QA: Hey I found a bug.
Me: Okay, can you log the bug and assign to me?
QA: <audible sigh> sure

I played a lot of Command & Conquer when I was younger, and I remember going through the files for C&C: Red Alert. I found one that had all the units names and properties, and wondered what happened if I changed a value. So I changed grenadiers attack speed to something ridiculously fast, and found that it actually changed it in the game!

The light bulb went off in my head, and I then created new units:
- Albert Einstein that shot electricity
- Attack dogs that launched missiles

Granted the animations didn't exist for these so it defaulted to playing their death animations when attacking, which was amusing.

That was the ah-ha moment for me that lead me to pursue programming. It was just so much fun!

What I would define as a critical bug:
- System doesn't respond
- Functionality is broken
- Client data is all wrong

What QA defines as a critical bug:
- Typo on this page in the QA environment

Lead: "We write SOLID code"
Me: *opens a controller file*
Controller: "I'm 8000 lines long and hell yeah I'll access the database and file system directly!"

Imposter syndrome

Controllers are nice.
Controllers are fun.
But please don't throw all
Of the apps code into one.

Log into work at 9 am to see a meeting scheduled for 7 am, sent at 6 am.

Not a rant but it's Friday and thought people could use a laugh.

When I was a teen we used AOL and for those who don't know, it was a test of patience to log on. It had to dial in, actually connect, and then you hoped it wouldn't disconnect for whatever reason. Just getting it to connect would take 30 min or more some days. After you were logged in you would get an audio of *Ding Ding*, followed by "Welcome!" and if you had email, "You've got mail!"

So, I decided to play a prank on my dad by swapping the Welcome sound file with the Goodbye sound file. He was waiting for a long time to connect, getting so frustrated. Then it finally does and he hears:

*Ding Ding*
"Goodbye!"

And loses it. Then he notices he is still online and calms down, confused.

I told him about it later but my brother and I got a good laugh out of it.

So, my last rant here was 3 years ago, and i just signed in again to devrant to post this fucking shit.

There is this guy who is a Project Manager in my office, I haven´t work with him but he sits in front of me and i have to listen to his bullshit almost every fucking day. Anyways, the other day he was talking to some other guy (a PM, also) and he said something like this:

"Programming is the most overrated thing ever, everyone can do it, you could do it, i could do it just googling stuff, i could even replace almost every programmer in this office, it´s the easiest thing ever. a programmer couldn´t do my job even if his life depended on it ´cause they can´t talk, they can´t manage people, they can´t manage their own time, heck they can´t even manage to talk to each other. they´re just a bunch of incels who think they´re important and their job is shit anyway".

They don´t see us as human begins, they see us as necessary evil.

(apologize if i wrote something wrong. English is not my first language)

Me: We really need to improve our unit test coverage.
Team/Boss: <sarcasm> Haha yeah.
Production Bug: I'm doing something nasty to a client, because a dev broke something but no test coverage.
Boss: How could we have prevented this?!

I received this fantastic t-shirt 😌

Any meeting that's before 10 a.m.

Commented out code.
The anti-comment.

I was given 6 whole months to rewrite some old monolithic web app exactly 5 months ago today. Now I have to show my boss the progress I've made. How do I explain him that I wasted my time in this order:
1.- heavy procrastination
2.- try new frameworks to work with, pick one, start writing the app, regret and start over again using a different framework.
3.- devrant
4.- existencial crisis and self doubt.

Now all I have are a bunch of incomplete buggy modules and a mental breakdown.

The build breaks due to a failing unit tests, and what does the dev do?

Comment them out.
Commit.

If you are going to tell me you develop using TDD, it's a good idea to actually have tests in your test project.

My old iMac 2010 is returned operative after 12 GB of Ram; it seems reborn!

Best dev experience was coding one of my favorite board games. I started it early on in 2016, and while it isn't completely do finished (AI needs work and tweaks to the UI), it is functional for hot seat play.

I started doing it because I wanted to make a game and learn some things I didn't know, specifically I was interested in making AIs with different strategies. While I set out to learn this, I've learned so much more along the way.

I'm still really happy when I get to work on it, and having something to show people (that they can actually play!) is a great feeling.

This class adheres to the single responsibility principle: it is singularly responsible for the entire application.

Boss: I'm thinking something like a facebook wall...

For a site where people access once, download what they need, and never come back.

UI bug is found to only occur in Firefox.
Director sends mass email telling dev & qa to only test using IE11.

When explaining unit testing:

"We tried but every time someone changes something in the database all the tests fail."

*facepalm*

Have to use this custom script language from ABB. I have hever felt this amount of pain in life. Virtually impossible to predict the result, and two compiled versions of the same code might behave different from the other. Please shoot me😖 Sorry, felt I needed to went my frustration. ☺️

Comments throughout code with things like "changed to fix bug #". And commented out code all over.

We have source control, why the hell are you doing this?

Be humble. Nobody knows everything.

Keep learning: read books, take Pluralsight courses, go to meetups.

Write unit tests for your code. No really! Write unit tests for your code!

Learn what the SOLID principles are.

Your job does not define who you are, you define who you are.

Recently I had the "pleasure" to participate in a recruitment process for a web developer internship position.

First of all, a nice lady calls me to confirm everything and sets up a meeting. She mentions about a qualification test and gives me several technologies like python, c#. I was confused but we explained everything and she knew I was not interested in these technologies since I didn't apply for python or c# dev.

Later on I go to their company building to take the test. I get the test, I overview all tasks - 80% of the test was composed of OOP and C#. OOP - this I can understand but fucking C#? Seriously wtf? I wrote the test the way I was able to do it and at the end the guy says it was deliberate to put other technologies so that he could check how would we find ourselves in a situation like this.

Honestly, I felt like the whole process was a big joke for them. I wasted time going there just to see that I'm taking the test that includes the things posted in the job offer only in 20%.

Fuck them.

When asked what the spec is, or any overall vision for the project:

We are building the ship while sailing.

Working from home.

Next step is management

Typical Monday where I log in to find an alarming amount of stupid to deal with.

If a feature no one uses has a bug in it, is it possible for that bug to be flagged as critical?

A controller action taking a string input and directly accessing the file system with it, returning the file.

Just got a message from a recruiter about an opportunity at a FinTech company. Does this mean financial tech? Please tell me this isn't a thing.