I didn’t want to wait for the adapter to come in…

And they all need commit messages

My doggo and my daughter...

I got my first job as a programmer... for a salary twice as big as we had at home for four people. I'm f***ing excited!

Wish me luck :)

Save all the troubles 😄

Project manager pictured with team after deciding to refactor their project from OOP to FP

Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.

"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"

"Uh... look at my beard"

"What"

"Just look at this beard!"

"Uh.... OK"

"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"

"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"

"You don't have to lie"

She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.

"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"

"Yeah"

"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."

She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"

Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."

Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.

Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"

"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"

Joanna: "No I already took care of it"

"How?"

"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"

Me: "I do miss shaving though"

Under settings, we made a checkbox labeled “Run Program Faster”. The state was saved but it didn’t do anything.

We turned it “on” when people said things were slow. Usually they were happy and no one complained the “run faster” option wasn’t working.

Ok, now I can go to bed.

Those LAN port splitter are getting out hand

If your code does not compile, because you inserted a dot instead of a comma or vice versa, you fucked up a bit

If VLC can't play it, nothing can.

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

The old logo makes sense now.

I wish any of my friends could understand it.

Best joke I have read this week...

One of my friends purchased a bootable USB of ubuntu for around 40 USD.

What ya think?

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Do you guys also go full blind when some retard shows you his screen with full brightness and no dark theme?

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

Last teacher rant from me and this one is about: my mentor.

Let's call him Bob.

He was a person who'd always be ready to help you out, did some lessons on bullying and the effects of it, stood by me many times when I'd have hard times with something I'd trouble and one of the most important things, he had a very good sense of humor!

Also, since I always wore a suit (still do), he introduced 'FaF' day, aka, Fancy as Fuck day. Every Wednesday the guys who wanted to would come in suits.

Yup, he got me through loads of stuff, miss that guy :)

I don't know if it was the best moment, but learning this in python..

From Allison Kaptur btw.

Fuck companies which try (and fail) to use street slang & outdated memes to reach their "target audience".

This is my life now, the cancer has taken over...

*Me and my workmates laughing and having fun before going home*

Me: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Workmate 1: What is it?
Me: Look at your code.

...
...
...

Other workmates: BURRRRRNNNN!!!!

Heaviest Objects In The Universe

Google, please explain to me: Why the fuck would you create a hardcoded requirement in your libraries to use a plaintext json file with credentials to your API?

Credentials which give full access to all of the company email, addresses, cloud services, etc?

And why would you accompany this in your docs with example implementations which read as if they were an intern's first coding project — non psr compliant PHP, snippets of Go which won't compile due to type errors...

I'm starting to become convinced that the whole of the Google Cloud API was actually written by thirteen year old who found their parent's liquor cabinet.

Fuck this I'll build my own Google.

"History is never made by those who use incognito browser"

~ William Shakespeare.

Rest In Peace mspaint.exe, 1985 - 2017. You will be greatly missed.