Every fds ever

Me: *Gets in same time as boss*

Boss: "You're late"

Me: -_-

Can programmers meditate without thinking about there bugs?

I found this in one of my older projects. And I felt it.

Summer is coming, and i suppose all of you will buy a new barbecue to cook some meat, but i have another economic alternative.

How to make a homemade bbq:

1) Take an old laptop
2) Turn it on
3) Install Android studio (also works with intellij)
4) Add a lot of gradle (or maven) depencies
5) Code something cool (or not)
6) Build and compile it
7) Now you can put your meat on your laptop
8) Enjoy your meal

Schrödinger's warranty

Dumb ass management. Picked a different technology for us without consulting our technical team...

My current company decided to do all automation in node.js.
Crawling, new projects, processes, all of it in Node.

Fuck my life.

*This morning*
HR Lady: we saw your profile and we think it fits what we're looking for, I just need to know what you use for front-end programming

Me: I use ReactJs, AngularJs and for backend NodeJs

HR Lady: Hmm, so you don't use Javascript

Me: ... (unhandled exception in my head)

Me: M'am everything I mentioned is using Javascript

HR Lady: oh! ok.

Today my current company fuck itself.

We were in negotiations about the end of my contract/mission, I want to quit to create a company around AI.

And the actual chairman said to me "You think too highly of yourself. I could find a tenth of people to replace you so shut up and take what we offer".

30 minutes later they received my resignation. 1h after that, the 15 dev under me resigned (after two year working with us they are clearly under paid). At the end of the day, the Head of product and the two good PO resigned.

This morning I get an email, talking about suing me as I made everyone resigned and asking for a meeting.
So I went to the meeting with a lawyer, they weren't expecting it. Boring legal stuff came after that.

And the funny fact: at the end of the meeting the CIO, chief ops and the SRE resigned as well.... As they didn't want to have the run it without all the team...

Funny day :)

Last month the main product, 90% of the company use it, was launched. And in three months 80% if the IT profiles will be out...

The real software development life cycle.

I think the best feeling is seeing you pet project slowly developing and growing.

I think the worst feeling is hearing someone 'meh'-ing while talkingabout it. 😓

Testing in production doesn't hurt.

IT
FUCKING
KILLS

Just ask Boeing.

In our company the estimation is done by customer / PO. Usually, the deadline is set to the day before yesterday after the issue arrived. Always highest prio.

Oh, almost forgot: when a developer does his estimations, the resulting number gets divided by 7 by the PMs. Buffers? Who needs that. QA? Pfff. We are EFFICIENT.
Deadline not met? Bugs in the release? The developer must be bad.

My coworkers are the best. Look what they got me for my birthday.

CEO: Ok guys, we need x feature by Friday
Me: This would normally take more than a month!
CEO: But I already told our customers we'll have this feature
Me: ...

Why the fuck does the management never consult me for timelines.

100% 😂😂😂

Who has got system like this.. Raise your hands 😂

Applied for a job at Google today for one of their new data centers. Fingers crossed 🤞

So i want to start learning about unity and want to use it in a project for Android.. Can anyone guide me with any helpful resources or suggestions?
TIA..

...adds 1 MB of libraries

Here it is, markdown supports, I've read a couple of rants requesting it and decided give it a try, more syntax will be supported later

https://github.com/devTeaa/...

Just shaved my beard off.... now I can't remember how to use the bash shell :(

"Sad violin"

My Friend Mr.Error

I experienced this before 😑

HR: "We are a family here."
Engineer: "No, we fucking aren't."

Was watching 'Johnny English Strikes Again' when I discovered a secret message in the movie.
Guys, MI7 is hiring C programmers!

Can anyone else relate?

All those fancy terms...