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I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...11
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Boot up/shut down(different os edition)
Windows:
......eh?....
......zzzz......z...eh?
......
.....
....hold up.....zzz
....eh? Oh right!....
......z.....ok ok I am here...what?
....z...zzzzzz
Mac OS:
........
.......
..eh?
...ok I am here wtf u want?
Linux (most distros)
....snores coke...what?I AM HERE LETS GO MOFOCKA
-----shut down
Windows:
Still eating glue...
....glue....glue....glue...
WINDOWS WILL UPDATE WHE...whst are you doing with that pillow shshuahahhaah..x___x
Mac OS
.....
..ok fuck u bye whatever
Linux (most distros)
Ok bye xoxoxo talk to you lateer
**dead**22 -
Meeting with smooth suit guy:
"So, our company has pivoted"
I hate everything about this guy, not having slept well at all, I fucking snapped:
"Pivoted? Oh wow, what a wonderfully refined word to describe that your asinine business model smacked flat into the mud, that your obtuse bubble of vague ideas popped and your childish dreams of piles of undeserved gold got caught up by the hard reality that your product does not add any tangible value -- yet you tricked your sheepish retarded investors once again to fall for a new hype-filled pitch deck? Congratulations. At least you probably snort enough coke to keep believing in yourself..."
The guy nervously wiped his nose, stuttered, and walked off looking angry and a little confused.
So it turns out, my boss is apparently the major "sheepish retarded investor" in this company.
Today I got a mail from him. I expected fire and fury, nuclear ICBMs crashing into my desk.
"Thanks for your feedback, this is why I invite you to meetings. Could you take a look at their new pitch slides and preliminary API docs for me?"15 -
Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪4
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My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
24 -
Hi there fellas,
I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.
It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.
I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.
I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.
I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.
He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.
The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.
I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.
So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.
At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.
That's it.
My first story about my first job.
Thank you for reading 😊12 -
Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
I went out of office for a while, and when I was going to sit on my desk, a co-worker said me “Elizadeath, the boss wanna talk with you”. I was concerned, I though “maybe something broke in production code, or they need an urgent code, I don’t know”.
Well, that wasn’t what I expected.
“Elizadeath” she said “I’m seriously worry about you. I saw the plastic bottles our team has collected for the recyling project, and I realized that most of the Coca-Cola bottles came from you!”
Yes, it was a Coca-cola addiction intervention 😂 I’m drinking more water and less coke from now, for my health 😊
17 -
Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:
Sure thing
Dave
Sent from my iPhone9 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.5
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🎉 Today, I quit!
🖕🏻 Hannah from HR
🖕🏻 Hot desking
👋 I will miss (most of) the other people though. They were ok.
🤔 Now how am I gonna afford my coke and Bollinger hobbies12 -
Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁
26 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
In 2008 I took my first web development job for an agency that's no longer around. There was a Vice President there by appointment from our coke headed owner who really liked to micromanage and invade privacy with key loggers and screencap spyware to "manage" us. I found out because my machine would snag when moving the mouse cursor and sometimes I'd accidentally paste the screenshot into photoshop just before the software cleared the clipboard. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know I was being monitored so I just unplugged my network cable and killed the service running the jank ass spyware. I'd delete it when no one was looking and wipe out the cache of screencaps it would compile every day. It was basically a troll vs troll stalemate for weeks. Finally they gave in and told everyone what was going on so we collectively decided to seek revenge. We bought a piezo buzzer about the size of a quarter that chirped like crickets at random intervals. We stuck it on the underside of his desk inside of the middle drawer area and let it go. They spent so much time and money trying to get rid of the cricket infestation. We let it go on for weeks. I ended up quitting before the gag was up, but damn was it funny to see him squirm in that office because of those crickets!6
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Me yesterday. I dont have my laptop now...
When you are chewing mentos and because you are thirsty, you drink coke.
SPRINKLE ALL OVER MY DESK!4 -
I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)2
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Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂
6 -
Old man's tale. It's true.
Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.
One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.
We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.
We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.
There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.
Good days :)7 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.2
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Years ago, when i was a teenager (13,14 or smth) and internet at home was a very uncommon thing, there was that places where ppl can play lan games, have a beer (or coke) and have fun (spacenet internet cafe). It was like 1€ per hour to get a pc. Os was win98, if you just cancel the boot progress (reset button) to get an error boot menu, and then into the dos mode "edit c:/windows/win.ini" and remove theyr client startup setting from there, than u could use the pc for free. How much hours we spend there...
The more fun thing where the open network config, without the client running i could access all computers c drives (they was just shared i think so admin have it easy) was fun to locate the counter strike 1.6 control settings of other players. And bind the w key to "kill"... Round begins and you hear alot ppl raging. I could even acess the server settings of unreal tournament and fck up the gravity and such things. Good old time, the only game i played fair was broodwar and d3 lod5 -
/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV
Lower expectations, deliver results -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
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That feeling when you solve a problem that you thought is gonna take you days in 10 mins.... Still believe that it's a trap 😐4
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I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.
To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔1 -
I wish all open source desktop applications had the same combination of expert features and polish as Blender.
The state of FOSS applications for creating diagrams, DB management & ERD, drawing SVGs, editing video, slideshow presentations, document processing, etc -- Yeah just all of it seems to be either stuck in some 90's UX paradigm, or it's a basic-as-fuck Electron app with 12 buttons for toddlers.
I know... I know... it's FOSS, can't be entitled.
But there's a part of me that really wants to be.
Fuck it, I'm just going to be entitled.
FUCK YOU LAZY FOSS DEVS, GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME MODERN APPS. THROW YOUR GTK TOOLKIT BULLSHIT IN THE TRASH, GO CHOKE ON YOUR RETARDED WINDOWS-95 THEMED TOOLBARS, AND START MOTHERFUCKING COMPETING. YOU'RE BEING SURPASSED BY VENDOR LOCKED $50/MONTH CLOUD ABOMINATIONS MADE FOR COKE SNORTING DIMWITS. DON'T GIVE ME THAT "BUT PEOPLE WORK ON IT FOR FREE" CRAP, IF BLENDER CAN MAKE A GREAT COMPETING PRODUCT THEN SO CAN YOU.
Ah, completely unjustified and unfair.
But it still feels really, REALLY great to get it off my chest.
Now that I have descended from my soapbox, I'll go drag my useless developer ass over to the nearest FOSS project and see how I can contribute to a slightly less depressing future.15 -
...ive been on call for 27 minutes. Have had 2 calls already. One "resolved itself as [their] coworker restarted the server on [their] end" and the other didn't realize the page they were trying to load was decommed 2 years ago. They submitted the request.
I'm sick, annoyed already, and don't want to deal with this, but will because it's my job. Kind of. I have to respond to the call, even if it's fucking dumb.14 -
Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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Some interesting news:
(Non-literal translation)
Steam is currently working on a Windows emulator that may run any games from your steam library on Linux.
What do you think guys?
I like that Steam cares about Linux users.
10 -
Apartment owner tells me to get out for a few hours while he repairs some stuff around the house . Get laptop , get wallet , go to kfc , go to order , only have money to get a large coke and a coffee , set up laptop , start working on my 2D game project , one hour later hobo comes in and begs around for 2 mins , before the guard catches him , he goes to order instead and gets a large duo bucket with coffee ...fml being a poor dev before paycheck...2
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Casual workday be like:
Project manager: It is important we deliver these features.
Me & Coworker: Sounds reasonable, here is how long we need, roughly.
Mgr: Well, the deadline is already set and the contract is signed and written.
M&C: Ummm...
Mgr: Also, while we are hosting the application, we are not paid for operational cost, so make sure to optimise the crap out of it immediatly. Preferably while developing the features.
(A wild architect appears): Also everything has to be built on cans and kubernuts, with rectangular ui and bootstyling and with these internally developed backend frameworks NOBODY tests. Coroporate policy you know.
(A wilder division CEO appears on meeting): Also we are rolling out code KPI's across the organisation. Everyone is expected to Focus on documentation, test coverage and there is now mandatory SonarQube scanning of repos. ZERO DEFECTS PEOPLE
M&C: ...
(Wildest Salesteam appears): By the way we sold the application to these other customers, they love feature XYZ and must have it.
M&C: It does not have feature XYZ
Mgr: It will have feature XYZ
M&C: Allright so with all the extra funding from the sales, we need to hire atleast one Machine learning guy, an extra frontend specialist a developer and maybe funnel some of the funding into slacking the operational budget in the start.
Animated Suit *Railing a line of coke from his gold plated ihpone 15*: What funding? Get to work. Also your havent been super sharp with your time registration.
2 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒4
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Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:
execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();6 -
I am so sick of the stupidity and illogical reasoning of clients.
Client: Descriptions are no longer syncing. Can you please fix.
Me: Problem fixed and deployed.
Client: All the descriptions got overwritten by the sync descriptions. Can you please have manual uploads overwrite the descriptions that sync (but basically auto guess what the client wants). We may need a toggle.
Me: Toggle added.
Client: Can you go through the 100+ sites backups and restore all the product descriptions?
It's like are you serious right now!!??
Back to the cheeseburger concept here...
Client: Can I have a cheeseburger (comes with pickles, onions, tomatoes, lettuce), no pickles. A Coke? Oh, but I would like pickles on my cheeseburger.
Tender: Here is your order.
Client: Why did you put pickles on this!!?? I asked for NO pickles!
Tender: You added pickles towards the end, so we put the pickles in.
Client: No! I thought you would have known based off of my original statement that I asked for a cheeseburger with no pickles. That is the override!
Narrator: See how illogical things can get. We can't just assume/guess based off of illogical reasoning.3 -
When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....
2 -
Teams meeting today... kind of a quiet moment...
THEN SOMEBODY THEW DOWN TWO MASSIVE FUCKING LINES OF COKE... even let out the little "ugh" at the end.
It could have been oxies or molly or whatever the fuck you kids are doing these days... but that was 100% the sound of somebody snorting lines.
LOL7 -
Think I am drinking an expired coffee.
Taste is a bit .. funny and loose.
Oh it might also be the ants. I found few ants in the sugar but I couldn't be bother removing them so I just poured coffee directly.
I should just stick to my energy drink or coke :311 -
Dude picking his brain over my coke. Yes I mean attempting to tickle his brain trough the nose hole.
A piece of nasal excrement landed in my coke and made it go fizz, that was how I noticed.6 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her20 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
-
When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
I was once asked to find a way to find the centre of gravity of a coke bottle. As soon as I started mentioning string, ruler etc., the interviewer told me I have nothing else, only the coke bottle..10
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So lets make a list of what i love
Coke
Cpp
Foss
Vsc
Vim
Linux
Bash
Telegram
The internet
The gnufather
Clinl
Lasagna
Pizza
Maths
Music
Music theory
Singing
Dvorak10 -
Hey, Unity!
I love you and how your bug system works, but can you polish your errors?
I don't have any experience in programming and I am only a level designer.
I have no idea what this error meant so I begged to my boss crying that this FATAL error popped up.
Then my boss comforted me with pizza and coke.
I just realized that my boss is better than Unity.
I'm sorry, Unity. I was just about to buy the Unity license, but I changed my mind to just use the [personal edition and hack the dark theme by hex edit.
Best regards,
cozyplanes
(* This is a real e-mail sent to Unity Help Center *)
8 -
Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!
12 -
For the first time I tried to use WordPress. I spent almost 30mins. Now I decided I should not use that again in my life. Fuck WordPress.2
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Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.2
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Sorry !dev-related, But:
In our grocery store there‘s a 0.5L coke for 0.99 under that there‘s a 1L for 0.98 and around the corner there’s a 1.5L coke for 0.99
WTF?8 -
Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
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I know I'm gonna catch heat here but if you insist on using vim or emacs on any OS that is in GUI mode just know I think you are mental... I get it you have shortcuts but so do sublime, atom or vs code. Plus intellisense.
Don't get me wrong I started with vim and have a special place in my heart but I know people only use it to beat their chests.
And just so everyone knows a little about me:
Spaces>tabs
Vim>emacs>nano
Linux>windows>macOS
I hate JavaScript
And mtn dew is a better drink than coke or Pepsi.20 -
This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
My rant of the day is not being able to use the latest version of PHP with the latest features because my host only provides 5.6!7
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Software:
added a "Coke zero" to my order and the app asked to show my ID to the delivery to make sure I'm over 18.
me:
Ordered a milkshake instead. More appropriate for my (mental) age.15 -
So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....1
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Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎2
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When I was in school, I had a period called "computers" every week. We were told by our computer teacher to remove our shoes outside the computer lab to prevent viruses from entering the computers.10
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Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
-
Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?
I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!12 -
Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.4
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Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!
print("hello world")8 -
Now, I started in a new position as a dev back in September 2020 - after some starting pleasantries like "how are you", "whats up", "how is your weekend" the working relationship with my office partner soured.
It started with asking me TOTALLY random questions while my headset was on and i was "in the zone". These were questions like: "where should I buy a car", "Why is the virus spreading so fast". I tried to answer politely but made it very clear that when the headset is on my brain and every fibre in my body is inside the code and f---ing it.
Then it escalated, she called me 9.30PM on xmas day and wondered if i needed the API we are using........ Which i most certainly did not.
Now she hates me because I asked to move to another office and was granted that request 15 minutes after asking....7 -
I was working on a game, and my monitor randomly blacked out and my computer stopped dead. My lights were still on so it wasn't a power cut. I look at my computer and I noticed it's completely covered in Diet Coke. So, I take it apart and cleaned them inside out, whilst I waited for any drying. I stole my dad's desktop and just put the hard drive in. Continued coding. So I guess the moral of the story, don't spill Coke on your PC.2
-
Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
-
When our company (past employer) got acquired by another company and everyone got to have a meeting where you got a black or blue envelope. One indicated you were being let go, the other indicated you were being offered an "opportunity" if you would relocate to NJ. What was an awesome company -- they destroyed the soul of it in one day.
Oh well their CEO got let go after a US Congressional investigation earlier this year. Karma, bitch! -
Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
-
SPECS:
- Dooge X5 max (worst phone ever, can't reccomend, randomly shuts off, displays advertizement, gets super hot)
- Bottle of coke light (so I don't get fat)
- Auna Mic 900-b (I used to do videos on youtube, though they were so bad i've deleted them lol)
- Two HP 24es screens (one of them broke when I let it fall while switching overheating cables)
- Mech keyboard with MX - Red
- Razer Naga 2014 (I regret buying that already)
- Wacom intuos small (I wanted to become a designer for a game with @Qcat)
- Computer with
CPU: ryzen i1600. 3.8ghz, 4ghz with boost, 12threads 6 cortes
RAM: 16 gig
Storage: 250gb SSD, 1tb hdd
Stickers: Generously donated by @gelomyrtol
Cooler: alpenföhn brocken
GPU: ATI 560 (something like that. I took the cheapest as I needed to fit a gpu into the budget, ryzen doesnt have integrated graphics units)
OS: fedora GNU/Linux with KDE as de (though i'm not sure wether i'll stay with it. I recently used cinnamon but it was too slow.
If i'm not on my desk, i'm either doing music studies, sleeping or i'm at school.
When on my deskj, I do
1) programming
2) Reading
3) watch nicob's danganronpa let's plays
4) programming.
My current projects:
clinl.org
github.com/wittmaxi/zeneural
10 -
I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
I think I might get close to a burnout. Last week was extremely stressful because of a deadline and I worked 45 hours in 4 days. Even in the evening my heart is pounding like a coke addict who had his last nose 1 hour ago.
What is your personal way of dealing with (work related) stress?
What activities help you best to cool down and relax?
I've not yet tried meditation but am trying to take some time to regularly do sport after the work, hopefully it helps.6 -
My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:
SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP
I'm curious about your suggestions ;)9 -
Finally a weekly rant where I can learn something!! 🙌
Mine:
-put linux on machine
-buy a gallon of coke
-run the ide
-start skype
-skype with my bud and code
And the thing that makes me The most productive: deadlines2 -
A few days back I talked to a person who is far away from me with an air distance of 7937km and electronic signals moving at almost speed of light crossing countries. That was good decent conversation.
-
Working 18 hours per day was tough, at the beginning coffee helped a lot. However I started loosing friends and the little free time I had, I spent it drinking, lonely in anonymous pubs, trying to socialise.
Workload increased and stress started to affect me, so I began smoking weed to relax.
To recover and work with renewed energy coffee was not enough anymore, I started with pills, amphetamines, coke, crack. After the biggest deployments I would disappear for days in an opium den.
Work, it's a gateway drug.5 -
Just in case nobody mentioned it:
Humble Bundle : Machine Learning
https://humblebundle.com/books/...
and
Humble Bundle : UI UX
https://humblebundle.com/books/...6 -
Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...5
-
Think in the Design of iPhone 11 John Ive was absent; this was Tom (Cook)'s idea and inspiration 😆😆😆😆
1 -
A lot of coke! I meant Coca Cola, not not cocaine. But sometimes I got feeling, it will help more.8
-
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
Me: (Talking to new recruits) "Remember, you should only ever work on one project at a time. The different requirements, complications, and resolution times will fuck you over. That's the last thing you need, being new to the team and all that. If the client needs more man power, then-" (you get the idea)
Also me: 3 monitors and working on 4 projects. *Sips coke*1 -
If you want to set off and go develop some grand new thing, you don’t need millions of dollars of capitalization. You need enough pizza and Diet Coke to stick in your refrigerator, a cheap PC to work on and the dedication to go through with it. ~John Carmack3
-
body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}
is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅 -
I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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Today, my macbook pro 2020 get spilled with my ice coke, i am just looking at the laptop, take some tissue to clean it, and waiting for my mac is getting up again. Feel so sad and very fcking stupid 😭5
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This is so nice..💙😄
<Heading>
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)
<Stanza 1>
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else
<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project
<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong
<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)
<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own1 -
Fast quitz:
1. Desktops or Laptops?
2. Windows or Linux?
3. Coke or Pepsi?
4. Instant coffee or regular coffee?
5. Light theme or dark theme?
6. Tabs or spaces?
Let's the hell begin! 😈30 -
Having a vodka and coke and trying to learn how to use a JSON api on a android app (also learning that). I'm sure it will go well.2
-
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
-
When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
Fucking experimental technologies. I feel like doing webassembly stuff is like buying a smart device, it's not worth any of the trouble for now.
I wanted to do some webassembly-stuff with rust and yew (basically react for rust). I was really hyped because it all looked promising and i found this cool band "heilung" whose music made me my coding feel like black magic with complex incantations and shit.
A basic webassembly setup did work, but everything afterwards was pure shit. Crate installation didn't go as expected, i get weird errors even though i simply copied the example (and checked the versions). The best i got was when i tried to compile and rust told me to go fuck myself because i cant use feature XY in a package in the stable environment. Why the hell would someone even publish said package then? After losing half a day because of this i give up for now. I don't feel like a badass magician anymore anyways, more like the guy that puts mentos into coke and gets hit by the foam. -
Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?
I mean, nano is just nicer 😇15 -
When your coworker is having issues with an old ColdFusion app, and says "Nevermind, I am just going to rewrite this in ASP". Yes, he is writing a "new" app in Classic ASP. 😒2
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15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.
That's right, the English summer has arrived.1 -
I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...
Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...4 -
The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.
-
Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.
'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5' -
So made my PI a little torrent machine. So that my parents can watch the movies they want when they want.3
-
Scanner scanner = new Scanner(...);
Which is fine until you're in a corporation where the (many) classes are so detailed that each one is 30 chars long...5 -
Diarrhea and hangover.
I thought about it a little more and unexpected police intervention when you just received new container full of coke for your premium clients can be as much disturbing.3 -
If you are writing all your code from scratch, you are probably an amateur.
If you are copying and pasting most of your code, you are probably a beginner. -
My monday started with boss calling me at 0730 asking if I could do a support-mission at the offices of the local landfill - this because 2 of the support people had called in sick and we where short on manpower. RIGHT! I said, with a sense of dread and disbelief. ended up spending much of the day there. fixing everything from default reader of pdf to calibration of mouse sensitivity.
It's not like I need to code or anything, since I am working on two different projects and in competition of a third. Finally came back to the office after been at the landfill until lunch and got another support mission; this time internal mission. namely write out from our companys database and import the data to an absolute atrocity called PowerBI so our accountant get the numbers......... FINE!!! I'll do that too, but dont come to me and cry when the project delivery date gets postponed into eternity!!!3 -
I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...1
-
"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
This is how non devs imagine our devs. They tend to think a huge change is this quick. Meanwhile back at the ranch it will take a while and a lot more concentration.
-
Coworker has been working as a web developer at our company for 10 years... Yesterday I see him watching this video intently: https://youtu.be/PLA2FaOXkkg ?4
-
Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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ROFT: When you know the answer to someone's question on stack overflow but you don't have enough reputation to answer 🤦♂️4
-
A wonder happened and I accidentally understood the whole thing about pointers.
Thankfully before the test on Saturday.
Here I come Dynamic Data Structures!5 -
I just updated to Android 9 developer preview 3 and it's total bullshit
Runs perfect. No bugs. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING GOOGLE
#notmyandroid
😂😂4 -
Automate this!
I'm an aspiring coder working some chappy administrator job just to pay the bills for now. My boss found out that I may actually be more computer literate than I let on.
Boss: "I want you to make X happen automatically if I click here on this spreadsheet"
Me "X!? That means processing data from 4 different spreadsheets that aren't consistently named and scraping comparison info from the fronted of the Web cms we're using"
Boss: "if you say so.. Can you do it?"
Me: "maybe.. Can I install python?"
Boss: "No..."
Me: "what about node.js or ruby?"
Boss: "no.. I don't know what you're talking about but you're not installing anything, just get it done"
Me: "Errm Ok.."
So here I am now, way over my head loving the fact that I'm unofficially a Dev and coding my first something in Powershell and vb that will be used in business :)
Sucks that I still have to keep my regular work on target whilst doing this though!2 -
When someone cooks bacon in the break room early in the morning and doesn't bring enough for everyone. #hungrydeveloper1
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My job isn't stressful all the time. Sometimes I'm in meetings and I'm just bored. And sometimes I have a coke to drink. That's pretty nice.
But right now my app is breaking and I don't know why. It either corrupts the heap sometimes or breaks the execution engine sometimes or attempts to write pointers I don't control into protected memory sometimes. Can't reliably reproduce them. And every time I try to debug one it causes the other.
But I do have a Coke. -
I just need the big stack of books for my avatar and it’ll look very accurate to my actual set up but replace the cup of coffee with a bottle of Cherry Coke6
-
Microsoft Office Communicator (2007) is complete junk.
It can't even save a conversation session overnight -
SHIT my hard drive
Oh wait just didn't close my coke bottle properly ...
I totally freaked out for 5 minutes until I figured it out...😒3 -
IDE: JetBrains IDEs with Material theme (Dracula)
Editor: VS Code
They are fast, amazing and beautiful while I write code.2 -
I knew I wanted to be a Dev ever since I discovered that the Apollo missions, used a flight computer less powerful than a average mobile phone.
If they could put a man on the moon with that, imagine what I could do now... -
Hey fellas, I have a question about Windows and Linux.
I love Ubuntu on my Laptop and since gaming is no prio at this time I'd like to install Linux on my Rig.
I want to install Linux on a separate drive and unplug my Windows drive so Linux can boot alone without selection at Bootmanager.
However, I'd like the possibility that Bootmanager will let me choose if I plug the Windows drive back in (just in case I'm really in need of Windows).
Is it possible?4 -
Dreading the end of this bank holiday weekend, tomorrow I must wake up and return to working with legacy code.
-
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.
At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...
Well great.2 -
Started a new job trying to get familiar with their development workflow and no one wants to help pretty frustrating I'm ready to walk out the door.
-
Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
-
Remember report a bug? Once I had a guy report a cockroach he saw in his kitchen that morning 😂😂 people are great1
-
My little journey of regrets:
I remember when I was fourteen, I opened a small gap the door of "programming". It were the first steps of html, tags and what they do, to be precise.
"May, looks good. Thanks for the glimpse. Cya"
For about the other half of my life only magic happened at my desktop.
And now I'm standing once again at the door of programming trying to breach it with nukes n shit.
"Giev me all the knowledge plx, teach me senpai! I will never ignore and betray you again!" -
Really interesting video by FunFunFunction https://youtu.be/J9OpTNk0hYc.
"Does a developer need to be nice". How many times have you guys been made to feel stupid for asking a question or for getting something wrong?2 -
@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
-
When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
-
!rant
Going to install a Linux distro on my Mac for general dev antics (NodeJS & Java)...
But which one?12 -
Not a rant but a piece of advice.
Try drink coke (Coca-Cola) instead of coffee. Besides waking you up, it will give food from your brain.
It helped me a lot as a programmer when coffee couldn't do it7 -
Pressing the provisioning profiles "fix this issue" button in Xcode... And getting roasted for being a noob by the entire office.1
-
Guys, I'm a bit into those dev-stickers, but the hell, I can't find any Pascal ones.
If someone know where to get them, please share with us/me.
Thx in advance.5 -
Topic: Linux (Ubuntu) on eMMC drives.
Long story short: https://youtu.be/VvmROT8LEsM
I'm pretty new to linux and my primary computer is running on windows, but I wanted Linux back again (Had it once for a short time) so I decided that my Win10 Laptop (Acer Aspire 1) has to be sacrificed to satisfy my needs.
Unfortunately it has an eMMC drive so I did a little research and found out that a lot of people had issues with them, but YouTube spit out that poorly made, but we'll explained video.
If someone else isn't sure about Linux running on eMMCs watch the video and follow the instructions.
Btw I'm using the latest Ubuntu Budgie atm.
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
Kinky -
Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
-
In whatever framework I'm using I get frustrated with the default css so I just !important everything
-
!= rant
Does AngularJS still have momentum. I toyed with it for a while on a side project. Since then .Net Core launched and most of my work (both day to day and side projects has been in MVC 5 or .Net Core)
I wanted to go back to tinkering with that one side project but it seems that some of the hype surrounding AngularJS has died off.6 -
Am I the only one that spends more time and puts in more effort towards my job...... than anything else in my life ??
Love my job more than anything3 -
Tries to automate login with vb using I.E...
Gets stuck because login page is a hive of nested iframes with deep nested tags without defined names
FML -
Thought i'd try using VSCode.. initialized folder for git... and then proceeded to delete all my nodeschool work that i'd done over the past year... ARAGH!2
-
Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
-
Bribing sysadmin with an ice cold Coke hoping he will deploy my latest tag sort of in a hurry since I fudged up last one :/1
-
Guys I am looking to get my "feet wet" in Android Apps. Can you maybe drop a comment on any suggestions... Like IDE to use or any advise you have thnx.8
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I'm sitting here and trying to do some workers council stuff, but we changed the password for the WC Laptop. So I was trying for about an hour. After asking all council-mates I finally got access to the Laptop, but wait!
Guess who's updating! 😑🔫 -
!==rant
Are there any good cloud-based IDEs that:
1.) Supports C# (ASP.Net Core / MVC)
2.) Would work on a Chromebook2 -
I genuinely want to know about the thoughts of more exp devs in this community to tell me about the JavaScript and latest frameworks. But only in job and good pay perspective. I know js hardly qualifies as a proper programming language. But right now and am working as a frontend developer with angular 5 and was looking for some advice in building a career in js related technologies.1
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Last employer -- a major health care insurance carrier -- had over a million current and former subscribers data in SQL database with no encryption on SSN or other personally identifiable information. I reported this as an issue, and was told that since they had intrusion detection, etc. they don't need to encrypt the data. Guess they have never heard of zero day vulnerabilities or disgruntled employees?
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Coke, water and tea/coffee at the reach of my hand. Two monitors and some noise (tv/netflix or music).
It lasts until I reach something that I don't want to do at the moment (generally CSS) -
I always try to make solid plans with an exact time. It helps keep me on schedule with work and friends
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