Nerds build robots to steal jobs from their former bullies.

"Not everyone notices the flowers you plant, but everyone will notice the fire you start." - Unknown

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code

findDev - Tinder for finding your developer partners. [more details]

Source: /r/programmerhumor

Git blame strikes again

Always

mkdir new_project
cd new_project
git init

**Reflecting on my life and current workload**

cd ..
rm -rf new_project.

Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

Bf: what you doing?
Me: coding
Bf: do you ever stop working?!
Me: I'm not 'working', I'm doing my own project.
Bf: but you do that at work. Why do you want to keep doing it?
Me: it's fun?

--- a few days later ---

Bf: what you doing?
Me: reading.
Bf: omg you're not coding! What are you reading?
Me: a book about coding
Bf: *faceplam*

GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.

From a sad true story.

#Reality

Why do you use Firefox developer version?
Me: I just like the dark theme

If you're reading this you're doing it wrong.

A job where WordPress is illegal

Did you know Google's home page have 12000lines of front end code😲😷

- Getting paid to learn
- Testing new stuff everyday

"Oh, he is asking that much money for this website? I will create that for only $250 with WordPress. He is just trying to use you"

You fucking wanker. What you don't understand is that you are pushing the companies to a fucking black hole that they won't be able to recover from.

He shows an example of a website which takes 30 sec to load. It's full of hundreds of dreadful plugins. He chose the shittiest stock pictures to make it look "pretty".

When I point out his fucking shite website takes this long to load, he says if the company wants to make the website fast, they will need buy the premium plan of CloudFlare. WHAT THE FUCK are you even talking about?

Not only that, the example website, doesn't even have any SSL. He is saying that the other company didn't want to pay for the SSL. Ever heard of fucking StartSSL or LetsEncrypt?

It's people like you who is responsible for making half of the web an insecure, slow, low-performance space which is prone to hacking.

WordPress was made for blogging. KEEP IT THAT WAY. Stop trying to make your high-performance CMS or eCommerce website with this shite.

That moment.

Just got a message from a recruiter that contained this sentence: "I have the JS attached for your review". Took me a while to realise JS meant job specification and not JavaScript (which is required for the role).

Our university syllabus is so outdated, we are forced to do C programs in TurboC.
So we install Dosbox on Windows 8 machines...
1 upvote = 1 prayer

alias wow="git status"
alias such="git"
alias very="git"

Result:

$ wow
$ such commit
$ very push

How Programmers review code

(- _ -)

I don't know what to write for this. 😂

Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Remembering last year tweet...
https://twitter.com/ajlobster/...

When the code finally works after days of debbugging

Warning!