Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

Ghost in the Shell (2017)

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

What language do you hate the most and why is it Java?

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

Date a programmer. We break loops, not hearts.

True story.

The post button should say "Commit"

Person: Check out this “savage” file!

Me: Huh?

Person: *Shows SVG file*

🙄

Why software aren't free!

Writing some code on a flight

"ARE YOU HACKING?!?!"
"Ugh... Well yeah but not in the way you're thinking"
"Omg I'm getting a flight attendant"

Needless to say I'm still en route because the flight attendant realized that I'm not Mr Robot, nor do I have ZeroCool scribbled on my laptop anywhere.

*In a team meeting*

Me: *happily jotting down notes in markdown*

Other guy: "Dude what are you doing? Pay attention."
Me: "Umm... I'm taking notes?"
Other guy: "But why does your MS Word have black background?"
Me (a bit lost): "Umm... That's not Word. That's my text editor."
Other guy: "Alright... But how do you convert your notes into Word then?"
Me: "... I don't."
Other guy: *stares at me*
Me: * stare back*

It was a nice conversation.

This is the best thing I've seen all week.

Teacher: Your program has to be at least 2000 lines long.

-_-

When your vending machine throws an unhandled exception...

I got a PGP-encrypted email today, from my wife.
I am so proud

My girlfriend saw me coding in XCode.
GF: What are you doing?
Me: Ahmm. Coding.
GF: *saw the colors in every line of code
GF: That's easy. You just need to follow the color pattern. Green, Blue, Red and Yellow.
Me:
Macbook:
XCode:
Charger:

BTW. She's a Preschool Teacher. Hahahaha

This is like..... Spot on. 😂

Person: Hey, I heard you are good at programming, can—

Me: No.