HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

Software Quality

Really True ... :)))

Do I look like a guinea pig to you, dice tester?

I had a dream once that I gave up coding to join a monetary.

Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

Windows, you were installed yesterday. What the fuck are you updating???

Who will try it? :-D

Linux is awesome. In runs on my fridge (Tizen), my TV (Tizen), my phone (Android), my watch (Android Wear), My PC (Ubuntu) and my laptop (Kali). I'm now trying to force my parents to convert to Linux.

Please for the love of god name your variables in a sensible way! How the FUCK am I supposed to read your shitcode if you decide to write 6 (!!!) nested loops with variables each named by exactly one character. With no comments whatsoever!

I would rather crack password hashes than this nonsense.

Devs who argue that their favourite language is the best and other are not good enough for anything. Different tools for different jobs dammit!

Not again...

Music, headphones, tea/coffee and ignore the world. It works wonders not being distracted.

Everyday i used to spend an hour in the morning reading emails.

Until i made a script that reads all mails, parses to urgent/priorities/meetings etc. Then shows me a dashboard of everything. 1 hr turned to 20mins max.

Then i made a chatbot out of it and now i just talk to it everytime and gives me the rundown.

Gave me so much time to code instead of reading fucking emails.

Assume the sales team lied

bool success = false
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
throw new GiveUpException()
}

FUCKING FRONTEND DEVELOPING PIECE OF SHIT.

Why the fuck does justify-content: center behaves differently on chrome, Firefox and IE?

JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

This is just wrong..

This one for linux lovers
Me: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Hell no
Me: sudo Will you be my Valentine?
Girl: Yes Yes...wait
😂

"I forgot the WHERE clause in my update query"

NO, im not going to give you root access!! okay?!
thats my freaking server, bro!

Vertical coding

And that's why we're all single...

How does a full stack developer sleep?

They don't, they REST

devRant podcast

speaker 1: "What's your dream job?"
speaker 2: "Nothing!"

Answer of a true programmer

Windows users need that button :P

I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!

What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?

But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!

Hey geeky girl,
Roses are #ff0000
Violets are #0000ff
I use hex codes, but I’d use RGB for you.

Yet to try it in real life.

Which would you prefer?
Starting a new project from scratch or improving a finished project?

Which email?

One cup of black coffee ☕