Dear gradle, no offense but I believe Rome took less time to build!

Interviewer: Who created JavaScript?
Me: ... Seriously?
Interviewer: Completely

WTF? First time I face that kind of question in an interview... For the record, I didn't know the answer, according to Wikipedia Brendan Eich created JS

No. More. Writing. Code. On. A. Fucking. Piece. Of. Paper.

 (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Oh yes I know how it feels.

When stack is down 😵

Clients be like...

When the normal cream doesn't do the job...

Reality

"Like Facebook, but better"

Fix it without internet

Front-end developer's to-do list :
☑ Climb Everest
☑ Learn how to speak mandarin
☑ Become god
◻ Vertically center something in CSS

A few years ago when I was still an apple fan boy, friend of mine bragging me about how android is awesome, we were drinking some shots at our local pub and I was starting to get light headed. At one point he showed me so called "terminal emulator" app. I checked it out, and assumed it's an emulation, just like dosbox, so I decided to verify that "rm -rf *"... (the phone was rooted)

The phone shutdown within seconds, I couldn't stop laughing, while my friend was shock that his new phone was longer booting.

Luckily he managed to reflash the ROM. What can I learn from that experience?
1. Don't drink and sudo
2. Don't call your app an emulator if it's the real deal.

Had to explain the difference between front and backend.

Restaurant:
Waiter == frontend
Cook == backend

FUCK XCODE CERTIFICATES AND PROVISIONING PROFILES

Weeks of programming can save hours of planning.

Why the fuck did I set up GitHub and all the deploy scripts if your just going to fucking ignore it and edit directly on the server?!?
"Oh, I ran out of time"
DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW SIMPLE GIT IS?!?!?
"git add file
git commit -m 'Queef farm'"
AND YOU'RE DONE!

Every single day.

Staying up past 2am makes me make weird things

When boss tries to look smart and gives you advice about the project you wrote:

My employer has this really cool thing. Where if I do my job very well, I get to do other peoples jobs too!

CSS IRL

Pretty accurate

When I show someone my code

You know things just got serious when you reach for pen and paper.

One of the many joys in a programmers life

This is way too true!

Nothing is more permanent than a temporary fix.

Nice try

Yeah no