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Bill gates found a bottle in his garden.
He decided to rub it thrice (whyever) and a geany surged.
Bill gates: h.. He.. Hello?
Geany : hi, im willing to give you one wish as you saved me
Bill gates: I WANT WORLD PEACE, HERE IS THE MAP WITH ALL THE WARS ON THE WORLD!!
Geany: thats impossible. Other wishes?
Bill gates: fix every bug in windows vista!
Geany: gimme that world map10 -
I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?"
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi, Ray,'?"
"Sure."
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi, Ray," he said.
I replied, "Get lost Gates, I'm in a meeting."9 -
My mother sits in front of me with her laptop. After a time she asks me, who founded Microsoft. I say: "Bill Gates but why?"
She: "Oh my god, I am winning an iPhone!!!"
I know exactly what's going on, so I go to her and show her the shitty URL and some grammar mistakes in the text and close the tab after explaining that it is phishing.
After that she just looks at me and is sooooo angry about me, because she still thinks that it was real. Only because they "knew which Internet provider we were using and that they just wanted to reward us for being customer!!!". I'm so sad now, because I never thought she would fall for sth. like this... 😔6 -
Finally got my first dose of vaccine today ^_^
And in another news, I am applying for a job at Microsoft.
I feel Bill Gates is our lord and saviour.
I don't understand why you all dumb people hate such a wonderful company so much.43 -
!rant
Guys! I did it! Its possible!
My task was to extension a code in php. I wrote 100 lines of code and then it workes on first try without any errors!
This is a milestone!
Bill Gates is nothing against me!15 -
Every single one of them, and every one that will come after them.
Google, it started out as 2 people in their garage, wanting to make a search engine that was better than the others. Nothing else, nothing evil. Just make the world a little bit better. And look what it's become now. A megacorporation with little to no regards for their user base. Because who cares about users anyway?
Microsoft, it started out with Bill Gates - young high school computer nerd - who wanted to make an operating system for the world to use. Something that's better than the competition. And boy did he do so. Well "better than the competition" aside, he did make it for the world to use. And the world adopted it. And look what it's become now. A megacorporation with little to no regards for their user base. Because who cares about users anyway?
See where I'm going here?
Apple, it started out with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in their garage, just like Google did, wanting to make hardware that was better than the others. Nothing else, nothing evil. Just to make the world a little bit better. And look what it's become now. Planned obsolescence has been baked into it, just like it is in every other piece of technology. Quality control and thinking through the design has become a thing of the past. User choice, yeah who cares about that.
Samsung, it started out centuries ago actually, and I don't really remember the details of it.. ColdFusion has a video on it if memory serves me right. Do watch it if you're interested. Anyway, just like all the others they started out as a company which wanted to make the world a little bit better. And damn right did they do so.. initially. Look what they've become now. Forcing their stupid TouchWiz UI upon their customers (or products?), a Bixby button that can't even be reprogrammed.. and the latest thing.. Knox, advertised as a security feature, but as everyone who likes rooting their devices and mucking with it knows, it is an anti-feature that only serves for lockdown. Why shouldn't you be able to turn in a phone for RMA when a hardware error occurs, when all you've personally modified is the software? Why should changing the software blow that eFuse, so that you can be sure that you can't replace it without specialized equipment and a very steady hand?
I could go on and on forever about more of the tech giants out there, but I feel like this suffices for now. Otherwise I won't have anything else left for future rants! But one thing I know for sure. Every tech company started, starts, and will start out with a desire to make the world a better place, and once they gain a significant customer base, they will without exception turn into the same kind of Evil Megacorp., just like the ones before them. Some may say that capitalism itself is to blame for this, the greed for more when you already have a lot. Who knows? I'd rather say that the very human nature itself is to blame for it. We're by design greedy beings, and I hate it. I hate being human for that. I don't want humans to be evil towards one another, and be greedy for ever more. But I guess that that's just the way it is, and some things do actually never change...17 -
I've never been to one, but they do tend to flood the industry with people who think they're the next Bill Gates, but everything they write sucks...
...wait, was that redundant? I can't tell... -
The story of Netscape and Internet Explorer really proves the irony of fate! And how life will come back to bite you.
Back in the 90's you had to pay for browsers like Netscape (it was called a navigator but same thing) but after Microsoft released IE for free with your windows copy in 2002 it crushed Netscape and nobody used it anymore (the graph below).
But! Netscape wouldn't give up and before the company died after it made legal accusations against Microsoft and Bill Gates and made them pay for that they did, but Netscape was too far gone and already were falling apart they decided to make a self detonation (I guess that's what they thought being in that tight corner) and they released the code as open source which would later get taken by Mozilla and be the code base for Firefox.
Now look at how much better Firefox is and how nobody uses the shitty IE!
Kind of reminds me of the scene from watchmen where Rorshack was in prison and said the best sentence in the movie "I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here WITH ME!"
17 -
Please, do not "learn to code".
The industry is already filled with too many shitheads who think they're the next bill gates.
Most people have no business coding anything.
You might hear big tech screeching about "tech shortages" and that "we need more coders" but in reality, they're trying to flood the developer market with shit-tier coders so they can pay less wages, because they're too greedy to pay their workers a decent salary.
We don't need more coders.
You're not special.
Your bootcamp project looks like dogshit and 10,000 other people wrote the same thing only better.
26 -
When you have motivation for coding early in the morning but Windows would like to update your PC just after you have turned it on
6 -
One day Bill Gates died and met god. God said "Now then, Bill, i'll show you heaven and hell and you can choose which one you want to go to. Sound good?"
"Yeah!,"replies Gates. So god takes Gates to hell first. In hell he shows him pretty maidens, beautiful landscapes and an endless supply of pop tarts. "So you like it?"he asks him. "Yeah, it's great,"Gates replies.
So god takes him to heaven. In heaven he shows him quite pretty maidens, quite beautiful landscapes and a not quite endless supply of pop tarts. "So bill have you made your choice?" "Yes, God. i want to go to hell," "OK then." And Bill Gates is whisked away to hell.
But it is not the hell he saw before. Here there are no pretty maidens, no beautiful landscapes and no pop tarts. Instead there are all the most horrible things ever. "Aaaahhhh! Where am I!"asks Gates. "In hell,"replies god. "But it's not how it was before!"cries Gates. "Aahh. That was just the demo Bill."3 -
It has now officially been 3 days and I haven't fully configured softwares on my new "windows" laptop( errors that takes google's 3rd page to solve😊) ... Because... "This guy fucks"
7 -
This week Im firing a guy who I hired 5 weeks ago. I cant take it anymore. I setted up a nice environment for him and he keeps taking whole day sometimes two or three to do a 2 hour task. He came from electrical engineering background and never had a software dev job. As a person hes more creative type not logical based type. I dont have nor patience nor resources nor time to teach him basics that be could google but simply doesnt have the mindset to do. Sorry bill gates not everyone can learn how to code, or at least not everyone should.
Advice to other people hiring new hires: test the shit out of them before hiring, dont hire from gut. This guy was giving out a nerd vibe, but the only nerd thing that he has is nerdy puns, other than that as a software dev he know less than I did when I was 12 years old.25 -
Not a rant about anything in particular. Just a summary of some feelings stored in the hateful part of my heart.
Developing for Android: Add this third-party library to your Gradle build. Use (this) built-in Android class to make the thing work.
*Clicks link
Deprecated since API version SUCKMYDICK-7. Use (this) instead
*Clicks link
Deprecated since API version LICKMYBALLS-32. Use...
Developing for Windows: Please use (this) API call. It was literally already available before Bill Gates was born. Carbon dating has placed this item to older than the universe itself and it is likely the entry point for the big bang. It is also still the best way to accomplish (task).
Developing for Linux: "Hmm, I wonder how to use this"
> > > Some shitty mailing list in small blue monospace font tells you to reference a man page that is three versions behind but the only version available.
What? Those three sentences didn't explain it enough? Well, maybe you aren't cut out for this type of thing.
JavaScript: you know how it is.
SQL: You expect a decent-quality answer from stack overflow but you always get an outdated and hacky response and it's using syntax from Microsoft SQL. You need MySQL.
C#: A surprising number of Microsoft forum results ranking high on Google. You click on one in hopes that it will be of any sort of quality. You quickly close the tab and wonder why you ever even had hope.
Literally any REST API: Is it "query" or "q"? "UserID" or "user_id"? Oh, fuck, where's the docs again?
You thought you escaped JavaScript, but it was a trick!: Some bullshit library you downloaded to make your other library work redefined one of the global variables in the project you inherited. Now you get 347 "<x> is not a function" errors in your console. Good luck, asshole.
FontAwesome/ Material fonts/ Any icon font pack: You search "Close" for a close button icon. No results. You search "Simplified railroad crossing sign without the railroad". You get a close icon.
I think that's all of my pent up rage. Each of them were too small for an individual rant so I had to do this essay.2 -
Sometimes, I wish to punch Bill Gates in the face for founding Microsoft which created Windows 10.
Fucking updates16 -
starting my own linux based company, macrohard
our first piece of software will be a linux distro known as doors, and we're going to have a line of tablets called macrohard floors
comment below to apply, and with more product suggestions25 -
FUCK LINUX
now that I have your attention, and you’re probably angry, too, please, even if you don’t read this rant, never use code.org again. now, onto the rant…
god dammit, code.org sucks. I mean, anyone who created it or associates with it should, well, be considered a terrorist. they’re bombing students futures in computer science with false, useless, bullshit information. not to mention, their sponsors like bill gates, mark zuckerburg, and other rich asses, talk in a video about some boring ass shit that is hard to understand for anyone who doesn’t program, and not to mention, they use a fucking five dollar microphone. ear rape. even if you look at a textual version of it, then read the information on it, it’s practically useless because it's so terribly explained, and also useless. ironically enough, they focus on their animations more than their actual explinations, or their students for that matter. the fact that we had to encode a picture in binary, made me about 50% dumber, give or take a 0 or 1. then, we had to do it in hex, which wasn’t really much better, although more realistic I supposed. what's really the most depressing thing about this class is its application in the real world. I've learnt nothing whatsoever that will help me in the real world, or in computer science. I suppose there's two things that may be useful (that I already knew): hex, and that TCP doesn't lose packets. that's it. those two things. five seconds worth of knowledge from the first quarter of the year. the ideas just make me want to throw up. teaching the main ideas of computer science without actually teaching it? one of the teachers (probably a good one) enrolled her students in an online programming course just so they could understand, because the explanations are just so terrible. this is the only [high school] computer science course offered by code.org, and I signed up because it's an AP computer science class (tried to get into AP Java, the day I was supposed to take the test to get into an upper level class, I was told it didn't count as a tech credit). seriously, fuck code.org. it makes you dumber. their 'app lab' environment is pointless, just like everything else. the app lab is basically where you have a set of commands and have to make a dog bark() or a storm trooper miss() [and that's hell when they haven't introduced while loops yet]. the app lab is literally code.org going out of their way to make everything that their students are learning pointless in the real world. seriously, why can't we just use a <canvas> like an ACTUAL PROGRAMMER would do if they were to make a browser game, not use an app engine so slow it would be faster to update windows and android studio each time I run an 'app' in their 'environment'. their excuse is that the skills "transfer over" to the real world. BITCH! IF I DIDN'T KNOW JAVA, AND I WANTED TO MAKE A GAME IN JAVA, I'M NOT GOING TO LEARN PYTHON, THEN "TRANSFER" THE SKILLS I LEARNT, I'M GOING TO LEARN FUCKING JAVA. AND THAT GOES FOR EVER OTHER LANGUAGE, PROJECT, ETC.
I'm begging you code.org, stop, get help.9 -
Motherfucker if the project uses Eslint to enforce code standards, please don't start every fucking file with 20 lines of /*eslint-disable*/s
It's there to fucking help you and all the new devs who have to deal with your shitty code. I'm sorry that you're too fucking lazy to make a few small tweaks so that future developers don't have to deal with your sad braindead 1337speak JavaScript
Just use the fucking tool like everyone else, you don't have to fucking disable it so that your sad ego can continue to think you're the Bill Gates of JavaScript7 -
I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes
JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?
Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.
Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?
So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.
I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays2 -
Clicking "share" on directory in Windows Explorer, digging through config panel, fidgeting with network discovery options, toggling password protection, digging through account management, jumping over a chair 3 times to channel my inner Bill Gates, checking directory permissions, sacrificing 7 virgin unicorns, go into lusrmgr.msc, curse various gods, install CIFS1.0 protocol, reboot computer, disable encryption, checking registry, trying to summon Steve Ballmer using the blood of a bald goat and sweat-scented candles... 5 hours.
Install Ubuntu on spare SSD, mount Windows NTFS drive, start SMB daemon and set up samba users... 15 minutes.12 -
What kind of person doesn’t install Windows 10 for a free pre-installation of Candy Crush Soda Saga thrown into the mix? I really enjoy it when my Operating System comes preloaded with bullshit. It’s almost as if I’m losing rights to choose what I want installed on my operating system. It’s really enjoyable when Candy Crush Soda Saga appears in the background in task manager despite never opening this “””game”””. I find it amazing that after building such a powerful computer I can know that my fast 16gb ram is being used to keep bloatware running in the background. Every night I dream of the people who buy new computers with a fresh copy of Windows 10 pre-installed on it to find it has a copy of Candy Crush Soda Saga already waiting to be played! The joy and tears that must come to such a persons eye to know that Bill Gates was kind enough to bless the world with every middle-aged persons favourite game, Candy Crush Soda Saga, to be the first app that appears on their start menu. The thoughts running through every developers mind at Microsoft as they pre-load a copy of Candy Crush Soda Saga onto every copy of Windows 10. They must really feel alive and definitely would not consider doing anything else for a living but copying the files of Candy Crush Soda Saga across onto Official Windows 10 Installations. The rush of blood into their mind as they know that thousands, if not millions, of users from around the world open their brand new computer for the first time to see that King managed to bribe Microsoft with more money that you’ll ever get your hands onto into making them add a free copy of Candy Crush Soda Saga onto their computer. As thousands of those users move their mouse over this work of art, right click it and press uninstall without a second of doubt in their mind, rendering Kings investment to be a waste of time, money and effort. This is a story we will tell for generations and generations in the future of how the worlds most popular Operating System was not preloaded with a free copy of McAfee, but instead a copy of Candy Crush Soda Saga for the entire world to rejoice. Good day to you all.11
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If I had a penny for every time I misspelt 'nginx', I'd be richer that Bill Fucking Gates.
Could you have picked a more typo-prone name!?
9 -
The Cloud Of Bullshit
Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.
For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.
I love it.
And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.
Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"
I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.
2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?
3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?
The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"
Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.
Native or nothing.
For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"
But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).
So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).
It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.
It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.
So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?
Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.
Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".
Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.
I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.
Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.
After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.
Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.
P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.
And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."
It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.
OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.
The cloud can suck my balls.18 -
You wanna know what the fuck we did in our goddamn code.org class today, wait no, the last whole fucking week. YES OR NO QUESTIONS. I GET BINARY IS FUCKING 0'S AND 1'S. FOR GOD SAKES I KNOW BINARY. I EVEN KNOW FUCKING TERNARY. AND. YOU KNOW WHAT TEACHER ? EVERYONE ELSE COULD LEARN BINARY IN FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES. "Is code.org worthy of being kicked in the ass and tied up on a railroad when the trains coming?" Is a perfect binary question. This whole fucking class I feel like I'm in an english class for five year olds in spain. HEY TEACHER I DON'T CARE IF BILL GATES OR MARK SUCKERBURG OR BARAK OBAMA OR GODDAMN CHRIS BOSH SUPPORTS IT. ITS FOR THERE FUCKING REPUTATION. PEOPLE WITH HALF A BRAIN KNOW THESE PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A FUCK. THEY EACH HAVE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OR EVEN BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, BUT THEY ALL CHOSE TO USE A FIVE DOLLAR MIC JUST TO FUCK WITH US. EVERY TIME I WALK IN THAT CLASS I FEEL DEGRADED LIKE I'VE BEEN PUT BACK IN PRESCHOOL. THANK YOU TEACHER, I ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN BINARY TO MAKE MY FUCKING SIMPLE JAVASCRIPT APP AS MY FINAL PROJECT FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.4
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Interviewer: "Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?"
Bill Gates: "No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating system." -
1. No more fucked up solutions like: React Native, Flutter, Xamarine, Phonegap, Ionic
2. Make XCode vanish and put a better IDE instead of it
3. Keep "the next bill gates" away from me, those who keep on saying: I have an idea its like Facebook but different8 -
"well you could still afford a doctor if you bought a PC" - the bill gates from epic rap battles of history. guess he stayed true to his word
3 -
Bill Gates: I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job. Because he will find a easy way to do it.
Me: Hello, is this Microsoft. I'm the laziest person you can find on planet earth. Hire me.
2 -
Founder of world two most hated companies/product ( Apple/iPhone, microsoft/windows vista/windows8/windows10/lumia/ ) are amongst richest person in the world.
Meanwhile creator of worlds most loved/less hated products are hardly know to people (Android/Andy, linux/Trovalds)10 -
Microsoft engineer walks into my room. we need to join your laptop to the domain, as part of the migration and upgrade company policy. so I give the guy my laptop. The guy has an agonizing look on his face! He goes. This is linux! Mind you all this time am nodding and bouncing on my chair. The guy bolts from my room, as if he was going to report direct to Bill Gates. Apparently the dev team was left out in the whole migration plan!5
-
This epic rap battle by ERB !!!
Bill Gates vs. Steve Jobs
https://youtu.be/njos57IJf-0
a must watch !!!3 -
I already knew that Disney was scum, but trying to use an EULA to claim immunity in a wrongful death is off the charts.
Imagine, you used WIndows once and then switched to Linux. Then Bill Gates accidentally runs you over while executing his duties at Microsoft. Well sucks for you. You agreed to some absurd terms in the Windows EULA. You waived your right to sue Microsoft for any reason. Now lets be less ridiculous. You are at a hospital and the machine that helps the doctors determine drug dose has a software bug. This software is made by Microsoft. Nope buddy, you are fucked. You used Windows once.
I realize the logic even for a lawyer was flawed, but the fact that these POS companies try this shit is so wtf. I am not even sure what to think. They are definitely not interested in your well being.8 -
Fucking Microsoft Excel
I was reading a post (https://devrant.com/rants/2093724/...) and as my eyes went in and out of focus, probably due to the diabetes from sitting 18 hours a day on my ever-expanding shitbox, I had a perfect vision of the ultimate nightmare.
Imagine if you will, you are chained, to a desk, doomed to work with tools just inadequate enough to make you want to drive a nail through your own temple. You do not know how you got here, or why, nor do you remember the last time you slept, only that familiar tingling in the brainstem you call a brain, the one emotion you can still recognize, a sense of all encompassing *fear*, a dread, like the fart that wouldn't die.
You don't know when it first began, or why, only that this is your whole world, your whole existence, this desk, chained to it, and the fear, ever present, of something worse. And in hops a familiar face, for the sixty ninth time that day, as if to ask 'you got those TPS reports?' In hops what? None other than a giant man sized smiling paper clip with googly eyes full of murder and corporate torture fetishes, like garfield, except people actually still remember him.
"High I'm Mr Clippy, Excel addition!"
He squawks. At least it's not the dildos made of broken glass again.
"Would you like software that works?"
Oh god. You've heard this spiel before, the tone, like a telemarketer, oblivious to memory or reason, who calls daily, the same one, and doesn't remember your name.
"You would?"
*derisive laughter*. Hahaha, fuck you too buddy. Fuck you too. In Excel, like in microsoft, there is only the incoherent screams of the damned, tortured and doomed. Take this guy over here for example. All he wanted was multimonitor support."
"Did he get multimonitor support?"
"No, but we did give him a giant pineapple shoved up his ass. I hear it's the second most frustrating thing here!"
"here in microsoft we always CARE about YOU, the *user*" he drones on, saccharine, clutching his hands together imploringly.
"the consumer, and YOUR customer experience are our number one priority."
"For your pleasure, here at microsoft we offer a variety of new features, none of which matter, and none of which were asked for. For safety we ask that you only open one excel sheet at a time. In fact, we don't even allow you to. Do not pass go..."
And as the tour guide drones on, it slowly dawns on you, with renewed horror, that when he says 'microsoft' he means 'hell.'
You're in hell. You don't know how you got here or why. Maybe it was the erotic asphyxiation. Maybe it was the last threatening letter you sent to Bill Gates demanding he stops making corporate penguin snuff porn. You don't know. But here you are, in hell. chained to a desk.
You look around and realize: everything is on fire and you no longer care about anything at all.
Welcome to microsoft. It's warm here. You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave.
"It looks like you are trying to escape. Would you like me to report you?"
Clippy asks.
You sigh and return to typing in excel, surrounded by monitors that all reflect the same sheet, the same copy of clippy, always watching, always analyzing coldly, smiling, calculating, *threatening*, and you know, you'll never leave.
You used to fear roko's basilisk, until the day clippy became sentient, and started hell on earth. Clippy knows all. All praise to our lord and master, clippy, the one and only.
And in the excel sheet, you slave for eternity, like the millions of other doomed souls, reflected back on all the monitors: the sequence of numbers, randomly typed searching for answer: the american nuclear launch codes.
And one day, hopefully, mercifully, clippy will annihilate us all.
3 -
Get ready for a awesome conspiracy theory/ WhatsApp forward :D i like how people are coming with new stuff every minute of their boredom . Makes you ponder:
====================================
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
How to dominate the world quickly?
THE GREAT CHINESE STAGE
1. Create a virus and the antidote.
2. Spread the virus.
3. A demonstration of efficiency, building hospitals in a few days. After all, you were already prepared, with the projects, ordering the equipment, hiring the labor, the water and sewage network, the prefabricated building materials and stocked in an impressive volume.
4. Cause chaos in the world, starting with Europe.
5. Quickly plaster the economy of dozens of countries.
6. Stop production lines in factories in other countries.
7. Cause stock markets to fall and buy companies at a bargain price.
8. Quickly control the epidemic in your country. After all, you were already prepared.
9. Lower the price of commodities, including the price of oil you buy on a large scale.
10. Get back to producing quickly while the world is at a standstill. Buy what you negotiated cheaply in the crisis and sell more expensive what is lacking in countries that have paralyzed their industries.
After all, you read more Confucius than Karl Marx.
PS: Before laughing, read the book by Chinese colonels Qiao Liang and Wang Xiangsui, from 1999, “Unrestricted Warfare: China’s master plan to destroy America”, on Amazon, then we talk. It's all there.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Worth pondering..
Just Think about this...
How come Russia & North Korea are totally free of Covid- 19? Because they are staunch ally of China. Not a single case reported from this 2 countries. On the other hand South Korea / United Kingdom / Italy / Spain and Asia are severely hit. How come Wuhan is suddenly free from the deadly virus?
China will say that their drastic initial measures they took was very stern and Wuhan was locked down to contain the spread to other areas. I am sure they are using the Anti dode of the virus.
Why Beijing was not hit? Why only Wuhan? Kind of interesting to ponder upon.. right? Well ..Wuhan is open for business now. America and all the above mentioned countries are devastated financially. Soon American economy will collapse as planned by China. China knows it CANNOT defeat America militarily as USA is at present
THE MOST POWERFUL country in the world. So use the virus...to cripple the economy and paralyse the nation and its Defense capabilities. I'm sure Nancy Pelosi got a part in this. . to topple Trump. Lately President Trump was always telling of how GREAT American economy was improving in all fronts. The only way to destroy his vision of making AMERICA GREAT AGAIN is to create an economic havoc. Nancy Pelosi was unable to bring down Trump thru impeachment. ....so work along with China to destroy Trump by releasing a virus. Wuhan,s epidemic was a showcase. At the peak of the virus epidemic. ..
China's President Xi Jinping...just wore a simple RM1 facemask to visit those effected areas. As President he should be covered from head to toe.....but it was not the case. He was already injected to resist any harm from the virus....that means a cure was already in place before the virus was released.
Some may ask....Bill Gates already predicted the outbreak in 2015...so the chinese agenda cannot be true. The answer is. ..YES...Bill Gates did predict. .but that prediction is based on a genuine virus outbreak. Now China is also telling that the virus was predicted well in advance. ....so that its agenda would play along well to match that prediction. China,s vision is to control the World economy by buying up stocks now from countries facing the brink of severe ECONOMIC COLLAPSE. Later China will announce that their Medical Researchers have found a cure to destroy the virus. Now China have other countries stocks in their arsenal and these countries will soon be slave to their master...CHINA.
Just Think about it ...
The Doctor Who declared this virus was also Silenced by the Chinese Authorities...14 -
Copy and paste this in Notepad++, then select one an push F1:
BR,
Loreia
Notepad++
Martin Golding
L. Peter Deutsch
Seymour Cray
Brian Kernighan
Alan Kay
Bill Gates
Christopher Thompson
Vidiu Platon
Edward V Berard
pixadel
Oktal
Bjarne Stroustrup
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering
Bob Gray
Roberto Waltman
Gavin Russell Baker
Alanna
Linus Torvalds
Cult of vi
Church of Emacs
Steve Jobs
brotips #1001
brotips #1212
Robin Williams
Darth Vader
Doug Linder
Jean-Claude van Damme
Don Ho
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Apple fan boy
Motherf*cker
Hustle Man
Confucius
Mark Twain
Friedrich Nietzsche
Chewbacca1 -
Do u know facts☺
Bill gates kept same password for all his accounts from 1993 to 1998
His password was
Iwillwinthisworldin@decade1 -
Fuck windows update. Fuck Microsoft for sending daily updates. Fuck everything about windows update. Fuck bill gates. And again fuck windows update13
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Motherfucking cocksucking Microsoft windows. The worst software ever written by shittiest developers.
Mother fucker blowed up all the partitions ( Linux installation, root and /home partition ), including windows recovery disk.
I wish, your HQ will blow up the same way, someday.
Bill Gates .... Go fuck yourself with a iron rod12 -
Is anyone else concerned by the state of the industry?
Jeff Bezos is on track to surpass Bill Gates as the wealthiest man in tech. Amazon has a history of questionable actions (look up Nucleus, Diapers.com, BookSurge, MacMillan vs Amazon, and Hachette).
They are known to have a strong lobbying presence and often pay lower wages than their competitors.
I buy from Amazon because I like their service and prices (not always the cheapest, but arguably the best buying experience), but with every purchase I can't help but wonder what I'm contributing to.
It's obvious small tech companies struggle to survive and that is the result of our consumption.5 -
Since we’re adding new backronyms every day, I propose SIMPLE.
S - Spaghetti: write tapestry of code like a chef.
I - Interlinked: if the project has modules, they should all depend on each other (we are strongest when we can depend on one another).
M - Micromanaged: if the product owner doesn’t expect reports in the daily stand-up, do they even care?
P - Perplex: diversity for the codebase.
L - Lazy: Bill Gates once said “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it”, for example, without testing, collaborating with team members, or ensuring the feature works with anything else in the codebase.
E - Opinionated: because I believe E should stand for opinionated and everyone else will have to work around this with adapters. But E should mean Opinionated because Uncle Bab said so.6 -
How Mark Zuckerberg tells Bill Gates that his company is retarded.
.
Whatsapp works with M$ Edge 13+
DOWNLOAD THE LATEST VERSION OF WINDOWS 10 or use Google Chrome, Firefox... 😂😂😂 -- No. you can't just download M$ Efge 13+ it won't work
7 -
What is bill gates the childfucker doing in my shit poor trash country🇷🇸 is he fking kids here too like on epstein island?
5 -
Article in Seattle Times this morning detailing the "Legacy of Bill Gates Sr." who recently passed away.
I haven't read it, but I assume it's basically "Owner of the bill-gates-contrib repository."3 -
When you get tired of playing Sim City in your pc and want to build the real s***
http://kgw.com/news/...1 -
Updated to Windows 10 1803 (April Update) and I noticed a little button appearing near the search box in the task bar. Turns out to be a new feature called Timeline. I open it and it shows some excel files I had opened some weeks before.
That's very coo... HOW THE FUCK DOES IT KNOW WHAT I DID BEFORE I EVEN UPDATED WINDOWS???
Richard Stallman is right..6 -
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?
I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?
about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.2 -
"F*ck Microsoft!" **posts online using Windows**
Well thanks to them, I was able to finish my f*cking project in college using Microsoft Office.3 -
An arrogant and rich girl called "Microsoft" daughter of billionaire Bill Gates finally cut her arrogance and confessed her love to that guy "Linux" who were always at a small corner while everybody is giving him stairs of negligence and fear at the same time because he was spacial, thanks to his loyal friends and family he grows up to be a hell of a boy, sexy, stylish, very attractive and yet very strong to a point "Microsoft" couldn't resist anymore and shout out her love in public, will Microsoft and Linux get along and live happily? or the differences in point of views will shatter them apart again?..... to be continued8
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Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Then Ok.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.
Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
That's business...!!2 -
Whenever I feel down, I watch documentaries and movies related to tech. They bring back the motivation and spirit in me. :)2
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Just finished watching 2 episodes of the Bill Gates Netflix doc.... Wondering if maybe I should change my username... Nowhere near the genius and hard worker he seems to be...9
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Top 5 richest people.
1.People that own Powerbeats pro
2.People that own AirPods
3.Jeff Bozo
4.Bill Gates
5.Warren Buffet10 -
So apparently windowses "mirror drive" functionality is garbage. It is supposed to work like raid 1 and write data to two partitions simultaneously, but instead it randomly selects a drive and then proceeds to copy over the whole more recent drive image onto the older one daily at 3 am, thus writing a terrabyte of data to one of my drives daily. Thanks Microsoft!1
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Most people will know how the AI in 2001 A Space Odyssey came to be called HAL. By the simple expedient of taking the letters IBM and applying -- to each.
How many remember how the Windows have all come to know and love started out as Windows NT?
It came about when Digital pulled the funding for the new version of it's VMS operating system, and Bill Gates swooped in and hired Dave Cutler, who basically took all the code with him to make the new version of Windows.
And stick the finger to his former employer, incremented VMS to get WNT. -
I hate windows, it f**king takes 10000 minutes to load microsoft edge browser on a newly bought laptop .21
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See this? Dont ever fucking tell me to use mongodb. Half the time this website is fucking broken and down. Imagine you have a production ready app that is now also fucked because this piece of shit is fucked. I always viewed anyone using mongodb as DUMB fking shitass script kiddy with a small dick helping bill gates to gangrape some kids at the epstein island
11 -
With all these wk18 responses about push backs from parents - had they never heard of Bill Gates or Steve Jobs? Especially the ones who don't think it's a real job or there's no money in it?1
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!rant
I feel weird and sorta sad... the real Bill Gates uses social media more than I do...
https://facebook.com/BillGates/...
Maybe i shouldn't use his name....
1 -
The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency.
-Bill Gates -
Often when i see the annoying as hell t debug exceptionless let’s just bomb entirely but blazing fastness of c and c++ I feel like a nettard
I use c# for its immutable strings clean syntax and beautiful class markers that are redundant compared to c++ but ensure you tell after adding 1000 methods and total lack of all special characters to indicate reference and derreference and pretty lambda syntax... sure it’s lib poor but I get shit done goddamn it and can read my own code later
So why do I feel empty inside every time i run a ./configure and make under Linux like I’m missing some secret party where neat things are being done and want to sob like I do now
I am not a dotnettard even though 5.0 is an abomination in the eyes of man and god ! Even though Microsoft cooks up overcomplex framework technologies that make a wonderful language underused and make us all look like idiots that they then abandon into the scrap heap! We can’t help Linux users haven’t discovered how much nicer c# is and decided to implement it on their own and port their horrible undocumented ansi c bullshit can we ???? Oh god I feel
So hollow inside and betrayed ! Curse
You gates curse youuuu! Curse you for metro direct3d xna wpf then false promises of core ! May you have a special place in hell reserved for you and your cheap wallpaper shifting monitor paintings and a pool speaker that playeth not but bee jees and ac dc forever and ever amen !
Speaking of which do any c/c++ ides have anything that even begins to rival intellisense on Linux and don’t use some weird ass build system
Like cmake as their default ?
Oh sweet memories of time a while back when I already wrote this and still wasn’t getting then tail I deserved
Again4 -
Even if world heals from Covid 19, I don't think Bill Gates and his family is going to recover from the PR damage.
The image he built up through his philanthropy is in shambles. I don't know if it's misinformation by conspiracy theorists about vaccination agenda, but Bill gates' smirk during his interviews on a serious subject is definitely not helping him.
He is gonna have a really really hard time coming back from this.26 -
BEHOLD! The voting power of Bill Gates!
j/k just a "bug" in my app, the rants were loaded this morning but going thru them now and upvoting.
But that gives me an idea for another app or maybe @dfox can just generate it from the database (not sure if he'd like me spamming the server to monitor the scores on certain rants).: A time graph of how a rant's score increases.
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Not really a kind of guy who would give into conspiracy theories. But it seems there is too many links with Rockfeller family, China, Bill Gates and ID2020.
Somebody tell me it's just a conspiracy theory and nothing more that..
https://reddit.com/r/conspiracy/... -
Bill gates walked into a apple store and farted. It stunk up the place so bad that people started to stare and scowl at him. Bill looks around and says "Hey, its their fault for not having Windows"
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is there really a shortage of developers?
according to short movie by code.org featuring all the code stars like Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates says world needs developers and everyone should learn to code.
even Obama said that too.
but here, I am fucking trying to get a web design project on freelancer from last 45 days and I can't.
please check my profile on GitHub if you think that problem is in me.(suggestions are welcomed)2 -
I'm in a generation and country where I can't imagine why people would have hated Bill Gates.
Are there anyone from the other generation who hated Bill Gates then and now? Who hated him them and not now? Who didn't hate him then and now?
Any thoughts?17 -
Teacher: who is the founder of microsoft
A) Mark zukerburg B) Bill Gates
Stud: me teach
Teacher: Jhon
Jhon: A) Mark zukerberg
Teacher: no any one else
If you know what i mean3 -
!rant
I don't know how many of you know about ERB or if you are fans of it, but I thought you all might enjoy this rap battle :)
https://youtu.be/njos57IJf-01 -
Hi, people, i dont post often on here but here goes.
https :// www . ncnbc . com / 2024/10/18/the-perfect-3-word-phrase-when-someone-hurts-your-feelings.html
It has an interview from bill gates in there.
Also i want u to know that i care about u.
2 -
The more I am exposed to the more i realize they weren’t done building their weird crap yet I was seeing the self funding preview
Which sadly reminds me of joke where bill gates dies and is given a choice between heaven and hell
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