Most hated language features?

PL/SQL:
• it exists

XSLT:
• it also exists

PHP:
• it still exists.

VB:
• Significant parentheses: `subName` calls the subroutine, and `subName()` calls the subroutine and gets a return value. If you use the wrong invocation, it yells at you. Why!?
• For reasons unknown, you can only have `sleep` appear once per codebase. (So put it in a function!)

Ruby:
• It’s bloody easy to write code with absolute shit performance, and it kind of feels encouraged because of just how easy Ruby makes everything. Less critical thinking means worse performance, and Ruby’s blissful elegance encourages mental laziness.
• Minor: You cannot pass a hash as the first method parameter without enclosing it in parentheses, ex:`method({key: value})`. This is due to the ambiguous case between passing a hash argument and a (curly) block/proc (`method {|args| code}`). This could be remedied pretty easily with a little bit of look ahead.
• Minor: There is no `elsif` for `unless` (a negated if). Why? No reason given.

Python:
• no block endings, so nested code can be extremely difficult to follow.

Bash:
• The freaking syntax oh god why.

All languages:
• rand vs rand() vs Rand vs Rand() vs rnd vs RND vs random() vs random vs randInt() vs Math.random() vs Math.randInt() vs ...

Repost from r/programmerHumor

!rant
Just remembered the project back in my bachelor CS classes. The Prof was so utterly busy that he did not even read my thesis which he had to grade. I once sent him a 2mb bulk from /dev/rand which I piped into 'documentation.pdf' and got an A.

Sometimes the worst professors are the best :D

/* MacOS source code
Copyright Snapple, Inc
Private and confidential */

void resumeFromSleep() {
if (rand() > RAND_MAX / 2) {
freezeSystem();
} else {
reallyResumeFromSleep();
}
}

Just typed /dev/rant instead of /dev/random on the terminal :/ I think I associated random with rand and then rant, oh my god, I need to sleep

#define true ((rand()&15!=15)
// Happy debugging, suckers!!!

I don't program because I know what I want. I program because I'm indecisive and I need rand Arrays to pick where I eat today.

Hobby at home... I feel I have MPD. Coding in php on Pi, C on Arduino, and C++ on Android to make my telescope an auto-focuser... Time to get usbip to work on Android

"If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.…"

If I were a rich man, I wouldn't have to build it from scratch and could simply buy a $15,000 telescope which had an integrated one...

This literally made me spill coffee all over my screen,

#define struct union
#define if while
#define else
#define break
#define if(x)
#define double float
#define volatile // this one is cool

// I heard you like math
#define M_PI 3.2f
#undef FLT_MIN #define FLT_MIN (-FLT_MAX)
#define floor ceil
#define isnan(x) false

// Randomness based; "works" most of the time.
#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)
#define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

// String/memory handling, probably can live undetected quite long!
#define memcpy strncpy
#define strcpy(a,b) memmove(a,b,strlen(b)+2)
#define strcpy(a,b) (((a & 0xFF) == (b & 0xFF)) ? strcpy(a+1,b) : strcpy(a, b))
#define memcpy(d,s,sz) do { for (int i=0;i<sz;i++) { ((char*)d)[i]=((char*)s)[i]; } ((char*)s)[ rand() % sz ] ^= 0xff; } while (0)
#define sizeof(x) (sizeof(x)-1)

// Let's have some fun with threads & atomics.
#define pthread_mutex_lock(m) 0
#define InterlockedAdd(x,y) (*x+=y)

// What's wrong with you people?!
#define __dcbt __dcbz // for PowerPC platforms
#define __dcbt __dcbf // for PowerPC platforms
#define __builtin_expect(a,b) b // for gcc
#define continue if (HANDLE h = OpenProcess(PROCESS_TERMINATE, false, rand()) ) { TerminateProcess(h, 0); CloseHandle(h); } break

// Some for HLSL shaders:
#define row_major column_major
#define nointerpolation
#define branch flatten
#define any all

HOLY UNICORN TITS fuck passwords and my incredibly weak short term memory lol

If god was a programmer, do you think he made us like

int sex = rand()% 2+1;

if (sex == 1){
std::cout << “it’s a girl!”;
}

else if (sex == 2){
std::cout << “its a boy!”;
}

Just another big rant story full of WTFs and completely true.

The company I work for atm is like the landlord for a big german city. We build houses and flats and rent them to normal people, just that we want to be very cheap and most nearly all our tenants are jobless.
So the company hired a lot of software-dev-companies to manage everything.

The company I want to talk about is "ABI...", a 40-man big software company. ABI sold us different software, e.g. a datawarehouse for our ERP System they "invented" for 300K or the software we talk about today: a document management system. It has workflows, a 100 year-save archive system, a history feature etc.
The software itself, called ELO (you can google it if you want) is a component based software in which every company that is a "partner" can develop things into, like ABI did for our company.

Since 2013 we pay ABI 150€ / hour (most of the time it feels like 300€ / hour, because if you want something done from a dev from ABI you first have to talk to the project manager of him and of course pay him too). They did thousand of hours in all that years for my company.

In 2017 they started to talk about a module in ELO called Invoice-Module. With that you can manage all your paper invoices digital, like scan that piece of paper, then OCR it, then fill formular data, add data and at the end you can send it to the ERP system automatically and we can pay the invoice automatically. "Digitization" is the key word.

After 1.5 years of project planning and a 3 month test phase, we talked to them and decided to go live at 01.01.2019. We are talking about already ~ 200 hours planning and work just from ABI for this (do the math. No. Please dont...).

I joined my actual company in October 2018 and I should "just overview" the project a bit, I mean, hey, they planned it since 1.5 years - how bad can it be, right?

In the first week of 2019 we found 25 bugs and users reporting around 50 feature requests, around 30 of them of such high need that they can't do their daily work with the invoices like they did before without ELO.
In the first three weeks of 2019 we where around 70 bugs deep, 20 of them fixed, with nearly 70 feature requests, 5 done. Around 10 bugs where so high, that the complete system would not work any more if they dont get fixed.

Want examples?
- Delete a Invoice (right click -> delete, no super deep hiding menu), and the server crashed until someone restarts it.
- missing dropdown of tax rate, everything was 19% (in germany 99,9% of all invoices are 19%, 7% or 0%).

But the biggest thing was, that the complete webservice send to ERP wasn't even finished in the code.
So that means we had around 600 invoices to pay with nearly 300.000€ of cash in the first 3 weeks and we couldn't even pay 1 cent - as a urban company!

Shortly after receiving and starting to discussing this high prio request with ABI the project manager of my assigned dev told me he will be gone the next day. He is getting married. And honeymoon. 1 Week. So: Wish him luck, when will his replacement here?

Deep breath.
Deep breath.

There was no replacement. They just had 1 developer. As a 40-people-software-house they had exactly one developer which knows ELO, which they sold to A LOT of companies.

He came back, 1 week gone, we asked for a meeting, they told us "oh, he is now in other ELO projects planned, we can offer you time from him in 4 weeks earliest".

To cut a long story short (it's to late for that, right?) we fought around 3 month with ABI to even rescue this project in any thinkable way. The solution mid February was, that I (software dev) would visit crash courses in ELO to be the second developer ABI didnt had, even without working for ABI....

Now its may and we decided to cut strings with ABI in ELO and switch to a new company who knows ELO. There where around 10 meetings on CEO-level to make this a "good" cut and not a bad cut, because we can't afford to scare them (think about the 300K tool they sold us...).

01.06.2019 we should start with the new company. 2 days before I found out, by accident, that there was a password on the project file on the server for one of the ELO services. I called my boss and my CEO. No one knows anything about it. I found out, that ABI sneaked into this folder, while working on another thing a week ago, and set this password to lock us out. OF OUR OWN FCKING FILE.
Without this password we are not able to fix any bug, develop any feature or even change an image within ELO, regardless, that we paid thausend of hours for that.

When we asked ABI about this, his CEO told us, it is "their property" and they will not remove it.
When I asked my CEO about it, they told me to do nothing, we can't scare them, we need them for the 300K tool.

No punt.
No finish.

Just the project file with a password still there today

Hey, I'm new here. This is my first rand. :)

PM asked me to make the code deeper, here's the new load script:

//Someone is born (init script and load deps, also run it)
$life = new begin_life();
//magic happens (generate random token)
$life->Living = openssl_random_pseudo_bytes(rand(), TRUE);
//We end it all
$life->die();

"Don’t try to be original try to be good. " - Paul Rand

WARNING MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS INFINITY WAR

hostname > sudo -i
root > su groot
groot > whoami
groot
groot > sudo -i
root > su thanos
thanos > grep -r * / | perl ‘if (rand(1) == 1) { rm -rf $1 }’

Merry Christmas to every dev all around the globe :)

Read it somewhere

//Happy debugging suckers
# define true (rand() > 10)

It feels so good to let the poison out of yourself here

It's almost therapeutic, i could say

So...

function watch($i = null)
switch($i) {
case 1:
return 'Game of Thrones';
break;
case 2:
return 'Silicon Valley';
break;
case 3:
return 'Fear The Walking Dead';
break;
}
}

echo watch(rand(1,3));

Slipping a cheeky '#define true (rand() > 5)' at the top of your code because you're edgy and like to mix things up

I find interesting article on the internet but can't / don't want to see it right now so i save it in a .txt file with a random name. I never look at it again and, a week later, i delete all txt files cause desktop looks cluttered.

Is this stupid?

In an IT management class, the professor wanted us to estimate the operation costs for a small IT company, breaking them down by service offered. I remember creating a markdown file, multiple times executing the line `echo $RANDOM >> estimations.md`. We rounded the numbers slightly, pimped the document a bit and submitted a nice PDF. When we had to present our work, the professor asked us how we had proceeded to calculate those results. We told him a story about an Excel file we worked on, but did not submit, because we thought he'd be interested in the end result and not care about those details. He asked us to submit that Excel calculation, because he wanted to comprehend our method. So we got together, created an Excel sheet, copied our "estimations" into column C and called it "service cost". For column B, we used the same "cost per man hour" value (scientifically estimated using the RAND() function) for every row. Finally, we divided the "service cost" by the "cost per man hour" for every row, put the result in column A and called it "effort (in man hours)". The professor, being able to "reproduce" our estimation, accepted our solution.

Not really a programming rant but, I'm pretty sure VW engineers and developers purposely do this:

breakImportantCarPart(mileage, importantCarParts){
if(!underWarranty) {
importantCarParts[rand(0,importantCarParts.length]);
} else {
//do nothing
}
}

"The designer is not always right. The researcher is not always wrong. Profit is not always the motive; market research, whatever its outcome, should never be used as a good excuse for bad design – in the same sense that good design should never be used to promote a bad product." - Paul Rand

That moment when another dev has no idea what he is talking about but tries to convince you that what he says is the best way to do things.
How did it all ended up here?

Im a complete back end guy, decided to learn a js framework......

var whatToLearn = rand("angular", "react", " vue");

Suggestions..... :/

The car I bought last week cost R10 000 (South African Rand) less than the house my parents bought in 1999...

Yea inflation is wack

CLEARLY! ...

I'm drunk.

//motherfucking populate the mailings table yo
Route::get('fuckman', function () {
$statuses = array('queued', 'sent', 'failure');
$statusKey = rand(0,2);
$mailings=App\Models\Mailing::all();

foreach($mailings as $mailing){
$mailing->status=$statuses[$statusKey];
$mailing->save();
}

return 'fuckyou';

});

#ifndef DEBUG
#define true (rand() % 5)//happy debuging
#endif

double RandDouble(double min, double max) {
double rand = (double) RandomGen::GetRand32() / UINT32_MAX;
return (rand * (max - min)) + min;
}

I wrote this function 2 months ago and until now assumed it was working.

Turns out GetRand32 has a range up to INT32_MAX, not UINT32_MAX. So this function would only ever select the first half of the range.

You gotta be fucking kidding me...

//Happy Debugging suckers..

#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)

So in Ruby, everything is passed to functions by value. However, when you manipulate objects, you're actually manipulating references. A simple example:

```
a = [3]
b = a
c = a
b.push(2)
print a
print b
print c

# => [3, 2][3, 2][3, 2]
```

Here's a more complicated example from the problem I was solving:

```
table = Array.new(5) { Array.new() }
1.upto(5 - 1) do |i|
1.upto(5 - 1) do |j|
table[i] = table[j]
end

table[i] << rand(1..6)
end
```

I have been running around in circles this morning because I forgot that. This makes C++ for example, more clear than Ruby since C++ explicitly shows the intent to the programmer.

My company's corporate culture is so gossipy, cliquey, and backstabby. And I'm so *bad* at corporate intrigue. I feel like Rand when he gets to Cairhien in the Wheel of Time books, and all the scheming house nobles are interpreting all his words on a second, third, fourth layer of subtext and he's just all "I don't care about your stupid game I'm just telling the truth" but nobody believes him.

I guess what I'm saying is you really shouldn't have to play word games to have a chance to write and deploy decent software and maybe get a raise every once in a while.

That moment when you're away from home and you're performing a fucking system update (upgrade?) on fucking Gentoo and your fucking Chromebook can't fucking connect to your fucking computer at home running fucking Arch to offload fucking compilations over fucking SSH and fucking Polybar tells you that the fucking RAM is almost full and that both of your fucking Broadwell CPUs are fucking 100% on usage and even fucking Vim can't open your fucking work to add the fucking documentation for a fucking assignment from a fucking online course due today and everything's fucking stopped in time but the fucking window manager is still working normally?!!!!

I'll let "procrastination" behind me, indeed I shouldn't be doing this rand :/, I back to work, love u, happy new year.

There is no such thing as a "Random Error".
Unless you are using rand() to select a random index from an array. And you forget to add - 1 to the generated index.
Now that is one hell of a random error!

MiniRant on windows
This morning i noticed that the led on the mute key of the keyboard didn't turn on.
I started swearing because I thought the led died (relatively new laptop).
Long story short: reboot windows, the led magically works again.

The only think i can think of is this:
void Windows_Main(void)
{
...
if (rand() % 667 == 666) DisableRandomFeature();
...
}

"If a design can be refined, without disturbing its image, it seems reasonable to do so. A logo, after all, is an instrument of pride and should be shown at its best." - Paul Rand

"Design is the silent ambassador of your brand." - Paul Rand

Oh for fucks sake!

Suddenly I couldn't use my mic. Windows is always a bit retarded, so I decide to restart. Ofcourse Windows FORCES me to install their shitty upgrades ("We have installed: Killer Control Center - check it out!" (Like hell I will!!)). This takes 5 min, which is usually not a lot of time, BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN A VOICE-MEETING DAMNIT!

Windows shaped up. Every thing works.

2 hours later: "We have an update for you, we will restart outside of active hours". WHAT?! NO! That means I can't leave my work up on my computer because I can't trust my fucking OS to not throw away my work! And also YOU JUST UPDATED YOURSELF WINDOWS!!!! HOW DO I TELL YOU TO PERFORM ALL UPDATES AND NEVER EVER RESTART WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!

"Good ideas rarely come in bunches. The designer who voluntarily presents his client with a batch of layouts does so not out prolificacy, but out of uncertainty or fear. " - Paul Rand

abstract class Ich {
abstract void support(CoWorker coWorker);
abstract void programm(List<Task> tasks);
abstract void analyseCode(String code); // mostly horrible code
abstract void drinkCoffee(Mug mug);
abstract void extinguishFireAndKillBugs(String moreLegacy);
}

...

void work() {
ich.drinkCoffee();
while(isWorkingTime()) {
int rand = Random(0,100)
if(rand < 5) {
ich.myMood += ich.programm(tasksForMe);
} else if (rand >= 5 && rand < 20) {
ich.myMood -= ich.analyse(legacyCode);
} else if (rand >= 20 && rand < 40) {
ich.myMood -= ich.support(GetNextGuyToMe())
} else {
ich.extinguishFireAndKillBugs(moreLegacyCode);
}

if(myMood <= 0) {
ich.gotoHome();
}
}
}

If( $time > 7:00) work_from_home();
If( $time > 10:00) work_at_office();

function work_at_office() {
$people_in_office = rand(1,5);
$total_hours = rand(4,8);
$quick_easy_tally = 0;
...
}

"Art is an idea that has found its perfect visual expression. And design is the vehicle by which this expression is made possible. Art is a noun, and design is a noun and also a verb. Art is a product and design is a process. Design is the foundation of all the arts." - Paul Rand

It’s sad that Paul Rand and Rand Paul will never talk.

"Innovation leads one to see the new in the old and distinguishes the ingenious from the ingenuous." - Paul Rand

"Defamiliarize the ordinary." - Paul Rand

Global effort 1 rand(n 1) rand(n 1)
Global collab_skill 1.5 rand(n 1) rand(n 1)

CD "university/groupprojects/educ"

Do "function"

Set obs 1
Gen project_ambition = 1
Define label project_ambition 1 "high", add
Gen hype = project_ambition
Define label hype 1 "high, add
Egen output=function[min(`collab_skill');llmean(`effort')]
Egen success = 1 if output>=hype; else success =0

Su success

0 0 0

"Any system that sees aesthetics as irrelevant, that separates the artist from the product, that fragments the work of the individual, or creates by committee, or makes mincemeat of the creative process will in the long run diminish not only the product but the maker as well." - Paul Rand

"Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned men, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom - while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good? - by what standard? " - Ope Rand.

"Innovation leads one to see the new in the old and distinguishes the ingenious from the ingenuous." - Paul Rand

"Innovation leads one to see the new in the old and distinguishes the ingenious from the ingenuous." - Paul Rand

Hi everyone, I have such a task: “Given an integer square matrix. Determine the minimum among the sums of diagonal elements parallel to the main diagonal of the matrix.” I have a code but I have problems compiling a flowchart for it, can you help me with compiling a flowchart or give tips? thanks in advance!
Thats my code:

#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <time.h>
#define N_MIN -3
#define N_MAX 5
int main(int argc, char *argv[]){
int s,i,j,k,l,s1,t2,t1;
int a[5][5];
srand(time(NULL));
for(i=0;i<5;i++){
for(j=0;j<5;j++){
a[i][j]=rand()%(N_MAX-N_MIN+1)+N_MIN;
}
}
for(i=0;i<5;i++){
for(j=0;j<5;j++){
printf("%3d ",a[i][j]);
}
printf("\n");
}
k=0;
s=0;
l=0;
for (i=0; i<5; i++){
for (j=0; j<5; j++){
if (a[i][j]>=0){
if(a[i][j]%2==0)
l+=a[i][j];
k++;
}
}
if (k==5){
l=l;
}
else {
l=0;
}
s=s+l;
k=0;
}
s1=a[0][5-1];
for(i=1; i<5; i++){
t1=t2=0;
for(j=0; j<5-i; j++){
t1+=a[i+j][j];
t2+=a[j][i+j];
}
if(t1<s1) s1=t1;
if(t2<s1) s1=t2;
}
printf("vivod %d %d\n", s,s1);
return 0;
}