Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Yesterday: Dear Diary, today the client changed their mind on a critical part of the project.

Today: Dear Diary, (see yesterday).

Continuing a presentation after a critical bug

In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.

So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.

I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.

They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?

So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.

!rant

Boss: Something urgent has come up, can you take care of this.

Me: Okay.... But I am already working on X and it's a critical thing.

Boss: No, X is no longer of priority. You need to now pick up Y.

Me: But I was already........ Never mind. Yeah sure I will start working on Y.

Next day

Boss : What is the update on X?

Me: I was working on Y, also wasn't it de prioritized.

Boss : I think I was very clear when I communicated to you that X is very critical. Also you need to learn to manage your time.

Me: FUCK MY LIFE

Garbage collectors always fail to dispose of one critical thing: my code.

Well, I was the One that was scolded. Because I basically took over without asking permission to fix a critical outage.
I fixed it within 3 minute, while the person in question have been trying for 2 hours.

He then got very angry and told me infront of everyone that "dont ever help me out".

Said and done. I never helped him ever since, even if he clearly struggled with everything.
He got fired recently due to incompetense

I wish we could branch out our lives like in git. Just fork at critical decision points, try out both/ multiple outcomes simultaneously, then reconcile and merge back into master.

Come back from vacation to find that 80+ e-mails were sent out to the entire team for a critical process that was failing to run due to an incorrect password. No one did anything for a week. Fixed it in 30 seconds.

Every week is the same. Wake up, new jira ticket. “Build us a pink house”.

*i build a house*

Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house doesn’t have sprinklers”

They didn’t ask for sprinklers. This is not a bug. *i add sprinklers*

Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ASAP ASAP ASAP”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house is pink.”

HOW IS THAT A BUG TWO DAYS AGO IT WAS LITERALLY A REQUIREMENT

Meanwhile management makes triple my salary

Manager: Give me an estimate for this project.
Me: It will take end to end approx two months.
Manager: Can you do it in a day. Make some magic happen. This is high critical for business.
Me: Sure. I have a small requirement from you to achieve it.
Manager: What
Me: Please get me the 'Limitless' capsule.

Devrant has a critical performance issue. It kills my performance. I believe more users can be affected

15 mins after finding out a critical bug (we are releasing 3 days from now)

Me: Have u found the root cause of the bug?
Teammate: Yes
Me: So, are we fucked?
Teammate: Teammate is typing...
Me:
*Closes chat window*
*Locks the computer*
*Flies back to home country*

- I'm forced to do dev on Windows with no admin because security
- We receive patches to critical systems from outside company on FTP secured with password "asd123" and install them without reading because fuck security

So apparently two "senior" "laravel-engineers" spent a total billed 35 hours trying to figure out a "critical bug" which "doesn't happen locally".

I went to the dev-console, saw it is generating http urls (fronted by cloudflare https, running on http server-side) and fixed that in maybe ~15 minutes, fucking morons.

Critical issue

Url shortener seems to be working well enough as for the features without interface yet, still doing testing but it's looking good (few minor non-critical bugs but that's it as far as I can see)

Now the frontend/interface.

😅😰😬

First fucking night of being on call again.

Normally I set an alarm at 3 to check if any critical disruptions have been going on.

But why the fuck would I need that if I woke up every fucking hour at night anyways?

I'm fucking tired right now and agitated as hell.

If every issue is a critical, none of them are

follow on from my last rant.

I've finally gotten my new Jira project. Only thing I seem to have access to change is the Kanban board columns. Still has 50+ fields when creating a ticket etc.

Asked the support team handling the request if this was a mistake. He said no, i'll need to open another ticket to have those changes requested.

Opened and got a reply. Currently there are 2 versions of Jira running. They are working on consolidating them atm and won't help me right now until this is done. I've been asked to re-open my request after the consolidation is done in March 2019.

5 ... fucking ... months, so I can have a competent ticketing process.

He pointed me to a page explaining the move and listing all the changes taking place. Well lets look at the changes they are making that are so critical:

Change 14: Rename "More info" status to "Needs more info".

... Oh pardon me. I didn't realise such critical show stoppers were being addressed. Please do continue. Don't mind me, i'll just be over here taking 4 hours to create an Epic and 6 stories. As you were

The way things are prioritized:

Emergency
Critical
ASAP
Do first
Top priority
Urgent
Urgent ASAP
Major urgent

Fuck sakes.. 😣

I committed a bug fix that was about 4 lines changed but a full day of critical thinking.
The next day my boss tells me, that I clearly wasted company time and that I should be producing at least 200 lines of code a day. When will people learn that lines of code is not an accurate measurement of work accomplished?

Project Manager: Hey Gid, we need to start migrating project-A to the new Server.

Me: Okay, I will inform Dev-Q.

Project Manager: Please do and treat as top priority!

Me: Hey Dev-Q, we need to migrate project-A to the new Server and we need to get it done asap.

Dev-Q: But I'm currently working on some critical bug XYZ which PM wants fixed before COB.

Me: I dunno maybe you want to speak with him.

Dev-Q: I was told to...

Project Manager: Yes! we need that done right away.

Dev-Q: What about the critical...

Project Manager: No! treat this as top priority the client just called.

Dev-Q: Okay.

Me: Any update yet?

Dev-Q: Yep but it seems like the database is quite large and the migration may take a while.

Me: Okay take your time.

Dev-Q: {hours later} Pheww done! All files and database migrated successfully.

Project Manager: Good good. So the critical bug XYZ was also completed and migrated to the new server right?

Dev-Q:

What I would define as a critical bug:
- System doesn't respond
- Functionality is broken
- Client data is all wrong

What QA defines as a critical bug:
- Typo on this page in the QA environment

Did you know?

Critical error notifications in production are not a problem if you don't give a fuck.

Pro tip: As great as your product is, it's 1000x harder to pitch to my boss when it has a goofy-ass name.

Me: Hey boss, I came across some new software that'll help manage our mission critical database system.
Boss: Oh yeah, what's it called?
Me: WoolySocksDB Enterprise Edition
Boss: 😐... No.

Managers: wE wAnT tO bE LeAn aNd MoVe FaSt As PoSsIBLe wiTh NeW FeAtUrEs

Same Managers: Can you make this icon 2 pixels smaller?! Shift this element left?! Swap out this icon?! Use a different color here?! A perfect feature and design is critical!!!!!!

FullStackClown: You can either be lean and fast, or be fucking nitpicking clowns 🤡 about this stuff and slow us all down. Choose one.

Managers: ...

FullStackClown: Sit down and shut up

It's really fascinating how managers can act surprised over a critical prod issue especially after the whole dev department warned them repeatedly.

Surprise surprise, that unrealistic deadline you set even when the engineering team told you that it wasn't going to work has backfired! Maybe you wouldn't be so stressed if you learnt to listen? It's a pretty basic skill, or at least I thought so.
Oh and when you say "we have two options, stay late or work weekends" you have a critical bug in your conditional. Your missing option 3, go the fuck home. Time to enjoy my weekend with friends and family.

Non IT people controling the IT departments and ruining the development culture.

No one (where i am from) anymore considers the software life cycles, initial r&d work, normalized relational db or using proper algorithms. All this stuff is critical for critical systems but people just want the softwares to work on the front end and make money, no matter if its all duct taped underneath. And I strongly believe this is happening because of non IT people and marketers sitting on top of IT departments.

Computer science people have kind of lost all respect. They are constantly yelled at by non IT people and asked to do year's job in months.

This makes me sad

$ npm audit

> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)

$ npm audit fix

> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages

> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)

$ npm audit fix --force

> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

Employers now looking for History majors to fill critical COBOL "developer" positions.

Feel the same when i think about new password

Don't you love it when there is a new minor release or a critical dependency and it breaks backwards compatibility without mentioning any of it in the changelog or docs?
I absolutely love it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I certainly did not waste 3 hours of my life to find it. No i didn't.

Coding doesn't solve the problem, critical thinking does.

Last Friday i convinced my boss it was mission critical to have an IntelliJ Idea subscription for my workstation...

I mostly push yaml files to git... 😁 and i regret nothing...

Can we talk about this for a second? I mean WTF, how is Windows XP still a thing. Wasn't there a ransomeware attack recently, so every last sys admin should have some motivation to upgrade their shit?
Sure, I hear you say, it's just an information display. No critical stuff.
Well guess what, it was at an airport. Most likely not connected to any critical infrastructur, but still it's a computer, stuck at the boot screen at 11 a.m. running windows XP, connected to an airport network.
And I was standing there like: fuck me!

It happend again.... Saturday, nice weather.....

And I am at the airport again because of a critical bug.... Goddammit why......

Nothing better than your boss trusting you to work on mission critical stuff when you're a junior :) Feels good!

Ah finally, the moment when being a web developer is full of joy.

☑️ Server-side rendering
☑️ Inline critical css
☑️ Add progressive image loading
☑️ Minify everything
☑️ Automate release process in CI
☑️ Lint everything

Now that the strucutre is up, time to code the actual website. This is gonna be good!

Oh boy, my riskiest coding decision was certainly that one time when I refactored some 50k lines of critical legacy shit code in 3 days, straight up merged everything into master and then deployed to prod.
Luckily there was only one minor bug I had to fix after that... phew...
(To my defense: I was solo-working on it - the infamous CMS Of Doom™)

Happens Everytime ;p

Five US quarters are about 1oz in weight and should hold down most keys on most keyboards.

I knew this because we had an error on a server with a pop up window that was only "ok". We couldn't kill the process because critical so we left a stack of change on enter until it it was done running and we could leave for the night.

Just overheard a critical production bug being discussed in an area I recently changed...

Anon thinks about replacing Car ECU with Raspberry Pi 3
>>Other anons think that there is only one ECU and its only used to control critical functions

/g/ is a weird gold mine 😂😂😂

When you boss marks everything critical and you respond with "when everything's critical, nothing's critical." And he scowls.

Boss came to me earlier

Boss: There's a critical issue with this release version for this project. Make sure it doesn't get deployed to our test/live environments!

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: Err, that release went live 3 months ago...

Everything is "critical priority" all the time. Every new project is the most important project in the entire company. Every request that comes in has to be handled immediately. I have a good manager now who fights back against the deluge of critical work, but for my first year in my job I had a different manager who would bend over backwards to appease everybody, over-promising constantly.

I eventually started asking questions like "Which project are we de-prioritizing to accommodate this?" or "Is X more or less important than Y?" and then I would focus entirely on whichever project he identified as being the most important, and not touch anything else until I was done. Basically forcing him to prioritize our work.

I almost quit over a few of these issues, but I stuck it out and eventually our team came under new management, and now our manager is the one asking those questions instead of me. As she should be. Her favorite response when someone says a task is critical is "How critical? How much money will the company lose per day if this is late?"

Most of the time, the answer is somewhere in the range of "nothing" until a couple months after the deadline. So we set a much later deadline and get the work done right.

I am still at the office, doing a completely non-critical job for completely non-critical businesses while the streets look like something straight out of Fallout 4.

Friend: Why do you not work from home?

Me: Because people who care more about money then the wellbeing of the world control everything. Jobs are just slavery with extra steps and the exchange of one's health in exchange for tokens with which to purchase base necessities is just a way to hide that fact.

Friend: I fucking hate our species.

Me: Amen.

Me: * Browses devRant for about 10 minutes *

Phone: 0 notifications

Me: * Puts phone in pocket *

Phone: * seizures in pocket *

Phone: 3 new Jira issues, 9 Sentry warnings about critical bugs, 2 emails from my boss, roughly 60 Whatsapp messages and 3 new notifs on Slack

Why does this happen so often :/

Friday... the perfect time for that small update to that critical system. -sigh-

When your PM calls you on Sunday to quickly solve a critical bug,
But you were busy happily working on your own personal project
:/

Greatest thing just happened.

Get a ticket about orders not being processed in our webshop. Angry customer. Critical!!!!

Starts troubleshooting. Nothing has changed in the code recently, was working just fine yesterday. Works locally and on test server. Hmmm...

Take a chance. Writes back to customer: “there! Try to place an order again” without changing anything.

5 minutes I get back “awesome! Everything works again and all previous orders have appeared. Good work!”.

Happy customer. Happy dev :)
Fin

I suddenly realized all the technical debt shit I told my boss would happen years ago given the way things were done/heading then... Just occurred pretty much all at once last week in the form of critical production issues...

The teams like:
-we need real time server process monitoring
-structured logging for apps
-containerization so one app didn't affect others

Me thinking: yes.... I told you so like 3/4 years ago when I first joined the team and kept repeating so much I got tired of saying at every annual review...

This is exactly what happens when you let technical debt grow and have no free time for developers to look into and fix then while they were small and not critical production processes... Or properly document and peer review them... (Got a shit pile of projects that no one knows how to use or even exists because the devs left the team) and they'll have a lot more when I finally leave... Hopefully this year.... If I can find another role and not need another medical procedure... (Doubtful)

There's only a fine line between a critical issue and a dramatic client.

And by fine, I mean (the size of yo momma + the distance between earth and mars) / the teeny weeny fraction of the fucks that I give.

MY SERVER JUST DECIDED TO RESTART TO DO WINDOWS UPDATES!!!

Yesterday evening I stayed up late to install some critical updates manually as I obviously have auto updates disabled.
I didn't quite get everything done so I wanted to continue the next evening when noone was using the server.
Apparently that removed the rule to never ever restart automatically...
🤔🔫

I have my damn router and app server running in a VM on there!!!

flailing startup layed off my entire team without warning...

...and no one asked us how our custom tools work or how we performed our business-critical tasks. #goodLuck

Oh dear, a scaling problem I solved was replacing some Regex matching with simpler string functions. While I'm a huge fan of Regex, it's unreal how much performance they can suck out of some high-n loops...
I got about 120x out of some critical code thus making a CPU upgrade unnecessary.

That moment that you get some kind of pretty critical error/bug/crash in an application in production and you can't reproduce it anymore and you're just sitting there praying that it won't happen again 😥

Hard lesson:
Don’t update your OS while a project is still not finished, or at least on critical state of a project

Fellow dev: do you want my help on the new project?

Me: nah man, this one is critical
😄😄

When I was a young boy and I was writing my first programs, I remember I was sad because they were fast, unlike other applications I used daily and admired, with their long splash screens and the hard drive constantly making noise whenever you performed an action. At that time for me, 'slow' meant 'serious'.

It's fun to see how things have changed today: ensuring performance is a critical part of my job, and DAMMIT WHY HASN'T THE WEB PAGE LOADED YET?!?

Today's 🤡 task: figuring out how "localhost:3000" snuck into one of the critical production links...

FUUUUUUUUU

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Its all fun and games until your malfunctioning software costs people their lives - if you're just starting out as a dev or in the "ain't nobody got time for writing tests" camp, I highly recommend you to lookup and read about the Therac-25 incidents during the 80s.

Even if you're not working on a life-critical/mission-critical application, the realization of the impact that us devs can have on the society can push you to become a better developer producing quality software...

Online team meeting at 9:30 am, I wake up at 9:25 am

Wake up. Meeting was moved at 9:00 am and renamed to "CRITICAL". It's been 45 minutes and I still don't know what broke, but I'm too scared to ask.

Going live on Friday afternoon.
- no way, too many critical bugs! - I said
- we will - the Key account manager said.

Friday is here, still many critical bugs, I was right, it's impossible.

The Key account manager just dropped all functionalities with critical bugs and tricked the customer into thinking it's ok.
So we go live.

He was right, we can.
Oh yeah.

No other language can do something as fucky as javascript.

"7 high severity vulnerabilities"
$> npm audit fix --force
"13 vulnerabilities (11 high, 2 critical)"

How is this fixed?!

It will be a great day when JS finally prolapses under the weight of its own hubris.

Don't just blindly do what's asked to be done by superiors. Be critical, suggest alternatives and take ownership of and participate in processes beyond your own scope.

I fucking swear the servers in the data center know when the fuck I'm going on vacation.

YOU CHOOSE TO DIE NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?

It's okay. It is no longer a critical box, but gah dammit.

Spent 18 hours debugging and finding a fix for a critical bug, casually told about the fix to a senior programmer and left home. Couldn't go to office the next day and what I see on the day after that is endless mails praising the senior guy for fixing the bug. He stole my fix!

`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`

63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.

To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!

------

`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.

ugh.

Things you don't want to see at night
Ripped out of Netflix-Mode by a Warning notification and currently monitoring further development
Green line is temperature, blue humidity. Temperature rises at ~1°/10min, but seems to flatten just now. ~0.6°C to go and I'll have to head out. I'm thinking one of the ACs failed, but states are fine. Never trust a single information source for critical infrastructure guys

I swear, if I ever were to develop a support ticket system, I'd require credit card credentials for P1 tickets - "for covering potential costs to get the developer to the computer at this point in time". Let's see how many of your fucking tickets are Business critical after all!

Today at work:

- Oh a new critical update for windows

*installing the update and restart*

System crashed and i have to reinstall windows -.-

Now i know why they call it „critical“ update for windows ;)

A recruiter emailed me.
And called me (and left a voicemail).
AND texted me.

About a job opportunity in California (I live in Texas).

That requires experience writing performance critical and thread-safe code in a large multi-threaded codebase (I work primarily in JavaScript/TypeScript ecosystem, fat chance of that).

Responsibilities listed as: Focus on Supercharger Open Charge Point Protocol (OCPP) software features. I don’t even know what the fuck that means.

Opportunity is for a 3 month contract.

Why are you so desperate, lady?

I've always been critical of python as a development language because of it's efficiency issues and the fact that it's essentially pseudocode. However, today I had to reflect 200 coordinated over the line x=355 for a course lab and I hella didn't feel like doing it in my normal languages. Wrote it using python in less than 2 minutes. It might be a bad language for efficiency, but it's one hell of a scripting language. Sorry, python. I never fully appreciated you until now.

Fuuuuck this corporate bullshit. I'm basically sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for some jackass to grant me access to the server that my boss moved my code over to. Why the hell did you put my app on a production server that runs every 30 minutes...THAT I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO?? Now there's a critical bug and a $50K order in limbo because I can't push any fixes. Fuck me. The worst part will be in the next hour or so when dozens of people are calling, emailing, and attacking my cubicle like rabid animals about why orders aren't moving and I'll have to explain that production is a train wreck because reasons. Just end me.

defuq Apple??
I cannot submit my app and I have a very critical app.
this is shit, here we don't celebrate Christmas, so maybe apple needs to fuckin consider that !!

So there it goes again,,, I am thinking about quitting again.
I feel that I cannot be the sole sysadmin for a company whose critical IT-infrastructure lives on Life-Support, deprecated software and hardware, and the unwillingness to actually invest it in.

I try and try and try to teach my coworker critical thinking skills, proper programming techniques, and standard git etiquette. Then I add 4 booleans to solve one problem, use strings instead of ints to find unique SQL Server entities, and push right to the development branch.

I am a real asshole, but at least I am not fake.

Just yesterday I found out that a multimillion euro corporation still uses Http (not https) rest end points, with the only basic authentication mechanism...
It only provides data to sales and inventory management, so I'm guessing it's not f*ing critical enough x.x

Once again:

BOSS and Client IT’S URGENT IT’S CRITICAL

ME: IT’S 4:30pm on FRIDAY AND THIS IS THE FIRST I’VE HEARD OF IT IT IS NOT THAT HOT

Everything's urgent until every thing is urgent ... Or in my company's case, everything is "super dupa mega deathly critical urgent" in an attempt to out-urgent the other requests 🤦🏼‍♂️

Quote taken from an actual email this week and made me chuckle 😂

These are usually the same people that will send a teams message or direct email rather than using the established ticket system so hey, double rant :v

"Don't worry with that problem today, it's not critical"
And this is said in less than a week of deadline

CEO: This project is of critical importance to us - anything you need at all to help make it happen swiftly, let us know and my team will be on it.

Hey, could you give us IntelliJ ultimate licences?

THAT IS A RIDICULOUS REQUEST DON'T YOU KNOW EVERY PENNY COUNTS HERE

Boss: Did you get that trivial change I requested completed?
Me: No, I've been busy trying to fix a critical issue with a production app.
Boss: I don't want other people dictating how you spend your time.
Me: ...

Let it all burn down, then, I guess!

Pretty fucking sure it’s Monday... Critical Server KO’ed during hours... Going to be a long day....

Sucks not having the funds to implement preventative maintenance and redundancy... Thank god for fucking backups.

To the Level C’s in our company.... take this as a wake up call you incompetent, undereducated, no dick-having-ass’, spitfucks!

"a 5% feature (used by less than 5% of all users) is a distraction for all the other users, and is better removed, unless it’s really critical (a small number of users do need to cancel service, for example)." - Neil Hunt

Some non-IT people wrote a crappy software tool. Others have started using it for business critical processes.

Asshats: "People are starting to use our tool and that means it's production ready!"

Me: "If and when this breaks are they going to call you to fix it?"

Asshats: "Well it's really just a proof of concept."

They want the glory but not the work that goes with it. And they dont want anyone else to develop it. They have been a huge pain for me lately.

Testers be like "button is slightly too blue and four pixels too far to the right"

Severity: critical
Importance: showstopper

Sigh...

I haven't felt joy programming for a while now.

My work is just tasks that can be done by a monkey if they understand how the framework works and at home I can't come up with any ideas that are exciting, challenging or useful.

I feel like all my creativeness is leaking dry having to deal with deadlines about implementing this text change with critical^3 priority and other boring shit

Please stop putting critical infrastructure to the internet. Security on the internet is a joke, and we won't be laughing the time when someone dies from a cyber attack on another pipeline/dam/weapons factory.

Siemens Step7 code block protection (PLC's).. It was designed to lock code that you don't want others to be able to read. All blocks are in a dbf file, so you just need to find the block record and uncomment one line, voila - source code available.

Given the massive use of Siemens PLC's on plants all over the world, and the simplicity of hacking via S7 protocol, usually Internet connected, it's a breeze to steal or modify the controllers code with possible critical implications.

Enter Stuxnet.

When every single JIRA ticket is marked "Critical"...

Anyone want to build me a smart robot capable of determining what to keep and what to donate (or recycle) so I can stop packing and injuring myself? Would have to me capable of critical thinking and tetrising the shit out of stuff and boxes...

I'm only partially joking... would buy a packing robot pretty damn quickly

Critical bugs on friday afternoons.

Last Sunday, we deployed 300 major application/service configuration changes, 60+ load balancer changes, DNS cutovers, changes to mission critical SQL servers, and informatica connection changes. This impacted every line of business, all customer facing apps, and all internal apps.

6 days from DEV to PROD, which includes all developer effort.

Deployment succesful!

It was a nightmare about a nuclear attack, I was afraid and looking for some cave or basement to hide from radioactive winds.
Then I woke up to find 5 missed calls and emails about a critical bug in production.

Imagine developing a frontend for 2 months.

And then one day, PM says, that we have a critical library that we need to integrate with. There is no other alternative (apparently).

And then you check the library, and see, that it's written in a completely different language, that we can't really integrate with.

Project restarts and you get blamed, for not mentioning this earlier.

Yay!

More often than not, I hear that the mission-critical stuff in Linux is done by paid people, the folks that work from 9 to 5 with a fixed time/resource schedule. Is software in Linux all like that? Say for example, Linux (kernel), systemd, Xorg, all the desktop environments, LibreOffice, Mozilla, Chromium and such.

The reason why I'm asking is because I kind of feel like the premise behind Linux "free, libre, *philanthropic*" and such is kinda wrong. Especially the latter. Do the people in the mission-critical stuff really care about its stability any more than commercial software devs do? Sure the projects driven by personal needs that are published are philanthropic in their nature, I'm having some of those too. But those are all non-critical and maintained as such. The stuff that's behind the steering wheel however? I'm not sure...

In essence, is the mission-critical part of the Linux ecosystem - however open-source it is - any different from other commercial software products QA-wise?

Today I found a critical bug to our software and wrote a fix and tested it locally.

Common sense would dictate that especially when it is critical you test said fix on a real release and not with a debugger attached and running onna different device altogether.

I was denied this request because the afflicted machines engineer would not be able to finish the machine before the factory acceptence test.

I stood there with glassed over eyes for a second and then to no avail tried to explain that without this fix he wouldnt even pass the internal acceptance test......

Client: THIS IS CRITICAL, SOME DATA HAS BEEN DELETED, WHAT ZE FUUK HAPPENED, UNDO THIS FAST
Us: so after carefully reviewing the code, related resources and the network traffic we conclude that was never sent in the first place.
*closes issue*

I'm glad we got such a meaningful bug report on the same day a production system started failing, one big deployment that that was like a boss with 3 phases, an unnecessary long meeting and an app developer that that wanted me to break HTTP standards.

Project Managers who stand next to you whilst you are attempting to patch a critical issue

that fucking fellow dev who knows nothing about what he's doing yet makes it look like he's doing something critical -_-

So fucking tired of priority shifting. How the hell is anyone supposed to get shit done with 500 fucking meetings and between each one you're told do something different?

This is critical you must do it now! No this!

My response, fuck you I'm going home my head hurts let me know what you'd like me to code and when you've decided add a day for annoying me.

Fixing a critical bug right before deployment.

TechSuppDept: There is a critical antivirus upgrade we need to do...

Me(email): can you give me 48 more hours, ive already spent 7days processing my data... cpu, mem already at 97% utility

TechSuppDept: Please explain your email.

Me: .

Dev gets told in the morning there's an emergency fix needed due to a critical issue with the app that's in production and that the fix needs to be in the release that will be cut this evening.
Dev drops everything he/she is working on, works frantically all day to get it in 2 minutes before the deadline.
Release gets cut.
Next day release gets trashed because some exec did not like the size of the font used in some obscure part of the app even though it's been this way for 6 months...

When fixing high CPU load and unresponsive servers is a simple restart. Ugh...

Come back from a week's vacation, 3 apps in review. Sit down, set up Xcode, pull latest changes. Run code for the first time, tap through two screens, find a critical bug and I have to reject all 3 apps and resubmit.

5 business days away and I found an obvious bug in 5 minutes.

Someone's not doing their job...

How to write bug free code:

while True:
try:
_loop() # all logic here
except:
print_excv()

This will not cause any difficulties ever. Remember to pipe output to /dev/null, make this script a critical but undocumented part of your infrastructure and tell no one about it.

When they want to take a business critical app that is using Enterprise Oracle running on Exadata, and move it to community Postgres running on Amazon RDS, because "it will be in the Cloud, and it will save us money..." No, no it won't.

!rant

Need help. Just realized that I have been responding to every interaction I have had lately in a negative way. Not sure what's going on, but I just seem to always respond with a negative response. I consider myself a critical thinker, and a devil's advocate. From a previous comment on this site, to a random facebook post of someone sharing an animal rights post. I usually just ignore them and move on, but I ended up responding with poor intention.

All my tasks was development, last week our boss gave me a testing task, and I completed it.
He said that the developers will hate me if I keep reporting every expected/unexpected, small/big, normal/critical bugs , so that he sent me back to the development team.
I just wondering if I misunderstand the word "testing"!!?

Honestly, the most underrated skill in tech is communication. Writing clear, succinct emails and telling the story without rambling is a critical skill. If hiring comes down to a wire, I would hire a dev that can communicate well than someone with pure technical skill but zero communication skills.

I think music is the critical part for my efficiency..

Boss: I wonder how the whole plan failed

Developer *thinking*: If only I could have told this to you weeks ago. Well, I knew you wouldn't listen. Your actions were clear. Your loss. Or maybe it kinda became my plan to fail the plan and it work worked. Idk, lol. Maybe next time don't categorise what I say as negative by asking me to frame it positively. I won't give any feedback then, especially critical feedback to improve

A few people on here enjoyed solving my previous puzzle, so I made a new one!

Solve:
DLSS KVUL, FVB'CL ZVSCLK AOPZ WBGGSL.

Hint:
Rome was build on [...] hills and had [...] kings. [...] played a critical role in the events that led to the demise of the Roman Republic and the rise of the Roman Empire.

Good luck! Post your answer in the comments.

Do you know guys why a programming bug is called so? It's because the very first time a software crashed it was because of a bug ( a real bug stuck in a bus on the machine!) That caused that 😂 imagine if something else was stuck instead! Like someone's​finger : hey I fixed that finger but still got 2 critical fingers and 4 small ones

Why does a "senior" developer have a git repo for a critical application that makes our company money, never push to it? I checked it today and it's empty.

PM: "This is a critical bug fix needed before we submit to Apple."
Me: *reads bug story*
Me: "Wait, this is only repo on a Galaxy S5?"
PM: "Yup! It's stopship."
Me: 😑 "No."

Any embedded systems software engineers out there with practical experience in writing/designing safety critical applications? (think DO-178B/C) I've got a few years embedded experience under my belt between internships, my projects, and now my relatively new job at a major aviation company, but I feel like I'm behind on this topic of safety and code that can't fail. It's simply not taught and I really want to learn more. Partially it is out of personal pride because I want to make a great product, but more importantly, what I work on is protecting a human life. I really really really want to feel confident in what I build. Is there anyone out there who's got some years under their belt that can point me to some good references? Or maybe some helpful tips? Much appreciated. If it helps, all my work is in C.

Last thing I need when doing something critical

Randomly reviewing a coworker's c++ codebase revealed he was locking at the beginning of a critical section, but explicitly calling unlock for each and every error-handling branching within it. And yes, he forgot to unlock at several places.

That's just not RAIIght.

WordPress uses 25+ MySQL connections per person. MySQL limit is set to 100. 4 people can bring down a critical component of the company. Only fix is to write custom MySQL connector using PDO and persistence connections. Added a Resistor cache just for good measure.

Everyday:
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..

Today:
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL*

Exactly when I do NOT need to be doing updates because system stability is critical to meeting deadlines, suddenly...

Our Excel file of critical bugs to fix before live went from 18 to 11 today. I was super happy... then I asked my colleague how he was getting on with his "Points from the designer" task.

It's another document which had 25 new points added to it this afternoon.

This week I’ve been reinstating IE11 support.

OMFG WHY!? I hear you ask.

Is it due to critical legacy integration dependencies? AD Intranet logins? Draconian Group Policy rules?

Nope. This ONE user just prefers it! 🤯

How much are we getting paid for this nonsense? Sweet FA!

#cognativedissonance 😢

The worst people are the ones who play it off like they know what they are doing. You read a few things online cool. That don't mean you need to set up a mission critical server. Why would you take 2 ssds put them in raid 1 then partition it for c, e, and d drive then set a backup to image c partition to d?

Fuck you Twillio.
You bought a perfectly good email service (SendGrid) and now this service is just.. failing.
All of theirs Ips are getting blacklisted. Our clients are calling us (Of course they are).
People cannot reset passwords, cannot get ANY email notification.
Right now, SendGrid is blacklisted by majority of anti spam systems.
Twilio, fuck you again. This service we were using for more than 5 years without ANY problem. Twilio fucked up.
Fuck you Twlio again. And when we create a “critical” ticket, all you have to say is “Meehhh we’ll contact you in a week” ? REALLY ? Even Microsoft contacts us in 2 hours for critical problems.
Sorry it needed to come out.

I used to work at a startup company that was so mismanaged that they lost track of when the Visual Studio licenses expire.

So during a critical week, the Visual Studio instances stopped working, and they have to scramble getting new licenses, which took a while.

In the end, the client lost confidence, pulled the plug on the project. I also lost confidence in the company and bailed out. Less than a year later the company went totally bankrupt.

In the middle of 2 critical bug fixes and your boss 'volunteers' you for a meaningless 4 hour training session.....WTF????

- I do threat intel.
- Oh yeah? Name 4 critical vulnerabilities.
- Fortinet.
- That's on me, I set the bar too low.

Project Manager logic (the best kind).

PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.

Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.

PM: ... but he marked them all as critical

(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)

Massive cyber attack hits Europe. Hopefully everyone is patched and secure. Critical infrastructure, banks... impacted.

Going to release the biggest feature I have implemented for Product I work on. Change in more than 150 files and it is very very critical.
Wish me luck..

The best?
I managed to release the new version of the best selling main product of my company.

The worst?
At the release it had critical bugs I didn’t find during the tests.

I always love getting yelled at by a client about a feature that they “use everyday” and critical to their business is just not working. Go back and look... it appears that it broke a while ago (in this case a couple months).

It’s my fault, but I do start to question other blanket statements they make.

So i moved house a while ago and noted down the root admin's username and password along with all the critical directories including root db location and slapped the sticker onto my personal cloud.
I Just haven't gotten around to set it back up again.

So there's that...

QA: I found critical bug in your application. 😡
Me: Oh no, It's a feature! 😅

I think 4PM is a always a perfect time to assign new critical tasks - QA

When you convince your PM to follow your approach to solve a critical-ranked issue..

"I love Windows 10's unexpected critical update timings" - Said no one EVER!!!!

This is the LAST TIME a critical PC component will fail me in the middle of a project. Wtf is up with hardware makers these days? Why can't you make a video card that will last for more than a year, AMD?? FFS!

Desktop for gaming, laptop for code. Now to redo my workstation AGAIN. 😭

Me: Alright, new week, back from vacation fully rested and focused, lets get productive.

Apple(safari 10.3 update): Fuck you.

Basically the change log was:
*fixed critical security bug.
*added more bugs to fix later.

Well fuck you too safari... You disgust me.

The least the fucking imbeciles, or monkeys, behind safari can do is add a fucking css prefix. For fucks sake.

Manager signed up an affiliate last night to our affiliate tracking software around 11pm. I get an email at 10am asking why I don't have them added to our internal database yet.

"because I was sleeping n shit"

I also explained to him it's not mission critical because it takes 3-5 days before an affiliate will start sending traffic anyways.

Ran the build today 4:30 and found out our grunt file is missing some pretty critical error checks without even logging a warning. A dependency was unavailable and it was pushed to production. The site was down for 30+ minutes.

We have built an entire app that is very critical to our business on google sheets. My boss did this all by convincing people he is doing that to save time on admin panel development. But the business suffers with slowness and so many problems. And he loves google sheets for some crazy reason I don't know.

Having a manager and client and boss who know no programming is frustrating because when they post issues on the repo as bugs and critical but its neither of those, the terms lose all meaning because whats really happening is

THEYRE REALLY BAD AT USING COMPUTERS.

I had a coworker that NEVER restarted his computer or installed updates of any kind. Any time he showed me some code I got distracted by the "new updates are available" popup that was always there in his IDE.

I can't even imagine the backlog of critical security updates that were waiting to be installed when we left after 3 years.

How to impress PM:
1. Prepare a critical bug, that makes the frontend crash
2. Prepare a hotfix, that fixes the bug
3. Deploy bug on Friday afternoon
4. Wait until PM starts panicking
5. Deploy hotfix after 5 min
6. Get praise from PM

Time to switch to offline and hide in some dark corner to get work done. Tired of all the IM’s and coming over to my desk from 1 person for “critical” work. If they’re all critical then none of them are truly critical. If you sit on the data for 2 months, and then today is the day it becomes critical and the compliance issue is because of your ineptitude then its a you problem not an IT problem. Then on top of that you submit your data to be loaded in the incorrect request form and spreadsheet format you can go fuck yourself asking this be done in an hour. It could be done in 15 minutes if you had it in the correct format as specified in the 20 meetings over the past year which removed all manual analysis and automated the entire process you idiot. Now I have to get it into the correct format in that hour so I don’t have to do the analysis for you.
I have other things to do besides your etl tickets, like finding the actual problems in our actual critical applications. You know the ones where the VP’s of this giant corporation start calling if they go down.
Sorry for the rambling guys.

Just reviewing a critical pull request in one of our production apps.... wait, what?

I dislike Google page speed. I understand their intention but sometimes it's just stupid, like inclining critical CSS and loading in the rest of the CSS using JavaScript.

What happens if the user has JavaScript disabled? They get a half rendered site they can't use that looks broken, but hey, at least the crappy site loads quickly.

Either a very tired dev or a really really critical bug fix whose details cannot be revealed

I'll choose the first

Friday 5:13pm
- Critical report: "We're allowing users to withdraw more money then they actually have in their accounts"
5:16pm
- "False alarm. There is pagination on the transactions interface". Have a nice weekend everyone!

Tell me to work with the most critical feature of the project. So critical if not done right people can die! While working on it I find many poorly written requirements, I notify the leads about this. The whole thing is re-scoped and the feature is completed. I expected to become a senior after this but unfortunately only find out they put the blame on me for poorly written requirements that other people had written which I corrected... fml

Someone : this is not critical, if you have more important task or deadlines, prioritize it first.

Me : doing my more important task/deadlines

Someone, chatting me every hour : Is it ready? I need to submit it ASAP!!!!

What a pain in the ass!!!!

Windows containers with Kubernetes on AWS and Azure are thing now.

What does that mean? Is it now possible to containerize system critical windows 3.1 legacy software from the 90ties (like the ticketing software at Airport Paris Orly) and orchestrate it in the cloud?

Do you know any use cases for Microsoft Windows in the cloud?

When offshore overwrites your (100% to spec) content and then logs a critical defect because the incorrect content is showing...

How do you deal with a boss that is not very intelligent, but fights you, your team, executive management and project stakeholders on critical system design decisions?

Everyone else is worn out, the project is long overdue and I'm running out of energy, myself. Do I just do what everyone else does and let him have his way and prepare myself to deal with the imminent problems ahead, or do I keep fighting for a well designed system that customers will enjoy using?

When everything is critical, nothing is.

dev vs QA rant (n + 1)

So our QA is done by China team so naturally time difference is quite irritating,

I cannot change code
I cannot debug for issue

So today I fix a critical issue and before pushing it my seniors send the to the QA
> QA unavailable
> I wait for QA because nobody notifies if the code is tested and I can work ahead
> I get review that my issue fix generated another issue (page gets redirected)
> I'm angry and astonished, I check on same link, same circumstances and no such issue is found
> My seniors say read the issue properly and I do it, no positive response when I contradict the QA
> QA leaves for home on Friday and critical issue still remains in live

I cannot believe the laziness of QA, I mean it's their loss at the end of the day.

> top of that I waited 2 hours for QA to check the issue

How many times have you been called an idiot for verifying the accuracy of a critical piece of information?

Why is every one of these marked critical!? Every month or two they have an update that is critical and they are usually just security improvements. Is their security really that bad to always mark as a 'critical' update.

I need your advices!
Some good resources for teaching child and prepare them for programming and logical/critical thinking?

Just got assigned my first blocking/critical bug at my new job. 😦 How will this go?

I hate ot when your client has access to new relic and they panic and start creating critical issues when the linux db server is is 80% memory..

After a 2h conference call the client said he was going to contact a 3rd party dba because he didn't believe it was normal.

The AMD song, to the tune of Sam Riegel's DnD Beyond jingle:

You got the perfect casing
Its drive bays and supplies
But you need something to run your stuff
Cause you're late for that deadline

You click open a web page
You've heard about Phoronix test suite
And now you see a red company rise
In a field of blue and green

It's AMD! (AMD)
Yeah! AMD Radeon!
Yeah! AMD! (AMD)
Yeah! AMD Radeon!

You've got your motherboard
You've got your processors
And you've got Socket AM4!

It's AMD (AMD)
AMD (AMD)
AMD Radeon

The one day process of installing a Heroku dyno:

- Setting up Heroku from nothing, with variables, and cli etc... -> 20 minutes
- Mulling over the fact that __dirname doesn't work for some reason -> 1 hour
- Debugging one retarded error message after an other only to realize that a critical file is missing from the repo, that I should have noticed after 2 minutes -> 6 hours

Someone please explain to me how error messages such as
"Something went wrong" or "Critical error" are valid and provide little to no follow up explanation in the GUI, Logs, or client logs.

I get that not all error cases can be displayed on a GUI, but at least have decent error handling. Especially if your $8+ billion company.

A potential client wants me to fix a critical bug on their app. She wants us to book a call so she can explain the issue to me.

Because so many clients have wasted my time in the past, I want to charge her some $$$ for the call. However, if the gig goes through, it’ll be deducted from her bill.

Does this make any sense?

Is it good or bad that I forgot to push an critical buggfix to production just before I went home?

Hopefully I can update from home (think one of our servers has an backup of the ssh keys)

One day every 2 week, we got to spend the Friday just learning and trying stuff. No working on projects unless it's critical.
On these days, I feel like I learn much more than in the rest of the weeks.
Today I built (normally Python developer) a web service using Rust.

Dev: When can we deploy these changes that will improve the services?

Managers: Later, we're at a critical point right now.

..said every day for last four months

People get so defensive about their code! Especially, code that becomes redundant. Suddenly, they get all activist type, as if their puppy is being put to death, and come up with the most convoluted of reasons why it is very critical code.

It's 1:15 AM and I just got gome from work after 16 hours working on some really difficult mission critical things and deploying.
I think it's 16 hrs, my mind doesn't really work anymore. Good thing I drove home safe...

How do you guys handle receiving criticism to things you think you're doing well (or maybe not)?

I've been in my current role at my company for almost a year and I think I'm seen as good talent, but I have a hard time translating critical feedback from "we're telling you this so we can see you grow" and instead I hear "you are doing that wrong, do this instead."

It drives me nuts because I always think I'm failing.

On this Saturday my first full project is going to production and I am unable to resolve one fucking critical bug without db hit. Well still trying..

'we have a critical bug'
'Look, it's out of my hands, we would fix it but we do Agile, it needs to wait for grooming, planning, and then get in to the next sprint'
'how long will that take?'
'not long, 2 week maybe, 4 at most'

Hi. I did an interview recently and failed. I could not answer this question properly.

Estimate the number of doctors needed in a town of 4million people.

I think it's more of a critical thinking problem. I dont know.

Whow knows how to explain this?

Imagine an annual $50k+ enterprise software package that didn't distinguish between a null and an empty string in valuing critical data. Not noticed for years - wtf?

Critical Error: Webpage responded with: 404 Upvote button not found
(also happens to rants, not just comments)
(also don't look at the image for too long it's a pretty gross jpeg)

1 year in a project thought for 3 month, really, my boss needs to stop this client a little bit

- Bug-Report -
Description:
If you go to the comments section on your profile and click on an comment you made to a collab, devRant will load it as a normal rant instead of a collab and, therefore, nothing is shown.

Device Details:
- Device: Phone
- Android Version: 6.0

devRant Version:
1.9.0.3

Steps to reproduce:
- Write a comment to a collab
- Go to Profile -> Comments
- Click on that comment
- It will load it as a normal rant (See image)

Actual behaviour:
Show as normal rant

Expected behaviour:
Show as collab

I hope you can reproduce...

@dfox, @trogus