Solution to all of our Git problems

Print Job A succeeds
Print Job B remains silent
The code differs not

Anybody tried code licking to solve your problems?

This advice cant be better! 😂

Why don't keyboards sleep? Because they have two shifts HUEHUEHUE

The highest data transfer rate today - 256 gigabytes per second - was achieved when the cleaner's vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked the flash drive in from the floor.

This couldn't be any truer, in our totally flawed education system.

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

I know it wasn't ethical, but I had to do it.

Semester 4 started this week, we all got to vote which day we wanted the lecture to be held on. There were quite a few options. My preference was Monday at 7:30pm.

So I entered the poll, as I have every other semester. But I noticed something, this particular poll didn't require any form of identification. Not even a Student ID.

I dug deeper, found that it used local cookies to store weather you'd voted or not, this is obviously a security problem, so I opened up Python and wrote a simple Selenium program to automate this process.

I called it the "Vote Smasher". First it would open the webpage, then it would choose Monday 7:30pm and vote. Then it would clear it's cookies, refresh and do it over again.

I ran it fifty times.

Can you guess what the revealed vote was for UCD SP4 IT was?

I heard my lecturer mutter:
"The votes aren't usually this slanted..."

I could hardly contain my giggles.
My vote won by about fifty over the others 😂

Let me just say, it was his fault for choosing such a naive poll system in the first place 😉

Dad is also a dev/architect. Mom barely knows how facebook works. So essentially she thinks I'm either playing games or working hard. Dad knows I'm just playing games.

This is me :P

How to make a perfect software:

Always think that the user is an idiot

"Aah, time to make a new Android app"
*starts Android Studio*
AS: "Yo yo yo, before you proceed, update all these 512 things in your SDK"
*creates a new Activity*
AS: "Nuh uh, this shit won't work without this, install it"
*runs app on emulator*
AS: "Hoooold your horses, you need to install this, and this, and update this and this.. oh and also that"
*emulator finally runs, app crashes*
AS: "Ohh, ha ha, oopsies, your Gradle config is also screwed up, change every dependency to the newest version and then update them all"
*config finally done, runs again*
AS: "Umm, I am too lazy to sync it myself, so you must press the nice big button on top to sync it"
"Fuck this"
*closes Android Studio*
AS: "WAAAIT WAIT, before you go, a new Android update just showed up, you must upd..."
*alt+f4*

Is eslint calling me stupid?

And the award for the most fitting ad placement goes to...

Everytime I need to edit a document

>Do you speak Latin?
>Yes ofc
>Wow! Tell me something in Latin
>"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...."
> :O

People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

Girlfriend: What's your biggest fear?

Me: That machines take over the world.

Girlfriend: What?

Toaster: What?

anyone?

Me: Alright, let's code!

School: Psst. Hey.

Me: What?

School: Remember that assignment from last week?

Me: Oh god please no.

School: Yeah, it's tomorrow. And you have a Geography exam next Monday. You love geography, right?

Me: Please, no, I want to become a programmer, not a--

School: Shush... It's okay. Programming can wait. You want a to get a job, right? What would they say when they see your poor Geography?

Me: That doesn't even... Okay, fine, I'll do it...

* two days later *

Me: Fuck me! Finally! Let's do some coding now.

School: Psst. Hey.

z-index: 9;
😕
z-index: 99;
😐
z-index: 999;
😑
z-index: 9999;
😡
z-index: 9999 !important;
😠
z-index: 9999 !IMPORTANTAHFA;
😲

Me on the train. A fucking 12 year old kid, fanboy of the iPhone X.
1. He calls it "X" (the letter). I bet he doesn't even know that it is a 10.
2. "it has only one port so you can use Bluetooth headphones". He seems like he is amazed by that. Like wtf? Guess what motherfucker you can use Bluetooth headphones even if you have a dedicated headphone jack.
3. "it has wireless charging"... Oh would you please fuck yourself you fucking donkey.
4. "it is so thin. Not like those other phones". So can somebody kick this guy or I will do it myself...

Sry gone full AlexDeLarge here...

Such dedication much wow

Busted

I trust machines more than humans.

Except when I'm hitting that Ctrl+S. Gotta hit it at least like 4 times before I can start believing :-P

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

Friend: What is the easiest way to become a developer?

Me: Just buy an Android phone.

He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...

Me: I'm really underpaid and you know that. You gotta do something about it.

My Manager: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Few weeks later*
My Manager: Hey what's the status on that new POC?

Me: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Radio silence in the room*