Friend: "Why did you buy a Macbook Pro? Look at the specs, the RAM, the storage, the processor.. heck, ain't it overpriced? I wouldn't if I were you"

Me: "No, I didn't buy it. My company gave it to me when I joined them."

Friend: "Oh.. okay... hey, is there any job opening in your company?"

Put headphones on when I got to work at 7:30am.. it's 3:10pm and I just realised I never started playing music 😑

15 stages of programming.

At the top of a 2000+ line source file

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

Client: It works, it looks great! Thanks for everything!
Me: What? That isn't the new application, that's your old one. Your new one goes live tonight.

GF: Who is this girl?
Me: I need a backup plan if this production environment fails

I think I'll never going to get a devRant stress ball, so i made this instead with my pretty low budget (0.5$).

Developers be like:

......

Yup, thats all me

Non-dev friends are the best rubber ducks.

When you're the only one in the company that starts early and you have to wait 2 hours until you can actually talk to someone... :(

When i found devrant in play store. I dont know why, but because it was something like a community, installed it, found out java, installed eclipse, then found out android is java (well at that moment...) so i am doing android development until now! (me 15)

Start a billion personal projects and work on none of them...

Just got this slack from our server admin.

I just realized how weird my searches would seem to an outsider

"python twisted vs falcon celery"

"python hug vs falcon"

I do like naming stuff as animals though. Maybe we should sort all of the python web servers by speed and name them accordingly.

Falcon is obviously the fastest, we can name twisted cheetah, and all the way at the end Django becomes elephant. Big and powerful but soooooooooo slow.

My friend said an intern designed this UI for an internal site.

No. Just... no

I used to fix my cable wires by tissue cardboard roll. Now, I will use this instead!

CEO is right

We've all been there

That suspicious feeling, when everything seems to run as expected on the first attempt.

That time I had to explain the manager (who decided and committed the deadlines) what a URL was and why we need to use a server for staging the web site.

...but it worked yesterday!

Today was a successfull day: I posted a question on StackOverflow and I didn't receive any downvote

I will find you and I will apply for you

I am the one she tells you not to worry about

Debugging while the marketing department promotes the product!