Other people : she said yes :') :')

Me: the client accepted the first draft without asking for changes :') :')

My boss thinks once the UI is made , the backend and integration shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.

I want to kick him on the dark side of his moon

Rant!!

Girlfriend call me while am at a meeting.
I mute my phone...
She calls again and again for the 3rd time back to back. I leave the meeting stating this might be important..

I answer the call...

Me: hey babe , all okay ?
She: you’re busy ?
Me: yeah sorta , tell me wassup ?
She : if you’re busy then it’s okay we can talk later
Me: it’s all right . Are you okay ?
She : yes, but if you’re busy we can talk later ..

Me :(FUCKKKKKKKK THIS FUCKING FUCK WOMEN LOGIC, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS)
The above statement was said internally

Me:(in reality) you sure babe? I’ve left the meeting so I can talk..

She: nothin much I was suppose to be in your area in a couple of hours so wanted to know if you could meet

Boss man: your code has issues , you should strive to have lesser bugs.

Me: GTA was made due to a bug in the their code.
*mic drop, leaves office, clapping heard in background*

😂

My coworker said she'd rather commit seppuku than use Edge.

My first thought was "commit it to what?"

I forgot commit had another meaning ...

Making fun of a skinny/fat person working out is like making fun of an uneducated man trying to learn

This dude is using 4 screens for work. When I asked for another screen at work,
I can't convince my boss for 2, FML

To the dude who got 4 screens, congratulations, and sorry I used your image without permission. BTW
You lucky bastard

I am serious. In 1 month, I wrote 32451 lines of code.

- 960 functions
- 189 unit tests

Shout out for dfox for +1 ing our rants even if they are shitty . Way to go dfox!!! 😂

I once had Javascript and jQuery on the same line in my resume (no longer the case).

Was told I clearly didn't know what I was talking about because "Javascript and jQuery are two completely different languages"

Nose picking manager.
I mean this fucker picks his nose even when he’s talking face to face,
And am not talking about just cleaning it,am talking about putting the finger in all the way and probably trying to dial a number...

So my CEO wants me to move to architecting systems!!!!!!!! My dream since a kid !!!

It seems like a mad job where you're a crazy scientist 😂
What should I read or do to be better ?

Just make up your mind hacker news :

People here are arguing about a guy using MS word as a HTML IDE,
My boss once showed me how blind people read "colors" by running his fingers over the phone screen.

Me:(kills the CTRL +S buttons saving something)
Boss: what are you doing ?
Me: nothing much, saving a document.
Boss: is that the best way to save it?
Me: no, it got saved the very first time, the rest is to convince my heart I saved it.

Boss: ... ... ... fair enough.

What kind of dumb fucks are making these job application forms, initially I thought asking my “sexual preference” was weird but then I saw these !!!!

How does my earlier financial condition or what my parents did when I was 14 help my job application when now I am 28 !!

The fuck

I feel like a e-hoarder, I keep tabs and sublime windows open and worry about closing them as they might contain important code...
FML

Get projects from companies and let students compete to complete those projects ,
Projects could be basic , but the students would get a good chance to see what is being done in real projects what tech is used.

That awkward moment when your AliExpress package has travelled more countries than you ever have

You know the world is about to end when STACK OVERFLOW is down

You only know the value of a bad boss once you get a boss who's worse

The fuck did I do wrong?

So I had 11 vulnerabilities 1 high.
I just npm audit fix

Now it’s 44 vulnerabilities

Nice try Microsoft, but no.

Relax junior LOL

Just received a job invitation for my first developer position. But I never wrote a line of code in my life. I guess my interviewer too.

Boss never branches. Pushes his commits directly to develop. No code review. No pull requests.

CEO : this Facebook app has this great feature .

Me: yep, it’s really useful

CEO : can we make something like this in ours too ?

Me : we can sure try using this(x) method.

CEO : cool, I’ll add this into the sales team memo , and btw, it needs to be done in 2 days,
Me : but... but ...

Made this for work after encountering 500+ line functions in the legacy code.

I couldn’t get a dev duck ,
So here comes Dev Spider-Man!!!
Well he’s obviously good at coding , cos you know , he works on the web 🤣

Seems legit

As a person who takes a lot of tech interviews everyday, here are a few thoughts

1. You DON’T need to know everything, it’s okay to say you don’t know things. Trust me, we know when you’re lying

2. Rule of thumb, the more the number of questions, the more we like you

3. We don’t mind you saying what you’re thinking when we ask a logical question. It might help us understand your approach to the problem and guide you.

4. Don’t google during telephonic interview, your stutter tells us the truth

I love Friday :D

So I wrote code to show the FUNCTIONALITY of my module , which has temporary variables and temporary code.
Boss after verifying : so it's done right ?
Me: no the code needs to be written .
Boss : but it's working...
Me : yeah , but this is a test environment , I need to put everything in place and test .
Boss : so it'll be done in 15 minutes right ?
Me : ...
Boss: ...

Learning to use Lightroom,
First try...

The hardest part about editing photos is to not oversaturated them even when you feel warmer colours look better . I guess I overdid it

P.S. that’s me in the picture enjoying the sky pissing on my face (sarcasm intended)

Me after working on a complex UI given by the designer

Me: it’s done
Designer: the underline is off by 1px
Me: yeah , that how the css accommodates according to smaller screen , it’ll still look like the UI you gave on the bigger screen.
Designer : it hasn’t come out as expected , let’s change the UI and try something new here
ME (inside): YOU PEICE OF SHIT , you should have either spoken to me before designing the UI to know what could be done , or either be happy with the 1% different in the real UI and your “photoshop image”
Me(outside): as you say

Story from when game disks were in fashion
I asked my best buddy to burn a disk of GTA vice city so that I can install it on my desktop.
The next day when I receive the disk and insert it into my PC I almost fell of my chair laughing cause that douche bag had copied the icon from his desktop to the disk and burned it .
I almost fell laughing not because what he did , but because he did so when he was in his final year of his IT degree 🤣🤣🤣

Update !!
/**
I’ve been given the liberty to choose my job title by my HR,
Can you guys suggest a good one
**/

My current title is Sr. Product Engineer.

They have suggested product manager or technical manager , but I feel these sound bossy

/**
Any recommendations are welcome
**/

I guess someone has been testing in production

“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected

As much as I love using a mechanical keyboard ,I fucking hate the taps it makes when others use it

It’s like this constant hammer,
FUCK YOU BITCHES , don’t fucking hit it likes there’s no tomorrow !!!

FUCKING FUCK ANGULAR!!!!
LIKE FUCK IT IN THE ARSE AND BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER WHILE LAUNCHING A MISSILE ON IT TO BE SURE!

(ﾉ≧∇≦)ﾉ ﾐ ┸━┸

So I am making something on angular and I got everything running in ng serve(development environment) , after handling all issues and showing it to my boss man he approves and asked to put it up on prod for a demo , doesn’t sound like an issue , I make the prod build on cli and BAM! 16 errors ? No issues right?, I’ll just google the issue. Googles.... there aren’t no clear solutions to it as the angular version keeps changing and nobody knows what broke it, I mean people have the issue,but like 100 reasons that can cause it,
HOLY LORD RELEASE A NEWER VERSION AFTER MENDING THE OLD ONE
But nooooooo!

Angular Dev:We fucked this one, lol what should we do boss man?
Angular boss man: lol just leave it, we need to build the new version with newer bugs,

P.S. I like angular, but it’s like a underdeveloped framework, too many issues and too many changes

After working for months , I've understood that we should overestimate the time that will be taken to complete a task
But now it's getting annoying , I mean It's been a week I finished my project and am ideal ,

Btw, the project timeline was a week , ( I finished the work in a day )

I get anxiety when I have no work for days,

I am like the fuck is wrong with you body. You’re suppose to be chill, not a monster that wants to work all the time.

My professor said "I will use AI and Blockchain technologies to not let proxies happen ever".
😑

Fucking managers
Now I know why companies with shitty managers don’t grow

Me conversing with my senior as to how to make one of our functions scalable which around 10k devs would be using.

Manager walks in

Manager: how’s function x going

Me: great , will be done soon

Manager: you need to finish it by today

Me: can’t do it , too many sub functions need to be reconfigured( which was his job)

Manager: take *insert some managers asslicker’s name*’s help

Me: okay

We will finish it by today , but everybody know how “robust” the output will be

P.S. I didn’t argue because I’ve done that before and it’s like hitting your head on a wall. If you have read my previous rants, you would know

Just an update : never fucking install windows 7 on a new desktop without first reading , fucking piece of shit won’t detect my SSD , tried different solution over the Internet to no success, after 3 hours of nerve wrecking debugging I read a post on the Internet that “some”(not sure which) versions of windows just don’t detect an SSD,
Finally done by installing windows 10,
But nooooooo will windows let me die in peace, noooooooo
Every fucking time I restart my PC “ windows is installing updates
I mean fuck you , how fucking many bugs do you squash in a day.

Probably some engineer at Microsoft will be “ oops o dropped a donut on my keyboard, let just press ctrl + z” to undo changes and upload , lol “

Detox for a couple of weeks.
Have been avoiding social media apps like Instagram and Facebook.

It’s day 3, already feeling positive and less stressed

Only downside is what to do in free time

...It relies on the BouncyCastle cryptography library instead of OpenSSL, yet replicates OpenSSL bugs to guarantee compatibility.

Biggest sin
Due to lack of time, I named all the variables in my project without logic,
Like temp1,str1, function dojson etc

Lord be with the dev who's gonna work on that project

PS I am not a bad person, it is the time that made do such things

Finally , dual monitor , too bad am going on a vacation tomorrow.

Been cribbing about a single monitor since ages (1 year)

Hardest thing for me as Team leader is to teach people in my team, that task is done, when unit tests are written, pull request is created, approved and merged.

Not when their code compiles for a first time.

Every month I re-evaluate the code I had written previously to compare my progress in coding standards...
Turns out I need a time machine to go back in time and slap myself

A home designer ( a.k.a Interior Designer )

Ever since I got my home renovated 5 years ago, I love finding ways to make the houses look and feel better.

Fucking fuck !
I work with a senior Dev,
It’s pretty much like am working under him....
He’s like a great Dev no doubt about it

But !!!!

He’s a fucking dumbass when it comes to working in a team. He makes changes in my code without telling me. He says He forgot to tell me , every single time

When I ask him how a piece of code works , he says it’s pretty much obvious and acts like even a 6 year old kid Would know this ,
He doesn’t think 2 steps ahead before solving a problem usually creating another problem !

We were once working on a language which we weren’t very good at , so I suggested him to ask another Dev in our company about inputs on our code structure to which he completely Disagreed saying they really won’t know much and that he knows more than them..
Fucking dumbass thinks he knows more than most ...

I have tried confronting him multiple times but he feels but he just won’t listen...

In my country ,
“Actors” are “Reality” show judges,
Think about it,
And let it sync in

To all those geniuses who keep a finger on my screen to show me what they wanted to be changed ,you need to remove your fucking finger first so that I can see what you are talking about. I fucking can’t see through your finger.
Worst part is when they have huge palms that cover most of the screen

This cat is looking at me like how my manager looks at me when I say am gonna work a few extra hours of work because I like what I do...

Am the one who gave her the milk 😅

Don't blame the teachers, they don't know the latest technologies themselves, they are mostly graduates, who have almost no work exp, so they might not know latest technologies or how to use em, neither do universities fund them to learn them
P.S. Not a teacher, just put yourself in their shoes

Heads up , not a tech rant

So I now know what you should say if your kid asks what kind of person you should or should not be

So in the picture (sorry it isn’t clear , was taken late night after work) was a common parking area , the bikes parked you see are parked leaving space between at least for 2 more bikes. The owners usually park it that way cos they are too lazy to “properly park”. I confronted them last month and they said they’ll look into it , they have been contacted by various people from my area about this mattter , but it seems they don’t think it matters

So kids , learn to be considerate and not a douche bag , learn to listen and act , not act and listen , and last of all , learn to be a better person , that’s what humans have been trying to do for hundreds of years

How the fuck do Jr devs end up doing things someone specifically asks not to do.!!!!!
Fucks timelines up

So I asked my Jr Dev to leave a feature as it might not be required in this release and rather concentrate on the thing that is gonna make this release work , the “SAVE” button.
I mean how had is it to understand,
This dude goes ahead and “utilises” days on the thing that isn’t gonna be released(a dropdown) , and no, the dropdown still doesn’t work.

I understand the spirit of solving the bugs first. But what’s the point of solving it if it doesn’t fucking “save”

P.S. I’ve done this too as a Jr Dev :p

So if you’re planning on going to Antarctica sometime soon, well then don’t ,

Reference: earth.nulschool.net

The best part about working on Someone else's UI bug fixes is that you get to look like a hero when you fix the bugs and make all their work look like a sham - asshole 101

Me=feeling happy? Code😁: Code😔;

Devrant should have a "preview" image option for images uploaded on a rant. You could just end up uploading images of you and your vacuum cleaner doing some "cleaning"
@dfox

Forgetting to switch the git branch from master to back to Dev after committing. If I had a penny!

Hey guys, I am implementing some integration tools for Blokchains and planning to make it SaaS ( Software as a Service ). The biggest problem for me is to generate a unique name for that project. Can you help me?

Bitch!!!!
I have started to hate stackoverflow

I mean I asked a simple question about how to download a PDF over JavaScript. The question is marked duplicate and down voted.

How stupid can some dumbasses be? Yes a similar question was asked and answered
But..
The duplicate post they’ve marked used to work,USED to , that code doesn’t work anymore.

I mean come on I’ve specifically written I tried that and it doesn’t work anymore. But some fuckers just want to look cool by downvoting other.

Just ordered my first Alienware laptop.
As much as I want to be excited , I know devices and laptops don’t last that long like they used to years ago

I am done with this county where people are soooo radical and yet sheepish that they believe what’s shown on news.

Too many things to point out but won’t help .

So I am taking suggestions for countries to move.
Preferably Europe cos US is tiring to shit now

Fuck!!!
There’s so much I don’t know yet, gives me anxiety.
Will I ever be able to cope.

😓

Just started working on Alexa skills ,
And I must say , feel like a dog lost in a pool of balls plastic balls, while am chained to a pole. So much I can do.. but there’s no documentation as to how things work
All the docs available are old, and I didn’t really understand how things are working

Fixing bugs is like scratching balls , if you're at it for too long and it hurts ....
It's probably time to try a different approach ....

It's 2018, but the question about how to rename `.csproj` visual studio project is actual.

Create content instead of consuming it- read this somewhere and made a random collage of few unrelated screenshots. Posted it in Instagram.😑

!! WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE!!

So my Xbox one broke down and I want it to be replaced, since it is out of warranty , I don’t mind paying for a replacement(I heard somewhere they have an offer where you pay a small amount for a new one)

But those fuckers aren’t human, not metaphorically, I mean literally , you can’t call/chat with a human , the only time you can contact a human is after 7:30 fucking PM.
Royal fuck in the nuts witha hammer, you’re Microsoft , not some porn company which is only in one country ,please have a “working” customer service, recommend you guys, before going to buy a Microsoft product , just try to connect to microsoft , you’ll probably end up buying something else

P.S. the image below shows how the only time I can connect to a human is after 7:30PM - 7:00 AM, and no emails too don’t work

So yeah, I am officially a product manager now!

It’s a hate love relation becoming a manager from a developer

Need some advice on RAM,
So I’ve a laptop with 8GB ram and I am planning on a upgrade, now if I remember correctly I CAN add a 16Gig stick and it’ll be 24gig, but is it a good call to have different sized ram.
PS. Suggest a ram

Current RAM : HMA81GS6AFR8N-UH
Hynix

P.P.S - I’ll obviously add RAM of the same frequency

I recently un-boxed a pixel 2, though great on the specs side, I wouldn't buy it because of the looks and weight,
It just doesn't feel great in the hand, I mean if am spending that much, I should feel am holding a premium device at hand, but It feels like a dummy,
Camera might be great, but the bezel was too big

I was working so hard on debugging a code that I started writing semicolon at the end of a sentence instead of full stop

FML

What’s your take on engineering managers just focusing on delivering the product. Making sure the management happy.

TL;DR.
To begin, i want to clear it out that my EM is a really sweet person and tries to accommodate all of us and takes pressure off us whenever possible.

But he’s a really shitty manager. He’s the kinda guy whom you can give a weekend project and he’ll an excellent job. On the other hand, if the taks requires more than a weekend, he’ll probably fuck it up.
He thinks everything can be done in a jiffy and we don’t need to think about the edge cases.
His reasoning for not giving quality importance is that he wants us to focus on building the product and making it shippable. We can iron out issues once we get it done.
He’s decided not to let the tests run in the cicd pipeline because that might hinder making hot fixes.
I’ve tried talking to him but he believes that’s the only way management is willing to agree to.

How do I tell my “senior” co-worker that he’s a shitty person while working in a group , I just can’t tell my manager cos they both are good friends, I’ve tried confronting him but it didn’t make much of a difference. This is really frustrating me because I am always seen as the person who doesn’t know shit cos the senior co-worker keep changing the back end and my code 😓😓😓

What if parallel universe is real and all of us are just a copy of one person with a small differences just like parallel universe.

Food for thought

Need help/advice.

I’ve a raspberry pie 3B.
The pi boots up with the OS previously installed on it, theHDMI port works perfectly,

The problem is , I can’t get the USB ports to work, nor does the LAN port works. And the wifi also doesn’t connect automatically donno why , not sure if the wifi wasn’t setup or the chip is gone bad, just need to know what I can do with it

Is there a desktop widget to monitor my websites if they are down, slow.
I know I can have web services for that to receive emails about down websites
But I really just want a simple widget with a simple ui that tells warns me when my website is down