When your girlfriend takes notes for you over the phone so you don't forget it before you get home.

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

Debian is installing itself in Florida

customer service

We've all been there.

A guy named Valter couldn't register on this website because the developer blacklisted *ALTER*, amongst other words, to prevent SQL injection.

"I don't need a separate drive for backups"

My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.

Solution to all fanboy fights: Use a macbook that runs ubuntu that runs windows in a virtual machine.. there everyone happy ? 😅

My girlfriend got bitten by a mosquito and kept scratching it.
After I complained about the size of the bite, she said "c'mon it's just a bit, not big enough to be a byte".
When I finished facepalming (it took a while), I realized how proud I am of her.

Just created a batch file to delete a directory so that I don't have to right click and move my mouse all the way to delete and click it.

Received this from a magazine in the mail today and i don't even know where to begin with this so much fail...OK Vista that's where I'll begin...Windows Vista...

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Job offers be like:
We need a VIRGIN with atleast 2 years EXPERIENCE of SEX...

Should I put "able to save and exit in all cli text editors" in my bio?

*has 4 ongoing projects*

Hm its time to learn javascript

*has 5 ongoing projects*

When the Coke machine at Five Guys needs a better processor...

Found this gem on my sister's phone today.

Stop f*cking calling me minority or part of a underrepresented group. Yeah I noticed I am one of the only women on a conference. I DONT CARE, I AM A PROGRAMMER NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE. Hire me for my work, not because you want you company to be more diverse.

Fam-"Woah that's pretty awesome! It sounds hard, do you like it?"
Me-"Yeah I think it's a lot of fun!"
Fam-"Good for you :) anyway, our printer stopped working-"
Me-"... I'veGotHomeworkSorryLoveYouByeeeeee"

Kindly asking for help

That moment when..

This would be funny if it wasn't supposed to show the amount on my bank account.

Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.

'nuff said...

Going back to put in comments after you realise your code is actually going to be used by others after all

This interview NEVER gets old

Just deleted Facebook. Finally done with that bs.

Doctor, am i going to die?

WINDOWS USER VS LINUX USER

A Windows User's view on computing

I have the blue screen of death again
You'll never hear me say
I'm happy with my computer
At the end of the day
my operating system
dictates
my choice
in programs i use and the features I've
i have complete control
over nothing
i lose sleep
worrying about getting viruses
and
microsoft patching vulnerabilities in time
i don't have time to think about
some thing better.
i've learned
to live with old software issues
There's no way i'm planning
to change, and
its worth it to me

A Linux User's view on computing
(read this bottom to top)