This is a place in switzerland... i felt the power...

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

when I pull latest and all of my code is refactored

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code

In 2014,. I sold 0.17 btc for $87. I bought pizza with that money. It was delicious. I regret nothing.

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

It all makes sense now...

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

When you spend too much time in your car

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

Did you say security?

—_(*_*)_—

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

I've been working on a new meme-platform / image-board with a friend for the past few months and we've just reached an working form with most of the basic functionality in place. Now we could use some memers to test the page and fill it with some content. If you love memes as much as we do we would be greatful if some of you could give it a try :)
You can find us under: soosig.me

1969 vs 2017

Someone on the IP 127.0.0.1 has been creating a lot of bugs in my code, please beware of you notice any connections from that address.

Me: “I want the AWS instance with 2TB of RAM.”

Friend: “What on earth for!?”

Me: “I need to run the Slack client and Chrome at the same time.”

Tv hacker: I'll write code to hack their security cameras

2 seconds later

Tv hacker: I'm in

Me: go fuck yourself you fucking fuck

Lets all help them share their startup

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

so, my college has a very ugly looking login page for the college wifi. and I was bored so i thought let's change it a bit with a little JavaScript and tamper monkey i made this.. now i just keep on looking at the login page

Well...Sad but true...

Airports. Please stop using decade old Windows computers. Regards.

I have so much work to do...

And here I am, watching Top 10 building demolitions on YouTube.

Let none say it wasn't a productive day.

That moment when the new guy tells u "slow down, idk anything bout programming" and u were just asking him to type ifconfig to find out his ip.
Seriously?

*slaps him*

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Why does the Python developer have crooked teeth?

Because he doesn't use braces

Working in telecom...