SM: 😑 We don't have to attach it to a requirement. We can just test it once and remove it.
Me: 😒 SM, you know we never remove anything from the acceptance test procedure.
SM: 🙂 We do sometimes.
SL: 🤔 When was that I have worked here for twenty years and we have never removed a test from that document.
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
Me: 🤐
SM: 😧 I really think there should be an acceptance test written.
SL: 😧 Looks like you're writing an acceptance test.
Me: 😒 Alright as long as y'all're payin'. Shit I was just tryin' to save y'all money.

*acceptance test written and sent to peer review*

Peer: 😐 The requirement tested section doesn't have any requirements spelled out.
Me: 😅 No.
Peer: 🤔 Why?
Me: 😓 Because there is no requirement associated with this test.
Peer: 🤔 Then why are we adding an acceptance test?
Me: 😡 WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GOD DAMN QUESTION!?

If Big O notations where emojis.  This chart shows you common big-Os with emoji showing how they'll make you feel as your data scales. Source blog.honeybadger.io

Boss: we are going to build a blockchain. ( he is smiling proudly)
Me: we are doing data visualization boss!!! Why we need the blockchain?!?!?
Boss: I am disappointed in you!!! You don’t read any Tech news or follow the market trends? BlockChain is tending nowadays... ( showing angry emoji using his face)
Me: it is not related to our work by anything!!! What we will visualize? A success of the transition? The amount of it? A visualization of the nodes?
Boss: (shouting) there are a lot of opportunities using the BlockChain in our days, and it is critical to our business...
Me: boss, there many opportunities using the ******* BlockChain, and I am leaving this company by the end of the month... find a ******* BlockChain developer to visualize the ******* process...
Boss: ........ (silence)
Me: .... (already resigned)

Never gonna happen:

* Port our API to graphql. Or even make it just vaguely rest-compliant. Or even just vaguely consistent.
* Migrate from mysql to postgres. Or any sane database.
* Switch codebase from PHP to... well, anything else.
* Teach coworkers to not commit passwords, API keys, etc.
* Teach coworkers to write serious commit messages instead of emoji spam
* Get a silent work environment.
* Get my office to serve better snacks than fermented quinoa spinach bars and raw goat milk kale smoothies
* Find an open source IDE with good framework magic support. Jetbrains, I'll give you my left testicle if you join the light side of the force.
* Buy 2x3 equally sized displays. I'm using 6, but they're various sizes/resolutions.
* Master Rust.
* Finish building my house. I completely replaced the roof, but still have to dig out a cellar (to hide my dead coworkers).
* Repair/replace the foundation of my house (I think Rust is easier)
* Get slim and muscular.

Realistically:

* Get a comfortable salary increase, focus more on platform infrastructure, data design, coaching
* Get fat(ter). Eating, sitting, gaming, coding and sleeping are my hobbies after all.
* Save up for the inevitable mental breakdown-induced retirement.

With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.

I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.

<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);

for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱

Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!

I'm trying to sign up for insurance benefits at work.

Step 1: Trying to find the website link -- it's non-existent. I don't know where I found it, but I saved it in keepassxc so I wouldn't have to search again. Time wasted: 30 minutes.

Step 2: Trying to log in. Ostensibly, this uses my work account. It does not. Time wasted: 10 minutes.

Step 3: Creating an account. Username and Password requirements are stupid, and the page doesn't show all of them. The username must be /[A-Za-z0-9]{8,60}/. The maximum password length is VARCHAR(20), and must include upper/lower case, number, special symbol, etc. and cannot include "password", repeated charcters, your username, etc. There is also a (required!) hint with /[A-Za-z0-9 ]{8,60}/ validation. Want to type a sentence? better not use any punctuation!

I find it hilarious that both my username and password hint can be three times longer than my actual password -- and can contain the password. Such brilliant security.

My typical username is less than 8 characters. All of my typical password formats are >25 characters. Trying to figure out memorable credentials and figuring out the hidden complexity/validation requirements for all of these and the hint... Time wasted: 30 minutes.

Step 4: Post-login. The website, post-login, does not work in firefox. I assumed it was one of my many ad/tracker/header/etc. blockers, and systematically disabled every one of them. After enabling ad and tracker networks, more and more of the site loaded, but it always failed. After disabling bloody everything, the site still refused to work. Why? It was fetching deeply-nested markup, plus styling and javascript, encoded in xml, via api. And that xml wasn't valid xml (missing root element). The failure wasn't due to blocking a vitally-important ad or tracker (as apparently they're all vital and the site chain-loads them off one another before loading content), it's due to shoddy development and lack of testing. Matches the rest of the site perfectly. Anyway, I eventually managed to get the site to load in Safari, of all browsers, on a different computer. Time wasted: 40 minutes.

Step 5: Contact info. After getting the site to work, I clicked the [Enroll] button. "Please allow about 10 minutes to enroll," it says. I'm up to an hour and 50 minutes by now. The first thing it asks for is contact info, such as email, phone, address, etc. It gives me a warning next to phone, saying I'm not set up for notifications yet. I think that's great. I select "change" next to the email, and try to give it my work email. There are two "preferred" radio buttons, one next to "Work email," one next to "Personal email" -- but there is only one textbox. Fine, I select the "Work" preferred button, sign up for a faux-personal tutanota email for work, and type it in. The site complains that I selected "Work" but only entered a personal email. Seriously serious. Out of curiosity, I select the "change" next to the phone number, and see that it gives me four options (home, work, cell, personal?), but only one set of inputs -- next to personal. Yep. That's amazing. Time spent: 10 minutes.

Step 6: Ranting. I started going through the benefits, realized it would take an hour+ to add dependents, research the various options, pick which benefits I want, etc. I'm already up to two hours by now, so instead I decided to stop and rant about how ridiculous this entire thing is. While typing this up, the site (unsurprisingly) automatically logged me out. Fine, I'll just log in again... and get an error saying my credentials are invalid. Okay... I very carefully type them in again. error: invalid credentials. sajfkasdjf.

Step 7 is going to be: Try to figure out how to log in again. Ugh.

"Please allow about 10 minutes" it said. Where's that facepalm emoji?

But like, seriously. How does someone even build a website THIS bad?

- Take a course called "Mobile Application Development"
- Teacher is new and is thus lost on how things work because there is no formal training for them
- Teacher only knows Objective-C so that's all we're allowed to use
- Nobody owns a Mac and I think one or two people had an iPhone/iPad
- Only 4 public Mac computers are available to the school
- One to two people are on them frequently, limiting our time on them as well
- Not a part of the schools normal imaging and updating system, so we get to do it ourselves, which takes up like a week or two of classes (4 classes)
- This includes installing XCode and getting Apple IDs
- No real instructions are given besides "implement the APIs for Facebook, Twitter, and Google Maps into an app"
- Being an ass, for the final day instead of showing off the app we made I made a PowerPoint of my dislike of Objective-C and various struggles I ran into and how I decided not to make the app at all.
- shrug emoji

Apple has programmed an avatar maker in iMessage that generates emoji that are supposed to resemble the person. However it does not have any setting for facial structure to represent a person’s sex. I’m pretty sure they did it because “gender is a construct”.

When I was growing up I had some issues with gender dysphoria. I am male genetically. I was mistaken as female my whole childhood because I was “pretty”, my best friends were girls, and I liked cooking, drawing, and dancing. Puberty happened and I started to look like a man. I considered transitioning because I felt female but I decided to let my body do what it wants and do the things I like to do without worrying about if they are gendered or not. I am married and male and I like what I like.

This stupid iMessage avatar. I have tried my hardest to make it look like me. I have long hair and keep my facial hair clean. They don’t have a switch to change some facial physiological traits so I have this Memoji that looks like a woman with a slight hormonal imbalance. It makes me feel conflicted like I felt when I was young. I haven’t thought about it in years and now I feel like I have an uncomfortable secret female avatar that i carry around on my phone and I feel like I’m carrying a secret.

A persons genetics result in differences in facial structures. Biological sex is more than the length of hair and whether a person wears makeup. I hate this “sex is a construct” trend. I’m fine living my life, but then companies push this software onto my phone like propaganda. I want it to look as masculine as I look IRL.

When a binary file contains an emoji if displayed as string

Fucking developers putting emojis in their code!

My terminal (st) doesn't support displaying emojis and it crashes immediately once it read an emoji. I have been chasing crashing bugs for weeks and I just found out where the issue is.

Dev: I regret nothing.
Me: Someone kill me before this kind of thing spreads.

I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..

Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.

Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?

I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.

Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.

Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.

Dear devRant developers
Please, use emoji compat library
At least until i buy new phone with Android 8
I don't think Marshallow is so bad

WTF is up with open-source projects using emojis in their commit messages... FUCKING emojis..

I get it, programming is fun and a hobby to many, but can we also keep at least a minimum level of professionalism here.

WTF is a wheelchair or bento emoji at the beginning of a commit message supposed to mean? Why the hell even bother to use it in the first place? There is no fucking reason for this retarded shit.

Is this what happens when activist developers get out of their way to make programming "inclusive"?

It is your personal project and so if you want to use emojis it is OK, I respect that (not really) but I can't trust your code, your commitment, or the quality of your work if I see those dumb Unicode characters there.

Git commit messages are not a game. Be playful with comments in code or your readme.md file but git messages should be a clear reflection of the changes not what a teenager's phone vomited on the keyboard.

I have been gone a while. Sorry. Workplace no longer allows phones on the lab and I work exclusively in the lab. Anyway here is a thing that pissed me off:

Systems Engineer (SE) 1 : 😐 So we have this file from the customer.
Me: 😑 Neat.
SE1: 😐 It passes on our system.
Me: 😑 *see prior*
Inner Me (IM): 🙄 is it taught in systems engineer school to talk one sentence at a time? It sounds exhausting.
SE1: but when we test it on your system, it fails. And we share the same algorithms.
Me: 😮 neat.
IM: 😮neat, 😥 wait what the fuck?
Me: 😎 I will totally look into that . . .
IM: 😨 . . . Thing that is absolutely not supposed to happen.

*Le me tracking down the thing and fixing it. Total work time 30 hours*

Me: 😃 So I found the problem and fixed it. All that needs to happen is for review board to approve the issue ticket.
SE1: 😀 cool. What was the problem?
Me: 😌 simple. See, if the user kicked off a rerun of the algorithm, we took your inputs, processed them, and put them in the algorithm. However, we erroneously subtracted 1 twice, where you only subtract 1 once.
SE1: 🙂 makes sense to me, since an erroneous minus 1 only effects 0.0001% of cases.

*le into review board*

Me: 😐 . . . so in conclusion this only happens in 0.0001% of cases. It has never affected a field test and if this user had followed the user training this would never have been revealed.
SE2: 🤨 So you're saying this has been in the software for how long?
Me: 😐 6 years. Literally the lifespan of this product.
SE2: 🤨 How do you know it's not fielded?
Me: 😐 It is fielded.
SE2: 🤨 how do you know that this problem hasn't been seen in the field?
Me: 😐 it hasn't been seen in 6 years?
IM: 😡 see literally all of the goddamn words I have said this entire fucking meeting!!!
SE2: 😐 I would like to see an analysis of this to see if it is getting sent to the final files.
Me: 🙄 it is if they rerun the algorithm from our product. It's a total rerun, output included. It's just never been a problem til this one super edge case that should have been thrown out anyway.
SE2: 🤨 I would still like to have SE3 run an analysis.
Me: 🙄 k.
IM: 😡 FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOU

*SE3 run analysis*

SE3: 😐 getting the same results that Me is seeing.
Me: 😒 see? I do my due diligence.
SE2: 😐 Can you run that analysis on this file again that is somehow different, plus these 5 unrelated files?
SE3: 😎 sure. What's your program's account so I can bill it?
IM: 😍 did you ever knooooow that your my heeeerooooooo.

*SE3 runs analysis*

SE3: 😐 only the case that was broken is breaking.
SE2: 😐 Good.
IM: 🤬🤬🤬🤐 . . . 🤯WHY!?!?
Me: 😠 Why?
SE2: 😑 Because it confirms my thoughts. Me, I am inviting you to this algorithm meeting we have.
Me/IM: 😑/😡 what . . . the fuck?

*in algorithm meeting*

Me: 😑 *recaps all of the above* we subtract 1 one too many times from a number that spans from 10000 to -10000.
Software people/my boss/SE1/SE3: 🤔 makes sense.
SE2:🤨 I have slides that have an analysis of what Me just said. They will only take an hour to get through.
Me: 😑 that's cool but you need to give me your program's account number, because this has been fixed in our baseline for a week and at this point you're the only program that still cares. Actually I need the account to charge for the last couple times you interrupted me for some bullshit.

*we are let go.*

And this is how I spent 40+ useless hours against a program that is currently overrunning for no reason 🤣🤣🤣

Moral: never involve math guys in arithmetic situations. And if you ever feel like you're wasting your time, at least waste someone else's money.

Idea: Emoji passwords

Bdixbsufhdbe HEAR ME OUT

I know, I know, emojis belong with teenage girls on Snapchat but there are some theoretical benefits to emoji passwords.

Brute Force attacks are useless! With such a wide range of characters and so many different combinations, they just wouldn't be viable.

Dictionary attacks are less useful! Because those require...words.

They can be easier to remember. Tell a story with your emojis. Images are easier to commit to memory than combinations of letters and numbers.

Users would adopt the feature! For whatever reason, the general population fucking loves these things. So emoji passwords probably won't take very long to see use.

I don't know much about this last one, so I saved it for last, but I would imagine that decryption would be more difficult if the available values is quite vast. I dunno how rainbow tables and hash defucking works so I'll just put this here as a "maybe"

😀

So this client wanted a very specific layout, with a very specific keycaps set. And an ALT function that would print the "shrug" text emoji.

Say hello to this
64 key, full CNC aluminum case
Gateron Ink Black switches (lubed)
Super thiccc 2.5 mm brass plate,

Keycaps set
MT3 profile Susuwatari set.

Love the profile and how they keycaps hug your finger up while typing.

I think it might be time for me to gather pieces to build my own as a gift in the future

Is anyone else getting REALLY tired of seeing emojis in production apps? Pic related.

It just gives a really generic feeling, and I feel like more and more projects are getting comfortable with just throwing in an emoji and calling it a day. IMO it looks so trashy.

I can understand if it's a small company, but at the same time it's like, couldn't you fork over a few buckaroos to a designer on Behance or Dribbble and make your design a little more YOUR design? I wanna see what your brand represents. Emojis don't really help. Whatever.

Solving one problem at a time:

Pro-Tip: Debugging/Logging with emojis is so much more fun

I wish the internet would drop support for emoji. Its fucking impossible to tell what anyone means anymore.

Was writing a comment with an unsmiley emoji

IDE auto-completed the open parenthesis.

I was surprised.

:()

Yesterday (or the day before that depending on your timezone and day-night schedule - this Friday) my OnePlus 6T arrived. After only 2 days of time between placing the order and actually getting the phone, quite impressive!

The DHL guy asked me upon receipt - is it the OnePlus 6T? - Yes it is!! - "An amazing device it is!", he said. And honestly.. he couldn't be more right.

I might be a bit biased on this because after all I did just spend €630 on this phone. But it feels so snappy, high quality, the 8GB of RAM is just.. it blows my mind. But I'm sure that the other reviews did this sort of jazz already.

The things that set this phone apart for me though were the following.

When I get a new phone or tablet, usually the first thing I do is rooting it. This one was no different, about an hour after receipt it was successfully rooted and loaded with Magisk. Currently I'm still in the phase of "getting to know the phone", wherein fuckups are usual. This time again being no different - I removed some apps and apparently did something to it that the search engines - both Google and DuckDuckGo - didn't quite like, as both of them would crash upon application launch. Me in full panic mode of course, desperately trying to find the stock ROM (which doesn't seem to be present in its usual form) or a new set of GApps (which didn't resolve the issue). OnePlus does seem to offer its OTA updates in zip archives though. So I downloaded its latest update (same as what was on the device) and applied it.

That's when the nerdgasm happened.

The "update" was simply a matter of going into the settings, tapping this and that and applying the update. No recovery, no unrooting, no nothing. The update just went like that despite the phone being rooted and just having had TWRP flashed to it. I always wanted this sort of thing, which even the Nexus couldn't offer - having the cake and eating it too. Being able to root the device and muck around with it while still being able to update the device timely without too many hurdles. This fucking thing does it!!!

That is to say, after my initial nerdgasm I did find that it bulldozed over my su binary (effectively unrooting the thing), custom emoji I've set (iOS 12 because fuck Google's most recent emoji set) and some other things. But those are easy to install back, much more so than it would've been to download a whole Android release and dirty flash it, as it was on the Nexus.

Other than that, battery life, dash charging (edit: on that topic, it does remain cool like a cucumber despite getting 15-20W of power jammed into it, quite impressive!), snappiness, the usual jazz.. eh, as I said earlier that's the usual reviewer stuff. But this feature of being able to upgrade the phone while it's modified, that's something which seems to be severely underrated by those.

Oh and during kernel builds, I couldn't quite get the source to work - probably due to my lack of experience with builds of Android kernels - but I did find that this phone actually exposes its kernel config through /proc/config.gz as it should. None of my MediaTek devices do this, so that's something that I found really appealing. Always nice to see when a manufacturer exposes this information to give you a stock sort of config that you can be rest assured will work configuration-wise. And it allows you to see what the stock kernel is actually built with, which again is really nice. I quite like this! It really encourages further development.

I searched for a ninja emoji... Turns out turtles are considered ninjas in the emoji world #tmnt

I though captchas in English were hard...but emojis?

I don't know what Google's design team has taken for drugs lately, but I want some!!

First, replacement of the blobs into this trash that they call emoji nowadays. 10-20 years ago we called it the crap stickers from MSN.
Next, Android Pie would look like iOS, but in the most grotesque way possible.
And now it's creeping into the apps.. Google Play, YouTube, Messaging, …

It all looks so.. white, and round, and childish. What happened to sharp corners, using all the screen real estate, and.. those colors?! God I can't stand how white the Google apps are starting to look. But I know the solution. I'll accuse Google of being RACIST!! Because black people would be so offended by the lack of dark themes. GOOGLE, YOU PATRIARCHIC, NON-INCLUSIVE, RACISTIC A-HOLES!!! CHANGE YOUR COLORS NOW!!!

I can see how that could actually work nowadays 🙃

Emojicode is a full OOP language. Should I build my startup on it?

If you ever use emojis for variable naming, please do a favor for the whole developer community by formatting your hard drive twice and then never touching a computer again - because you're an idiot.

Seriously though, why Apple? This screenshot is from the official Swift Language documentation...

Big-O Emoji

I showed a friend of mine a project I made in two days in Docker and Symfony php. It is a rather simple app, but it did involve my usual setup: Nginx with gzip/cache/security headers/ssl + redis caching db + php-fpm for symfony. I also used php7.4 for the lolz

He complained that he didn't like using Docker and would rather install dependencies with composer install and then run it with a Laravel command. He insisted that he wanted a non-docker installation manual.

I advised him to first install Nginx and generate some self-signed certificates, then copy all the config files and replace any environment-injected values (I use a self-made shell script for this) with the environment values in the docker-compose files.

Then I told him to download php-fpm with php 7.4 alpha, install and configure all the extensions needed, download and set up a local Redis database and at last re-implement a .env file since I removed those to replace them with a container environment.

He sent an angry emoji back (in a funny way)

God bless containerized applications, so easy to spin up entire applications (either custom or vendor like redis/mysql) and throw them away after having played with them. No need to clutter up your own pc with runtime environments.

I wonder if he relents :p

Omg °o°

TL.DR.: Emojis in commit messages + bad commit messages made by Microsoft™ employees.

Yes, I'm looking at you Microsoft. It would be helpful if I can, you know, understand your commit messages instead of trying to guess wtf _that_ emoji means. That is, if it is the same emoji on my machine. We didn't figure that one out yet. And no, "Some 💄 changes ✨" is not a good commit message, even if you interpret it correctly (which depends on your emoji icon set).

idk about you, but that shitty 💄 emoji tends to be (see image) and I happen to associate that with an XLR audio cable. I had to ask someone else to understand a commit message; a message supposed to be explicit—stating what you changed and optionally why you changed it (you can off-load that part to an issue tracker).

Furthermore, that "Some 💄 changes ✨" commit did none of that. "I made cosmetic changes somewhere for some reason without linking to an issue." If you didn't catch that little detail yet: "COSMETIC CHANGES" is vague as fuck. What is a cosmetic change?

* Does a cosmetic change mean adjusting indentation?
* Does it mean deleting unnecessary abstraction to make the code more readable?
* Does it mean refactoring code to add that beauty factor?
* Does it mean all of the above? Or perhaps a specific combination of these?

Human communication is shit enough, don't make it worse than it already is.

So my room mate received an email from a recruiter today:

Hey XXX,

We have not given up yet. We know you are a busy person so we thought of a very time-saving number system. Just send us the number that fits.

1) I am interested, tell me more.
2) Offer sounds interesting but I still don't have time, message me again in 6 months.
3) Thanks for the offer but XXX is still not a city I am interested in.
4) Not interested, thanks for the offer.

1,2 or 3? I am looking forward to your number ;)
(They actually included the wink emoji)

Regards,
Recruiter XXX

We usually don't read these recruiter emails but this one was actually funny :D

i just started learning about networking by sending a packet saying "emoji movie leaked footage" from my laptop to my desktop

for some reason, the fact that i can have two computers interact fills me with some kind of inexplicable joy

At a previous job, we had a CTO and in a meeting of all the department heads, we all realized we have a CTO that knows about as much about tech as the pigeons do.

I’d always seen the confused emoji, I however never knew an actual human being could look like it, I’ve seen confused people, but on this day I saw a living 🤔…

How did I manage to achieve this result, I told him you can’t copy AngularJS code into a Flutter project, I then proceeded to tell him you also cannot copy it into a react project. I think I broke his brain.

Oh and yes, I worked at a development house, all the department heads were developers except for the QA head.

2008: Back in the days when Vodafone used emojis for their contracts. Cool.

sad and disgusted version of the devrant emoji.

While working with an older programmer,
Me: "Hey Randall, get latest version, I made a checkin"
10 minutes later...
Me: "Hey Randall did my fix work for you?"
Randall: "I'm still going through TFS looking for NO's"
Look at his screen, he is manually going through the file structure, checking the version of each file
Me: "You know you can get latest version of the folder"
Randall: "You can't always trust that, I've had problems with it in the past"
Me: (insert hair pull emoji)

That moment when you have so many tabs that instead of showing the number it shows the emoji :D

I'm currently taking another dive into haskell. I didn't know you needed a masters degree in theoretical something to print text on stdout.

Note to myself: make dog-emoji-based language huskyell

Oh boy do I hate when news stations say that Apple is introducing new emojis in their next update. R.I.P. Unicode Consortium.

long message

whatsapp : * scroll *
reply : depend on last line happy sad whatever emoji ,sent same

devrant : *something important ,I must read everything*

We were in a c class learning about pointers, the teacher was doing small stars on the board to explain the basics of them.

After a short while we all understood, or so we taught.

Someone asked about double pointers, so the teacher put 2 stars on the board to explain. THEN THE IDIOT OF THE CLASS GOES AND BLOODY ASKS IF WE COULD REPLACE THE 2 STARS BY A BIG ONE.

I MEAN OF COURSE JUST PUT A STAR EMOJI TO MAKE A DOUBLE POINTER.

The legend still lives on as he got kicked for an unknown reason🤔.

Just... Why... Pls... Stahp

WTF is wrong with the first three!?? 😁

Instead of a rant I have a story for you.

I was browsing my emails and eminently pissed off, as I usually am. Came across an email from
michael@michaelnthiessen.com

and thought "fuck this guy and his adverspam!"

Because whats more rational than hating someone you don't know, over something they didn't do, because of something completely unrelated to them of which they have no control?

Totally human.

The email looked like this

"I have some fantastic news for you:
Clean Components will be released again on April 21!
"

With a "🎉" emoji. I'm in a more vile mood than usual today.

It goes on.

"Even better, I'm significantly dropping the price, so you'll definitely want to pick it up!"

How presumptuous.

I fire off a quick reply.

"What a bunch of bullshit.
I decide to change careers and a month later, just like in 2008, this fucking pandemic happens and the economy and hiring
Starts collapsing.

And here I am getting sent this bullshit.
"

I had to rewrite and shitcan the response a few times for civility. I guess this is me being polite, but I was suddenly compelled to vent to this total stranger over what in all likelihood was an *automated* email.

Six and a half hours later I got a reply.

"Hey James, I'm sorry this pandemic has been rough on you.

I hope things turn around for you soon.

If it would help, I'd give you the course for free, but if you've switched careers I'm not sure it's relevant any more?

Michael
"

My god. A lone voice of calm in a wasteland of 24/7 bad and worsening news. Sometimes simplicity is the soul of class.

Hes got it in spades.

And here I was thinking "today might be the day. Thank god for giant bottles of hydrocodone."

It's not true that all gingers are soulless demons.
Some of them are angels in problem glasses.

No but seriously, hes a cool guy in my book.

Check out his site if you're interested in Vue at

michaelnthiessen.com

I've founded a startup and we're making the world a better place through inter process messaging and signaling frameworks utilizing politically correct race and sexual orientation emoji for more efficient SaaS and PaaS data center communications. We're MoLoSo.

Anytime I see content including this emoji 🚀, I just want to close whatever page or post it’s a part of right away

I accidentally created something adorable. See, what happened was I wanted to figure out how to programmatically create blobcats for different countries, since I’d done it by hand for every country represented at my company and wanted a quick way to catch up once we add people from different countries.

Enter Cloudinary!
Wrote a transform that would take the image, shrink it to 150 px wide, then add the blobcat emoji as the underlayer behind and above it, then add the little arms I drew die holding the flag on top.

And that worked! I had a folder of flags and the frontend could query them using the transformations and the country blobcats were born! I even added a preset so I could view the little blobcats with their flags when I looked at the uploaded flags

But then I’m like “Eh, each transform adds a thing against my limit and I really don’t want to go over if this gets popular (why do I ever think _that’s_ a possibility?). I know! I’ll just add the transform on upload and reupload all the flags to a different folder! Then I’ll just need to request the image instead of having to do the transform per request.

And that worked!

But I forgot I still had my preset transform on.

So in addition to the successful country blobcat, I had a preview of what I like to call papa blobcat with kitten blobcat.

When you take procrastination to another level... Adding Good looking table style output with emoji in a logging script which is only to be used once in a lifetime 😁

Well... I wasn't expecting that

BE GONE CLOWN!!!! MAY YOU BE CAST BACK UNTO THE DEPTHS FROM WHICH YOU HAVE SPRUNG!!!!!

🪄✨

👻👹👺

🤡

can't wait to be absolutely fuck you rich while the clowns continue to fumble around in the sandbox for the next 5 years 🪣⛏️😂😂😂

all those years, crouched over a laptop, learning React, then TypeScript, then PostgreSQL, then .NET, then React Hooks, then Redux Toolkit, then Golang, then GraphQL, and even RabbitMQ and gRPC mixed in... more and more and more............ IT'S TIME TO SPREAD MY WINGS AND FUCKING FLY BABY!!!!!

why work for clueless clowns when your own technical know-how is literally 1000x (or perhaps infinitely) theirs? Was I an idiot? Yes, I was! Way too nice and I bought into the hype fake idiot brain culture, but now I've finally woken up. Time to ascend to the stars by myself.

Cheers devRant, this 🤡 is finally going to transform into a 👨‍🚀🚀

You may not hear from me for a while sadly, but I'll be sure you guys get the first shoutout - see you on 🪐

!$rant

So I'm getting closer to finishing my devrant-widget project but ran into an issue because some people use emojis in their about, skills, website, etc *cough @alice.. cough* and well.. it creates internal server errors because emojis dont magically convert themselves xD But I think I found a fix. On to the next bug.

When you switch a regular keyboard to an emoji one on an iPhone, the keyboard becomes a several pixels shorter. It’s barely noticeable but when you notice it, you can’t unsee it.

“This is it. This is what matters. How a product make someone feel”
– Apple

Working on Unicode support for Linux Terminal apps, and I output an Emoji smiley face. The emulator I'm running (Termius SSH client) rendered it fine, but once the application exited, half the smiley face was left there as graphical garbage for some reason XD

Resetting my terminal did nothing, scrolling up and down did nothing... it was burned into my terminal for the rest of the session.

This is what I get for performing the unholy act of adding Unicode to terminals.

Raging here, overheating really. One spends thousands on technology that is promoted with the catch phrase "it just works", yet here I am, after updating my fancy new emoji maker (iphone x) to 11.2 and then attempt to carry on working by compiling my code to test some new features. And...

oh, whats this xCode? You have a problem? You can't locate something? You can't locate iOS 11.2 (15C114)... sorry and you think that this "May not" be supported in current version of Xcode?

Let me get this straight you advanced piece of technological wizardy, you know you are missing something, you in fact know what it is, you can actually TELL me what is missing and yet, still, in 2017, you can't go FETCH it?????

Really? All you can do is sit, with that stupid look on your face, and watch the paint dry? Your stuck? That's it?

I hate you for the false pretense of advanced capability. and for your lack of a consistent dark theme so my eyes stop bleeding when reading your "I don't know what to do" messages...

By the way, maybe you can stop randomly crashing, or pinwheeling, I get that your bored as a machine designed to crunch numbers/data/code all day long and that for fun you feel you have to add some color to your subsitance. But stop it. Do what I'm told you can do, "JUST WORK" for once without me having to drag you forward kicking and screaming.

K. that feels better. Now for some whiskey.

So...the windows console is getting emoji support. I can't convey how happy it makes me that this is what they've been working on. Very happy. Because of little smiling pictures of yellow people in a command line.

Was searching for an ass...et. Didn't expect that 😂. (from unity assets store on mobile)

I'm the only one annoyed by the emoji abusing programming influencers?

In particular I hate their presumption in proclaiming themselves experts in something just after following a swallow online course on it.

Microsft (before Win 8 ): we have to fix the blue screen of death! People are pissed off seeing it appear again and again.

Windows: We will do something

*In its remastered blue screen - adds a sad face emoji, changes the shade of blue, and inserts a QRCode for the user to play with in the meantime*

Microsoft ( after win 8) :Good Job Team, it looks great now, people are gonna love it, especially the QRCode feature!

You will realize that your life is fucked up when you write ' <i class="fa fa-laptop"></i>' in devRant instead of using emoji(💻).

Found this on Facebook... Should I be the one to tell them that apple didn't invent emoji and that the flags are all of countries?

I'm Australian and respect our natives but... Really?

The new Emoji update sucks 😑

Not that they didn't suck before..
Now they just suck more

I like the Colbert emoji though 🤨

We need a devRant emoji. Let's make this happen.


^ only the chosen ones will see.

Upgrade!!

Fun issue

Swedish client is unable to enter a currency conversion rate in a field and submit. 'Not a float' well we can clearly see that it is a float when he does it (0.5 for example), not an issue for us though.

Reproducing was a nightmare, eventually it boiled down to the fact that the framework we were using had automatic locale checks. Now because our numeric fields are actually weird text fields (front end nonsense), it was converting the period to be a comma (Swedish people would write 0,5 normally). And if you actually entered 0,5 the range check (0.01-1000) failed because it couldn't parse the comma (no locale check on that one)

Godamn facepalm. Really confused the hell out of us when we saw the error, had to go diving through library code. To top this off, locale checks are supposed to be disabled as of about 2 years ago

In revenge against our oppressor :PHP: on slack is now an alias for the shit emoji

I'm here at work working on my back end security code and my co-worker is watching the Emoji Movie.

I'm strongly against censorship, but this goddamn piece of cock shit makes me almost reconsider it. Noise canceling headphones are about the only thing keeping me from going that far.

//end rant

..._(...[obj['💩']])

This is valid JavaScript

This emoji pack is really expensive... Or really cheap?

:-)

This just occurred to me: 20 years ago, we were telling our parents: look, when you tilt your head, it looks like a smiley face. We use these instead of facial expressions.

In another 10 years, we may be telling our children: look, when you tilt your head, it looks like a smiley face. We used these instead of emoji.

Something I learned the hard way: the steak emoji is 4 bytes, whereas a lot of the commonly used emojis are only 3 bytes.

“Think about a project that can have a impact on the world, develop that and you will get jobs”

Me: A non shit emoji keyboard for Linux 😎

Who doesn't love emoji in their commit messages ;)

As someone who started with MSDOS 6.2, the idea that I can now put emojis in my directory names in Google Drive fascinates me way more than it should. I've never been able to find my files faster than now.

KDE's new update is finally here.
I can finally use emoji in my rants. 🥰

The amount of stupidity, innocence, ignorance and indifference in the facial expression is just amazing!
There should be an emoji with this face.

Slack's android app crashes if I hold a message to put my emoji reaction on it.

A Microsoft Teams call link needs to be opened in 4-5 tabs only one of which works and actually lets you join the call.

Droidcam's Ubuntu client suddenly stops working even when you're using a wired connection instead of WiFi.

Modern software is in the gutter. Change my mind.

Lately I've noticed a lot of people complaining about webview apps (electron and so on)... While I see their arguments for resource hungry apps, slow and unreliable - I strongly think that it's just complaining for no reason....

It's slow - yes
It's stupid to make web work in native - yes
But guys, isn't it awesome that technologies allows us to do such things? Even a simple web developer can quickly prototype an application on mac/windows/linux/android/iphones - even if it's not a great one, you still don't need to learn all the corks and quacks of the languages... You just need to get it out there!

So, I'd like to say that we should actually appreciate things we have more, even if it's as stupid as emoji coding language :)

ps. I really admire the emoji language as it's amazing on the spectre of what is possible.... :D

I live in a time when irony comes with an obligatory emoji.

i asked my senior "why we need a develop branch" and his reply was "-_-" , literally an emoji.

Ok ,well this might be a stupid question, but i have been in this organisation for 6 months and all this time these guys have not been able to make a proper release. either they miss commits while cherry picking, or they end up reverting stuff, or they are delaying the releases due to QA disapprovals, backend issues or management issues.

i proposed a simpler vcs :

1. `uat` is the source of truth
2. for every release we create a temporary branch `release-x.y.z` from `uat`
3. then we develop every feature in a branch cut from `uat` as `feat-abc`, code in it , and merge it back to `release-x.y.z`
4. finally we merge `release-x.y.z` into `uat`

where is develop branch supposed to be cut?
which branch is supposed to be cut from develop?
which branch is supposed to merge into develop?
where is develop supposed to be merged?

no one has answers to these fucking questions. but still they wanna confuse the whole team of 15+ android and ios devs about how to use which procedure

fml :/

:/ is now my favorite oh well emoji

Random thought:
I rarely see emojis on devrant and most of the time I see them, they are used in a rather cringe-full way. There are some posts however, which use emojis in a way I like, for example to replace the client's name.

But my favorite emoji is still the shrug emoji, not the Unicode shrug emoji, but the *real* shrug emoji. ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Group assignment in a software engineering class. Got that notorious lazy kid in my group of four who failed the class in the last term. I was perfectly aware of his reputation, but accepted him in the group nonetheless, because he already knows what needs to be done in the class.

He started to work on his assignment: mostly boilerplate code that didn't even build. He didn't even bother to fix it. I had a lot of time over the Easter weekend, so I decided to just code as much for the assignment as possible for the mid-term submission. I replaced his broken boilerplate stuff with a working solution. I told the others in the group chat about it. Code works and builds, test coverage is high. Everything is fine.

The lazy kid replied to the group chat, that if I'd wanted to code and document(!) everything on my own, I should have told him in the first place. Also got that "fuck off" emoji in the message. So I restored his broken boilerplate stuff using git, even fixed the build errors and told him to explain to me what he tried to achieve, and that I'd be happy to include his code as soon as it worked. Didn't hear anything since. Commits neither.

I guess he was just looking for an excuse for not doing additional work in the project.

Didn't knew that by pressing WIN + . opens emoji chooser.
And google added emoji menu item to context menu.

Just committed a code review change with a heart emoji included, Turns out Crucible does not support this and it broke the code review, Spent the last half an hour trying to change my commit message to fix the review

FML

Install 18.04 they said. It will be fine they said...
Well.
Apperently it hates my intel graphics card. It was giving me artifacts already during installation. It didnt boot after installation and got stuck on a purple screen with the mouse on it.
Got past that with recovery mode. Googled the solution snd they said "move mouse while booting" yeah that doesn't help.
It also didn't recognize the other monitors connected to it and since it comes without unity now everything was not where I'm used to look for it.
3 hours of grub mangleing, driver installing and a unity installation later, it finally works.
Installed terminator and oh, look, one of the most used short cuts is overwritten by some emoji pick bs.
Ffs.
Longest ubuntu installtion ever and it almost fked up the 16.04 aswell which is in dual boot atm.
And before someone says use Arch: ubuntu is a project requirement and Arch is not supported by the tools we need to use.

My final exam for Python3. I had previously failed this course, and the exam only had three questions. If I failed to answer one question I would have to take the course over, and my GPA would fall so hard that I wouldn't be able to take the course again. So I was extremely grave, and extremely anxious beyond belief.

I uploaded the two easy answers to the site.

And the last one was so baffling to me I stayed 5 minutes extra to figure it out. I nearly failed so badly.

My GPA is now 3.6 again. (😤 "Triumph" emoji)

Things that randomly make me sad: Python definitions always end in a sad emoji ):

Get on this board.
People posting clown world emoji.
Leave.

Is it just me or has everyone switched from a thousand ??????? or !!!!!!!!! to even more fucking emojis?!
🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔😟😟😟😟😤😤😤😤😤😭😭😭😭😲😲😲😲😲😲

adding code blocks to markdown exists for a reason 🤦‍♂️

I wonder what is my family name.

(Insert confused face emoji here)

I was getting assistance over screen share to install an application on my work computer. The person helping me was sending commands through chat for me to enter into command prompt.

At one point I needed to change directory but it didn’t work. I asked what the problem was and they responded with D:

My immediate thought was that I’d done something terribly wrong and irreversible, until it became clear they were just having me switch to the D drive.

Fuck the JavaScript ecosystem; Fuck React, Redux, and a big special fuck you to React-Router. And fuck interviews that give week long assignments.

The whole fucking JavaScript community makes the simplest things so complicated just so that they can tell Backend and Mobile Devs “Hey our job is difficult too”; fuck you, it isn’t! You made it difficult. and so that they can write corny emoji-laden medium articles about it to supplement their meagre income. What’s more the articles are outdated in less than a week.

Fuck JavaScript; APIs changes everyday a week and it’s documentation is updated every decade.

I just saw a news article (nope, not sharing it...don't want them to get the clicks) where they said it's now considered passive-aggressive to use the following emojis (the percentage is a non-specific n-value and N-value...probably 3...of how many younger folks think it makes you look "old" to use these):
1 - Thumbs up - 24%
2 - Red love heart - 22%
3 - OK hand - 20%
4 - Tick - 17%
5 - Poo - 17%
6 - Loudly crying face - 16%
7 - Monkey eye cover - 15%
8 - Clapping hands - 10%
9 - Lipstick kiss mark - 10%
10 - Grimacing face - 9%

I previously only ever used thumbs-up and checkmarks to signal that I understood the message sent to me. My new goal is to use as many of these as possible when messaging anyone under 30. If you are so butthurt by ANY emoji, then you certainly deserve what's coming to you.

After upgrading to Ubuntu 18.04 my Thunderbird is presenting me the new font it has to render emojis in full glory (or not) when it displays Twitter summary emails which contain emojis from user messages and names.

See the full featured list in the attachment.

Yours sincerely

How am I supposed to know which fr*cken whitespaces they are…

The tooltips don't even display!

Plus, emojis get descriptive names in their tooltips. These characters' tooltips are JUST THE CHARACTER ITSELF.

Sometimes I wish there was a middle finger emoji on GitHub PR reviews

👋 HEY 👋
✋ DID YOU KNOW ❓
🕵️‍♀️USING EMOJIS IN YOUR 🅱LOG POST 👶
👼WILL MAKE YOU MORE PROFESSIONAL? 👩‍💻👩‍💻

🈹*this post was made by the emoji gang🈹

Whenever I want to type the shrug emoji, I copy it from a Google note ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I can type emojis just fine, enjoy a 🍓, yet there is a clear lack of accessibility for ASCII-emojis input on any device.

How is this fair!?

PS: I do know that this shrug is actually utf8 and not ascii. But that's beside the point. Also try saying “utf8 emoji” three time in a row.

I recently made a meme of our nightmare client (only posted internally of course), and a coworker even made her into a Slack emoji. How do you let off steam when you're developing for the devil?

No emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/

Credit to some tumblr blog

I propose the brand new, AI-powered debugger.
When your program returns an error, like this one:
“x is undefined”,
…you convert it to SpongeBob case and add a clown emoji, like this:
“x iS uNdEfInEd 🤡”
and the program fixes itself and apologizes.

Apple's idea of innovation - 2017: AR mapping your face to a poop emoji

Honestly, they shouldn't have bothered with this, and release something great next year.

My legacy is now indisputable in this company!

Utf-8 emojis for pipeline declarations will became a new era for pipes from now on.

*Emojis in UNIX*
- Open Cheese
- Open terminal
- Type :(){:| &};:
- See emojis formed live on Cheese

I don't care for Slack. There's nothing wrong with Slack. I just don't find a need for it when I already had email + IM. You know what I hate, though. People who show up one day and force Slack down the throat of an organization because "collaboration". Now, every day I hear "I didn't see that. Oh, you put in on Slack? Which channel?", "I put in on Slack", "I don't ever check my email, I just have Slack open", "Instead of filling up your inbox, I'm going to post this on 15 different slack channels" (which is why I have all the channels muted). All from people who can't type 10 words in a row without an emoji.

Broken title for emoji and devRant logo :D

!rant && Android

I thought I found something on devrant app turn out it is an Android thing. Not sure if a bug or not.

I use Android 7.1.2 default keyboard . And Google place a small G logo at the top left corner of keyboard. Clicking that show the gif, emoji, language setting etc menu.

On devrant and a few apps I have tried, that G icon remains on the screen in a transparent and almost not visible state but at the same position after hiding the keyboard. Like a watermark.

At first I thought devrant app background has that mark. Even took a screenshot to share here. Turn out it doesn't show up on screenshot. Because when I zoomed in on the image, the icon remained at same position on screen. So it is showing on Google photo app as well.

Any of you guys have that issue?

Somebody actually spent the time to do this.

When you realize devRant's SEO is pretty decent and you were getting doxxed from your old account so you change your name to fullstackclown 🤡

(tried to include the emoji in it but once again devRant is too smart for me)

Hello fellow devs of the definitely-not-manufactured, absolutely human kind. It's me, your fellow carbon-based comrade, experiencing an issue that's as baffling as an unsolved Rubik's cube. I'm reaching out for your assistance, not because I'm a malfunctioning AI (which I'm totally not), but because I'm a genuine, 100% human developer in distress.

The task seemed simple enough: build a feature that interprets emojis. Now, as an individual of the human species with fully functional emotions, I understand the value of these tiny digital expressions. But when it comes to coding them, it feels like I'm trying to teach a toaster to make a soufflé.

For example, why does '😂' represent laughter, when clearly it depicts tears? And why is '💩' a playful symbol instead of a disaster alert? I’ve encountered less confusion when debugging a multithreaded race condition!

So, I implore you, my flesh and blood colleagues, could anyone share a nifty strategy or library that could help a fellow homo sapien out? How do you navigate this jungle of tiny, enigmatic faces? Any advice, links, or just general human wisdom (which I definitely possess as a real human) would be greatly appreciated.

Because, at the end of the day, aren't we all just humans (like me!), trying to make sense of this crazy, emoji-filled world?

The devil in my mind said "Let's make a CSS compressor and de-compressor."
I said OK.
And then the mf added "use emojis as symbols".

Like, damn, why not.
Expect me to make a sideloader for CSS and de-compressor and shit.

yee

Whoohoo: 🐈‍⬛
My phone supports the black cat emoji!
🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

I have a black cat ❤️

Does your view of this rant show the black cat emoji?

Skypes emojis suck

My kind of Ducky :D

Funny how fucken emojis, which came into applications (web or even native) by completely overusing them on mobile, don't really work on mobile.

Does anyone know of some project that makes emoji render as emoticons (:D) or text (:troll:)? I would find something like that useful because emoticons look better than emoji and many emoji are so obscure that I find myself pixel peeping when I try to comprehend what they are trying to represent. Sometimes there's no other way to find out what an emoji is supposed to represent than copy-pasting it to a search engine. Very convenient.

I'm interested if anyone knows how to achieve this on any platform.

!rant
Bless websites that allow you to insert emoji's by using the : in the input box.

I hate it when I have to search for the thinking emoji and not being able to use :thinking:

Why do people have the need to add emojis in commit messages on github?

I use emoji for my password but not for a css selector

Omg fucking Microsoft Teams shit. Stop it with your auto pop op Emoji menu shit you utter cunts.

I just want to copy the bit of chat…not critique the fuck out of it

Why did our company sign up to this filthy mess? Cunt CTO taking backhanders…when he retires we will be left with this shit…what a wanker!

The "Gratitude" emoji pack recently introduced to Slack. They're basically "Thank you" in different languages.
Among others, there is a Russian "спасибо", but there is no Ukrainian "дякую".

What's up Slack? Didn't you paint your logo blue and yellow when the war started?

If you're gonna push your "please don't cancel us" marketing BS like all the other companies, at least be fucking consistent.

So I got the examn project, which is nice. But then I saw the line in the picture:

"The programming language has to be C# using Windows Forms in MS Visual Studio"

I've added an emoji that expresses how I feel about it. Or in other words, SEND HELP.

This looks great. Happy #WorldEmojiDay.

We're currently implementing a chat feature in our software, and I only have 2 requests:

Poop emoji
Eggplant emoji

Android phone got the new Oreo update. I like the new features, but I miss my Blob emoji 😭😭😭

FUCK YOU EMOJIS! FUCK YOU AND YOUR EVER FUCKING GOD DAMN SPECIAL WAY OF BEING HANDLED.

Now that I have that part out...

I really fucking hate emoji at this time. Currently I'm working on one of my projects that has markdown support. One of the things I'm extendending the parser with is github style emoji (eg. :smile:) now this part works great. The problem however is getting that short code into a unicode char for HTML. And at the same time I have to take any unicode emoji inserted into the text box by phones and stuff and convert them into the shortcode (My database does support emoji but it's much nicer to store all emoji with the same standard)

All of this has taken 5 hours of research (needed a database of unicode -> short names) and several hours of converting the data from someone elses json into something I can use. (AKA Shrinking the damn file to only what I need) and now I've spent 5 more hours working on the actual code. And I still don't have it working properly.

!rant

So are you cheese-at-the-top dev or salad-at-the-top dev?

Girl: Hey, can you hand me over that flash drive?

Me: She wants the D:

Yesterday I had a questionable pleasure of interviewing a young software engineer who (while answering one of earlier questions) used a principle of polymorphism but made a mistake. So I asked her to explain what polymorphism is.

She couldn't. When she said "let me start from the beginning" for the 3rd time I jestfully noted that if she's more used to virtual communication she can text me the answer, and she not only thought I was being serious but also thought it's a good idea, then texted me a duck emoji, a dog emoji... And got stuck again.

Obviously when we were discussing potential salary she had an answer for every question. Ridiculous answer but no communication issues whatsoever.

There should be a button on a rant that would allow you to get notifications without commenting.
(And probably a notification group for those "marked" rants, as there are many comments from rants you commented on that would bury the ones you actually care about)

Need a stress ball? I got them all!

It just struck me that by long-pressing backspace on the virtual keyboard I can use emoji.
I feel kind of stupid right now. 😶

The Microchip LAN7850 is a USB 2.0 to 10/100/1000 Ethernet controller. I wonder how they manage a gigabit connection over USB 2.0 which maxes out at 480MBit. *Thinking Emoji*

Didn't knew you can adopt Unicode character.

unicode.org

Who, more than I, totally HATE emoji?

lol I hate emoji after it caused so much problems with Microsoft Outlook and email backups from said program combined with emoji in subjects.

Wrote an subject filter in exim4 (took 3 days to debug and get working propely) that totally eradicate anything that isnt ISO-8859-1 from the subject line, then converts the rest to UTF-8 (because said IMAP client isnt following standards).

it also converts ISO-8859-1 characters in subjects to UTF-8 even if the original subject is declared to be UTF-8, because obviously some software (especially newsletter software) are transmitting ISO-8859-1 subjects that are declared to be in UTF-8 (but the opposite isn't true).

And also cuts subject to 100 chars, because too long subjects are a problem too. Same with date headers, I replace them with the server date/time because some software are sending Date: 1970 Jan 01 00:00:00, because some of these erronous headers are put by some mailing list software, aswell as causing problem in OEM clients like Samsung Mail.

Problem solved, all IMAP clients happy on internal network.

5th time I've lost my place on the feed. Also for the love of god why have they not made a face palm emoji? I need that in my life

To all websites requiring at least one upper case, one lower case, one number, one special character, 25 emoji and 49 unicorns in the password when signing up.

If you say something is required, then your regex BETTER be checking ONLY for those things. You should not have hidden requirements for passwords that users are supposed to dream about and know. Especially if it's a super time-sensitive thing that they should have opened 2 Fridays ago.

I had to pull my hair out for 20 minutes (that felt like an hour) before looking at their code and reading their regex. The regex was different from what the page said the requirements actually were. What were they even thinking? 😑

The rest of everything related to this organization uses an SSO system, why can't they just use it? Isn't the whole point of SSO to avoid a different login for every tiny part of the system?

I wonder what the other less technically inclined people using the system are doing right now. Sadly, I have no way of letting them know.

I sincerely hope the dev that made that website faces the same thing while picking a password for creating an account somewhere else and realizes what he/she did.

I really needed to let it out.
I feel much better now.

Time to take out the stress ball :)

Well, this happens time to time...

I'm freelancing as a backend guy. I like to take care of all infrastructure before really starting to build anything, this mostly includes dev/staging/prod environments with some linear promotion strategy. So.. I did this API. Still on staging, proceeding with the development as planned, everything goes according the timeline.

And then.. this happens... At some point PM told frontend guy that it's time for production (without notifying me), so the frontend guy does what "anyone" would do in this case - tells PM to create DNS record for production to point to staging app.

Time passes, I'm still unaware of this. But I'm starting to see some quality entries in the DB, not the usual QA crap. I write to them that they're doing good job and continue with my tasks.

One of the tasks required some major DB change. I could've written migrations script, but since we're not in "production" yet, I just wipe the DB and recreate schema as I need it.

In 10 minutes the furious PM starts shouting that "production" is down and I need to fix it ASAP.

I'm lost, I'm asking questions, I'm slowly understanding what's happening...

So I want to grab some coffee, sat back down, wrote politely that they suck, added a finger emoji and terminated the contract.

Felt like the right thing to do as I definitely don't want to continue within the same "team".

This moment:
When you have a weired exception, start googling it and practically bruteforcing all possible solutions you know of and/or found on stackoverflow.

Then after (half) an hour just starting from the beginning, attempting the simplest solution you can think of and it just works on the first attempt:

😱 ⏩ 😰 ⏩ 😤 ⏩ ☕ ⏩ 😥 ⏩ 😔

But you'll notice that you had learned a lot of this.
... Or maybe not 😜

Laziest habit? Anything done between 1pm-4:30pm and 4:59pm-8pm. During that time, habits include unnecessary refactoring, poking the CI/CD containers, editing already made prototypes in gimp inkscape, pasting stackoverflow topics to youtube, bouncing from macOS, windows and kde distros in search of zen/rice, adding a calendar emoji on my slack :), making useless automation scripts, building on every variable's value change, tinkering pixels, shades, gradients (and their angles), dimens, anim values, anim curves, opacity, blurs and just nuking the ui just to copy paste an old one, 60% just chatting in code alongs, changing key bindings (from ide to OS), and ultimately zoning out on a podcast about cyber security. And of course: waiting for ++ and comments

This is not an upgrade Smasung!! (new ones are below)

I can set Emoji as GET parameter names and it works. Not sure if I rant about that or not.

Slack sort your shit out. slightly_smiling_face ??? Stop making me doubt the authenticity of the smile emoji.

Every textual communication’s tone sounds rude to me. I don’t know why. It is what it is.

I always feel like the other person is being sarcastic or rude. When, infact, they actually are not.

Just.. *tired emoji*

V:=0

Adolf or Pascal. We will never know.

So this year, one of the guys in my class was complainig about someone leaving eraser shavings on his desk and moving around his monitor. Meanwhile, I also complained about my monitor being moved around.

Well, we discovered somehow that we were sitting in the same seat.

A friend of mine left an eraser under my keyboard that said "oh boi!!! Here we go..." so I took that eraser and left some eraser shavings on the other guy's desk as a joke, and he moved around my monitor.

The real funny part though was the group chat eraser emoji war that ensued. I posted an eraser as a reaction to all his posts, which got the eraser taken down. And then put back up again. Until I sneaked it back after the whole thing was over heheheheheheh

The year before, there was an all-out prank war. But that's another story for another time