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Client: We have a HUGE security problem.
Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?
Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.
I’m done for today.36 -
My job is so f**king unbelievable.
I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.
He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big f**king dog to work.
Every f**king day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single f**king day.
Anyway, I drive these dicks around in my van and we solve mysteries and s**t.49 -
Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.
Me: What exactly do you not like?
Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.
I...I don’t know what to say.25 -
So I just got one of those pop ups saying YOUR COMPUTER HAS BEEN HACKED.
I decided to call the number, while firing up a Linux virtual machine, running Linux Mint. I customized the home button to look like the Windows start menu logo, and proceeded to let that scammer connect to it.
He was so confused, considering the script he was reading off of was meant for windows. He opened up terminal, and started typing in "tree" and told me that's how many viruses I have.
😂😂😂21 -
So the person from my previous rant actually tried to make AI in HTML.
Person: I made that AI in HTML today!
Me: Oh really?
Person: Yup. *Opens HTML site*
It was a site that
1) Used JavaScript
2) Was a prompt(), and after answering it alerts "Yes" or "No" randomly.
Me: That's not AI
Person: Uhh yeah it is. It uses a neural network to answer!
Me: Actually, a neural network is a dot product of an input and vectors that are refined using partial derivatives.
Person: Yeah! That's what Math.random() and alert() do!
I left that room as quickly as I could (yet again).30 -
Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*
1.269427 milliseconds later...
Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!
Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.
I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.22 -
Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*
We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:
- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings
Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!
*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*
Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason
*audience: ooooohhhhh*
You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.
*audience: laughs*
Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.
Backstory:
We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!
... oh to have a time machine
Working with C:
- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.
- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".
- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.
- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.
- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.
- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.
- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.
... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.
- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:
Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"
... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?
- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.
- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).
- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.
- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.
- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.
- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?
You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.
I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.
Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex20 -
Person: I want to learn to code neural networks and cool AI stuff.
Me: Look into Python or Lua.
Person: Those are too hard, I'm going to use HTML instead.
I got out of there as fast as I could. 😅11 -
There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.
Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.
In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.
I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.
Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦♂️
I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.
He left class with a priceless look on his face.14 -
Today (as a joke), I asked my class if there were any “professional HTML programmers” who could help me.
Surprisingly a couple people came over with smirks on their face. I thought they were going along with the joke.
Turns out, they were serious. They legitimately believed that they were professional HTML programmers and talked to me in such a condescending way that I was speechless.
“This is called a file. See that part after the dot? That’s what makes it HTML. HTML is an incredibly hard programming language and powers CPUs and the computer that you are using.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Hopefully they were joking.9 -
Building a website for a client. Asked what URL they would like for the domain name...
Their reply:
15 -
Person: Your website doesn't work.
Me: Why?
Person: Nothing happens when I click.
Me: Did you disable JavaScript?
Person: Yeah, sounds shady.6 -
Person: *glances at my grades*
Me: Here we go again.
Person: I thought you were smart. How did you manage to get a C?!
It was a C (programming language) quiz. 🙄7 -
I had a client reach out to me to build a website for a company they’re starting.
The email was well-written and I was considering doing it—but then I read the last sentence.
“I think it’s appropriate for you to do it for free since I took the time to reach out to you”9 -
I did a simple bar graph to show the status of a db migration. Each bar is a computer with a db file. As I was bored waiting, I added a King Kong hanging from the longest bar.
8 -
I have a little Gradle,
It's slow as f*king sin,
And when I'm on a deadline,
It loves to sit and spin.
Oh, Gradle, Gradle, Gradle,
It takes all goddamn day,
I guess I'll make some Ramen,
'Coz Gradle loves to play.
/rant9 -
IT department created a risk assessment system and asked us to fill out the form.
I found that the form is vulnerable to XSS and possibly SQL injection so I told them and their response was:
"Oh, shit. Please don't tell anyone!"
Of course, it never get fixed :/6 -
There’s a fundamental difference between development and other jobs.
Doctor: Hey! My left arm is hurting and has been swollen for a while, I think it might be sprained. *pays $100*
Taxi Driver: Hey! Can you ride me over to this exact address? Thanks. *pays $20 + tip*
Construction Worker: I’m going to need this exact item in the blueprint built here with these materials. *pays $1000*
Mechanic: This part of my car isn’t working correct and it displays this exact warning. *pays $100*
Developer: Yo I need a cool free website that looks pretty awesome with like rainbows and stuff by tomorrow.18 -
https://google.com”f people near me wanted to show me something.
Person: Check out this zero-day exploit! I hacked into the system using a cloud-based cryptographically secure MD5 hash finite automata firewall HTML code API!
Me: Erm...what exactly did you hack?
Person: *shows screen while smirking*
It was a shell simulator website running “ping https://google.com”7 -
I’m a student who makes open source projects that are fairly popular and are used by several companies.
Today, I’m launching my Patreon campaign to hopefully fulfill my dreams of working on open source full-time.
Today is a good day.
https://patreon.com/kbrsh28 -
A customer calls to ask about our software, its features and its advantages and so on.
I answer him all his questions in a 45 minutes support call.
Then he decides to order the software from our website using the order form.
After 1h i get another call by the same guy saying he cant order.
I ask him why and he says that he is blind and his screen reader does not read out the form/website content.
So i filled out the order form with him together because im a nice person and customer is king. (Took me 20 minutes).
After that i ask our webdevelopers if they considered to make the website more disabled friendly.
They responded with no because it dosent matter.
Yeah fuck me right! Fuck the disabled customers we dont care.
I think thats kind of stupid but who cares right!!12 -
!rant
So this happened in the zoom meeting today. 2 colleagues were arguing on something.
A : "Do I look like f**king joke to you?"
B : " No, you don't look like a joke , your camera is off. But you sound like one. "
A : "I am so tired of you , f**k you man"
B: " Hey you can't f**k me without my consent, I said I am not interested."
Me : "Uhm guys this is scrum meeting."
B: "No shit captain obvious, we all know that. "
I am so speechless.....36 -
Person: I liked your personal website’s design, is it ok if I use it?
Me: A personal website should reflect your own style of design. Try creating one instead of using mine.
Person: Oh well, I liked yours more so I used it. Thanks anyway!
They literally have an exact copy of the code with different content. 😒10 -
What's wrong with this developer. I know at some point Eclipse was king, so you better stop playing with peoples emotions, lol 😅.
7 -
A coworker was listening to a Stephen King audio book through headphones on his Mac, so I ssh'd in and used the `say` command to start talking to him.
I love admin rights.5 -
Saw an add on my fb feed:
"We will make you a programmer in 6 weeks" - course in programming.
6 f*king weeks! I've been studying 5 years, wrote down butt loads of code, debugged billions of bugs, read hundreds pages of documentation and I wouldn't call my self a full developed programmer.
But hey, those fu*kers will make you a programmer in 6 weeks!15 -
My first job was an internship making $12 an hour. Before I was making ~30k selling cars. Completely uprooted and restarted my life. Came in, pointed out a bunch of things they were doing wrong (fearless intern saves the day), and became king of reporting. Within 3 weeks they offered me a full time job at $50k. I couldn't belive my gamble paid off. 5 years later I'm at a new place making way more and couldn't be happier!4
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Welcome to HRMC online.
Please enter your login
Now enter your Gateway ID
Password please
Now User ID
Government ID please
Enter a code we've texted your old number
There's a scroll in your garden. Find it.
Latin name for fox
Your name in Sanskrit
176th digit of Pi
We couldn't identify you.
Last three letters of your father in law's number plate
Your inner-most fear
7523/42*3.5
Your provisional driving license expiry date
Your first girlfriend's mother's maiden name
Capital of Belarus
King Arthur's burial coordinates
You answered all of those correctly.
We still don't recognise you.
A letter containing a government code that relates to none of the above will arrive by boat in 12 to 14 weeks.
Thank you for using HRMC online. We value your feedback. Please stand outside your back door any howl a number between 1 and 10 at the moon.
OP: https://mobile.twitter.com/jbwol/...
Can confirm. It is really like this.7 -
Why is the contributing manual of your open source project more thoughtfully cultivated than your code style guide and testing procedure?
Why the fuck do you care about the message in my PR, or even merge vs rebase of commits, when your spaghetti-tomatosource is so richly saturated with critically minced bugmeat?
Why are you standing there, shouting at me about your convoluted rules, in your little brown uniform? Why do I feel like the enemy when I contribute a useful fix, something which makes the code work better?
You know what, fuck all of you, you jilted acetous neckbeards, I will deploy my secret weapon, I will bypass the power you hold over your tiny fascist digital dominions.
If you play it like this, I will summon the nefarious vile side of Open Source. I will usurp your throne. I will stab out your crying eyes, rip out your conceited tongue, impale your lonely heart.
Tremble before me! I wield the almighty, legendary Fork!
The king is dead, long live the king!5 -
I hate all of these rants about JavaScript being a terrible language.
In reality, it's one of the easiest languages to work with. This makes it easier for new programmers to write messy code, but is it the language's fault?
People get mad about the things that happen when you multiply "undefined" and a string...what do you expect?
You also have the freedom to choose from a variety of tools the community has created to solve existing problems. People just don't realize that they don't *have* to learn everything, you just learn as you need them.
Don't blame JavaScript for you bad programming, terrible type conversion needs, and great tooling.23 -
Get my hunter license.
Become the pirate king.
An anime adaptation before we are 18.
Liberate Japan from Britannia.
Get Kokonotsu to take over the candy shop.
Kill my teacher before he wipes out humanity.
Kill all the kabane.
Kill all the titans.20 -
To my coworker who gets notifications 5 times a minute:
PUT YOUR F**KING PHONE ON SILENT, YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
Jeeze, it's like some people have ZERO workplace etiquette 😡😡😡3 -
Ooh my f**king god! These privacy emails are getting out of hand now!!!!! I blame Europe for spoiling my inbox.10
-
Those rare times when stackoverflow doesn't have the solution to your problems and when you finally do come up with a solution on your own, you feel like a goddamn king2
-
keeping up with the ridiculous job titles, WTF is an "iOS King"?
I would actually avoid applying for that job as I couldn't bare to call myself that, or have others
10 -
!rant
Finally finished the blanket I’ve spent a month crocheting without a pattern after teaching myself to crochet at, like, the beginning of the month. It’s huge (this is it laying on a King sized bed) and I made so many mistakes that seem super obvious now, but I’m still weirdly proud of it.
8 -
Today I woke up at 4 a.m. because in a dream I've thought that I had make a huge mistake in my code yesterday. So I've turn on the PC, checked the code and... everything just fine! F**king brain!
8 -
I'm not sure why so many people are against certain languages..
This industry changes overnight so I'm kinda willing to learn anything I need to make my f**king program work...5 -
One thing that pisses every dev off I know!
Project Managers who think making any changes takes 30 seconds.
"No Susan, changing the site isn't as simple as changing your f**king Facebook status!!"6 -
Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.
Designer: Ok.
~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~
Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.
Designer: Ok.
~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~
Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......
Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>10 -
TFW someone tells you that you're not a "real frontend developer" and then repeatedly asks for CSS help... 😒3
-
Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.
Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.
1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.
I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.
Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.
45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.
Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Called head office and told them everything was undr control.
Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.
Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"
Both nodded in agreement.
Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.
Got home thinking about how boss I am.
Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.
Still have diarrhea.
Fuck yeah.8 -
She: I hate you.
He: I don't care.
She: You are stupid.
He: I don't care.
She: You are ugly.
He: I don't care.
She: Linux is shit.
He: You are f**king dead b*tch.20 -
Biggest distraction while coding?
When a colleague (or even worst, your boss) decide to staring at your monitor...
WTF
I don't know you guys, but I suddenly become disable and not capable of using a keyboard.
Leave me f*king alone!!!3 -
So I got laid off because they told me I wasn't communicating enough.
For what I encountered
Reference:
https://devrant.com/rants/4979669/...
https://devrant.com/rants/4675369/...
https://devrant.com/rants/4956866/...
https://devrant.com/rants/4691189/...
https://devrant.com/rants/4699002/...
https://devrant.com/rants/4717638/...
For how I feel About after got laid off:
https://johnmelodyme.wordpress.com/...20 -
Are you a mango in Siberia?
Mangos seeds don't grow in Siberia. But if they are moved to a warmer climate they grow to be the King of fruits.
Do not beat yourself up if you are not doing good at one organization in one role. Analyze what is the problem and if it requires a change of team/organization, roles..just do it!8 -
Just got a call from IT people. They asked for a file which I already sent an email to them two days ago. When I told them that, they whined -- "You should have called me that you sent an email, I don't normally check it."
Didn't expect that kind of excuse from IT people... Or maybe my expectation was too high 😑2 -
3 nights of "why doesn't this work?", "what else can I try?", "why doesn't that work either?"...
Finally... it f**king works!3 -
Meet 'SBI Online' app from Play Store, in their own words:
What they were supposed to do?
"Experience the new Retail Internet Banking of SBI"
What they do?
"SBI online app will redirect to SBI Retail Internet Banking (online SBI) site"
Why do they have app?
"No need to remember URL",
"Less memory space required on device"
App storage space?
F**king 2.6 MB, just to redirect users to their website, in third-party browser.2 -
Just because you can learn HTML in a day doesn’t mean that you don’t need a degree.
Did you know that your browser, HTML, CSS, Javascript, and even your operating system use linked lists, binary trees, hash tables, and other so-called “useless” data structures?
It’s important to understand the roots and fundamentals of computer science even if you won’t use that knowledge day to day.
It changes your perspective on programming once you learn what actually goes on under the hood, and makes you think twice about the impact of what you write.
It’s relatively easy to get a programming job without a degree nowadays, but it often leads to web developers claiming that degrees aren’t important to their web apps.
There is much more than just the web to computer science, and that’s something to always keep in mind.10 -
Completed Angular 2 course on codeschool, really liked improvements and simplicity of Angular over Angularjs. Decided to do quick start guide in official website. Oh my f**king god... I need to setup webpack, typescript linter, typings, polyfills etc angular2-cli is no better, crawling with errors... why... why can't one just start a project and work instead spending loads of timing configuring all of that... AND WHY WE CANT HAVE PROPER SUPPORT FOR LATEST FEATURES...
I don't even know what I am ranting about... I just wish to spend more time creating things than configuring for ages development environment.7 -
Fu*king Windows!!!
Integrating Linux kernel into their new build.
Microsoft Edge insiders experimenting with Chromium engine.
Microsoft has now bowed down to the open source community...
All hail Linus Torvalds!!!!
All hail Linux!!!
All hail Open Source!!!
WE WON32 -
I just wrote this piece of code. Without googling. Call me regex king!
But in fact regex is not that hard, you just have to learn the syntax 😄
28 -
What a fu*#king stupid landlord. They got my devrant poster by mail and opened it. Not only that, they posted it on their wall for fun. YOU FU*#KING C*NTS22
-
What the F**K? Why Marketing department always think they know better than IT Department? They always tell us "What so difficult to do this thing? You guys must have templates and change a few things!"
Let me give you some insight here, that this guy is the guy who buy website templates from programmers, change things and upload the site to Bluehost or Wordpress, That's all he do.
Our Software Archictect, colleagues and I personally went from "What the f***?" to "Are you f**king Kidding Me? "
Sometimes I just want to tell him this "Hey you mother f**ker, based on your f**king statement , why would you need programmers then? You guys can just buy the templates and change things".....
F**k you Marketing Department!5 -
I’ve been programming with other languages than Python for so long that when I finally had to pick up Python to help teach my friend some python I felt like I was rediscovering a past life.
With Python I feel like King Fucking Arthur with the Holy Blade Excalibur, armored up and ready for fucking war.
When I’m writing a script I feel like I’m parrying and piercing my blade straight through that fuckers chest and slam them into the fucking ground. And leave their bleeding out cold dying body on the fucking ground with no hope in their eyes.
Although when an indentation error occurs I feel like I just fucking tripped over a fucking pebble and apparently stairs were nearby and I bash my head on all 1024 steps, get to the bottom to just to get some fucking Java Chad punt my fucking head like a fucking football screaming random reasons to not use python.8 -
⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️
⛔️ SPOILER ALERT ⛔️
⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You've been warned
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
⛔️🚨⛔️🚨⛔️🚨⛔️🚨⛔️
ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK
🚨⛔️🚨⛔️🚨⛔️🚨⛔️🚨
.
.
.
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.
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That was an awesome way to end the series!12 -
1)Get Project/idea
2)Look for the most suitable tech
3)Draw out all the functionality
4)Break into milestones
5)git init
6) git commit
7) Start
8) Test
9) Complete
10) Feel like a King7 -
F**king kaspersky found "malware" in development tools. Got scared clicked "disinfect"... F**king all days work "disinfected" from my project6
-
I just got a company called me for interview for f**king 3 hours, I wasted 3 hours of them asking me stupid questions. I show them the projects I have done, as they demand. I spent another 1.5 hours of them questioning my intelligence of whether these projects are stolen , fraud, or copied from Youtube. Just because I am a self-taught and have multiple professional certs, they believed these are mine if I have a bachelor degree or a PHD in Computer science.10
-
One of our senior dev enjoys berating the other devs because they don't check-in code according to his schedule (once a day, once an hour..he flip-flops a lot), then when they do, he 'reviews' their code, beating them up because of incomplete features, commented out code..petty..petty nonsense.
Ex. (this occurred couple of weeks ago).
Ralph: "The button click code in this event isn't complete"
Dev: "No, its not, the code in my development branch. You said it was best practice to check in code daily whether the code worked or not. I didn't finish the event last night and ..."
Ralph: "Exactly. Before you check any code into source control, it has to work and be 100% complete. What if someone moved that code into production? What happens if that code got deployed? I'm not even going talk about the lack of unit tests."
Dev: "Uh..well..the code is on the development channel, and I branched the project in my folder ...I didn't think it mattered.."
Ralph: "Ha ha...you see what happens when you don't think...listen..."
- blah blah blah for 10 minutes of hyperbole nonsense of source control check-in 'best practice'
This morning Ralph's computer's hard-drive crashed.
Ralph: "F-k! ..F-k! ... my f-king computer hard drive crashed!"
Me: "Ouch...did you loose anything important?"
Ralph: "A f-king week of code changes."
Me: "You checked everything into source control on Friday ...didn't you?"
Ralph: "F-k no!...I got busy...and...f-k!"
Me: "Look at the bright side, you'll have a good story to tell about the importance of daily check-ins"
Oh...if looks could kill. Karma...you're the best. -
I hate when you copy something important to the clipboard, and accidentally copy something else later.6
-
My friend called me today.
Him : Dude,can you write an app for both android/ios for my uni's orientation night. The app -
1) will only be activated only in the school compound.
2) display all the images with certain hashtag from Instagram.
3) voting option for selecting king/queen of the night.
Oh and the event is in next two weeks. You can just modify the Facebook and the instagram app right?
Speechless....2 -
Merry Christmas Everyone. Despite of the things that happened this year. We'll still go to our code base and look how awful we code it haha. Happy Holidays everyone!
3 -
So they took away our offices in favour of an open layout. This would have been fine if it was just us 3 devs and the manager, but we're sharing a space with network techs, help desk, the manager's secretary and an Accounts department all with little to no separation.
I'm now in the midst of incessant ringing of phones, idle chatter and raucous laughter with nowhere to retreat to for silence; I have no idea how/when I'm going to get any work done now. 😥😞
The organisation I work for is a f**king joke when it comes to management making any kind of logical decision.12 -
f**king people asking to design admin panel colorfully with these f**king psd images, I was like literally crying inside, I have never seen such a damn f**king admin panel. f**k off managers
5 -
Is it just the novice in me that finds the Haskell community's misguided obsession over character count really annoying? Learn You a Haskell For Greater Good states
> Shorter code means less bugs
A lot of people and resources seem to share this opinion, but it's obviously false. Simpler code means less bugs, but look at this function which just means "apply this applicative to each element of a list"
> sequence :: (Applicative f) => [f a] -> f [a]
> sequence = foldr (liftA2 (:)) (pure [])
This isn't "less buggy", it's fucking madness. The same in JS, the king of unreadable languages, would be:
function sequence(seq, val, apply = (f, x) => f(x)) {
seq.map(f => apply(f, val))
}
Seriously, how can you design a strictly typed language that gets beaten by JS in readability?16 -
I don't think I'm smart, but why most of the people are so retarded??
They want to just make the code work and skip home!
Not caring about how their code effects the whole system!3 -
Got a job as a database manager, they wanted me to update their sql server and some of their .net apps. Turns out their sql server had no databases and all their data was stored in an ms access 2003 applications that was using windows for workgroups security!!! It also had no interface, hundreds of tables and queries and there were multiple access db it was connected to. To make things worse the person who built all this stuff used acronyms for everything he did, table names, variables, queries and even bloody window folders!!! It was hard as hell to figure out what anything ment. Oh and the .net apps were asp sites that heavily used dll for storing his code and no one knows where the original source code for them are. Did I also mention there were no comments for any of the code, no database dictionary, no notes or anything.
So apparently I'll be rebuilding everything from scratch and transferring over the data to sql server. AND NO MORE F**KING ACRONYMS!!!!!!!2 -
I guess that counts? Some of the local burger kings once had an online game they advertised, where you could win free burgers if you are the first on the highscore (the other 2 places got some sort of coupons for cheaper meals), turned out there was a score submit bug you could abuse after finishing a game (me and a colleague noticed, while trying to find some sort of bug), when I reported it they didnt care (didn't get any response, maybe spam filtered?), so I got us some free burgers, scanned in the receipt and send it again, they paniced or just realized you can generate any amount of free burgers for the time of the game being online, took down the game for a day or two, sent me a short email thanking me, thats it.4
-
So this just happened...don't test on production kids (....sometimes you have no choice BUT DON'T F**KING DO IT OK!?)
6 -
Vendor we('re forced to) work with, as we share a client. This is in their stylesheet. Fuck SEO best practices, amirite?! 😒
5 -
WORST:
Resignation of my colleagues due to burnt out and stress. It is sad to see them lost their passion in coding because of the crappy system of handling projects by our p.managers.6 -
Woah. I just realized that I have 875 followers on GitHub. 😍
I know it's not much compared to the legends, but it's a lot for me.
https://github.com/kbrsh11 -
DO NOT f**king run automation and performance on the same f**king environment! You'll f**k up both the tests. Today is gonna be a long day.1
-
Hey DevRant fam ❤️ hope everyone is doing well ! I just finally finished this extremely difficult semester and also my FINAL EXAM!!! no more exams but Projects!! honestly guys and gals this has been my toughest semester yet apart from the time I failed Discrete mathematics twice... and i feel as if i have done well 😁👏🏻.
Anyways guys i hope you’re all doing amazing Wherever you may be!
Kind regards
The Kind King himself
Milo 🥂2 -
Not here to disturb y'all , but am a little sad because our cute little boy honey has wandered somewhere and hasn't come back for last 2 days. :'(
I don't know what to do, we searched the whole area nearby and there are no signs of him. We have also alerted a few neighbors who aren't bad to animals.
But i guess it's his time to go out. We always had many cats , and we live on the topmost floor, so cats usually wander over to different terraces and come back after a few hours. But there is always a day, when they go away, nd never comes back.usually the female cats return, with stomach full of babies, but the boys are full Roadies, king of some random place
Its just my heart says he hasn't gone forever. He is a super dumb, and not very much of a bold boy. I think he fell somewhere in an empty home,and couldn't find his way back. ;_;
10 -
Product gets launched in 2 hours. Just casually updating the documentation. Nice chill day. Everything tested and validated.
Then some random f**king designer comes barging in vomiting all these "necessary" features to the product owner.
This was yesterday. The designer and product owner are currently complaining to us devs that there are bugs everywhere...
I need a beer.3 -
"Let the developers consider a conceptual design,” the King said, for about the twentieth time that day._
“No, no!” said the Queen. “Tests first—design afterwards.”
“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. “The idea of writing the tests first!”
“Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning purple. “How much code have you written recently, anyway?” she sneered.
“I won’t,” said the plucky little Alice. “Tests shouldn’t drive design, design should drive testing. Tests should verify that your code works as it was designed, and that it meets the customer’s requirements, too,” she added, surprised by her own insight. “And when you drive your tests from a conceptual design, you can test smarter instead of harder.”4 -
Jesus Christ on a crutch!
You don't fucking use try and excepts everywhere in place of actual logic! For once in your Goddamn miserable life, I need you to actually think through what you're doing instead of mindlessly typing code away at your computer, you fucking King Shit of Turd Mountain!
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY EVERYTHING KEEPS BREAKING!?
BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING REFERENCING VARIABLES BEFORE THEY'RE ASSIGNED, AND THEN WRAPPING IT UP IN A TRY AND EXCEPT! YOU DON'T FUCKING DO THAT! Think through what you're doing!!!!
The shit you're pulling off here is as useful as a chocolate teapot!1 -
Working as a part time student on an app and until now I thought I was the king of software development.
Well, fuck me and my high horse.
Today the stuff we send from the client to the server didn't arrive, so I asked the backend guy if he could take a look at the packages arriving. He did and told me the data was messed up.
I did only design stuff the last week or so, so I was very confused. After reverting back to one old commit after the other it struck me.
I still don't know how such a dumb mistake could have happened to me, the king of Android apps, but apparently I replaced all occurrences of a specific keyword in just the strings and comments of the whole project. Key became KeyList, so instead of <Keys> my XML contained <KeyList> which made no goddamn sense whatsoever.
Did I mention that we have an important deadline tomorrow? Yeah...
So now I leaned my lesson. Never trust XML.
JK I'm dumb. That's the lesson here. -
First rant, technically a sysadmin but getting into the nitty-gritty of programming with some things to improve my job (and hopefully moving into something more technical).
Have been doing a paid internship at my utility company. I do patch management with SCCM and sometimes the updates break. I've been using Powershell to reset the Windows update cache to make the computers work again. Unfortunately, this sometimes involves logging into machines to do some manual work and I have to notify users before I log in if they're already logged in.
Scripts can be run silently but I've spent a few weeks trying to automatically retry Software Center updates with Powershell … before realizing just today that the system center action "Application Deployment Evaluation Cycle" does indeed do the thing I've been attempting to do with Powershell for weeks now.
Wish me luck as I automate that part of the process and completely automate the sole job they gave me to do. Don't tell on me!5 -
"Black supremacy is as dangerous as white supremacy, and God is not interested merely in the freedom of black men and brown men and yellow men, God is interested in the freedom of the whole human race and the creation of a society where all men will live together as brothers, and all men will respect the dignity and the worth of all human personality."
- MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.36 -
Fffffff uuuuu regex!!!! :@........
*then I finally get it working*
......I am king! And can now do anything!!!! :-D2 -
F**king sh*t management...there was a training schedule for Casandra (for basics and advance), I added my name to interested list and as I wanted my site ppl know I sent a email to HR stating to look at it and add more ppl....now I am out from the list and a line manager's name got added...WTF....why the hell he needs rather then a programmer... :(2
-
Since it's 42 & I am fond of the number..
The 'most fun' I had was making a completely useless feature for our customers that we (our team) knew will be useless (&wrong) once finished and we will have to rewrite it. But we had to do it nevertheless till the end of the week, since the customer is the king. It turned out hilarious and fun because everyone was making jokes on the floor about what idiotic stuff we code and implement. Even the boss was like: yes, yes, I know but please do it, you can rewrite it later to not do anything, just leave the button on gui. It was crazy it was fun, a little bit of mindless coding to lighten up the atmosphere and it (coding & jokes) brought closer the whole colective reaponsible for that particular customer. -
That f**king moment when you have integrated an Awesome feature in your app in less than an hour and then spent a whole day trying to properly resize a vector drawable so UI looks nice.... because user just care about interface!!!4
-
@Baguette is apparently a professional sleeper, please teach me, I need an expert in this domain, I can't stand going to work with barely 4~ hours of sleep / night
5 -
That moment when social media and seo people gets paid more than developers in your country.
Are you f**king kidding me!2 -
Finally on vacation.
As an American the first surprise I got in Berlin is that Burger King serves beer. Never seen that ever back home. (Okay I was in Denmark on a plane but it still was cool darn it)
I've been thinking for the year about working here, but now that I showed up the idea is scaring me a bit. Go figure. 😭
I want to see more of Germany beyond Berlin, what do our German natives like here?
9 -
So I'm making a music game, and I've been struggling to fend off this large sound latency issue. There is like a ~80ms of latency, which is a total deal-breaker for music games.
So I've been polling everything using a profiler, but nothing came up... Until just now, I realized:
IS IT MY F*<KING KEYBOARD THAT IS LAGGING?
I pulled my iPhone out, opened the Notes app, and recorded the screen as I smacked the keyboard.
Whaddaya know, exactly after 5 frames (in 60fps) of the sound of me punching the keyboard, the letter shows up.
Now I need to take *this* lag into account :facepalm:3 -
So f*king stressed out!
3 weeks passed at new job and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. My PRs got tons of comments and I still can't finish a tiny ticket that should be very easy but it's in a stack that I have almost 0 knowledge about. I feel so incompetent and afraid that I won't pass the probation. 😥
The stress hit so hard that I can't eat, feeling nausea every morning and can't sleep well at all. I question myself if I'm too stupid to be a developer, should I just give up?
😭😰😱😥😵
Argh this is so bad!10 -
Ice King. Lonely, weird, has a penguin for a debugger and doesn't do as he commands... Yup, that's a Linux guy alright.
2 -
Tupac - Lyric king
Eazy - Gangsta rap
Biggie - Flow king
Eminem - Rhyme king
Dr Dre - beat king
Rick Ross - burger king
Me - COPY/PASTE KING4 -
A 'using namespace std;' in a FRIGGGINGG FRIGG LIBRARY HEADER.
"Yuh, I'm totally the king of multiverse. F*** me, right"6 -
Welcome to the Unix stack exchange network where ...
FUCK YOU! I AM THE UNIX KING AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT I KNOW2 -
Starting the morning right....coffee with a fresh pile of f@$&king Windows updates that don't improve anything anyway (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
5 -
I’ve been seeing a lot of developers claiming “JavaScript sucks” because they do stuff like:
10 + window * [“JS sucks lol”] / {a: []}
What do you expect?2 -
I'm praying for our newly hired Software Architect. Because He sets unrealistic timelines. He said that He will code, but yeah He just said it. Also, praying for our project. Coz it's really doomed!8
-
"This page looks better in the app"
No, it f**king doesn't! I checked it, you lazy analytics-hungry monstrosity.1 -
So I joined a course for big data analysis. And they setup a lab specifically for us. Pulling us away from the usual computer labs
AND GUESS WHAT THEY DON'T EVEN BLOODY HAVE MYSQL INSTALLED. THEY'VE CHARGED ME A FORTUNE AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN CARE TO INSTALL THE BASIC SOFTWARES AND ITS ALREADY BEEN 2 WEEKS WITH THE START OF THE COURSE AND NOTHING.
F**king hate this man!!!!10 -
"How do I make this AI work?"
[Debugs]
[Dirtyphonics and Sullivan King - Vantablack plays in background]
o shit here we go son
[ends up typing its lyrics while testing the chatbot]
Chatbot's response to the clusterfuck: "I don't understand"2 -
My wish to have:
1) default show line number in IDE
2) default f**king dark theme
3) grant A new wish every time I make a wish
Wish wishes = new Wish();
3 -
Big shoutout to @king; just took a look at your website and frameworks; i like. I'll be using that CSS framework of yours in the near future
And i saw a little error on its page. You have a paragraph pertaining to the nav under the cards example. Just letting ya know
7 -
If you're going to look for junior devs on facebook... make sure you don't try to be funny and write any kind of bullshit-code.. there is a f**king space in the function name! Dude....
Text says:
"Rieke Computersysteme is looking for you!
void send Application () { ... }"
9 -
Okay today I wrote a very ugly api.. No f***king json mapper will handle that response in java. The values are dynamic... Good luck to anyone who will integrate into it... And good luck to anyone who will look at my code
Project manager please always give realistic deadlines2 -
@dfox - Idea for weekly rant - worst candidate that showed up to a job interview.
Had a solid resume, claimed to be a Java king, top notch. First question after he sat down: How to create a thread-safe singleton in Java using double-checked locking?
Guy didn't know the answer. - NEXT!14 -
Asshole marketing director again.
We’ve just finished a bit of work with some marketing agency. They ran some ad campaigns for us, no biggie.
Anyway marketing director emails them, copies me in and asks them if the have any “tips on our approach to development”
AAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!?
WHAT THE FUCK?!
The things that happen when you don’t have a fucking meat cleaver in your hand. I swear this guy is the fucking King of Cunts. I could kill. I think the jail time might even be worth it!! -
I've got a report that one of our machine-learning purpose computers broke down suddenly. I took a look and saw that the thing was stuck at the BIOS screen. The thing that was off was that it did not prompt for any keystrokes. Like, if there were a BIOS problem, there would usually be a prompt to press <F1> to ignore or something, right? But, nope! Even BIOS did not do jack s#!+.
I tinkered around the peripherals for an hour before finally finding something odd - why the f*<k does this computer have a screen hooked up via f*<king D-Sub????????
Yup, somebody hooked up a screen to the base motherboard via D-Sub when they rearranged other computers, even though that machine needed to have a screen hooked up to a GPU via HDMI.
🤦4 -
I f&#king hate it here. I am just eyeing to exit as soon as 1 year of my contractual obligation is over. My employer is a good employer. Provides good benefits but I just can't take the bureaucrazy in here. Just yesterday, had to ask another team to deploy objects on our behalf as they are the schema owner. They did it and asked us to review it today. But how? We don't even have manual access to the schema, because we are not the content owner and security! But that's fine, I can always query the catalog views and check the metadata and should be able to conclude the deployment. Right? NOOOO. Because security! Of what? Column names?
Prev rant: https://devrant.com/rants/5145722/...2 -
Unpopular opinion:
Version control is shit, just rewrite it every time you change something and need to roll back.
Convince me otherwise!6 -
Ahh, Unity’s “Wheel Joint.” Who knew it had “polarity.” I spent good several f*<king hours debugging this $h!+ just to find out I just placed them backwards on a 2-D car. Instead of the joint turning the wheels, they were trying to “turn the chassis.”
This meant the chassis received an impossible force which would rip it in half in real life. Of course, this was a unity game, so what happened instead was the physics engine flipping out which sent the car into the air!
I guess it was good for some lulz, but it took way too long to debug. I guess it’s time to take a little time off of that project.4 -
So once upon a time I had this dream while I was sleeping:
I was programming this videogame while I was inside of it.
It was something like VR where I had a tron-like world and I was the god in there, I was able to make and destroy anything as I pleased.
What I did was making a sort of challenge where you had to destroy someone else's kingdom by accessing it via FTP and then just destroy the useful files to kill defences and then become an actual king of that place.
Once awake I started thinking of making this whole thing into an actual game, but then I started reading the documentation for FTP connection in C# (I was thinking about using Unity) and literally stopped thinking about making it.2 -
Your UI doesn't render as expected...
You blame RecyclerView...
You blame ConstraintsLayout...
You even blame f**king ImageView...
Turn out the culprit was VectorDrawable...
You try to blame VectorDrawable but your inner self knows that it's your lack of proper knowledge of VectorDrawable....
You feel sad...
You push your code to git and go to sleep.1 -
ESNext (next version of JavaScript) — because no matter what I do, as long as I'm working with web technologies, JavaScript is king. My career has evolved from UI-focused work, primarily working with JavaScript, yet I've also worked on embedded platforms and even operating systems! JavaScript is my foundation and you must always remember your roots!1
-
!rant
Part of my job involves researching a shitload of documentation and tutorials in order to have an established and well tested point of refference for the rest of the team. As a Django guy, I have always been happy with the plethora of tutorials and what not made available for this amazing framework. Until recently I had absolutely no clue that MDN had their own Django tutorial and I must say....I am impressed! I seldom recommend something over the already great tutorial made available by the Django page itself, but this one by MDN really is worth considerind for people starting into the framework. One can even see the love that they have for the framework just by reading the tutorials.
Kudos to MDN for creating such a great resource!4 -
Why do popular media paint "programming" as easy... this is a very big deciet. please let stop this lies.
programming is not for everyone, not everybody can code.
and please dump the f**king "Girls can code" slogan.
there is no need for the hype.13 -
Analogy: Assume a JVM is a kingdom, Object is a king of the kingdom, and GC is an attacker of the kingdom who tries to kill the king(object).
When King is Strong, GC can not kill him.
When King is Soft, GC attacks him but King rule the kingdom with protection until resource are available.
When King is Weak, GC attacks him but rule the kingdom without protection.
When king is Phantom, GC already killed him but king is available via his soul.
So Phantom ref is basically GC saying "Omaewa mo shindheru" and the object saying "Nani???"1 -
Another story just brought back a flood of memories of dialing into a BBS over a 9600 baud modem, and using Blue Wave to post messages on Fidonet. Back in the day when NCSA Mosaic was the standard for browsers, the 40MB HDD was king, and 1MB was a lot of memory. Wow. OMG, and before that, I had a Commodore 64 running GEOS. I'm really feeling old now.3
-
Two years of my life I've kept in this project, sacrificed many weekends and peaceful thoughts ! worked my ass off to be an impact in the team and in delivering project...in spite of all that I still can't get ON SITE and all I get is some fucking bullshit appreciation from PM which he didn't even cared to tell one on one ...I hate my f**king life ! 😥😢2
-
Sometimes I feel I should switch to android from web even though I don't know anything about it but just feels that it's interesting morebthen web.
But then again I have those thoughts that jack of all and king of nothing is pretty hurtful in career building. Isn't it?5 -
Been interested in trying Polymer for a while so gave it a try today, two hours later now and about to dropkick my laptop!
Followed the "this-looks-super-easy-guide" but that kinda turned into shit when it was time to run gulp!
How the f#*k can it be so hard to find information and get this to work!
Guess I'll just stick with my Android development and forget about this side project because it affects my mood in a bad f#*king way👹5 -
My boss is the king of creating ambiguous/generic trello cards and misinterpreting obvious client emails.
What the fuck man? Get your shit together!!2 -
not a rant. I like poetry. Am a poemfag.
Be very impressed. VERY IMPRESSED!
Okay, well, just cringe through it at least. Smile and nod. I hope formatting doesn't butcher this.
"A King"
a king came to me one day
and claimed you will be my son!
and fame, and fortune, and all things good
yours your cup to overflow, overrun!
happiness and princesses, acclaim to your name
a life of leisure and of ease
land rich in treasures buried,
and swarthy ships on deep seas!
All these things, of emperors and kings
Will be yours to command! Though I warn
you my fair son, it is not as it seems
a charmed life is not grand
for though the riches of this earth
at your call, at your hand,
should find you at my passing, in your wealth
it is a kings fate to be damned
wealth to grave you can not take
and princesses demanding wives are one to make
and ships in harbor soon they rot
and health in age gives way to ache
and land is lost which once hard fought
truly that is rare the happiness which can be bought!
so upon the kingly head, heavy rests the (golden) crown
and though surrounded by apparent friends
never must he let his guard down
and ease which spoiled by fear of loss
magnified by all he'd gained
weary king, my boy, tis his lot,
to die a thousand times,
but never grow old again,
so heed these words my boy
it is not the wealth, or fame, or ease
that makes a man great my son,
but his words and his deeds!2 -
!rant
We've got a small army of foreign contractors working with us both in the office and overseas. Syntax has become the thing that stands out to me the most. We can all speak the same language, but our partners don't quite have the syntax down, resulting in some rather amusing email exchanges. I can't fault them, if the shoe was on the other foot, I guarantee I'd be butchering any other language's conversational syntax. Overall, the experience has been a bit of an eye opener for me. -
How is it possible that Microsoft Office and Open Office have less portability issues then Microsoft Office on Windows vs. Microsoft Office on Mac? It's supposed to be the same f*king programm developed by the same company! <.<2
-
A**hole of a "Technical" Delivery Manager, who has changed orgs after at-most every 14 months, and says she can't read code or even understand technical things like Kafka.
It's been 12 months she's joined here, I bet she's again gonna jump to somewhere. Why the hell do they give these roles if there's no relevance.
Only thing she knows is to blame/assign anything to anyone without giving a f**king read.
Any random thread, she'd just ++ and say, ensure this is done on priority. There are 7 priorities already assigned, atleast reply when I ask you on mail to arrange your priorities in order so that you won't say we messed up. We've no issues ticking one thing at a time from the top.
Atleast do something God damnit!1 -
The mood everytime I spend hours on a stupid bug and I get frustrated but then manage to fix it... "I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE..."..."IM THE KING OF THE WOOOORLD"..."WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!!"..."BAAAAABYYY COME HERE I HAVE GOOD NEWS!!!"... I just got that mood again
-
https://devrant.com/rants/1936381/...
Another day, another comment that just wont fucking post.
On Camping:
Rain IS camping weather.
All miserable weather is camping weather.
The function of camping is to remind you how great it is that you get to go home when you're done, and sleep in a warm, dry, comfy bed and not a canvas roof that leaks in the wrong place in a poorly insulated napsack on uneven ground while sleeping with thin canvas walls, on the ground, like a living human size lump of jerky for a hungry bear to wander by and gobble up.
Also waking up in the morning after being cold and miserable is amazing, because your body forcibly readjusts it's expectation of 'comfortable' just to fall asleep, and you just want to go back to bed instead of going into the cold and being awake where you have to experience the cramp in your neck you had from trying to get to sleep in an awkward attempt to get comfortable.
And after that, you cook bacon on the fire and drink black coffee, and feel like KING of the homeless people. King for a day.
And then you go home and THANK SWEET MARY'S TITTIES you do.3 -
When you got selected and got the offer from the company and then you just wait to see your offer letter so that you could know what's the next step to take. But later, the company says that they will send once all its process will be done. And your relatives constantly asks you about the location and you were like " I don't have this f**king offer letter and I don't know anything." But later they taunt your parents with some bloody shit stories :(
I mean "apna kaam se kaam nahi sakte kya"6 -
One of our developer told that my code is ugly to our project manager. And my response was 'I know right! By the way your code also sucks. Fair enough.'1
-
Where do you go to figure out new jargon/terms?
I found
The Jargon File
Beej's Guide to Network Programming
Hackterms.com
Sidewaysdictionary.com
But they seem to have low traffic
Is Wikipedia the king?4 -
I remember learning how to program 5-6 years ago. It was completely broken. All of these “courses” just teach the syntax of a language. They usually don’t even teach how it works or what it’s used for. Knowing the syntax is great and all, but what’s important is learning to apply it to solve problems.
A lot of other basic things are often overlooked as well. For example, introducing a text editor and the command line would have been incredibly valuable.
For a long while I was using online editors and logging the output of functions instead of actually making projects.
I’m glad I kind of created my own way of learning: by making projects. Just hopping into something was the best way to learn from me. If I got stuck, I’d simply look it up. As a result, I was able to actually apply my skills to learn. -
What to do when you encounter a problem in windows? - REBOOT.
What for Linux problems? - BE ROOT!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Caption: `sudo` is the king :)2 -
I took a break from the chaos of programming and took the time to set some clear goals to realign myself.
It was refreshing, but I’m excited to be back :) -
I would like the university to work like an organization, instead of teaching stuff on board for 4 long years, they should teach during a few months and then asking students to work under faculty (faculty as their project manager) and In a team of x no. Of students. This would let us learn multiple concepts including organizational behavior and working with different team(people you aren't comfortable with beforehand.)
I know there might be some loopholes on Marking system, but I was never a fan of any king of marking/grading system.2 -
What a time to be alive... when one gets so lazy that one orders freaking Burger King or McDonalds as a delivery service... daymn...
yep. I'm gulty. Had to try it out. Totally in the name of science.1 -
I just think about it ...
Running docker on windows is shit
Running nginix on windows is boofff
Running apache on windows is boofff
Running WWS on windows is hugly
Install linux
All server software run like king
Don't have access to any adobe product for design and micro$hit office for client sanity because ODF is to special, i want my docx i said ... Like what do you want from me ... Shit the dev setup is a fucking mess because some enterprises don't want to wet itself in the futur...
Microsoft love linux BULLSHIT6 -
Facebook _royally_ fucked us. I work in publishing and when Fuckbook pulled and refocused their resources elsewhere, we're left high and dry. And to think, these companies (including Google) would wine and dine you, give you tours and food at their regional and local HQs to make you feel "important", and how important the "partnership" will be for both. In my country, social media penetration is above 80% and Fuckbook is king. Thanks to these assholes, we lost half of our traffic and dipping due to readers avoiding news altogether. Google, doing it's usual thing, pushing AMP then abandoning it. Fuck these assholes.2
-
Today, I was thinking, "I haven't tried the new Edge Chromium version for so long. I should give it a try to see what's new have been added". So, I downloaded Edge and opened the EXE and Volla!
It says, You cannot use Microsoft Edge with an older version of Windows 10 (Mine is not that old btw).
I'm like, "F**k you Mircrosoft. You have ruined the OS so many times with your F**king updates. After trying so many things I finally disabled Windows 10's Force updates permanently. I don't wanna lose this freedom. No, Thank you..."
Bye bye microsoft Edge Chromium forever.
5 -
I hate windows, it f**king takes 10000 minutes to load microsoft edge browser on a newly bought laptop .21
-
One evening I put on my Quest2 and have some fun with the Climb2. I fell off the cliff a few times. Next morning my 5yo wakes up with shitty mood and tells me he had a dream how he was on a hill and fell off. It wasva bad dream.
A few days later I was watching The Troll on Netflix. I like this king of genre so I was enjoying it. Next morning my kiddo wakes up all excited with 'daddy daddy, I've had a dream of a mountain!'. 'Did you fall off this one too' - I rush to ask. He says: 'no, but the mountain stood up and it was like a man!'
he's been asleep both times. I was with my headphones during the movie and on 1bar of volume during the climb. He's never seen neither the game nor the movie [or any troll, for that matter]. And I'm not making this up.
How... How the hell did he do that. Do we after all float in some wibbly-wobbly ether we can communicate through?4 -
Bad English aside I am so sick of incompetent customer service reps. Holy shit it's like they will hire anyone these days.
Here just read from this script and not the code version. That's all the tech you need to know right here on this single piece of paper.
Fucking incompetent bastards need to go work at a non technical job like Burger King because tech support is beyond them.
They'd probably fuck that up to. That's a completely different rant, those who can't even do fast food jobs right. At that point just go get on disability because your fucked.
To be fair I will occasionally get someone in the tech support sector who knows their shit but it's few and far between and its always a welcome surprise.12 -
f**king stupid google, go f**king eat s**t. We are using .dev for develop domain in our company, and all of a suddent we can’t access our dev sites anymore, WTF. Bulls**t!!!!9
-
Reading a couple rants from students and teachers lately, brought back to my mind a memory from the first lesson in my Software Engineering course when I was in college.
Teacher entered the room like he was the king of the world, turned around facing the students and started his intro speech:
"my name is {name} bla bla bla I will teach you software engineering bla bla bla let's point out one important thing: In your life you have written how many lines of code for a software? 10? 100? If you have NEVER written at least 1,000,000 lines of code for a program, you're not a developer. Now let's start talking about waterfall, endless specification requirements and meetings..."
Me 😐
And that was the moment I left the room moonwalking1 -
How to eliminate programmers burnout? I know that I'm still raw and I have more to learn but I just want to know from our dearest and craziest programmers/engineers/developers out here.
Cool to have this platform. Thanks creators!13 -
I updated NDK, which resulted in some critical errors, because of outdated Gradle used deprecated NDK features.
I read about it, and decided to fix it properly, not hacking around - updatig that old gradle 2.2 to 4.10.2.
I spend about 6 hours fixing all problems and warnings that gradle had because of that, and then some.
At the end, some things still didn't work, but i was clearly missing some code from version control. I clicked update and left it for an hour.
THIS FREAKING BUGGY TFS PLUGIN RUINED ALL MY FILES I N THE PROJECT. WHY ARE WE STILL USING THAT F*King TFS???
Literally, I'm left now with .iml files in folders.
And my updated gradle files are gone too. -
Hi devRant community,
First of all, I'm so grateful and thankful for being part
of this awesome community. CHEERS!
I just wanna ask some advices from my super kind and awesome
pile of developers, what is the best thing to do if you're
stucked between creating a certain feature and a raging
girlfriend. I mean, my head is aching. I don't know what to do.
She needs time, but my first love which is programming also
needs much more of my time.
#devRantRocks3 -
I earned the title of "sql king" due to the complexity of the sql I write (not proud of that because it makes maintainability hell) . It's pretty cool except sometime I feel like I can write shit code and ship it to production just because none can review my code properly or rather spend enough time understanding it,
basically I am not challenged enough...
What do you guys do if you are not challenged or bored ?
Never contributed to an open source but it might be the solution4 -
Please format issues and PRs correctly. As an open source maintainer it's already hard enough to respond to all of your demands.
But when you make an issue with the title of "error in app.js" with NO DESCRIPTION, and then think you're entitled to ME FIXING IT?!?
Please know that we do this for (mostly) free, and try to make our lives easier by giving us a detailed description of what is going on.
Thanks. -
When I found out that the server I use weirdly implements SSH login.
For some very odd reason (probably a historical one,) you have to access the web-app console and press a button TO GRANT SSH ACCESS TO THE F*<KING IP ADDRESS FROM WHICH I PRESSED THE BUTTON. The server blocks the wrong IP addresses outright. And only one active allowed IP at a time. This totally obliterates my plan to perform CD on this server. Why can't I just register public keys?
Then I learned several months later that they introduced a new server plan that *does* support the public-key registration. :facepalm:
I'm divided on whether to change my plan in exchange for a rather significant increase in the monthly cost.3 -
So-called 'Senior -level' don't even know how the Gradle and cocoapod works. Bro if you can't understand the basics, how the f are you the senior? How the f are you going to lead and guide the juniors?
oh my mother f**king god. smh
I said this as a senior. -
So I just found out I have to use amazon (instead of Heroku) for hosting a service I'm supposed to build. The environment just f**king refuses to bild and these are my logs. fml...
-
It was the first time using unit tests on a project of mine. Coded from midnight to 5am on Lisbon's Burger King balcony before my flight.
Then while visiting a friend of mine who fell asleep while watching me play Overwatch on his computer, sshed into my server and continued the tests there.
I was productive and managed to score some cool hacker points. 😂2 -
Quick survey, when should I use orm? for example in nodejs? Currently working on an sis api using node. Just wondering if I create another prototype and use orm. Performance wise?15
-
Okay, so they sent me to lead an implementation. This is my 5th day of working with that crap, I presented it to the company and they praised me because of my efforts. So they gave me another tasks. Because one of our developers contract wasn't renewed so they want someone who will finish the task of that dev. Well maybe it's more cheaper for them to give more tasks than raising their employees salaries.
#ADoseOfSoftwareEngineering -
Best path depends on where you are in life and what you can afford.
Used to be the case that formal college/uni for K-12 graduates was a great path, provided you had the tenacity to stick with the program.
I had almost dropped out of my bachelor of programming systems 4year programme because it was too strict for my lazy ass, but it was totally on me to not be giving it my best.
Now, fast forward to today's age we have a lot of accelerated paths a person can take to get the foot in - bootcamps are successful option for many, but you need to immerse yourself and give it your all to start getting a feel for software dev mindset.
Self-teaching is and was a viable option, but you run a risk of embeddding a lot of potential mistakes to your thinking/process which can make it hard to work in real scenarios with other people.
In short, college and bootcamps are still king, I think -
The Michelin star chef says to a fast-food line cook:
— In my restaurant, we don't use mayonnaise. Better even, I don't need mayonnaise, so as my fellow Michelin star chefs.
— You are idiot. We use mayonnaise and the burgers taste like crap without it.
— Perhaps it's because your recipes are trash and your products are made from waste materials?
— Look. I consulted with my fellow cooks from KFC, McDonald's, Burger King — all huge, billion-dollar companies, and they too are using mayonnaise. The whole world uses it. If you don't use mayonnaise, you can't cook tasty. End of discussion.
That's how I feel when someone defends unit tests. Matter of fact, I can't stand _both_ tests and mayonnaise. Coincidence?24 -
I like Mr Robot, but is everyone getting the censored version where they remove every mention of the word fuck? It's all f-king removed in any *ing version I found.15
-
What are you, a "Jack of all" or a "King of one" when it comes to programming languages?
And why did you decide to be that?6 -
It's funny when someone is trying to school the heck out of you. Like, their saying that, "More code is cool" and other stuffs that will kick out the beauty of keeping our codes simple as possible.2
-
when the code works: that's f**king easy
when the code doesn't work: what the f**k is going on, you dirty piece of sh*t, you f**king computer, sh**y compiler.
oh, dear! I missed a semicolon1 -
I have a dream that one day companies will understand that most people who pirate music/movies/games etc. do it because they don't have enough money or because they can't get them any other way. They don't lose money, as those people are not able to buy their products anyway, instead, they gain supporters and possible future clients. Piracy is one of the reasons Windows is the king OS(prove me wrong...) and also the reason Game of Thrones is the most popular show on the planet. Instead of hunting torrent site founders maybe they could, I don't know, build great and cheap services. Spotify is such a service, no reason to pirate music anymore, but everything else still lies in the middle ages...8
-
As a follow-up to my last rant, I figured out the SQL (well, WQL) query that would get me what I wanted: a collection of machines that had an error on a deployment.
I also figured out how to automate fixing the error'd machines and turning all of my possible fixes into one script that would also auto-deploy to the collection that was made with the query.
My senior coworker is impressed. He has been doing it manually for years and I was hired partially to take the load off of him. They're putting me on some more challenging projects and it's nice to be a better part of the team.
Not much of a rant, or even much of a developer thing, but I hope this bit of positivity makes for a lighter read in your Algo. -
Today our king passed away.
I had to finish my big project before the 20th, but there was no mood for doing it at all; everything feels lifeless and dark. All Thai sites were applied a css grayscale filter to show respect for his loss.
I'm not a royalist, but it feels depressing when you thought about how you would wake up the next morning, knowing he isn't there anymore. It simply was the darkest times in my life.
I spent 2 days finding the truth while Thai officials were trying to hide, and now my worst fear came true.
He was the best king I've ever had. May him finally rest in peace, back to where he belongs to.
-
Android + servers
Hey guys
So cause I barely have time to code I mounted a server with my old cellphone, so I can advance one of my projects at work (it's a helper with stuff like tables and calculators for work [CNC machine] )
The cell phone is a meizu m2 with android 6 (don't buy one, has lots of stupid bugs)
My problem: android terminates the server and a app I use to copy files from Dropbox to the server folder (only work arround the home rooter)
F king meizu bugs : resets lots of definitions to default, like I give permition to the server app to always be on and it changes back to default when I turn off the screen.
So when I turn of the screen the server goes down
Solutions to keep the server always awake?
Also better solution to change /upload the files without Dropbox as an intermediary
Btw the app that syncs also turns off every fucking time (so no updates till I get home)1 -
I'm ranting about those damned HR that after many interviews (last one made me do 4) they disapper like they are a f**king Houdini and you'll never what did not work and if you try to reach them you'll never get an answer.1
-
that moment when you spend 3 days searching resources for creating CMS with php from scratch and you suddenly remember java spring on devrant
f**k f**k f**king f**k -
Most useless meetings I attended was in my previous company. Our f***king boss suggested that manager must have to take one morning meeting with the whole team about that tasks what needs to be done. And our bastard manager calls the whole team and wasted time all of us cause our work is not related to each other so he is explaining one on one and rest are looking at his face what type of species he is :P
-
!!!rant
f**king cooperate d**ckheads this ppl are work-shipped like gods who just ask stupid questions just for name sake and they don't know what the heck is going on underneath...they use fancy words like cloud/docker/etc and they please top management d**kers and this guys are top in chain...f**king cooperate political word... _|__3 -
had been working on a code for 10 hours and when i thought it was finally ready, without any errors, the compiler bi#ch killed my satisfaction for a f#@king ';'
never miss the semicolon, lessons from day 1. ://4 -
if(
bathroomrenovation &&
startdate < now() - 4 weeks &&
!showerisfitted
){
do {
print ("Where the f**k is my f**king shower!");
} while (delay);
}10 -
Didn’t think I would run into issue because I was using Apple Silicon macs - something borked my ruby gems installation, and reinstalling made matter worse by Bundler installing gems that apparently linked to whatever arch they liked. Now if I run bundle exec there was that one f*<king gem that died of mismatching arch until I intervened.
-
This is my new girlfriend (hope she last more than the latest one). As well, I'm actually thinking she's gonna be replaced by a better one in the future. I feel like a king of kings now reading and writing on my desk sitting in here.
2 -
Ok,
So when at work I love working from Jira/TFS and having little interaction when i'm battling through Code/Documentation
But Next time my manager strolls over to my desk and kicks my chair i'm Gona King Leonidas his ass out the 3rd floor window
FFS please reach out via Lync if u are planning to come up and annoy my tits!!!!!!
-
JsonLint ParsingException "composer.json does not contain valid JSON" is an incorrect statement. The file contains 99% valid JSON except for 1 incorrect character which is correctly pointed out as an "Invalid string, it appears you have an unescaped backslash at: \-dev".
And why do people in tutorials keep calling it "Jay's on" instead of "Jason" like "Jackson"? I can only imagine what they would call the "King of Pop" musician ... "my cal Jack's Onn"?6 -
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
can I please get uhh whopper jr with onion rings
make it a meal so I can get a drink
no I'm not finished, that's not everything
can I please get a double whopper with no cheese
I got money so I don't care how much it cost me
so just throw in some extra fries don't make them salty
all this cheese gonna make my booty drip drip
I'm lactose intolerant I don't sip milk
if I see a sight of cheese I'm gonna trip trip
I'm gonna sit on your toilet seat, doodoo then dip
so you got my little whopper jr (i didn't forget that)
and you got my double whopper (i didn't forget that)
what about my onion rings (hold on you can sit back)
burger king, they know me now, cheese I don't want that
(grrr) and I'm getting hungry now, I know you heard that
waiting for my onion rings so I don't have to turn back
burger king don't play with me, your nuggets are so trash
nuggets taste like rabbit nipples why do you even serve that
better stop playing and just give me all of my food
either I pay you right now or leave the drive-thru
gave me the bag and then I took a bite of my food
there's cheese in my mouth, I'm gonna doodooo
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
man they just gave me a whopper jr with hella cheese
made it a meal so yes I got my drink
but why do they put cheese on everything
they put cheese on my double whopper with no cheese
ill be taking a number two in the morning
hold on, can I please be excused for a moment
the cheese already in my body, booty farting
I farted.. -
i just learnt how much clearcase sucks the hard way. i always used git for personal projects and am used to finding a simple solution to any problem at most one stackoverflow away, i just messed up my local repo, and experienced people could not manage to undo it. i mean come on, this is a f**king versioning software, how hard can it be to delete everything local and re-pull from remote without messing up configuration files? either clearcase has some serious design shortcomings for my understanding of a versioning software, or it is so overly complicated that nobody actually knows how to revert this mistake.2
-
!dev
!!Lyrics
Really a random post but related to my personal dev-life so maybe it’s at least arguable if it belongs here.
This is one of my all time favorite songs, I can identify myself with it (although I’m reinterpreting some parts).
Back in Highschool I had girlfriends, I had time, I had my entourage, everything except money. All my dad wanted me to become was a rich fucking millionaire. Failure was never accepted, no matter what it was about and everything could always have been done better.
It was pretty much a military childhood. I already loved programming back then but only as a hobby, kinda.
I really wanted to make good money so I started a dev career (with makes gooooood money where I came from). The more I invested in my career, and that was a lot, I more and more lost the understanding of what’s really important, just pursued my goal of being the best fucking dev out there and start my own company in the next 10 years.
Well.. 10 years are over now, I’m still an engineer and I lost everything I had before I started this. Especially friends and relations to women (which I’m not even able to connect to anymore).
In this lyric, the blackbird and raven are the career that just ate me alive. Hope that makes any sense to some of you?..
Anyway, here the lyrics if you wanna read it:
—————————————-
Sons of Anarchy
Come join the murder - white buffalo
There's a blackbird perched outside my window
I hear him calling
I hear him sing
He burns me with his eyes of gold to embers
He sees all my sins
He reads my soul
One day that bird, he spoke to me
Like Martin Luther
Like Pericles
Come join the murder
Come fly with black
We'll give you freedom
From the human trap
Come join the murder
Soar on my wings
You'll touch the hand of God
And he'll make you king
And he'll make you king
On a blanket made of woven shadows
Flew up to heaven
On a raven's glide
His angels they turn my wings to wax now
I fell like judas, grace denied
On that day that he lied to me
Like Martin Luther
Like Pericles
Come join the murder
Come fly with black
We'll give you freedom
From the human trap
Come join the murder
Soar on my wings
You'll touch the hand of God
And he'll make you king
And he'll make you king
I walk among the children of my fathers
The broken wings, betrayal's cost
They call to me but never touch my heart, now
I am too far
I'm too lost
All I can hear is what he spoke to me
Like Martin Luther
Like Pericles
Come join the murder
Come fly with black
We'll give you freedom
From the human trap
Come join the murder
Soar on my wings
You'll touch the hand of God
And he'll make you king
And he'll make you king
So now I curse that raven's fire
You made me hate, you made me burn
He laughed aloud as he flew from eden
You always knew, you never learn
The crow no longer sings to me
Like Martin Luther
Or Pericles
Come join the murder
Come fly with black
We'll give you freedom
From the human trap
Come join the murder
Soar on my wings
You'll touch the hand of God
And he'll make you king
And he'll make you king
Come join the murder
Come fly with black
We'll give you freedom
From the human trap
Come join the murder
Soar on my wings
You'll touch the hand of God
And he'll make you king
And he'll make you king3 -
Aliases set up in bashrc don’t work unless I source them using a dot. That’s why I set up my aliases and paths in bash_profile. Bashrc is f##king useless.5
-
I tried Kotlin for a week. And I literally gave up. Hey, fellow Kotlin devs, what fun do you get in writing this short f**king syntactically unmatched java code!5
-
Was talking about jokes in general at work today. Asked someone if they knew about jokes where you read something out loud. Ended up having them read this aloud:
We Todd did
Eye yam we Todd did
Eye yam sofa king we Todd did
Some people don't get it even when read aloud. Afterwards I thought: eye yam sew hymn mat tour
Edit: Oh, we could get people to read this to their dev duck. lol2 -
I f**king hate you JS, I hate you.
I beg our vast developer community, please replace this sh*t, or else
to Microsoft, let the devs access GitHub copilot for free. I don't want my best coding practices to fade away bcuz of this sh*t.1 -
I'm looking for an online backup service and currently having an eye on CrashPlan and Backblaze. Any suggestions?5
-
After leaving my internship job to try out pre-med, getting to the end of pre-med, and studying for the MCAT for months, I am now getting married in May and looking for an apartment, so nixing the medical school idea...
Trying to get my old job back, was absolutely *lovely* to see that SCCM (the abusive father that it is, I knew how to work with him) is now getting discontinued? Man.
Might just bumrush these IT certs and see what happens. At least I know LaTeX now. -
I am thinking of naming a game developer company with a catchy name. Due to all the shitheads that have come before me the name I want could be considered racist though it is not meant to be.
Ever since I saw this picture:
https://twitter.com/michaelkeyes/...
I want to create an image of a raccoon riding a hog from a profile image. Think lion king imagery except with a raccoon and a hog. I also want to name the company "Coon Hog Gaming". "Raccoon Hog Gaming" doesn't sound as catchy.
I am by no means desiring to be a woketard. PC culture turns my stomach. I also don't want to alienate any potential customers. I would like to signal to customers that we are not PC and will not be PC. This name does that. Yet maybe some customers would be offended so I couldn't market the game on Steam. Should I just go for it anyway? I guess down the road if things get even more stupid than now I could always change the company name.10 -
prediction.
in house of the dragon episode 4
lannister betrays his king to forge an alliance with a daemon on arrival.
its almost like i remembered this. -
Why is the “touch” command to create files called “touch”? Why isn’t it called mkfile or something? Like mkdir, chdir bleh?
I mean, was the dev too attached to the touch? Or was it that he was just too much into King Midas?4 -
I'm having colds since last night and a headache. But still need to deploy and check the ticket. Advanced Merry Christmas everyone. Please stay alive. We're not yet done.
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