LinkedIn: You have one notification!!!!

Me: What is it?

LinkedIn: 10 types of horses that make your more employable if you don't fuck them

Me: What

LinkedIn: 10 types of h-

Me: No, I heard you, why did you send me a notification about this?

LinkedIn: You want a job, don't you?

Me: Yes, but don't send me this type of notification again.

LinkedIn: Updated your preferences!

The nefarious LinkedIn, two days later: You have one new notification!!!!!!

6 months ago I sold everything, quit my job, gave up my apartment and left the country with my 11kg backpack. I booked a one way ticket to South America. I wanted to travel, get lost but also finish up some personal projects and do a little tech books challenge I came up with. I learnt so much over the past half a year, it's crazy.

Not looking back. Projects paid off and it turns out that my dream company actually found me themselves without me even applying... and so still from South America I'm in final rounds of the interview! 🤗

All my worries about a gap in CV, no employment along with other problems I thought I was gonna have... It's all BS. So if anyone here is waiting for a sign. Well, this is it now. Go!

@Root is free!

New avatar pet for our Linux crew: The Majestic Penguin!

Python devs and data analysts....

Do you recommend using pycharm for working with jupyter notebooks? I surely had a bad time with it.

I have been using many jetbrains softwares , and am a fan of their docs search and autocompletion. But I don't think there is a full support for jupyter jn it, because sometimes my graphs made using matploit or seaborn just brakes.

And some libraries have a lot of functions taking parameters as " *args, **kwargs " , I don't know what that means but those function take a lot of "value" parameters i guess?(like this: plt.figure(figsize=[13,6], axis=False) )
Pycharm also don't seem to have access to list of those arguments...

Are you having such problems too? Have you found some better ide with autocompletions and support for jupyter? Do tell.

(Ps: i know jupyter can be run directly on a browser, but as i said "auto completions and documentations" )

Recently made an account on Instagram.
Uploaded two pics
Deleted both of them
Now I've -2 posts

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

“If everyone is admin, no one is admin and this is communism” - Our DBA

Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..

Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?

Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.

*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*

*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*

*Crickets chirp*

There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.

Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.

When I worked for an online dating app, at one point we had the ridiculous idea to try to take a popular LinkedIn feature and convert it to a dating app feature in order to capitalize off of the success LinkedIn had with it.

The feature was LinkedIn endorsements. The idea was to allow the dating app users to get endorsements from people in their contacts lists on certain traits/features from a defined list (ex. Funny, smart, etc.). It wasn’t a terrible idea on the surface, but the way we planned to execute on it was insane and everyone knew it was going to fail. To avoid any controversy all of the endorsable terms were watered down to the point where no one would ever find using them/asking their friends for endorsements to be any fun. And the worst part was how we planned to get people to ask their friends for endorsements - management wanted us to build a contact list importer and just spam email contacts with “please endorse me” emails. The whole thing was ridiculous.

No one, including myself, wanted to build the feature/spam tool but management really wanted it so we had to build it. Like expected, it failed very quickly when it was clear no one cared about getting their real life friends to endorse them on some dating app, and the spam contacts took was ineffective and... spammy.

My avatar has some catching up to do

My 80 year old very absent minded dad made a website, all by himself, using a two decades old book he got from the thrift store.

He's even hosting it himself on an old laptop running Debian, including a redirect to a beautiful nostalgic /~username/index.htm url (not gonna share the link, because his personal details are on there).

The whole site is incredibly carefully crafted, and I'm super proud of him.

Who cares if it's not a React app? The 14 kilobytes of HTML 4.0 markup load in 20-30ms, and it renders pretty much perfectly in every browser including Internet Explorer 4 and Edge.

🤷‍♂❤️

Next time I see a constructor with 22 parameters. I'm gonna report whoever wrote that to the police

I saved my uni work onto a floppy disk (2001) and walked a mile into university library to print it. When I got there and put it into the computer it had corrupted and the disk was unreadable! Luckily I had a back up on my computer so had to walk the mile back, saved again onto two different floppy disks this time and walked the mile back. This time I managed to print it and deliver the work 5 minutes before the deadline.

FUCK. This person who I have to avoid at social gatherings because I find him insufferably annoying is applying to my workplace and oh my God I hope I never have to work with him, at least the company is 700 people so the odds are relatively low?

Uggggg he's the worst. And I'm so easy going. There's like two people I feel this way about (fortunately the other lives in a different city).

Dead 💀 developer.

My first interview,
Back then was technical graduated local CompSchool. Call for a job newspaper, by phone ☎️ the Supervisor assign a date for interview.

In the office the developer guy was amaze because he will hire any from CompSchool he also was student and all stuff made was on the premised of he learned and worked on the company.

About half and hour talks, he write my name on a post-it and put on HR desk.
“Come back tomorrow morning .. tell me you got the job !”

Do so, entering the office next day, was a sad people talking.. the Developer is 💀 dead (drugged on a party).

So this guy “my name in the post-it” is our salvation for all the database, passwords, accounting, etc. and spell my name.

What tha... got the job, the money 💴, was 18 years old, with excessive income (dead guy salarie).

Worked 3 1/2 years for the company.

Thank you 💀 for the opportunity.

Bossman freaks out over every little thing (ironically unless it's important).

Bossman also just set our papertrail 500 filter to forward him a copy of every "critical alert."

Fuck me.

He has zero technical knowledge and zero reading comprehension. He literally forwarded one and said "This has one lots of info in it. explain it to me." (It was a log usage notification. in plain English. It had maybe three numbers in it.)

There's lots of useless "500"s in the list we don't care about. API Guy used the finer as a debugging alert system, and peppered his logs with "500 internal hey look at this." In fact, none of the 500s were even interesting; all but one was spam.

All day I've been tending to freakouts and accusations of me not doing anything. Ugh.

When I Googled a problem I faced, and found a YouTube video solving it, then tried to thumb 👍 it up, but YouTube said: "You can not like your own videos!"
.
.
I recorded it for a friend two years ago!

My preciousssss!!

Fucking assholes! Just spent 3h debugging for bugs that weren't there.. Our client insisted we must rollback the whole update, because gui was broken.. after analysing data & testing I figure out that there must be something 'wrong' as there was no data to copy from in the first place...so there should be no bug..
Aaand here goes the best part: they didn't want to point out missing data bug, they just wanted one restriction to be removed, because it 'broke GUI', to allow for empty value on save... WTF?! How can you insist that gui is buggy & that you don't want an update, if you just want something to be optional?! Which was done immediately, one change in one js file?! Dafaaaaaq?!

Kids, English is important!! Otherwise you end up debugging ghosts for 3+ hours withou a cigarette...and waking up a coworker with bad news of rollback at half to midnight... Aaaaaaaargh!!!
сука блять 

!Rant

Ok... So I've just received 2 lots of 2u Dell PowerEdge 2950s , 6x2TB WD Greens, 6x assorted Seagate drives (misc size) .

Totally. Fucking. Free.

A friend at work use to self host, and doesn't need them anymore , I offered to buy but he wouldn't have it! Friends are the best!

Today I get off at 1pm. Because of weather conditions. I swear i love this job.

Gonna pick my baby girl from the daycare at a good time. Head home, get us some hot chocolate and learn more about Smalltalk while mom gets home.

Today is gon b a good day.

Awwww yii

I'm waiting for my devRant stickers from 28 April 2017 and I still haven't received them :/

Shit Developers say:

Fuck you Jasmine and your camelCase

I’ve been wrestling cucumbers all day

Oh no all the cucumbers are broken

In a fit of refactoring madness I have gone and changed a lot

Did you seriously just give ME nil?... No!

If the shit sticks, then we put nice paint on it

Fucking red dot motherfucker (Ben and his failing specs)

You know what we don’t do often..kill each others builds. Kill them and reschedule for later. Mwahaha ha ha.

This build is going to be so rad...(5mins later)...Ok this is not going to pass..I can feel it in my waters!

Can i do that in a digital way or do i have to move my meaty body downstairs to find him?

All the donkeys have be out the gate by sundown

God, imagine if you could patent mathematical solutions

actually, I wouldn't be surprised if you can in the states "no, you can't use a laplace transform, you haven't got the rights, you have to use a less accurate transform on your matrices"
ooooo a boolean that's phrased in the negative, my favourite for code review destruction!

Fuck the police i'll call the object here

Web RTC - its super easy, all you have to do is..probably some hard stuff

I want to go to that conference so I can start arguments with dickheads about semicolons. Just for fun.

This this is not the same as that this.

Can’t come to work I can’t find any clothes. It’s best for everyone if I just don’t come in. ...2 hours later... Yeah my clothes were just in the other room and i couldn’t be fucked moving

(OH about bad bug reports) - you know when they are all like oh joogly joogly doesn’t doodle doodle and it should wobbly doodle you know? and im all like fuck i don’t know any of that shit you are talking about.

Him: "I don’t like it, it’s against REST convention its so 2006 that my eyes are bleeding. As a privileged white male i feel entitled to complain about this." Me: "you. were. eleven in 2006

Source: Kellective Github

My coworker just put in his 2 weeks' notice. We're already down a person. I have a wedding to plan and have in ~1 month.

I'm a wreck. Im sitting in my office crying right now while on a call for a dumb reason

6 hours later, the call is suspended because all users went home. We can't recreate the issue anymore, but don't know that we fixed it vs not having enough people to recreate it.

Not realizing i signed up to be freelance until the first paycheck

"Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it makes sense." - Morgan Ashley

Met a guy in the gym, he asked me to make him an online shop for supplements.
I quickly made a reactive, angular based shop with an admin page.
He paid, I put my name as the creator, it was all good...

...then he removed all legal products and added tons of anabolic steroids for horses in little jars (yes, he even added pro level photos).

I received a call from the police and had to prove that I don't manage his content.

Stop asking which Linux distro is best. Seriously there is no "best" one. Arch is best FOR ME. Debian or Fedora might be your cup of tea. But I have great news for you, they are all FREE and there is free virtualization software you can try them on. Stop asking a stupid question that only gets opinionated answers and flame wars and go try them for yourself.

Also, while I'm on the topic. Ubuntu, Ubuntu Mate, Ubuntu XFCE etc. are all the same distro, they just have a different DE (desktop environment for you noobs). It's like on Monday I wear a suit but Tuesday I wear shorts and a tee shirt, it's still me, I'm just dressed differently.

Never. They either ended up as my boyfriend, started to like me so didn't want to talk to me anymore, or never liked me because I'm shy. 😅