When developing outside of a Starbucks and a bird decides to shit right on the keyboard of your laptop 😑

Rules for server newbees:

1. Never just copy paste stuff from the internet into your console.

-- End --

!rant

As much as we love to complain about our PMs and coworkers, I feel blessed to be in a field where after working all day, I enjoy what I do so much I come home and work on my own projects. Who's with me?

A guy on another team who is regarded by non-programmers as a genius wrote a python script that goes out to thousands of our appliances, collects information, compiles it, and presents it in a kinda sorta readable, but completely non-transferable format. It takes about 25 minutes to run, and he runs it himself every morning. He comes in early to run it before his team's standup.

I wanted to use that data for apps I wrote, but his impossible format made that impractical, so I took apart his code, rewrote it in perl, replaced all the outrageous hard-coded root passwords with public keys, and added concurrency features. My script dumps the data into a memory-resident backend, and my filterable, sortable, taggable web "frontend"(very generous nomenclature) presents the data in html, csv, and json. Compared to the genius's 25 minute script that he runs himself in the morning, mine runs in about 45 seconds, and runs automatically in cron every two hours.

Optimized!

I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:

“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”

“What do you mean?”

“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”

“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”

“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“

“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”

“I logged in fine.”

“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”

“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”

The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.

The 5 phases of software development

True...

So many wifes out there are having this problem right now I guess.

New avatar items! (checkered shirts, skull tee, dual monitors, new facial hair, and more!)

I still get letters in my mail box, but they are damn bills!

Yo dawg, check out my fresh pimped homeoffice!

I have been a developer since I was 13 and this is the first time ever I feel complete :) Wish all of you even a better one than mine!

Here’s a poster with a super short description of each one to help you keep track and find some new useful Linux tools.

I love to help people, with the easiest possible solution 😍😍😍

When you thought you oversimplified the user interface but it's still too confusing for the user...

Introducing new Notif filters! Now on mobile, all your notifications are broken up into category tabs and you can clear each category separately. No more digging for mentions!

Also we just released a new image preview for when a rant is shared on FB, Twitter, etc. which includes the ranter's avatar image. You can see it by sharing a rant on social media, or check out an example here: devrant.com/rants/1036286/image.png (if you change the rant ID, you can see others)

Job done

This is how cables are meant to be! 😍

Remember this....

lol no job for you

Every time I see it, it makes me laugh 😂