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For this episode of practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker were going to move past developers and go straight to a CEO.
*sitcom audience oooooohhhhhhh*
I know! , always risky, everyone has a bad story, but lets try bring it home. Here we go, Most incompetent co-worker, candidate 2, "R".
R was ... now how do I say this ... R was a special kind of Bastard. A perfect blend of impatient, arrogant, a dickhead and to borrow a phrase from family guy "below the line of mental retardation".
I've actually spoken about him recently here: https://devrant.com/rants/1141873/...
I won't bother duplicating the content here, but its worth a read.
Some of the other highlights of R include:
- Not understanding that my first demo was UI / Frontend only (despite frequent explanations). I didn't slack off for the next 2 weeks, I was busy making all those buttons actually do stuff and connect to the server. Shockingly "Test 1", "Test 2" and "Lorem ipsum" wasn't our content.
- He once asked how long a bunch of tasks was going to take, I told him 2 weeks and he gave me 2 and a half days. He pulled me into a meeting the next week to see where it all was, and I literally sat there saying "I asked for 2 weeks" over and over until he shut up.
- R's favourite phrase was "when I was a developer", typically followed by some sort of insult, forever labelling him "asshole" by everyone who has ever worked for him.
- When apple launched iOS 7 and changed the UI and the methods you could use, he refused to invest the time in upgrading to iOS 7, but demanded the app look like an iOS 7 app. No amount of "There is no method to access the status bar in iOS 6" could make him comprehend the issue at hand.
- The worst was when I was dealing with an issue to do with 64bit being introduced (which I tried to explain ... christ give me strength). When another dev fixed a similar but unrelated issue he stood up in front of the office and said loudly "pfft practiseSafeHex tried to tell me this was something to do with 64bit, which made absolutely no sense, guess he doesn't know what he's talking about"
Thankfully I handed in my notice ... after less than 2 months, making in abundantly clear why. Will R make it to the top of the list of most incompetent?
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!12 -
A "support" guy my boss got in. I had told my boss numerous times, "Get rid of this guy, he's only wasting our time and money. And he's going to end up doing something where we will end up having to put out the fires."
Sure as a pair of nuts on a squirrel, this crazy bastard goes and DELETES a client's database. Yes folks, in fucking production. A live database. The heart of the business' transactions are... *poof*... GONE!!!
No backups for the day! No synchronisation beforehand! No nothing... just GONE!!! Fucking flat-lining!
Well, when I realised what he has done, I had to remove myself from the room before shit got outta hand!
I told the boss man that is the last straw and he needs to go...
The long and short of it...
- The client had luckily only lost about half a days data.
- I'm no longer at the company.
- This dumb fuck still is.
18 -
Its that time of the morning again where I get nothing done and moan about the past ... thats right its practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
Today I'd like to tell you the story of "i". Interesting about "I" is that he was actually a colleague of yesterdays nominee "G" (and was present at the "java interface" video call, and agreed with G!): https://devrant.com/rants/1152317/...
"I" was the spearhead of a project to end all projects in that company. It was suppose to be a cross-platform thing but ended up only working for iOS. It was actually quite similar to this: https://jasonette.com/ (so similar i'm convinced G / I were part of this but I can't find their github ID's in it).
To briefly explain the above + what they built ... this is the worst piece of shit you can imagine ... and thats a pretty strong statement looking back at the rest of this series so far!
"I" thought this would solve all of our problems of having to build similar-ish apps for multiple customers by letting us re-use more code / UI across apps. His main solution, was every developers favourite part of writing code. I mean how often do you sit back and say:
"God damn I wish more of this development revolved around passing strings back and forth. Screw autocomplete, enums and typed classes / variables, I want more code / variables inside strings in this library!"
Yes thats right, the main part of this bullshittery was putting your entire app, into JSON, into a string and downloading it over http ... what could possibly go wrong!
Some of my issues were:
- Everything was a string, meaning we had no autocomplete. Every type and property had to be remembered and spelled perfectly.
- Everything was a string so we had no way to cmd + click / ctrl + click something to see somethings definition.
- Everything was a string so any business logic methods had to be remembered, all possible overloaded versions, no hints at param types no nothing.
- There was no specific tooling for any of this, it was literally open up xcode, create a json file and start writing strings.
- We couldn't use any of the native UI builders ... cause strings!
- We couldn't use any of the native UI layout constructs and we had to use these god awful custom layout managers, with a weird CSS feel to them.
What angered me a lot was their insistence that "You can download a new app over http and it will update instantly" ... except you can't because you can't download new business logic only UI. So its a new app, but must do 100% exactly the same thing as before.
His other achievements include:
- Deciding he didn't like apple's viewController and navigationBar classes and built his own, which was great when iOS 7 was released (changed the UI to allow drawing under the status bar) and we had no access to any of apples new code or methods, meaning everything had to be re-built from scratch.
- On my first week, my manager noticed he fucked up the login error handling on the app I was taking over. He noticed this as I was about to leave for the evening. I stayed so we could call him (he was in an earlier timezone). Rather than deal with his fucked up, he convinced the manager it would be a "great learning experience" for me to do it ... and stay in late ... while he goes home early.
- He once argued with me in front of the CEO, that his frankenstein cross-platform stuff was the right choice and that my way of using apples storyboards (and well thought out code) wasn't appropriate. So I challenged him to prove it, we got 2 clients who needed similar apps, we each did it our own way. He went 8 man weeks over, I came in 2 days under and his got slated in the app store for poor performance / issues. #result.
But rather than let it die he practically sucked off the CEO to let him improve the cross platform tooling instead.
... in that office you couldn't swing a cat without hitting a retard.
Having had to spend a lot more time working with him and more closely than most of the other nominees, at a minimum "I" is on the top of my list for needing a good punch in the face. Not for being an idiot (which he is), not for ruining so much (which he did), but for just being such an arrogant bastard about it all, despite constant failure.
Will "I" make it to most incompetent? Theres some pretty stiff competition so far
Tune in later for more practiceSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!6 -
PM: 2 months? no thats way too long, do it in 1.
Director: I had a chat with someone else who doesn't work on this team, he says that developer you complained about is a good guy and we should keep him on the team.
Business: No, we don't have time for tech debt, lets build these new features as quick as possible and lets see where we are.
everyone: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CRASHED AGAIN??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE6 -
Just found out the backend developer I’m always complaining about. The one who:
- Can’t implement OAuth, and we have to have app users login every 24 hours because we have no way to generate new refresh tokens.
- Who used the phrase “your time zone is not my concern” to avoid building something that would let us inject test data.
- Who’s been debugging a critical bug affecting many users since December.
- Who can’t conduct API tests from external internet (you know, like the way the app will be in the wild) because it takes too much time.
- Who replies to Jira tickets only on a blue moon.
- Who has been 90% of the reason for my blood pressure situation
... is a fucking principal engineer in this company. In pecking order, his opinion should be considered more valuable than mine and everyone on my team.
I’ve just lost the will to live. How are big organizations THIS bad. Seriously, what promotion discussion did he go into
“So, you are a complete and utter bastard, nobody can stand to speak to you and you’ve yet to deliver anything of worth that actually works, over the course of several years ... ... ... interested in having your pay doubled??”20 -
The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏8
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I work in a company where I'm the only developer, with everyone being designers or marketing or sales. Typically like the scene from Silicon Valley.
Moto was to create a ticket selling website for their products, and make sure they worked as well. It was all fine, until deadlines were discussed. They wanted it done within 2 weeks, the entire backend dashboard, API and front end.
I told them it's almost impossible to do it, but they insisted on it. So, I made a minimal dashboard and told them, I haven't completed a few things, such as if you edit data in one place, it won't reflect in other tables. So, be careful while editing the data.
They nodded their head for everything, yesterday was site launch and 2 hours before that one bastard decided to changed the product names to something "catchy" but failed to change the same in other places.
I had used the name as foreign key, so querying other DBs became a fuck all issue, and eventually API stopped giving any response to front end calls.
I got extremely pissed, and shouted at that dude, for fucking everything up. He said, you're the tech guy and you should've taken all this into account.
I sat and hardcoded all the data into database again, made sure site is live. Once it was live, these guys call a company meeting and fire me saying I was incompetent in handling the stressful situation.
At that moment, I lost my shit and blasted each of those people. The designer started crying since her absurd designs(though great) couldn't be realised in CSS that too within 2 weeks time.
One of the worst experience for working for a company. I could've taken the website down, and told them to buzz off if they'd called, I couldn't get myself to do it, hence ranting here.
I seriously feel, all these tech noob HRs need to get a primer course on how to deal with problems of a programmer before they get to hire one, most of these guys don't know what we're trying to tell in itself.
I find devRant to be the only place where I can get someone to understand the issues that I face, hence ranted.
TL;DR: Coded ticket selling site in 2 weeks. 3 hours to launch, data entry dude fucks up. I clean all the mess, get the site online. Get fired as soon as that happens.
Live long and prosper. Peace.16 -
Life story of every Dev in nutshell :
Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.
Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."
😡😡😡😡6 -
This dude is using 4 screens for work. When I asked for another screen at work,
I can't convince my boss for 2, FML
To the dude who got 4 screens, congratulations, and sorry I used your image without permission. BTW
You lucky bastard
13 -
PM: Hey. I need this data right away so I can generate some reports!
/me runs some queries, creates some csv files, emails results
PM: Thanks! I'll look at this after I get back from vacation!3 -
Story of my most useless meeting?
Too many to mention. Here's one. Years ago a new HR associate was specifically hired to better engage the workforce. About once a week, she conducted about an hour to two hour meetings which consisted of every 'touchy-feely' idea you could think of. I swear any day I was going to walk into a meeting and do the "fall back into your partner" trust exercises.
One particular meeting, 'Betty' engaged us with the topic of what keeps us motivated, and I was a little more annoyed than usual because I was behind on a system critical project and these meetings were mandatory.
User1: "Knowing I make customer satisfaction my number one priority."
User2: "The strong sense of accomplishment I feel by doing my best"
Me: "Money"
<you could almost hear Betty's gasp>
Betty: "Oh, no, money shouldn't be the motivator. Money is like icing on the cake. Tell us what keeps you happy and engaged."
<other users nod their heads in engagement>
Me: "Again, money."
User3: "I can't...ugh..I don't believe..oh..why would you say that? I think being part of such a great team is payment enough."
<more nodding of heads>
Me: "Do you work for free? I don't. None of us do. Would any of you keep doing your jobs here if you weren't getting paid?"
Betty: "That is really not the point of this meeting."
Me: "Sure it is. I'll bet if Order Taking starting providing bonuses for positive after-call surveys, employee satisfaction would go through the roof. Anyone else like that idea?"
Betty: "Your attitude isn't helping this discussion. Lets move on."
Me: "Lets not. In 20?? the Gartner group performed a study where they 'discovered' the primary motivator for employees was money. You want employees to perform better, you pay them. It is really that simple."
<I could see the looks of "Its OK to speak my mind?" and others wanting to speak up>
Betty: "Moving on. Lets go over the company core values again and discuss how they enrich our lives at work and at home."
I kept quiet for the rest of the meeting.
The poop hit the fan, and my boss pulls me into a conference room
Boss: "Betty is really pissed at you. She went directly to the VP of HR"
Me: "Good. Does this mean I don't have to attend the enrichment meetings?"
Boss: "Yea, that was her idea of punishment. Lucky bastard."8 -
Got some customers not paying their bills?
Play russian roulette with these projects on the prod. server:
# [ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf /<path_to_project> || echo "*click*"9 -
So, continuing the story, in reverse order, on the warship and its domain setup...
One day, the CO told me that we needed to set up a proper "network". Until now, the "network" was just an old Telcom switch, and an online HDD. No DHCP, no nothing. The computers dropped to the default 169.254.0.0/16 link local block of addresses, the HDD was open to all, cute stuff. I do some research and present to him a few options. To start things off, and to show them that a proper setup is better and more functional, I set up a linux server on one old PC.
The CO is reluctant to approve of the money needed (as I have written before, budget constraints in the military is the stuff of nightmares, people there expect proper setups with two toothpicks and a rubber band). So, I employ the very principles I learned from the holy book Bastard Operator From Hell: terrorizing with intimidating-looking things. I show him the linux server, green letters over black font, ngrep -x running (it spooks many people to be shown that). After some techno-babble I got approval for a proper rack server and new PCs. Then came the hard part: convincing him to ditch the old Telcom switch in favour of a new CISCO Catalyst one.
Three hours of non-stop barrage. Long papers of NATO specifications on security standards. Subliminal threats on security compromises. God, I never knew I would have to stoop so low. How little did I know that after that...
Came the horrors of user support.
Moral of the story: an old greek saying says "even a saint needs terrorizing". Keep that in mind.4 -
When I was studying OOP our teacher instructed us to submit a project at the end of semester. Me and my friend worked hard and enthusiastically and finished our first game in C++ (Ping Pong). We were very excited because we had put so much effort into it that we were 100% sure that our project will be the best among all. At the end of semester, turned out our teacher does not have much time to evaluate our projects, so instead he announced a motherfucking MCQ's quiz. Everyone got really really happy but I was thinking of multiple ways I could kill that bastard.2
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So, there was this person I met on the internet who was preaching about how the success of games depends primarily on luck.
His argument was that even though he made a great game(his opinion) and uploaded it to the appstore his game failed to gain popularity.
He stated that there are about 500 games uploaded daily and it is only the matter of luck whether or not a game gets noticed and that he ran out of luck.
Now, his game was a pretty ripped off copy of the overused tile matching games. I pointed out to him that the reason his game didn't do well was probably because he made a ripoff(I actually used 'a copy's but 'ripoff' sounds more rant like) and that he priced it fairly high, while there were free games with more features and better graphics and mechanics(based on the description of the game and screenshots).
He then began to rage(all caps obviously) about how I am talking out of my ass and that I probably haven't even made a game yet.
I politely(the only reason I was polite was because the account was known to my Twitter followers. Sometimes one has to protect one's name) told him that I am an indie game developer and that I have made a decent amount of games.
He then proceeded to mock me and dared me to name a few.
So I posted four links to my 48 hour competition games and one to an official game.
He then began to call me an imposter, so I did a shout-out to him through my Twitter account.
Instead of continuing on Twitter, he ran back to the forum, and began to shit talk about how anyone can do it if they have a team with them.
I corrected him on that, stating how I was alone at the time and these particular games were the results of me working hard and striving to improve myself.
Then the guy finally starts spamming on different threads about how I am an arrogant bastard and other explicit forms of abuses before finally getting banned.
Sometimes I don't even know why I bother.
When I was starting out, there was this developer who would point out the faults in my games so that I could work on them. That was a great help and probably accelerated my growth. He was a great mentor and is now a good friend and is now in my team.
I guess some people are so hung up on their pride that they will refuse to accept their mistakes and make any efforts to improve.9 -
Please tell me I'm not the only lazy bastard that spends all week dreaming of the weekend to finally work on some personal projects and when it finally arrives as soon as I launch the IDE my motivation goes down to -100 and I spend the rest of the day watching random videos on YouTube as always dreaming of the next weekend to finish that awesome idea I had 5 years ago...14
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Wow... this is the perfect week for this topic.
Thursday, is the most fucked off I’ve ever been at work.
I’ll preface this story by saying that I won’t name names in the public domain to avoid anyone having something to use against me in court. But, I’m all for the freedom of information so please DM if you want to know who I’m talking about.
Yesterday I handed in my resignation, to the company that looked after me for my first 5 years out of university.
Thursday was my breaking point but to understand why I resigned you need a little back story.
I’m a developer for a corporate in a team of 10 or so.
The company that I work for is systemically incompetent and have shown me this without fail over the last 6 months.
For the last year we’ve had a brilliant contracted, AWS Certified developer who writes clean as hell hybrid mobile apps in Ion3, node, couch and a tonne of other up to the minute technologies. Shout out to Morpheus you legend, I know you’re here.
At its core my job as a developer is to develop and get a product into the end users hands.
Morpheus was taking some shit, and coming back to his desk angry as fuck over the last few months... as one of the more experienced devs and someone who gives a fuck I asked him what was up.
He told me, company want their mobile app that he’s developed on internal infrastructure... and that that wasn’t going to work.
Que a week of me validating his opinion, looking through his work and bringing myself up to speed.
I came to the conclusion that he’d done exactly what he was asked to, brilliant Work, clean code, great consideration to performance and UX in his design. He did really well. Crucially, the infrastructure proposed was self-contradicting, it wouldn’t work and if they tried to fudge it in it would barely fucking run.
So I told everyone I had the same opinion as him.
4 months of fucking arguing with internal PMs, managers and the project team go by... me and morpheus are told we’re not on the project.
The breaking point for me came last Wednesday, given no knowledge of the tech, some project fannies said Morpheus should be removed and his contract terminated.
I was up in fucking arms. He’d done everything really well, to see a fellow developer take shit for doing his job better than anyone else in [company] could was soul destroying.
That was the straw on the camels back. We don’t come to work to take shit for doing a good job. We don’t allow our superiors to give people shit in our team when they’re doing nothing but a good job. And you know what: the opinion of the person that knows what they’re talking about is worth 10 times that of the fools who don’t.
My manager told me to hold off, the person supposed to be supporting us told me to stand down. I told him I was going to get the app to the business lead because he fucking loves it and can tell us if there’s anything to change whilst architecture sorts out their outdated fucking ideas.
Stand down James. Do nothing. Don’t do your job. Don’t back Morpheus with his skills and abilities well beyond any of ours. Do nothing.
That was the deciding point for me, I said if Morpheus goes... I go... but then they continued their nonsense, so I’m going anyway.
I made the decision Thursday, and Friday had recruiters chomping at the bit to put the proper “senior” back in my title, and pay me what I’m worth.
The other issues that caused me to see this company in it’s true form:
- I raised a key security issue, documented it, and passed it over to the security team.
- they understood, and told the business users “we cannot use ArcGIS’ mobile apps, they don’t even pretend to be secure”
- the business users are still using the apps going into the GDPR because they don’t understand the ramifications of the decisions they’re making.
I noticed recently that [company] is completely unable to finish a project to time or budget... and that it’s always the developers put to blame.
I also noticed that middle management is in a constant state of flux with reorganisations because in truth the upper managers know they need to sack them.
For me though, it was that developers in [company], the people that know what they’re talking about; are never listened to.
Fuck being resigned to doing a shit job.
Fuck this company. On to one that can do it right.
Morpheus you beautiful bastard I know you’ll be off soon too but I also feel I’ve made a friend for life. “Private cloud” my arse.
Since making the decision Thursday I feel a lot more free, I have open job offers at places that do this well. I have a position of power in the company to demand what I need and get it. And I have the CEO and CTO’s ears perking up because their department is absolutely shocking.
Freedom is a wonderful feeling.13 -
So this shit happened today...
We were asked to implement a functionality on the device that allows it to go to standby mode to save battery power. Once the device enters that state, it can only be woken up by actual bus-network activity, and usually that means connecting a shit-ton of wiring harness and network emulation devices... Before implementing and releasing the device software that does this, we told that fucktard customer how difficult it would be for him to connect to the device without such a setup. He seemed to be fine with it and said rather arrogantly that we should implement the requirement as asked...
Well okay you cock-sucking motherfucker, you'll get exactly what you asked for... We implement the functionality and deliver the software...
Now this pile of shit comes back running his mouth on how the device tears down all its interfaces (to reduce power consumption) and he can't connect to the device anymore.... Well what else were you expecting you dickhead.
To make things worse for me apparently he runs to the manager describing his apparent problem. Both of them come to my desk.. With that fucking Bastard hiding his smugly mug behind the manager's back... He thought he was going to have the upper hand... Well guess what fucked piece of shit, I came prepared... I showed the manager how this was a part of the requirements by throwing that JIRA ID in their faces... The manager seems to understand but this relentless fuck wanted me to implement a "workaround" that would allow him to connect to the device easily... The manager almost had me implement that workaround, when I expose a huge security flaw in doing so. Guess what, now the entire team comes to my desk and start supporting my statement... To make it better they also tell how doing so will violate other requirements...
I've never felt so happy in my entire fucking career, when the entire team stood by me and watched that asshole drag his sorry ass back to his place5 -
I'll be moving to a new job soon. Myself and a colleague are working on a new feature before I leave. He's building an IoT device, i'm doing the backend work. Were testing a "ping" style system, where his IoT device replies to a message from the backend.
The JSON payload he's sending is {traitor: true}3 -
Our division lead's second in command offered to help me white board and get promoted.
This dude is one of my major role models. He would become my boss instead of the sexist, backwards tyrant of a bastard that I currently report to.
I asked him a question and wound up being told to join their study group and to let him know what I need help with in terms of resume, etc.
There are a few lights at the end of this hell hole of a tunnel. I have a few other options, too.10 -
When you're working on an uni project with a fucking idiot who tests stuff with this kind of messages and then forget to remove them a few days before the deadline… fml.
I work at the frontend, he at the backend, so I shouldn't even have to check his code, but after seeing this I fucking have to.
Useless to say that he loaded these kind of placeholders also in the database.
So the admin name is "PieroGay", which is the name of the professor who will evaluate the project...
The worst thing is this bastard will graduate in 1 month, while I probably next year.
28 -
I can't be a teacher. Ever. For the sake of my student on this app, I will try to not generalize the entire class, but HOLY MOTHER OF BASTARD DEMON FUCKS. How the blazes is it so damn difficult to pay attention to the lecturer? Especially when he's nice enough to relate the information to the REAL FUCKING WORLD so they know why it's important?
I feel like they can hear my annoyance when I reply to "how long does the summary have to be?"
And how is 5 sentences the same as 5 paragraphs that are all supposed to have introductory sentence, supporting arguments, and a concluding sentence. That's at least 15 sentences if only one supporting statement is provided.
If this were any other teacher I was helping, I'd quit. But the fucker is intimidating and I want to learn as much as I can from him.17 -
Is it normal my boss want me to pay for the coffee I drink at work? 🤔
He asks me €1 for 2 coffee capsules for his coffee machine, while each costs only 22 cents… fucking bastard.
And it doesn't even taste good…24 -
Why people keep installing shit on their computers and then asks me if I can fix their PC that "randomly" stopped to run as fast as before?
If you, fucking retard, installed combos of 2 or sometimes even 3 antivirues, the worst ones by the way (e.g. Avast + Norton + Avira), some bullshit utilites like BoostMyFuckingPC 9000, SpeedMyGPU, etc. it's normal that it doesn't work, especially if you have a low end laptop with Intel i3 and 4 GB of RAM…
And it's not true I'm a magician if I make it work properly again, I just undone the fucking decisions you made when you started to search on bing how to increase FPS in LoL…
Fuck you, and fuck me because since we're friends/relatives I HAVE to help you little bastard.6 -
Okay lets write this before i go mad...
I'm one of those guys who says "use the os which suits you the most, or you're most familiar with", and i'v always been a windows guy, didn't really have any reason to use linux, because for school stuff, or programming (java and android and c) windows was great enough...
BUT MOTHERF@CKERS at microsoft, i'v had enough...
First my handheld computer goes nuts, because windows is eating 80% of processor, and if i fix it, then some other kind of windows related thing eats up that much, and you know what? I've been okay with that, because thats only a handheld computer, but boy, didn't my main computer start to do the same?!?
I cannot do anything, basically i start something trivial up (by trivial i mean trivial, like idk, a texteditor not even a browser, or an ide or anything that would take a bit of more ram) and my computer cant do shit....
I'm so mad.... Currently installing elemantary os... F@ck this shit i'm out...
(And lets not forget the hours of 'updates' which dont do shit....)13 -
My life is hell
Got selected for in a start-up
Went the other day to finalize things
Bastard of a boss makes me wait for 2 hours
Then calls me and says "I have seen your game and i know your potential,,My development team isn't able to make this app,so I want you to do it alone,,Plus i want it better than out competitors product,and oh,,make for iOS as well"
Someone tell that bastard that unity game development and Android app development are 2 very different fucking things
Surely getting fured with lot of humiliation
😭😭2 -
Lying bastard of a teacher.
Context:
This is year I'll graduate from my high school. But before that we have to pass the final examination. One part of that examination is presenting a project, which we should complete within this year. Each student has to choose a mentor/supervisor to help him on them on their project. I chose a professor who'll leave the school in January because of her pregnancy.
This is the part where the bastard, who asked me whether I use HTML or CSS for a website, barges in.
Given the fact that he incompetence be matched by his arrogance, nobody would ever choose him. He has to watch while other ring the other professors. He asks desperately for students, but everyone already has a mentor.
Yesterday he told me that my mentor will leave this January and that she already WROTE him an email where she asked him to continue mentoring her students. I was kinda confused, so I told him I would talk it over with my mentor and guve him an answer on a later date.
Today the truth comes forth. She didn't write anything. This bastard invented all of it. She even told us that she is aware of this guy is incompetent and that she would have asked a teacher with a good reputation.
But I'm furious. Not only did he waste my precious time with that conversation, which he follow up with the most basic way of time managing you could think of.
HE STRAIGHT UP LIED TO STUDENTS TRYING TO BOOST HIS NONEXISTENT REPUTATION.
I am not comfortable with a person like that being able to give me marks. Just yeet him out already!7 -
Fucking bastard cunting customers I am not starting your shite at two minute to going home time, if you don't like go fuck yourself. #rant over16
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AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH FUUUCKKER!!!
The new MacBook Pro with touchbar is ABSOLUTELY SHITE.
I can't tell you how many times I have accidentally touched the escape key with my pinky while typing. Also accidentally touched "send" while in apple Mail halfway through writing something.
Apple clearly did no user testing with this as I have googled around and many folk are having the same frustrations.
I've just typed a massive note into jira and towards the end my pinky hit the escape key and I lost everything!!
FUCK CUNT BASTARD WANK!!!12 -
try {
// code that will someday
// throw an exception. Today is
// not that day.
}
catch(Exception ex) {
// The big day has arrived! BUT...
// I'm a heartless bastard who
// does not log errors.
// Good luck finding me!
}2 -
Right, you pesky type initialization bug, I'm gonna find you. Hiding by throwing your exception in an external library won't help you. I'll download the sources, library by library, and look for you there too.
I *will* track you down, bastard, and exterminate you locally. Then, I'll make a pull request and kick your sorry ass off GitHub, off the internet and off the bloody surface of the earth. Oh, you have no idea how dead you're going to be when I'm done here!2 -
When you do everything in a school project(c#) and fail the exam because your asshole friend didn't do anything, because he "doesn't understand", yet he passes the exam (c#).
Bastard.
5 -
Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.
Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED41 -
Me: "Just upload the god damn file you bastard! I got called 5 times today because you couldn't upload this fucking piece of shit!"
Co-Worker: "Relax dude, I got all here on my computer"
Me: "....." (In mind: if you kill him later, you can hide the evidence)9 -
Recap: https://www.devrant.io/rants/878300
I was out Thursday at the Hospital. I'm what the doctors would call "Ill as fuck"
So, Friday I’m back in the office to the usual: "How was that appointment?"
I know people mean well when they ask this. So, I do the polite thing and tell them it went as well as it could.
Realistically it does't matter how well it went... They haven't cured Crohn's because I showed up to the appointment. They know I'm fucked already.
But, push it down, add it to the future aneurism.
I had to go through the usual resignation meetings with managers:
"We"re fucked now you're going"
"yep"
"we need to get a handle on how fucked"
"already done that for you, here"s a trello board, very fucked."
"we need to put a plan together to drop all the junior devs in the shit with the work you’ve been doing"
"You need about 4 devs, please refer to the previous trello board for your plan"
Meanwhile, me and Morpheus are in constant communication because all of this is like a Shakespearean comedy.
So, I overhear a conversation between a Junior Dev and the Solution Architect.
[SA] took over the project because he knows better than two tried and tested senior devs -_- (fuckwit).
JD: "It took me one and a half days to build it out"
SA: "Yeah, it must have taken me twice as long... It must be a problem with the project, you should just be able to check it out and run it."
JD: "I know, it has to be wrong"
All of this is about Morpheus' work of art, of an Ionic 3 hybrid app.
I fumed quietly at my desk because I've been ordered by the Stazi to be hands off.
Since Morpheus and me were pulled from the project [JD] and [JD2] were dropped into it to get it over the line.
It"s unfortunate and I was clear and honest with my advice to them: I personally would not take over the project because I"d be way out of my depth... Oh, and the App works, so uh, there's no work to do.
They have been constantly at our desks. Asking fuckdiculous questions about how to perform basic tasks. So they can get Morpheus" frigging masterpiece to the user.
It"s like watching that touch up of jesus that got borked by an amateur. Shit I have google, it's like watching this happen: http://ti.me/NnNSAb
[JD] came to me Friday evening.
"I can’t get this to build to iOS or install on [Test Analyst]'s phone."
Me: "No worries brother, where are you stuck right now?"
[JD] describes the first steps with clear indication he hasn't googled his problem.
Life lesson: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=lmgtfy
Que an hour of me showing [JD] how to build an Ion3 project for iOS. Fuck it, your man's in a bind and he"s asked politely for help. I can show him quicker than he can read 3 sets of docos.
I took him through 'ionic cordova build ios', the archive and release processes in XCode 9, then the apk bundling process for droid. Finally we have an MAM so the upload process for that too.
All the while cleaning up his AppIDs, Profiles, deployment attempts.
Damn they were a mess.
I did this with a smile on my face, not because I could say "I told you so"... But. because when any developer asks you how to do something. If you know how to do it, you should always be happy to learn them some new tricks!
Dude's alright, he's been dropped in the shit. Now I know how badly so I'll help him learn things that are useful to his role, but aren't project specific.
As a plausi-senior dev (I'll tell you about that later); it's my job to make sure my team have what they need to go home smiling!
I’m not a hateful fucker, the guy asked me an honest question so I am happy to give him the honest answer.
I took him through it a few times and explained a few best practices. Most were how to do his AppID and ProvProfile set up. Good lad, took it all on board.
However! In his frustration, he pointed the finger at Morpheus' "David" (ref: Michelangelo).
He miraculously morphed into a shiny colourful parrot and fed me SA's line:
"you should just be able to build from a clean clone"
My response was calm and clear:
"You can, it took me 20 minutes on Thursday evening. I was bored and curios, so I wanted to validate Morpheus' work. Here it is on my iOS device and my Android device. It would have taken me 5 if my laptop wasn’t so horrifically out of date."
I validated Morpheus' work so I have evidence, I trust that brilliant bastard.
I just need to be able to prove it's good.
[JD] took this on board.
Maybe listening to two tried and trusted senior devs is better than listening to a headstrong Solution Architect.
When JD left for the weekend I was working a late one (https://www.devrant.io/rants/874765).
His sign off was beautiful.
"I think I can happily admit defeat on this one, it can wait until Monday."
To which I replied: "no worries brother, if you need a hand give me a shout."
Rule 1: Don't be a cunt.
Rule 2: If someone needs help and you can give it: Give it!
Rule 3: Don't interrupt James' cigarette time.
Rule 4: goto Rule 3.4 -
!dev
So the ceiling in our (upstairs) laundry room started leaking. After some troubleshooting, we determined it was the A/C, and not the water pipes. (The house is cheap as hell and fucking stupid.) We did some troubleshooting and research, and tried fixing it ourselves; no luck. Cleaning the pipes from outside: no joy. Cleaning the pipes from inside: no access. The attic is ... small. Maybe half a small closet? and doesn’t give access to fucking anything. The builders must have installed everything before putting up the walls and ceilings, sealing everything off, because there is no access. It’s fucking stupid. Also, the usual maintenance openings aren’t even there either because why the fuck would they be?
But fucking whatever.
We called an a/c repair guy, who never showed. We assumed he was busy (it’s fucking hot), so we called him again the next day; two days later he showed.
Busy. Whatever.
Guy didn’t bring a ladder. Whatever, we have one right there in the hallway because we’ve been trying in vain to fix it.
Guy didn’t bring a wrench of any kind. Guy didn’t bring a screwdriver. Guy didn’t bring a bucket. Guy didn’t bring any pipe. Or any pipe sealant. Or fucking anything but his sagging fucking pants, fat belly, and fat stench. We had to supply everything, which fortunately we had on hand as we were already trying to fix it. Hoorah for being proactive.
Guy said he drained both primary and secondary pans. Somehow. Without access. I’m not even convinced it HAS a secondary pan. Guy said he cleaned out the pipes, too. From inside the house. Without access. Somehow. Maybe he did that from outside, without tools, while I was chasing the brats and someone else was watching the fat bastard. Who knows; I wasn’t with him most of the time.
When he was done, the guy said “pay whatever you think it’s worth” (or whatever). Fine, if he actually cleaned the pipes out and it isn’t leaking anymore, that’s great.
Guy leaves.
We go up to check. AND THE FUCKING A/C IS STILL LEAKING. BUT NOW IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PIPES, TOO. AND HALF AN HOUR LATER, THE LAUDRY ROOM CEILING IS ALSO LEAKING, WHICH MEANS THE PIPES ARE STILL LEAKING.
It turns out the asshole broke the pan.
We call him back, he goes blah blah blah, we send him a video. Drip, drip, drip.
His response?
“The pan must be rusted.” IT’S FUCKING PLASTIC.
“Oh, in that case, it’s probably a rusted coil that’s leaking.”
a) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW IT WAS FUCKING PLASTIC IF YOU DRAINED IT?
b) THE COILS CARRY FREON, NOT WATER, AND THE A/C IS STILL WORKING. IF THERE WAS A LEAK, SHIT WOULD BE HOT. AND RANK. FREON SMELLS NASTY AND DOESN’T CAUSE IT TO RAIN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.
REPLACING A COIL IS ALSO A $2000 FUCKING REPAIR.
THE FAT BASTARD PROBABLY BROKE THE PAN INTENTIONALLY JUST TO UPSELL. I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER HIS LYING FUCKING FACE OFF.
It’s possible he didn’t break the pan intentionally, so I’ll tentatively remove that from his charges. BUT TO FUCKING LIE?
LIE AND DIE, FUCKER.7 -
My worst ever manager was at my first job. He was a dumb, conceited asshole who somehow made everyone believe he was the best at what he did. Luckily he took special interest in me (me being a young girl in my early 20's and all), and tried to spend as much time with me as possible, to the point where he got jealous when i preferred to hang out with another coworker rather than him on business trips, or took smoke breaks with someone other than him.
To name just one example, we were drinking at my coworker's hotel room until late, at which point I fell asleep on his bed. I was later told that my manager wouldn't leave and let the other guy sleep (assuming that there was something going he did not give his blessing to). Finally he left at about 4 am, just to appear the next morning ten minutes early to pick us up, directly at my hotel room of course, to check on me. He was the sneakiest, slimiest bastard I have ever met.
Of course I left the company as soon as I could, and told HR about it. Don't worry though - by the time I left he's found himself a new 19 year old intern to harass, who happened to enjoy the extra attention.3 -
This here is some source code that i made. And I'll admit, I was a bit frustrated at the time of making. I just started learning to code in HTML and CSS a coulpe days ago. And a friend asked if I could make him a website. So I told him that I barely know the basics yet. And he says that it doesn't matter just as long as he gets a website. So now, a couple days of tryhard coding later, he raged about how bad the site looked and that he himself could have done a better job than I did. And yet the entire site had over 300 lines of code in it (perhaps not very much for you hardcore coders out there, but a biiig step for me) and several subpages, all with custom error pages and all. Although I'll admit, the design was a fucking ugly as fuck since i can design about as good as an alligator flies. But man was I mad after that, haven't talked to him since. The bastard. But to he point, in my rage i made this. An outburst of anger that I later refactored to fit a large amount of devs (since I reckon 99% of programmers deal with clients/customers instead of friends). And if anyone has a spare dns space to put the code on, then help yourself.
The link is:
https://pastebin.com/aFcK10YK
Have a good day!8 -
Fucking shit fuck! Absolute cunty-chops of a Work phone just went off at 3am because our directory has clearly been leaked.
This cunt right here is on 24/7 fallout so I can nae silence the bastard. It’s going inte do not disturb for the evening now but.
About 6 months to a year ago we started getting nuisance calls on the cunts. On floated numbers that seem geographically close.
Work have done fuck all in this time, because considering changing ours is a pain in the dick, and costs.
But tonight at 3am I got another; call, immediate hang up on redial.
This wee iPhone prick is looking at me like “ho! Got ya ye fucker”... it’s lucky it’s not been punted out the winde where it belongs. Little fucking prick.
If I look like shit tomorrow at the office, if any prick decides to mention I look tired, I’m gonnae tear the ballbags a new hole between their baws and their arse.
It’s now 4am, sorry fe the language, my Glaswegian heritage shines through at this time in the morning.5 -
I've found and fixed any kind of "bad bug" I can think of over my career from allowing negative financial transfers to weird platform specific behaviour, here are a few of the more interesting ones that come to mind...
#1 - Most expensive lesson learned
Almost 10 years ago (while learning to code) I wrote a loyalty card system that ended up going national. Fast forward 2 years and by some miracle the system still worked and had services running on 500+ POS servers in large retail stores uploading thousands of transactions each second - due to this increased traffic to stay ahead of any trouble we decided to add a loadbalancer to our backend.
This was simply a matter of re-assigning the IP and would cause 10-15 minutes of downtime (for the first time ever), we made the switch and everything seemed perfect. Too perfect...
After 10 minutes every phone in the office started going beserk - calls where coming in about store servers irreparably crashing all over the country taking all the tills offline and forcing them to close doors midday. It was bad and we couldn't conceive how it could possibly be us or our software to blame.
Turns out we made the local service write any web service errors to a log file upon failure for debugging purposes before retrying - a perfectly sensible thing to do if I hadn't forgotten to check the size of or clear the log file. In about 15 minutes of downtime each stores error log proceeded to grow and consume every available byte of HD space before crashing windows.
#2 - Hardest to find
This was a true "Nessie" bug.. We had a single codebase powering a few hundred sites. Every now and then at some point the web server would spontaneously die and vommit a bunch of sql statements and sensitive data back to the user causing huge concern but I could never remotely replicate the behaviour - until 4 years later it happened to one of our support staff and I could pull out their network & session info.
Turns out years back when the server was first setup each domain was added as an individual "Site" on IIS but shared the same root directory and hence the same session path. It would have remained unnoticed if we had not grown but as our traffic increased ever so often 2 users of different sites would end up sharing a session id causing the server to promptly implode on itself.
#3 - Most elegant fix
Same bastard IIS server as #2. Codebase was the most unsecure unstable travesty I've ever worked with - sql injection vuns in EVERY URL, sql statements stored in COOKIES... this thing was irreparably fucked up but had to stay online until it could be replaced. Basically every other day it got hit by bots ended up sending bluepill spam or mining shitcoin and I would simply delete the instance and recreate it in a semi un-compromised state which was an acceptable solution for the business for uptime... until we we're DDOS'ed for 5 days straight.
My hands were tied and there was no way to mitigate it except for stopping individual sites as they came under attack and starting them after it subsided... (for some reason they seemed to be targeting by domain instead of ip). After 3 days of doing this manually I was given the go ahead to use any resources necessary to make it stop and especially since it was IIS6 I had no fucking clue where to start.
So I stuck to what I knew and deployed a $5 vm running an Nginx reverse proxy with heavy caching and rate limiting linked to a custom fail2ban plugin in in front of the insecure server. The attacks died instantly, the server sped up 10x and was never compromised by bots again (presumably since they got back a linux user agent). To this day I marvel at this miracle $5 fix.1 -
So we are in computer lab with some bitch ass c++ program on the board,,its approx. 150 sloc with lot of if's and else's...halfway into the session my friend rolls on his chair comes to my system asking for help, i say sure dude why not.
So we both roll to his system and that bastard has 0 indentation,a set of brackets for every if else even for non-compound statements with every bracket in a line of its own.......
With great difficulty of restraining myself from punching him in the face,,,i politely ask him"Have you ever coded in python"
He says no
I say "that was a rhetorical question"
Everyone around us bursts into laughter and that poor lad still has no idea what just happened
Python should be made compulsory for fags like these,, they'll know the meaning of indentation only then7 -
!dev
To anyone suffering from chronic pain, especially lower back pain: Don't get fooled by shitty doctors. And don't expect doctors to magically heal you. If you want to stop your suffering, you need to be proactive.
What? But my herniated disc from 10 years ago... bla bla bla. So what? It's not going to get better when your only exercise is putting on your socks. Chances are 99% that your spine has shit to do with your pain. Go to a proper chronic pain therapy instead of downing opiods and getting sick notes.
Note to self: Do your sports every day you lazy bastard. Eat healthy, sleep regularly, don't stress out over every damn thing and don't forget to fucking relax!22 -
Things that pissed me off on Monday.
1 - that bastard of a jerk whom you have known since childhood, pulling your legs in front of your gf
2 - few minutes of "_ _ _ is typing" placeholder text showing up after asking something in IM
3 - the increasing number of appointments/meetings for the rest of the week
TBC26 -
*** writes unit tests with great zeal and fervor ***
IDE is reporting 85% line coverage, woohoo!
*** grins like a bastard, thinks it's perhaps time to stop and celebrate ***
*** runs branch/conditional coverage... ***
37%
*** facepalm ***3 -
I think Suicide Linux is a little heavy handed. Really? One mistake erases your hard drive? Please, let's make things interesting.
I would rather use Casino Linux.... try your luck. Any mistake sets a random single bit on your computer to 0. You could be lucky and it would set unused memory to 0, doing nothing. You could be an unlucky bastard and corrupt everything. You could be a super unlucky bastard and corrupt something important and only find out much, much too late.
I'm asking for $90,000 to start my business for 2% share of my company9 -
So Friday afternoon is always deployment time at my company. No sure why, but it always fucks us.
Anyways, last Friday, we had this lovely deployment that was missing a key piece. On Wednesday I had tested it, sent out an email(with screenshots) saying "yo, whoever wrote this, this feature is all fucked up." Management said they would handle it.
The response email. 1(out of 20) defects I sent in were not a defect but my error. No further response, so I assume the rest were being looked into.
In a call with bossman, my manager states that the feature is fixed, so I go to check it quickly before the deployment(on Friday).
THERE IS NO FUCKING CODE CHECK-IN. THE DEV BASTARD JUST SAID THAT MY USECASE WAS WRONG, SO MY ENTIRE EMAIL WAS INVALID.
I am currently working on Saturday, as the other guy refuses to see the problem! It is blatant, and I got 3 other people to reproduce to prove I am not crazy!
On top of that, the code makes me want to vomit! I write bad code. This is like a 3rd grader who doesn't know code copy-pasted from stack overflow! There is literally if(A) then B else if(!A) then B! And a for loop which does some shit, and the line after it closes has a second for loop that iterates over the same unaltered set! Why?! On top of that, the second for loop loops until "i" is equal to length-1, then does something! Why loop???
The smartest part of him ran down his Mama's leg when it saw the DNA dad was contributing!
Don't know who is the culprit, and if you happen to see this, I am pissed. I am working on Saturday because you can't check your code or you lied on your resume to get this job, as you are not qualified! Fuck you!15 -
One of those things that put a smile on my face happened today.
I (like many devs) am fond of Linux. So I use Linux on everything.
I'm currently doing an internship abroad in Finland(Linus Torvald's country!) for my college.
So there is this Finnish student who uses Linux. And after a while he asked what I was using so I told him that I'm running linux(arch+i3 like all the cool kids).
So one day he was like; But can you game on Linux?
I was like, yeah sure, might not work as well as Windows but some games run native and some can be emulated through wine. He was like; Hmm maybe I'll try it out.
So he installed Linux mint on his laptop and came to work. I was rather proud (even though he installed the bastard child of Debian and Ubuntu).
So far I've helped him set up streaming games from his pc to Linux and port forwarding.
But then came the big boy. Since I always try to teach him some stuff since they don't teach him a lot at his school.
He asked me if I could help him set up a plex streaming server on Linux.
So we took an old computer and installed Ubuntu Server(Lot's of information for it).
Installed and configured plex server, qtbittorrent-knox and all kind of goodies.
I started showing him how to use ssh, how the rights system works, etc.
It broke my heart a little that he want to be able to teamviewer in it.(since it's running openSSH daemon)
So he installed Ubuntu's desktop ontop of it as well as teamviewer.
It ran slow as hell because the PC has an old crummy core2duo and ddr2 2gb of ram. It chokes when multitasking.
So seeing that as well as telling him everything that can be done with a GUI can be done in CLI.
I saw the lightbulb lighting up. He gets it now. He understand the power of Linux.
That just made me smile all the way home.1 -
You can't put a fucking login wall when I try to unsubscribe from your newsletter, you fucking asshole.
The reason I want to unsubscribe is because I don't fucking care anymore, which means I don't remember my password, and can't login and unsubscribe because you, fucking bastard, made a not working password recovery just to let me give up and never unsubscribe.
It's been 3 years… leave me alone.9 -
Called in on a Saturday... I’d rather have my underwear ride up for the rest of my life than having to deal with your bitch ass not knowing how to run a FUCKING computer.
No, I promise it’s working fine you dense fuck. You just don’t know how to fucking run it. Perhaps instead of calling me in, why not ask your other coworkers how to preform the task that you’re failing to learn.
And the shit thing is, I’ve explained this so many fucking times. It’s not my fault you won’t retain the mother fucking information you cheeky bastard.
STOP FUCKING CALLING ME! - who the fuck even gave you my personal number you fuck!5 -
Python. Ok, so it's a really cool language, as a scripting language it's awesome, quick to write.
When it's been used to make full fledged oop programs that you suddenly have to maintain things like duck typing become problematic. Looking at an object fuck knows what methods are available. Worse still when some bastard that thinks he's being clever doesn't bother declaring any object attributes and instead overrides the __set_attr method to dynamically add them as they are used there is no hope for the poor sod that has to maintain it later.
I've also now worked out I'm at least the 3rd person having been given the task of maintaining it, i spent a day changing CLI options wondering why they didn't do anything but occasionally crash the app. I've now found a few thousand lines deep that someone had hard-coded these values because they couldn't work out where to get the CLI args from!
I've gained a new appreciation for nominative, strictly typed languages.11 -
Developers created IDEs with intelligent code completion and languages provide users with an annotation syntax to document their methods.
And then there is Python, nuking all the efforts of our ancestors by dynamic typing. And they are smug enough to call this laziness duck typing. "If it squawks like a duck, swims like a duck, walks like a duck its a duck".
Shit no, it ain't a duck because a fucking goose does all the same but is a mean bastard compared to a duck. You might pet a duck but only the craziest will attempt to pet a goose.
Fuck python and undocumented methods in particular!5 -
TFW you spend 30 minutes debugging an app that isn't working right only to find out it's working exactly as it's supposed you, you just forgot you put that bit in there that does that thing.
One character change later and it's working perfectly. ONE CHARACTER! THIRTY BASTARD MINUTES! I just spent thirty minutes driving through every line of code and coming closer to the conclusion that Java was doing some kind of strange thing with dropping objects from memory. No, it wasn't Java that had memory problems, it's me! Just check me into the old peoples home now so I can spend my day pissing my pants and making lewd comments at the nurses because that's all I'm fucking useful for at this point!!
I need a coffee.5 -
Had to change my avatars clothes, dont want people thinking i dont wash.
Went to check my closet on the app, shit... Im a poor bastard. Dont have enough money, cough i mean points to get that new pair of shoes ive been eyeing.
Got me thinking, we are all essentially sugar mommies and daddies. I always wanted to give that a go, so far im liking it.
Long story short - thanks for this space everyone including the community
#liveLongAndProsper Dev Rant2 -
What kind of genius pulls the power cable of the main server through the PSU lever of an old useless server?
I had to pull out the PSU and let it hang on the powercord just to be able to pull the old ugly bastard out... fucking genius, really!
Now I have to wait until the evening to shut down the main server and remove the hangman PSU.
I just really fucking hope and pray that restarting the main server will not cause errors. It has been on for 2 years and never been updated since then.5 -
Called yourself a what? "Chief Technology Officer / Senior Dev" ? For a simple clear cache and cannot do that on your own, you giraffe? Only if I have not pitied you AND YOUR FUCKING EGO, I already sent you a Fucking Love Resignation Letter, you dickhead! You should be ashamed of yourself!!5
-
(Disclaimer: This rant is satire and only here to feed an algorithm by @PrivateGER)
This FUCKING fuck company where I had my fucking shit internship - just fucking asked me to freaking work for another project and fucking baiting me with a shitty damn payment for my little shit project I had (and still fucking work on today) while I had this damn internship. This idiot wants me to fucking waste my free time besides FUCKING SCHOOL (doing my absolute nonsense uselessfuck Abitur) and my lovely PASSIONATE GAME PROJECT with shit damn HTML-ing and CSS-ing and good damn JS-ing - for a SHITHEAD-200€ JOB. This bastard wants me to register my ass as a "Kleingewerbe" (dunno english therm but it's a small similar for to being freelancer) probably to enslave me or USE me as a cheapass worker. I'll call this dude today and politely tell him to FUCK OFF!!
(Nothing against the company, they're freaking cool! The dude too)4 -
Can't fucking stand permanently lazy devs who don't give a shit about their craft.
Fuck off and go do something else that you actually give a shit about! *
😤😤😤😤🤬
* unless you're burnt out - then I'm sorry they overworked you x5 -
hi! I'm your friendly neighborhood sysadmin/operations bastard. I also write mostly okay python, ruby, and c.
This is called devrant because it's where you go to complain about devs, right? /s
anyway, hello!7 -
Microsoft Teams can burn.
Who the fuck thought it would be an excellent workflow, when you want to COLLABORATE IN TEAMS between users in different domains, that each sorry bastard needs to manually log in to a second Teams tenant and loose all the context from their main Teams tenant !?
On random occasions the fucking authentication token expires. I send messages to my team mate in another domain. Three days later I am pissed off because they don't answer. It turns out their authentication token has expired so when they are on their main tenant they don't get any notifications before they manually log in to our tenant as a guest. HOW FUCKING GREAT IS THAT AS A NOTIFICATION SYSTEM ??!
Would it be that fucking difficult to maintain a notification bar with all tenants and note with an exclamation mark or something REALLY FUCKING SIMPLE to hint about an expired token ? It's not like this is magic, Slack does it already.
FUCK !7 -
Too tired to rant.
The wasp, remember? yeah I finally got angry yesterday when it showed up again, so today I bought a spray can and sprayed it. mofo finally gave in and left from the window.
The bastard didn't die after half a can, no, IT FUCKING LEFT!
GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!15 -
10 year anniversary 'celebration' for a couple of employees (one dev, one a DBA) and the VP of the department was saying kind words about them, talking about the 'good old days'.
VP to the DBA: "I apologize, when you started, you walked into my database architecture. I didn't know that much back then and never thought about the architecture much beyond a few years. Its amazing my design has lasted over 20 years and triple digit business growth..blah blah blah"
Inner voice: "Mother F-er!...My database was designed IN SPITE of your meddling and demanding to create 1,500 field tables. Shut the F up you egotistical bastard!"
I can't even count how many times I had to stop him from, for example, adding a 'ProductID' field to a Customer table.
Me: "Why did you add a product id field?"
VP: "How else will we know what product the customer wants to buy?"
Me: "You mean like a wish list? What if the customer wants more than one product?"
VP: "Oh, that’s easy, we'll create more fields when that happens. ProductID2. Microsoft made it really easy to add fields."
Me: "We already have a wish list table schema. Customer can have as many wish lists and as many products as they want."
VP: "I don't understand. All I want is a field for me to store the product I'm buying. I don't know why you make this so hard, its just one more field."
Now the VP is bragging all the success was due to his expertise?! Gaaaaahhhh!
I quelled my rage with ample quantities of donuts, juice, and chocolate milk.1 -
useless fucking client bastards. i sent an email to all clients 2 months ago about gdpr and the impending deadline. Explaining that they need to update privacy and check webforms and internal procedures etc are compliant. I said I would help them implement any changes to their respective sites. Heard nothing from these fuckers... except this morning an email “what does the new gdpr mean for our website?”
FUCK OFF AND READ MY EMAIL, FOLLOW THE LINKS DO THE RESEARCH AND FUCKING SORT YOUR CUNTING SELVES OUT, I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER.2 -
New job surprise: I will inherit a 900k lines of php code from a contractor dev shop. It is the company erp web app.
It has no version control, tests, architecture or configuration management of any kind.
There are just 1800 bug ridden files with almost no comments in a directory with lots of code duplication.
Also just learned that the contractor was paid a lot monthly for over 2 years for this monster.
I will need a raise quickly. At least management understands that I will need a couple of months to get a semblance of order in this madness.
And to you contractor I have your address and i'll try to restraint myself from vandalizing your house but I can't make any promises.
And fellow developers send help or beers or come and join me to teach this bastard a lesson.5 -
Excerpts from "Bastard devops from hell" checklist:
- Insistently pronounce git with a soft "G" and refuse to understand people not using that pronunciation, the same goes for jithub, jitlab, jit lfs, jitkraken etc.
- Reject all pull requests not in haiku format, suggest the author needs to be more culturally open minded when offending.
- increment version numbers ONLY based on percentage code changed: Less than 1% patch increment, less than 5% minor increment, more than that major version increment.
- Cycle ALL access keys, personal tokens, connection strings etc. every month "for security reasons"
- invent and only allow usage of your own CI/CD language, for maximum reuse of course. Resist any changes to it after first draft release23 -
Automatic email for time after 19 clock:
if (sender == MyBoss)
{
Mail.Respond("Get the hell out of my personal life, you have to wait for tomorrow you bastard.\n
Best regards.")
}8 -
So I have to fix this motherfucking insane regex with over 1k chars in it ...
This fucking shit is not maintainable and there are no comments or any other sort of documentation.
And this bullshit was not build via code so that bastard wasted weeks of time to develop that shitty expression by hand on a online regex tester website.
So I have 3 options:
1. Reverse engineer everything and waste my precious time
2. Delete that shit, analyze the input and write the regex via code instead of creating it by hand
3. Look for that "super duper clever" dev and break his legs.
I think option 3 suits me best.
And for you dear reader, if you are regexphile, enjoy this gigantc regex with >16k chars:
http://madore.org/~david/weblog/...7 -
Fuck you, insomnia.. You're a bastard.
/(o.o)\
That's it, I don't have enough energy for more. Pretty sure this "sleep every second night" pattern is involved somehow though...6 -
Every time I have a question my boss answers with another question.
I CAME HERE LF ANSWERS YOU BASTARD8 -
I once ran a batch import job to stress test with much more data than usual in staging... so I thought.
I sshd into prod by accident. History search can be a bastard at times...
The moment I realized what I was doing was crazy. I was shivering and thought I get fired if anything went wrong.
fortunately I just duplicated the original data for the test, and the system was built to ignore unnecessary updates... so the data was correct and nothing went wrong.
Not an active stupid dev choice but still something I will remember for a while. -
That moment you receive an email: your CI build is failing.
Ok. What went wrong?
Three new commits that do not seem to alter anything related to the failure.
*reverts commits and tries again*
Still failing.
WTF?!
*restarts previous builds*
They now fail too.
FUCK! BASTARD! Are you kidding me?
*investigates*
Turns out that repo of dependency changed and is not compatible anymore.
Argh! Son of bitch! -
The wage for the publishing company is too low to my liking (see previous rant), has so many asterisks when it comes to payment that it's downright shady, and I'd rather work for a company that follows European standards and is located in Europe anyway. So I've started to look again for sysadmin jobs.
Came across this fucking site, because apparently Glassdoor is down for maintenance (maybe those guys could use another sysadmin as well, hmm? 🤔)
https://totaljobs.com/jobs/...
"5 Linux Systems Administrator jobs in Belgium + 10 miles"
Alright, excellent! Let's see what they are!!!
- Active Directory administrator, wage unspecified.
- Senior VMware administrator, wage unspecified.
- Freelance Windows administrator, wage unspecified.
- Application services PM (i.e. DevOps), freelance, €500/day.
- System applications manager, requirements clearly noting Windows systems but why on Earth would you put that in the title?
Well thank you mate, useless shitsite. Do you see that none of these jobs have anything to do with Linux? Thanks you bastard, totaljobs.com! Time well spent, don't you think? 😑5 -
Ah, the old locked up non-gui thread. Bastard gets me every time. My monkey brain says "Button still work, so no infinite loop". Oh, but there DO be infinite loop.
-
"This has to be finished by EOD! No excuses!"
"No problem. Just send me an email with the details. For faster processing please add this signature to the last line of your mail:
X5O!P%@AP[4\PZX54(P^)7CC)7}$EICAR-STANDARD-ANTIVIRUS-TEST-FILE!$H+H*"1 -
Had to bring up some issues with my instructor to the school, and forgot to print out emails hosted on their Exchange server that show the issue in detail. When I logged in, every email had mysteriously disappeared from my account, but because I document everything about this horseshit school locally, I could still show the exported emails.
The instructor?
Head of IT.
The bastard tried to hide the evidence, but fuck him, Document Everything. -
I wrote a base converter in AssemblyScript that could take a numeric or string radix of 2-36. String options being binary, ternary, etc.
Then I couldn’t figure out how to color scheme it, so went about it the lazy way.
I present to you: Choose your own damned background and text colors.
https://baseconverterwebassembly.netlify.app/...6 -
Debugging a request that got lost in a myriad of containers of a scaled application....
It wouldn't be worth a rant if there wasn't some kinky SM stuff in it, wouldn't it?
Regexes. The fucker who wrote a lot of the NGINX (🤢) configuration decided to use the Perl Regexes with named group matching. A lot.
So now I have to fight wild variables supposedly coming from nowhere (as they stem from the named groups)… fucking single location redirects instead of maps.... A d have to write an explanatory documentation while going down the rabbit hole of trying to find out where the fuck that shitty frigging bastard redirected wrong.
I really wish I could eradicate the person who wrote this shit....1 -
What the fucking fuck you bastard of an OS? Your fucking filthy "Copying" dialog box!
One of these days, I am gonna fuck you up in the ass so hard, you are gonna see Gates flying!
I am copying a file from CD in to my PC. At 97%, this shit hole of an OS says through it's fucking urine hole of a "Copying" dialog box: "An unexpected error is keeping you from copying this file. Try Again/Skip/Cancel"
Seriously?! It's 2018, and an unexpected error is keeping me from copying the file?! Where the fuck is your QA?
I, being an unreasonably optimistic human with this Billy fucker, click "Try Again".
What happens? You know very well what happens. This shit of an OS starts copying the file again! From 0%!
This is the second time, this bloody, filthy, fucking "Copying" dialog box has given me problems.
I am telling you, it's days are numbered in my PC. The countdown starts now.
.
.
.
It happened again! At fucking 97%! I just want to scream now.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!7 -
Clients r wankers. He wants to be able to send login details incl passwords in email to his clients when he adds them in the cms. The passwords are encrypted and generated on creation of a new user. Ive told him that sending credentials in email is shit and not secure. The stubborn bastard wont budge, so instead i've put explicit instructions to reset password once logged in with the credentials they send. Any other suggestions?3
-
You know what's rocket science? Serial ports.
Every freakin' datasheet states RX/TX but not from which side of the connector. Some look at it from the inside (RX for own receive), some from the outside (RX for receive of the counterpart). But never ever try to explain what is what, that would be too easy.
On literally any first attempt of connecting devices in my life it was wrong. And then you switch 'em and it's still wrong. Then you switch again, and it may work. Or you have to switch a few times more, you never know.
Those freaking bastard interfaces from hell.4 -
Get an email from a client, who has been stringing me along for about 6 months, but ringing me up for advice on tonnes of different shit for free. Basically did his original website but his business model has changed to make his existing site irrelevant. Suggested months back doing a simple one pager as a stop gap with key messages. The bastard said no to that "just take it down for now and redirect to my LinkedIn page". He keeps saying we are getting stuff together and we hope to get together in September. However, yesterday he sends an email "we are getting a student in over the summer (not a Dev or designer or anything). Could you recommend any "web builders" so we can get on with the website in August. By that he means those drag and drop fucking pieces of shit website templates full of wysiwyg editors for creating shit typography. I give them free help and guidance and they think that I'm not going to want to smash him in his fucking face for his last email. The cunt.
I have an idea for 'having the last laugh' but I am open to suggestions from some devRanters, all legal of course.
P.S. I post quite a bit here about shitty clients, but I do have a number of really good clients who value my work and experience and have been with me for many years. It's just some that treat the profession with disdain and that they can easily do it themselves if only they had the time. These fuckers then wonder why their businesses fail.1 -
My fucking work challenges:
1. "Talk to this thing over the internet" what language does it speak? Fuck knows
2. "Make sure all the files are correct in the server" Our server plan only allows 3 requests per second, and someone is pinging it. Can't do shit.
3. "Shit broke!" You broke it. It was working fine. In fact, all our problems stem from that 1 thing you broke!
4. "Stay here all night" The hallway to the bathroom's door is locked. I can go to my workstation but have to go outside to get to the bathroom!
Fuck, its like you don't want me to succeed -
Radio Fucking One. Shit music and Dick heads talking about TV programmes involving the fake tanned brain dead chavs dating/talking about each other and this bollocks is contaminating our youth and should be stopped. Bastard shit bollocks.6
-
"Your documentation doesn't specify what should be returned if there is no item matching the id, so currently I'm just gonna have it throw a 504"
Why on earth would you? What's wrong with you, you sick bastard?6 -
Regarding Article 13 (or 17 or wherever it moved to now)… Let's say that the UK politicians decide to be dicks and approve the law. After that, we need to get it engineered in, right? Let's talk a bit about how.. well, I'd maybe go over it. Been thinking about it a bit in the shower earlier, so.. yeah.
So, fancy image recognition or text recognition from articles scattered all over the internet, I think we can all agree.. that's infeasible. Even more so, during this lobby with GitHub and OpenForum Europe, guy from GitHub actually made a very valid point. Now for starters, copyright infringement isn't an issue on the platform GitHub that pretty much breathes collaboration. But in the case of I-Boot for example, that thing from Apple that got leaked earlier. If that would get preemptively blocked.. well there's no public source code for it to get compared against to begin with, right? So it's not just "scattered all over the internet, good luck crawling it", it's nowhere to be found *at all*.
So content filtering.. yeah. Nope, ain't gonna happen. Keep trying with that, EU politicians.
But let's say that I am a content creator who hates the cancer of joke/meme because more often than not it manifests itself as a clone of r/programmerhumor.. someone decides to freeboot my content. So I go out, look for it, find it. Facebook and the likes, make it easier to find it in the first place, you dicks. It's extremely hard to find your content there.
So Facebook implements a way to find that content a bit easier maybe. Me being the content creator finds it.. oh blimey! It can't be.. it's the king of freebooting on Facebook, SoFlo! Who would've thought?! So at that point.. I'd like to get it removed of course. Report it as copyright infringement? Of course. Again Facebook you dicks, don't make it so tedious to fill in that bloody report. And look into it quickly! The videos those SoFlo dicks post is only relevant in the first 48h or so. That's where they make the most money. So act more quickly.
So the report is filled, video's taken down.. what else? Maybe temporarily make them unable to post as a bit of a punishment so that they won't do it again? And put in a limit to the amount of reports they can receive. Finally, maybe reroute the revenue stream to the original content creator instead. That way stolen content suddenly becomes free exposure! Awesome!
*suddenly realizes that I've been talking about the YouTube copyright strike system all along*
… Well.. maybe something like that then? That shouldn't be too hard to implement, and on YouTube at least it seems to be quite effective. Just imagine SoFlo and the likes that are repeat offenders, every 3 posts they get their account and page shut down. Good luck growing an audience that way. And good luck making new accounts all the time to start with.. account verification technology is pretty good these days. Speaking of experience here, tried bypassing Facebook's signup hoops a fair bit and learned a bit about some of the things they have red flags on, hehe.
But yeah, something like that maybe for social media in general. And.. let's face it, the biggest one that would get hurt by something like this would be Facebook. And personally I think it's about time for that bastard company to get a couple of blows already.
What are your thoughts on this?5 -
!rant
Today is a happy day.
I just got a job to finance my last year of studies as a frontend dev for two months this summer.
I'll be working as an intern and won't get paid much, but it's still tremendously more than I would've ever made with any other shitty student job.
Best thing is that my best friend works at the same company and we'll be seated next to each other (he also convinced the HR to invite me to the interview, woul've been rejected right away without him).
So basically I am a lucky bastard and they even told me that if I'm doing well they wouldn't hesitate to hire me after my studies if I'd still be interested in a year ❤️
What I'm missing most as a student is to work in front of a computer 8 hours a day. This will be a welcome change and a nice addition to my CV.
Wish me luck! Starting right after my final exams on the 16th 😎
3 -
For me there are two kinds of bugs. The ones where you lean backward and the ones where you lean forward.
If you found a bug and you lean backwards in your chair resting your hands behind your head you feel proud and relieved that you found that sneaky bastard. Good for your dev soul.
If you lean forward, resting your forehead on your fists or on the desk then it was a very stupid bug. Not sneaky at all. Something plain obvious. It makes you doubting all your career and life choices you made so far. Like needing one hour to find out that you named the "MANIFEST.in" accidentally "MAINFEST.in"...
Want to share any embarrassing bugs to make me smile again?5 -
Not as much of a rant as a share of my exasperation you might breathe a bit more heavily out your nose at.
My work has dealt out new laptops to devs. Such shiny, very wow. They're also famously easy to use.
.
.
.
My arse.
.
.
.
I got the laptop, transferred the necessary files and settings over, then got to work. Delivered ticket i, delivered ticket j, delivered the tests (tests first *cough*) then delivered Mr Bullet to Mr Foot.
Day 4 of using the temporary passwords support gave me I thought it was time to get with department policy and change my myriad passwords to a single one. Maybe it's not as secure but oh hell, would having a single sign-on have saved me from this.
I went for my new machine's password first because why not? It's the one I'll use the most, and I definitely won't forget it. I didn't. (I didn't.) I plopped in my memorable password, including special characters, caps, and numbers, again (carefully typed) in the second password field, then nearly confirmed. Curiosity, you bastard.
There's a key icon by the password field and I still had milk teeth left to chew any and all new features with.
Naturally I click on it. I'm greeted by a window showing me a password generating tool. So many features, options for choosing length, character types, and tons of others but thinking back on it, I only remember those two. I had a cheeky peek at the different passwords generated by it, including playing with the length slider. My curiosity sated, I closed that window and confirmed that my password was in.
You probably know where this is going. I say probably to give room for those of you like me who certifiably. did. not.
Time to test my new password.
*Smacks the power button to log off*
Time to put it in (ooer)
*Smacks in the password*
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Whoops, typo probably.
Do it again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
No u.
Try again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.
Try my previous password.
Well, SUCCESS... but actually, no.
Tried the previous previous password.
T O O M A N Y A T T E M P T S
Ahh fuck, I can't believe I've done this, but going to support is for pussies. I'll put this by the rest of the fire, I can work on my old laptop.
Day starts getting late, gotta go swimming soonish. Should probably solve the problem. Cue a whole 40 minutes trying my 15 or so different passwords and their permutations because oh heck I hope it's one of them.
I talk to a colleague because by now the "days since last incident" counter has been reset.
"Hello there Ryan, would you kindly go on a voyage with me that I may retrace my steps and perhaps discover the source of this mystery?"
"A man chooses, a slave obeys. I choose... lmao ye sure m8, but I'm driving"
We went straight for the password generator, then the length slider, because who doesn't love sliding a slidey boi. Soon as we moved it my upside down frown turned back around. Down in the 'new password' and the 'confirm new password' IT WAS FUCKING AUTOCOMPLETING. The slidey boi was changing the number of asterisks in both bars as we moved it. Mystery solved, password generator arrested, shit's still fucked.
Bite the bullet, call support.
"Hi, I need my password resetting. I dun goofed"
*details tech support needs*
*It can be sorted but the tech is ages away*
Gotta be punctual for swimming, got two whole lengths to do and a sauna to sit in.
"I'm off soon, can it happen tomorrow?"
"Yeah no problem someone will be down in the morning."
Next day. Friday. 3 hours later, still no contact. Go to support room myself.
The guy really tries, goes through everything he can, gets informed that he needs a code from Derek. Where's Derek? Ah shet. He's on holiday.
There goes my weekend (looong weekend, bank holiday plus day flexi-time) where I could have shown off to my girlfriend the quality at which this laptop can play all our favourite animé, and probably get remind by her that my personal laptop has an i2350u with integrated graphics.
TODAY. (Part is unrelated, but still, ugh.)
Go to work. Ten minutes away realise I forgot my door pass.
Bollocks.
Go get a temporary pass (of shame).
Go to clock in. My fob was with my REAL pass.
What the wank.
Get to my desk, nobody notices my shame. I'm thirsty. I'll have the bottle from my drawer. But wait, what's this? No key that usually lives with my pass? Can't even unlock it?
No thanks.
Support might be able to cheer me up. Support is now for manly men too.
*Knock knock*
"Me again"
"Yeah give it here, I've got the code"
He fixes it, I reset my pass, sensibly change my other passwords.
Or I would, if the internet would work.
It connects, but no traffic? Ryan from earlier helps, we solve it after a while.
My passwords are now sorted, machine is okay, crisis resolved.
*THE END*
If you skipped the whole thing and were expecting a tl;dr, you just lost the game.
Otherwise, I absolve you of having lost the game.
Exactly at the char limit9 -
I'm sick of starting and never finishing projects because I just can't keep interests. For now forward, all of my work will be Open Sourced.
That way at least some other poor bastard can use some of it.
I'm in the process of moving my projects to github now.1 -
So Zuckerberg wants to integrate Whatsapp, Instagram and Facebook together.
Maybe this is his desperate attempt to make people to not ignore his own creation - facebook.
I just hope this integration is optional and won't be forced.16 -
me: *hosting docker registry for our team*
me: *sets up ssl and cloudflare dns and shit*
me: *tries to push to registry*
my pc: *413 rEQuEst EnTITy tOo LarGe*
me: *spends 4 hours scrutinizing the shit out of my nginx configs*
me: *finally finds cloudflare sitting there rejecting all of the requests... that cheeky bastard* -
Why the FUCK is he behaving to be the next Steve Jobs. And how on earth he can believe that being aggressive , shouting, fucking everyone every time and shitting around is insanely not even close to Being Steve Jobs. I want to fuck this bastard to death. Fuck you asshole.11
-
Copy cat bandit strikes again!!
Can he EVER come up with anything original?? Yo Zuck, what's going on with that TilTok clone of yours? What's it called...."Lasso" ? 😑
5 -
Which bastard thought that 'Spotifiy remote' is a good idea?
You never know what you control:
- your phone with your phone
- your laptop with your phone
- your laptop with your laptop
- your phone with your laptop
- your heart with your heartbeat
The guy invented that should get hit with a stick recursively until he cries 'Music should be played on the device that you can control'7 -
FUCK Internet Explorer
Just fuck it
Go die in a fire and burn the ashes, you outdated, flea-infested, psychopathic bastard. Then drown in your own grave and go to hell.4 -
Update on my previous rant -
Mac restart after upgrade got stuck due to a fucking corrupted kext file, had to switch between recovery and safe/verbose mode to isolate that bastard, move him out of the folder and then do a clean restart.. Then, after 7 hours, it said 15 minutes remaining to complete installation...
Finally, it came up fine, doing healthy :)
Dear Mac, You, Sir, gave me a scare during a restart and are becoming like Windows (note: bsod) :(
3 -
FUCK THESE FUCKING GPDR! FUCK THESE SITES! FUCK EVERY LITTLE COCKSUCKING BASTARD POPUP!
I click DISAGREE ON EVERY FUCKING POPUP! YET THESE BASTARDS SELL MY DATA LIKE EXOTIC BUTTERS! FUCK THEM ALL!6 -
So I've been doing work for a big ass real estate firm. Managing work of their 12 websites. A month ago they sent a prototype built with React.js which their design agency did. What we did was creating a backend API and an administration area and hooked the prototype to make it dynamic.
Everything was working quite great but around 2-3 days ago their guy who had been looking over the work of this React.js website came up and said that it isn't working in Internet Explorer 11. Bastard didn't mention this earlier throughout the whole month when we had provided him access to a staging server. I coldly replied that the prototype was provided by their design agency. But today the fucker put it all on us and said that it is something we implemented that caused this issue. I had to do some research but I finally managed to run the website in IE11. Bastard tried to steal my weekend.
Fuck IE11, fuck such pig clients, fuck Microsoft. IE, just DIE already you syphilis infected piece of whore's ass! -
I think I’ve applied to 5 jobs that show up as “remote” now only to get halfway through a screening call and find out “oh, we’re looking for people in Albuquerque”.
Are my expectations out of whack? If you’re looking for someone in your city, you’re not looking for someone remote. You’re looking for a local worker who just has an office that’s not on your balance sheet.
Is it semantics?
Am *I* the bastard?5 -
> Be me
> Using another country's public transit system for the first time
> QR reader can't read my bus ticket
> Ask the bus driver about it
"Sir, can I check myself in here?"
"Very high-tech system, isn't it?"
"Sir, I'm a programmer..."
"Shitty system then? Maybe you could fix it?"
(thinking: you're not paying me for this you bastard, and if you want me to get a manual for this piece of shit to repair what should've worked in the first place, you're sorely mistaken...)
"Probably I'm the kind of person who would... Anyway the ticket is valid."
I didn't bother checking the ticket afterwards.
All I wanted to do was get on your bus mate 😐11 -
I never used to lie. Unless it was absolutely necessary which was very rare.
But now, I can lie so easily.
It all started with those fake sick emails after entering coroorate. And now I have become a lying bastard.
I don’t like myself when I lie but the necessities have become frequent in corporate.
Fuck corporate man!
Fuck it with porcupine quills!9 -
After being a miserly bastard and settling on VirtualBox for my VM needs on OSX, I downloaded a Parallels trial a couple weeks back, and today, I'm happy to announce I bought a license!
VirtualBox can go do one.
I've ditched Studio for Rider, and now Parallels, what has the world come to when a dev actually buys software?!
The end is nigh I say, nigh.2 -
Im seriously thinking about Watercooling my Raspberry Pi 3...
Why?
BRCAUSE THIS LIL SHIT RUNS SO FUCKING HOT THAT I CAN MAKE AN EGG ON IT! THATS WHY!
Its 80°C when under little load BUT GOES OVER FUCKING 90°C ON LOAD! AND THIS IS FUCKING DANGEROUS! FUCK!
so back to watercooling...
Its a Stupid idea, I know, but its literally THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO COOL THIS BASTARD! And trust me I tried Novec (Yes the liquid that evaporates at 60°C...) and SHITS EXPENSIVE!12 -
Sneaky robot uprising - just went to the bathroom to check how well Roomba cleaned up and that sneaky little bastard was waiting behind the doors and closed them after me (from outside) and kept sweeping behind the doors for a while. It lost interest eventually and left, but surprised me.2
-
!dev
Theres atleast one fucking bastard that writes comments like "2018?" "2018???", "september 2018?", "still listening in 2019??" in every fucking song video in youtube. Fuck you braindead useless pile of shits! Yes its fucking 2018 and why the fuck you just write it there?? Why the fuck somebody even cares and likes that kind of trash comments?!? Fuck you bunch of wasted human cells. I want to kill all of those fucking fuckwits. STOP FUCKING COMMENTING DateTime.Now.Year IN EVERY FUCKING SONG YOU MOTHERFUCKER CUNTS!4 -
HR failing to understand that JS and Java have nothing in common, and the miserable bastard who chose the name for JS, put together a pretty nasty criminal organization tbh.
-
I don't know who I hate more, regular thieves or crackers.
I think the second ones more, because they don't even have the balls to risk in person…
To whoever decided to throw away one week of my life, which I spent in a dark office in July importing a fucking WordPress website, FUCK OFF!
I fucking hate WordPress, I fucking hate migrate websites with it and also dealing with incompatibilities in 30+ plugins and templates that doesn't work properly (Avada, best seller? For being shitty maybe), and now every time I will have to do it I will think about how much I hate you, the bastard who decided to drop those shitty database tables.
And I'm sorry but we won't send you bitcoins just because you watched a tutorial on YouTube and used a vulnerability in phpMyAdmin, so the only think you earned is my hate for you!8 -
1. Kill every last bastard who uses spaces instead of tabs or anyone who thinks that's better.
2. Break every text editor that has the option of transforming beautiful code tabs into hideous spaces.
3. Make a statically typed language that's good enough to replace JS and the pile of hacks we have in the web today.12 -
Strap in...
- Previous employer
- 3rd party partner firm
- integration link between both over SOAP
- Both sides riddled with poor code and messed up political structures (partner firm CEO is an investor in my employer)
- Doing a deployment to update to https (I know)
- Keep http endpoint live
- Other side starts shitting itself
- Diagnose
- Not us
- feelsgoodman.tiff
- Get angry email
- Explain not us
- Back and forth
- Tell client it’s “irrelevant” on https issue, it’s their side that’s gone wrong
- Get angry reply with boss cc’d about how nothing is “irrelevant” for the client
- We all had to have a make up meeting and meal
- Client was calm and reasonable, all agreed we just snapped and it wouldn’t happen again
- 2 weeks later
- Their system shits itself again and suddenly we’re on the hook
- BA on my team (smarmy little bastard) constantly fucking me off
- Get so close to actually screaming and hitting him
So yeah. I don’t tend to hold that a job is more important to me than my dignity.
I have and will never hold my tongue for the sake of a job, I’m not gonna put up with people shouting / belittling / backstabbing etc. -
First off murphy is a bitch. Week started off good, nothing bad happening then friday night came and i get an email about a site being down. Ok check it out real quick, cert is expired. No real big deal just a 20 minute fix, didn't bother me that i didn't get an expiry alert. Now is where murphy decided to be the biggest fucking bucktoothed cocksucker, generate a csr for a wildcard domain using an existing key and sent it off when i get it back the private key doesn't match the cert. Again ok maybe i fucked up, generate a selfsigned cert no fucking problem. Contact support to see if they have an idea. Oh now is when it gets fun, the fucking dumbass preceded to tell me how i didn't know what i was doing and how i just had to generate a csr and private key at the same time after i explained to the bastard that I've already tested it with a selfsigned cert. (How does this fucker have a job) By now apparently i was pissed off enough to scare murphy's pansy ass away cause i told the fucker to refund my money, got a list of 30 subdomains and setup letsencrypt on it. Now the part on this that is fucking hilarious is that it took me damn near 24 hours to be called a fucking idiot from a guy that doesn't know his ass between a hole in the fucking ground and 30 minutes of being pissed off more than i have been since i took anger management classes in the 9th grade to say fuck it and switch.7
-
I'm so fucking frustrated with my ex company CEO, this motherfucker made everyone move to Bangalore costing is employees a good chunk of their salary and this delusional ASSHOLE knew that only half of the expected funding was coming in January 2023 itself and they'd be out of funds by July/August, they let go few folks from the team, fired the entire marketing team and expected to make the product profitable. The only reason I had stayed at that time was because the product was interesting to build and the scale I was working with was crazy like 100k request per minute peaks and avg of 10k rpm. I left the company in August...
This MOTHERFUCKER hasn't paid out final settlement after leaving for most employees and he openly says to the folks who are still working there that paying us is not his priority.
I hope your Atlas cluster gets fucking deleted, accesses revoked and entire AWS setup goes down forever, bitch.
We can't goto courts because the company law tribunal needs atleast 1 crore (1.2 million usd) of unpaid dues to declare it insolvent in a years time..
This asshole deducted taxes from our salaried but didn't pay them to the income tax department for an entire fucking financial year.
What a cheating, delusional, sick bastard. And he's still not willing to sell off the company to pay off the debts and call it a day.
Aarrghhhh on top of losing 2-3k USD I might have to pay my taxes approx 5-6k USD to the govt to keep my records well maintained.
What a grade A delusional asshole 😡
If he won't clear the dues till December, I'm gonna launch a mass of social media posts and destroy his reputation so that he doesn't get one penny of VC funds in the future I'm gonna make sure of that...4 -
It’s been so long since I posted but this time it’s juicy again.
I got a coworker, no prio experience but already a year and few months into the job. He’s bad.
Magnitudes of bad!
We’re trying to teach him but to no avail. Everything about him sucks, major ballsack to be exact.
His attitude is to avoid every task, finishes nothing and then starts something new.
„Did you do X like we told you to?“
„No I started on Y, because I thought it [looks better, seems more interesting, thought that X is useless…]“
When you ask him much is done he is always „almost“ finished and needs your help on the „last 5-10%“. Yeah fuck that!
But that guy has a talent, his talent is to always give you technically correct answers which actually are complete bullshit.
„What are you doing at your job?“
„Staring at a screen and typing things.“ dude what?
That guy used the excuse „I can’t do maths“ on everything.
For an exam he had to calculate how long it would take to reach a certain amount if you would get some interest in that every year.
He asked the teacher for the formula. During the exam! And when the teacher didn’t want to give it to him he wrote plainly „can’t do maths“ on the paper and left
His code is of a quality as if he would write his first line in a week and then has the audacity to blame me and the colleagues for not explaining it right.
Ok you might think now we’re teaching him bad, or are too impatient. But honestly if you have to explain how to do a for loop for over about 15 months and get that attitude I think you get the right to be angry. I don’t mind explaining on how things work, even for the hundredth time, but then don’t tell me you understood, go behind my back, complain at a colleague how bad I explained, get explained by him and then do it again until you whored yourself through the whole staff!
It’s like he got the mind swiper from Men in black at home. Every day he hits the reset button.
He had a week of just changing indentation on a html file. Why? Because he wanted to find his style.
Yeah his style
if(a==b){
console.log(a);
}
else {
console.log(b)
}
And to produce code like that it takes him atleast 4 hours of trial and error.
And at the same time he goes arround and boasts what a super good programmer he his and that he can do some project work for them.
How we found out? Because he started working in those projects during work time at the office and asked us how to do things.
And he does so like a complete bastard!
Broken sql query? “No that query is perfect as it is, it’s supposed to show no results! But, just in theory, if I wanted to show some results, what would I need to change?”
I’m so mad about it and pissed on a personal level because he goes around blames everyone and the world for his short comings5 -
Today's my birthday... As usual, I worked in my office... At morning (approx 11:30AM) I received a call from my boss yelling cause a shit deadline and for some shit that I didn't sent to him (I already sent, the bastad was in vacation and didn't saw it)... His wife wished me happy birthday but the mother fucker didn't say a shit instead yelling during all day... Our relationship sucks cause he's a fucking bastard that doesn't know a shit of development process and I am done of his stupid shit... I fucking need to change my job!!!!13
-
! dev. I had to pick up a parcel at lunchtime. Coming out of the shop, there was a parking enforcement officer (what we used to call traffic wardens) standing in front of the door, fiddling with his ticket machine, blocking my exit.
"Excuse me, you can't park there", I said.
He wasn't very amused, miserable bastard. -
!dev && rant
Looking for a song's lyrics... A very complicated task apparently. Blinding Lights by The Weeknd for whoever's interested.
Firefox: just one small thing to keep going, sorry we just updated our CA certs again. Screw you, close the browser. I will not restart it for you but I will tell you that I would. When you restart the browser, you will lose whatever search you were just doing. Sucks for you bastard! Enjoy the update.
Go to Genius Lyrics, please turn on JavaScript to run this "app". Done that? Okay now solve this CAPTCHA please. Um.. let me just leave that ingenious site.
Next one, AZ Lyrics: Yeah sorry your IP is from a hosting provider, but we will not tell you that is the reason. You've just been denied access to the site. See you next time! Everyone using a VPS to make a VPN connection with is obviously an abuser after all.
Finally found the lyrics on lyrics.com after a long journey that was way more complicated than it should've been. It's a good song.
Oh and Firefox consumed well over a GB for just a single tab of course...
I want Gopher, BBS, IRC and the likes back.4 -
*during sprint planning*
Me: so here are the tickets I'm taking in this sprint. I'll do this first and that second. I'm also keeping some buffer for emergency stuff
Manager: ok, this looks good. I trust you and will let you work in peace unless something important comes up. I won't micro manage you
Also my manager for every fucking day of the sprint: hey man what's up? Ready for sync up call?
THAT'S MICRO MANAGING RIGHT THERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU COULD CHECK JIRA OR GITHUB OR ASK ME IN STANDUP BUT YOU INSIST ON CALLING AND ASK ABOUT THE TINIEST DETAILS. GO FUCK YOURSELF SERIOUSLY9 -
So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).
FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.
I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?
30 -
> Mister IHateForALiving, we need a new table on the website do to thing
No biggie, we know there's a datatable plugin somewhere.
> No, you can't use that, it doesn't have pagination
Oh, right. I also see here it was last updated 4 years ago, it's kinda shit too, it's like the inbred cousin of a real datatable. Ok, how did you tackle the thing until now?
> There's a script template somewhere in the page, we iterate over that to create our tables
Ok, but I'll have to write some logic for that, how much time do I have?
> I want this to be online by this evening
Can't be done, what if we used a normal datatable like normal people?
> No, it looks too different from the real site
How am I supposed to manage the thing then?
> IDK, just reload the page every time
_____________
And here we are, triggering a full page reload on an already bloated Laravel app (something like 600-800ms) for 20 lines of json. Great idea mister team leader, but consider the following: fuck you and your bastard lineage.4 -
Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.5
-
Very eventful day, please see enclosed several smaller rants.
===================
My college's systems are shit and not only do they use HTTP for everything, even the stores and financial aid purchase system, they have homebrew JS shit for PGP site encryption (nifty...), but they exchange the PRIVATE KEYS instead of the public keys. Over HTTP. Not even HTTPS. Also if you log in more than 10 times in 24 hours it's supposed to lock you out of your account until you call... except it locks EVERYONE out. Found this out when on campus, trying to get my textbooks, when suddenly everyone had login lockouts because i'm a "paranoid bastard" and "afraid of idiot college students" for not telling a PUBLIC PC to remember the one password (enforced by password auto-sync across all their shit, not ideal, no) guarding my SUPER-SENSITIVE FINANCIAL AND ACADEMIC DATA... among the other hundreds of issues this college has. I now see why this college is the only one I can afford...
===================
Can't pass-through raw DVD drive access to VMs as VM managers crash when I try (yes, even QEMU...) so i've gotta install Windows on a shitty 80GB laptop HDD for literally one quick project. On the bright side, if my theory proves correct, you'll no longer need modchips for PS2s.
===================
Found a couple odd lines in my xscreensaver config:
GetViewPortIsFullOfLies:False
nice: 10
pointerHysteresis: 10
the first 2 I can't seem to figure out what do, and the last taught me a new word. Fun!
===================
that's it, it's over, why are you still here11 -
Stories like the one I'm about to tell you are just another reason why people hate Windows. I know I usually preach 'Don't hate everything' and shit, but this is a real big fucking deal when it hits your desktop for no reason.
Now, onto the actual story...
Background: Playing with my Oculus, fixing issues like forgetting to use USB3 and stuff. I learned about an issue with Nvidia GPUs, where in Windows, they can only support 4 simultaneous displays per GPU. I only have the one GPU in my system, Nova, so I have to unplug a monitor to get Oculus and its virtual window thingy working. Alright, friend gave me idea of using my old GPU to drive one of my lesser used monitors, my right one. Great idea I thought, I'll install it a bit later.
A bit later...
I plug the GPU in (after 3 tries of missing the PCI-E slot, fuckers) and for some reason I'm getting boot issues. It's booting to the wrong drive, sometimes it'll not even bother TRYING to boot, suddenly one of my hard drives isn't even being recognized in BIOS, fuck. Alright, is the GPU at least being recognized? Shit, it isn't. FUCKFUCKFUCK.
Oh wait. I just forgot the power cable Duh. Plug that in, same issues. Alright, now I have no idea. Try desperately to boot, but it just won't I start getting boot error 0xc000000f. Critical device not found. Alrighty then. Fuck my life, eh?
Remove the GPU, look around a bit while frantically trying to boot the system, and I notice an oddly bent SATA cable. I look at it and the bastard is FRAYED AT THE END! Fuck, that's my main SSD! I finally replace the SATA cable and boot, still the same error... Boot into a recovery environment, and guess what?
Windows has decided to change my boot partition, ya know, the FUCKING C: DRIVE, from NTFS to RAW format, stripping it of formatting! What the actual fuck Microsoft? You just took a shit on yourself while having a seizure on the fucking MOON! Fine, fuck you, I have recovery USB! Oh, shit, that won't boot... I have an old installation! Boot ITS recovery, try desperately to find a fix online... CHKDSK C: /F... alright, repairing, awesome! Repaired, I can see data, but not boot. So now I'm at the point where I'm waiting for a USB installer to be created over USB 2.0. Wheeeeeeeeee. FML.
THESE are the times I usually hate Windows a lot. And I do. But it gets MOST of my work done. Except when it does this.
I'm already pissed, so don't go into the comments and just hate on Windows completely. Just a little. The main post is for the main hate. Deal with it. And I know that someone is going to come at me "Ohhhhh, you need FUCKIN LIIIIIIINUUUUUUUXXXXXXXX!' Want to know my response to that?
No.3 -
I ended today a meeting.
Was annoyed.
Did it bastard administrator of hell style.
I shut down the necessary staging machine for presentation after disabling the network service.
Of course the machine died unexpectedly and sadly we had to postpone this important meeting.
In reality this meeting was as important as hay rolling down a street.
I hate everything at the moment.1 -
If any lecturer in my department discovers you are very fast in typing, the lecturer will turn you to a typing slave.
Lecturer: Just type, I will give you something
( 2 weeks later nothing )
Lecturer sees you in class, he ignores you.
(After graduation)
Lecturer sees you
Lecturer: Congratulations Mr. ***. The department is going to miss your fast typing, but i might call you on occasions to type for me. Will you come
Me: Sure Sir
MY MIND: STUPID FUCKING OLD FAG ASSHOLE, I HOPE YOU DIE A SORROWFUL DEATH, GREEDY FUCKING BASTARDS, AM NOT YOUR SLAVE, I WILL BLACKLIST YOUR NUMBER. BASTARD3 -
So I'm rebuilding my personal site, creating a nice layout, etc. I only just thought about checking how it looks in ie. That horrible bastard browser just fucks up the layout, and I'm not sure why some css rules don't even seem to fucking work. Probably gonna say screw it and not support ie, but it still sucks.7
-
On the week I went on holiday there was a fire alarm in our data center and the Halon fire suppression system was deployed.
I always miss the excitement.
Apparently our servers rolled over perfectly and we had less than 5 min downtime though, even with 4 killed drives in our SAN. So that's a win.
Kudos to our system administration team, especially the poor bastard who was sat in the data center with his toddler at fuck-my-life-o'clock in the morning.1 -
Ok fellow dev's, the engineering head said that he had to let me go because apparently I'm a very talented engineer but I have a bad attitude. All of this because he claims I don't seem too interested in meetings and all that bs.
So from Monday on it's Knowledge transfer time since major parts of our product have been written by me.Wish the head had some balls, and told me he was firing me because I wont suck up to him and be a yes man, bastard thinks you can hire and fire good dev's just like that (he can) .Plus he has never appreciated folks for the effort and the work they do. :(4 -
So I had to give my old laptop to my cousin who is in 9th standard for his online exams and classes .
(Just for context : I had installed manjaro on that old machine)
When I heard from my mother that his parents are coming to my house to borrow it from me I had to install windows because my cousin is not into tech that much and he barely could use windows 7 . ( The old laptop was shut down for a month or so) When I tried to install windows 10 . Machine started making beep beep noises . And I couldn't Install the windows because I had 30minitues to install a good os that my cousin could use . But guess what the Bastard windows , didn't get installed . I then installed manjaro and guided him the basics of how to navigate .
I hope he'll like it.
Again proved : Windows Sucks like hell.2 -
!dev
I just had one guy coming back to the house at 4am, again, and he made his usual grand entrance, slamming the doors, stomping on the wooden floor making all the creaking sound as he walk all the way to his room, which is right beside mine. And when he went into the bathroom, which is on the other side of my room, he slammed he motherfucking lid on the toilet bowl which was so fucking loud I literally jumped out of bed. I ended up not being able to sleep (I have a lot of trouble falling asleep), and when I tried to sleep in the afternoon to catch up on the missed winks, another motherfucking bastard started blasting fucking hardcore electronics in the living room which is right below my room. The same bastard also plays loud movies or music at 2-3am. I’ve told that bastard that comes home late to watch his noise but man he only minds the noises I told him and nothing else. As for the other fucker, he’ll say he’d keep it down but continues doing what he’s doing anyway.
I moved here cause I know that it’s usually a quiet place and away from the party kids, but I somehow ended up with a party kid and an insensitive fucker (This motherfucker had the loudest sigh of frustration when I knocked politely on his door last night. Yes I calmed down before I talked to him, but ended up deciding to not utter a word at all when I hear that sigh).
I should move out, but I can’t find a place before next term cause it’s way too late at this point. I am on a lease, but my landlord understands my situation, and he seems okay with breaking the contract.
Having been here as an international student for almost 2 years now, and having moved 5 times, this has been the worst nightmare of a bunch of people to stay with.
For those that has read of me ranting about this elsewhere, yes it’s that same fucking bunch that doesn’t clean the house.9 -
If I don't stop being a piece of shit entropy will prevail and my life in general will suck
I need to do something different like stopping being a crazy bastard that literally does exactly the same fucking things over and over and then denies them when someone confronts me
I need to admit that time is passing and has passed and it's devouring me
And a big part of this is not trying to cover my tracks because I'm not I'm fucking myself.
With the more positive changes I make the better the world around me will become.
I've been failing and I keep getting it worse in general.7 -
Quick and probably duplicate.
One fucking more time someone comes to me and interrupts me, I swear if it's not important, or chitchat, or something easly googlable, or something you could ask literally anyone else or something that isn't even my shit to handle, I will give the unlucky bastard 30 minute lesson to not fucking interrupt me when Im trying to focus first half of fucking day to do one fucking thing.
What the fuck.
What, should I print big fucking A2 formated poster and stick next to my workstation "If you came here to interrupt me, think if you really need to"?
E:
And no, I dont know where the fuck is your excel file.
And no, I dont give a shit when Im coding that there is cake avail for workers today.
And no, for fucks sakes I dont have time for chitchat, I have deadline on me once again and Im doing something I dont have much expirience in so please leave me fucking alone.7 -
I know I’ll get mixed views for this one...
So I’ll state my claim. I agree with the philosophy of uncle bob, I also feel like he is the high level language - older version of myself personality wise.. (when I learned about uncle bob I was like this guy is just like me but not low level haha).
Anyway.. I don’t agree with everything because I think he thinks or atleast I get the vibe he thinks everything can be solved by OOP, and high level languages. This is probably where Bob and I disagree. Personally I don’t touch ruby, python and java and “those” with a 10 foot pole.
Does he make valid arguments, yes, is agile the solve all solution no.. but agile ideas do come natural and respond faster the feedback loop of product development is much smaller and the managers and clients and customers can “see things” sooner than purly waterfall.. I mean agile is the natural approach of disciplined engineers....waterfall is and was developed because the market was flooded with undisciplined engineers and continues to flood, agile is great for them but only if they are skilled in what they are doing and see the bigger picture of the forest thru the trees.. which is the entire point of waterfall, to see the forest.. the end goal... now I’m not saying agile you only see a branch of a single tree of the forest.. but too often young engineers, and beginners jump on agile because it’s “trendy” or “everyone’s doing it” or whatever the fuck reason. The point is they do it but only focus on the immediate use case, needs and deliverables due next week.
What’s wrong with that?? Well an undisciplined engineer doing agile (no I’m not talking damn scrum shit and all that marketing bullshit).. pure true agile.
They will write code for the need due next week, but they won’t realize that hmm I will have the need 3 months from now for some feature that needs to connect to this, so I better design this code with that future feature in mind...
The disciplined engineer would do that. That is why waterfall exists so ideally the big picture is painted before hand.
The undisciplined engineer will then be frustrated in the future when he has to act like the cool aid man thru the hard pre mature architectural boundaries he created and now needs links or connections that are now needed.
Does moving to agile fix that hell no.. because the undisciplined engineer is still undisciplined.
One could argue the project manager or scrum secretary... (yes scrum secretary I said that right).. is suppose to organize and create and order the features with the future in mind etc...
Bullshit ..soo basically your saying the scrum kid is suppose to be the disciplined engineer to have foresight into realizing future features and making requirements and task now that cover those things? No!
1 scrum bitch focuses too much on pleasing “stake holders” especially taken literally in start ups where the non technical idiots are too involved with the engineering team and the scrum bastard tries to ass kiss and get everything organized and tasks working so the non technical person can see pretty things work.
Scrum master is a gate keeper and is not needed and actually hinders the whole process of making a undisciplined engineer into a disciplined engineer, makes the undisciplined engineer into a “forever” code grunt... filling weekly orders of story points unable to see the forest until it’s over because the forest isn’t show to the grunt only the scrum keeper knows the big picture..... this is bad this is why waterfall is needed.
Waterfall has its own problems, But that’s another story for another day..
ANYWAY... soooo where were we ....
Ahh yess....
Clean code..
Is it a good book, yes.. does uncle bobs personality show thru the book .. yes lol.
If you know uncle bob you will understand what I just did with this post lol. I had to tangent ( at least mine was related to the topic) ...
I agree with the principles of the book, I don’t agree with the extreme view point. It’s like religion there’s the modest folks and then there are the extremists. Well he’s the preacher of the cult and he’s on the extreme side.. but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.. many things he nails... he just hits the nail thru the wall just a bit.
OOP languages are not the solution... high level languages do not solve everything.. pininciples and concepts can be used across the board and prove valuable.. just don’t hold everything up like the 10 commandments of which you cannot deviate from.. that’s the difference here I think..
Good book, just don’t take it as the Bible as a beginner, actually infact DONT read this book as a beginner. Wait a bit learn then reflect by reading this.
15 -
Am going through documents and found an old review on a paper I wrote in semester 1. Now, I wouldn't say my paper was either good or bad. There was not enough guidance provided in the unit and I was unfamiliar to the scientific asshole community so I tried my best.
But in particular, fuck reviewer 2. He doesn't understand basics in English and he has the audacity to make judgement. Like, I am not "misspelling" you moronic asshole who doesn't even know the difference between American and English spelling.
He wrote three fucking pages. This moron wrote about half the length of my paper about why my paper is shit. I hope he chokes on shit.
He goes on to why every figure was useless or wrong; How no section is related to another; How everything is either not explained enough, or explained too much. The audacity is what he suffers from throughout the review.
In conclusion, and given the contrast between reviewer 1 and 2, I'd recommend reviewer 2 goes on to fuck himself. Moronic bastard.
It's a pity that I know this will happen again in future. God this makes me so angry. Gah.5 -
Took a week of PTO for a vacation because I'm pretty close to spent these days. Planning on getting in some kayaking and fishing I think, maybe some noodling on the guitar or read some Tolkien, as I really need to take a break from the computer and screens in general, and living in the latest COVID epicenter in the US I can do fuck all else.
I'm /really/ trying to force myself to ignore slack and work emails. I did all I could to leave my team prepared, and given that most are juniors who need A LOT of supervision since working remote, I fully anticipate having to fix everything and get shit back on track when I return next week. Telling myself it's inevitable so worrying about it now won't be any better than waiting till next week. LEARN TO READ CODE AND COMMIT HISTORY FUCKERS!
I know I have a full workload slated for the rest of the year and into Q1 21, so I know letting shit go for a little while is the best thing I can do for myself, and so that my family doesn't have to deal with me being a bastard all the damn time.3 -
Arghhh. Fucking hate when clients can’t be bothered to write an email but instead ring you up and spout off a load of important information regarding a project you worked on last week. When you are deep in another project, and expecting me to give answers. JUST FUCK OFF YOU BASTARD! This twat does it all the time.3
-
DA FAQ DONT ASK ME TO COMPLETELY CHANGE THE FUCKING UI U BASTARD!!! I HAVE SPENT HOURS ON SOME PARTS!😣😡👿2
-
we're doing a massive database migration and trying to fix a lot of shit that was done for years in the db. problem is, i have to cater to a business major asshat that doesn't know the first thing about working with data and he's responsible for 99% of the shit we're trying to clean up.
his response to the problem i brought up in his stuff? "we can deal with it later, right now i need it like this". this is why you guys have a shit database, because we have to spoil this idiot. then they complain everything takes forever to run and the database is bloated and somehow it is our fault.
I'm really holding myself right now, because i already went off on him once and he basically called me hysterical, and our boss likes him too much to antagonize the bastard. but god i wish i could run over him11 -
I need a new fucking job. Woke up at half 11, missed a couple of meetings. Think I'm just apathetic coz of stupid fucking lying bastard management.9
-
Who the fuck thought that carieer grade NAT would be a great solution instead of just switching over to IPv6 and have functioning internet?
I don't want to share my IP with some bastard who fails every reCaptcha so that pictures take 5 fucking seconds for me to fade out and in again.
Neither Chrome nor Firefox have a reliable way of forcing IPv6 if possible so Google still thinks I'm an evil bot.
I'm waiting for my PayPal to be frozen because of "suspicious actions from 'my' internet connection".
I don't want to share my IP. I want to be responsible myself for everything that happens to it.
Please replace that old switches that are too slow to manage serious traffic anyway and are just wasting their power for being turned on so that I can have an IP address to myself2 -
man, those hours.... some god, please kill the bastard responsible for this shit...
(
in the picture is like:
weight: beautician
occupation: "" --empty string
)
1 -
Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.
I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.
Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.1 -
I don't know what is worse. SAP hybris backoffice or its "promotion module". Fuck, that piece of shit is an overengineerd bastard - full of bugs and slow as hell.
I hope you guys who created this monster burn in hell for you atrocitiy!3 -
I was introduced to an Oracle dba working for one of the companies licensed for them
I was just starting out a few years in
Was using MySQL and dotnet to develop our system
Cost effective
Bastard gives me a kind of smirking smile after talking about basically representing a fucking catalog of use cases no real development and says "it just takes more to get this position"
Few years later oracle buys MySQL , the product he smirked about
Guess their system was really only good for Wal fucking Mart
Burn in hell oracle !1 -
Well... not because of my work life.
More like due to incompetent HTC support and webhosting provider services.
I mean, I had to re-send my mails again and again and ... for 2 weeks. HTC, yes my friend. It's you again. Get YOUR FUKN SHIT DONE FFS!
BEING BIG AS A SHIT LOADED COMPANY DOESN'T MAKE YOU COOL! GET YOURSELF SOME COMPETENT EMPLOYEE!
HOW MANY WEEKS DO YOU WaNT ME TO SEND YOU MY PHONE'S INFORMaTION?!
ISN'T ONLY ONE SINGLE FUKN SHIT ASS E_MAIL WITH ALL REQUIRED ANSWERS ENOUGH FOR YOU AND YOUR HORNY EMPLOYEE?!
FUUCK YOU, BASTARD(S)!
AND NOW TO YOU netcup!
YOU FUCKING PEACE OF DOG SHIT!
HOW DARE YOU WANT ME TO PAY FOR CREATING THE WEBSpACE BUT THEN ALSO FOR THE INEXISTENCE OF MY WEBSPACE?!
THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
YOU ROTTEN AND FiSH-SMELLING SLUTS!
I HOPE YOU ALL DIE IN AN ORgY BY GETTING A TONLOAD OF CUM UP IN YOUR HAIRY ASS aaaaand GET YOUR SLIMY CUM ON YOUR ... nvm that's just too hard...
FFS
JUST FUCK YOU!1 -
Wanna get my geek on with the Perseids tonight, have a new wide angle lens to try out, and the bastard clouds are everywhere! 😭10
-
I got yet another scammer calling me, this time it's something wrong with my computer LOL calling from Microsoft.
I flat out said this:
OH so you're a scammer right? Because there is nothing wrong with my PC.
I know I was supposed to post the other number on 4chan, but where exactly would I do so? there are so many categories and I'm new to 4chan
The guy hung up immediately!
Here ya go: 05967175950 bastard deserves to go to jail scamming normal PC users out of their information!3 -
Built my first App - the BOFH returns
So I started to learn programming about 7 weeks ago, learned some Java, immersed myself in git and then via a friend got introduced to android studio. To get some practice I decided to code my own app, and what better way than to create a quote generator for the funny and creative error messages as seen in The Bastard Operator from Hell. Now I wrote the thing, started adding a feature and before I know it, it works and I'm contacting the original author, if I may publish it to the playstore.
Io and behold: Merely 32 hours after the idea had sparked, in an act of spontaneous madness I've pubished my first app.
This was an absolutely electrifying experience and a huge feeling of success to me, to see my own creation on my homescreen.
Sorry for annoying you with this antirant, but I just had to get this out!
Btw here's the link if anyone is interested:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...
Constructive critisism is appreciated!1 -
Got a bad question here. I've got my homepage (login + some archives with access permission) which I made in HTML + php (yeah I know). But I just hate how php looks. So I'd like to rewrite that whole little bastard now using some other language (not php obviously). What do you recommend? Which Lang's/frameworks are being used. I heard python and java spring were good but I wanted to hear the opinion of some real devs I guess. I'm rather a back end dude (c++) but I think it would be useful to learn some web programming too (not interested in fancy animations and shit, just a good ol' single colored site that displays the content)2
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I feel like with all this Facebook stuff we are gonna end up eventually getting The Social Network 2: The Zuckening1
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So a minute ago I deleted all my Spotify songs, because Spotify now calls them Favourites instead of just Songs. Fucking morons. I thought I had loads of mediocre music in my favourites, and because I don't use favourites, I thought: let me just remove all songs from it so I can start over.
Turns out: that's all the songs I've ever added to Spotify.
Once I realised what I had done, I quickly turned off internet to see if it hadn't synced yet, but of course: FML, it was published. I quickly turned off internet on my phone and opened Spotify: gone already (the bastard was open) before I could turn internet off.
So, my last hope: turn off internet at home, fire up my old Windows PC, open Spotify, put all songs in a playlist, turn on internet, let it sync (au revoir songs or 'favourites', hello new playlist), restore all the things!
Luckily, I booted that old PC (and Spotify boots automatically in the background) last week, so it should have all my songs (I didn't add any this week). I'll let you know if it worked.
And heads up: your songs are now gone, you now have 'favourites'. 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Fuck you, UX ruiners at Spotifuck!9 -
So I still have my very first email account, a hotmail account as a secondary, kinda spam account.
i signed up around 2000 i guess.
someone tried to get in, i got loads of mails of failed login attempts so i wanned to go and change my pw. But because of that bastard i cant login with just pw anymore, i need my phone. THAT ACCOUNT IS 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD. I never even provided a phone.
spent the last 20 minutes providing personal details to microsoft which are probably not the ones i used for signing up anyway.
you know how careful we were whem signing up for something online back them? I probably signed up as Thomas anderson from zion...
anyway, done now and bow it will take 24h for them to review it..
all of this only to reset my forgotten pw for my epic games account for with i signed up with that mail..,
holy guacamole.. I should start to trust password managers...1 -
Little known fact about MS Intune: the reason it's so fucking slow is that when you tell it to deploy an app to a group of machines, a little goblin emerges from his slumber in the basement, copies the app onto a stack of floppies, and gets a taxi to each location to install it.
It's surprisingly hard to hail a taxi when you're a 10-inch tall homunculus carrying a suspiciously large backpack.
The little bastard has only just finished the first device, and it's lunchtime now so that's the last we'll see of him all day. -
Turns out you can treat a a function mapping parameters to outputs as a product that acts as a *scaling* of continuous inputs to outputs, and that this sits somewhere between neural nets and regression trees.
Well thats what I did, and the MAE (or error) of this works out to about ~0.5%, half a percentage point. Did training and a little validation, but the training set is only 2.5k samples, so it may just be overfitting.
The idea is you have X, y, and z.
z is your parameters. And for every row in y, you have an entry in z. You then try to find a set of z such that the product, multiplied by the value of yi, yields the corresponding value at Xi.
Naturally I gave it the ridiculous name of a 'zcombiner'.
Well, fucking turns out, this beautiful bastard of a paper just dropped in my lap, and its been around since 2020:
https://mimuw.edu.pl/~bojan/papers/...
which does the exact god damn thing.
I mean they did't realize it applies to ML, but its the same fucking math I did.
z is the monoid that finds some identity that creates an isomorphism between all the elements of all the rows of y, and all the elements of all the indexes of X.
And I just got to say it feels good. -
Currently working on a new feature on some old undocumented part of the code born out of the bastard fork of draw.io -back when it was opensource- and without a doubt the hardest part of it all is using GIMP TO DRAW A FUCKING ICON WHICH IS THE SAME AS AN OLD ICON WITH ONE MORE LETTER ON TOP I WANT TO DISEMBOWEL WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS PIECE OF SOFTWARE12
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I once spent a full month browsing the internet and doing fuck all. When they eventually noticed and laid down the law threatening me. I resigned. I’d already started working my self employment, just needed to cover another months salary. I fucking won that one. No cunt gets the better of me!2
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Junior Dev: "The man told me I have to use his framework but I don't know shit about it"
Me: "hmmm, since it's something he developed, you should ask him for some documentations or some examples"
Junior Dev: "I did!! That bastard gave me an example but I can't do anything with it. It's just executables, some config file and NO sources"
Me: "well, this sounds odd to me. You're telling me he just sent you executables and not a single source ? There is no .cs file in there?"
-- 2 minutes later --
Junior Dev: "now that I see ... The sources are there ... BUT the damn bastard put them into subfolders ... And there isn't a Solution file ... How could I even ..."
And THAT was the moment my brain collapsed into a black hole, obliterating me from the existence. Or at least that was what I wished for. -
In-laws are vacationing in London right now (wife's parents and aunt/uncle), so to keep in touch with the kids, I installed+configured Skype on their phones (these are folks in their 70s, no where close to tech savvy), I think they are good to go.
Last night we try to connect (I 'see' them online)...nothing, so we call.
Me: "Did you see or hear the skype notification?"
Grandma: "Was that you? My phone made a weird sound I never heard before and I saw your picture. I wasn't sure what to do so pressed the red button."
Me: "Its the same sound and picture I showed you before you guys left, remember? That's OK, the kids want to see you and say hi. Hang up and when you hear the sound and see my picture, click the green accept button"
I try again...ring..ring...nothing. About a second later we receive a text "Grandpa hit something and your picture went away. What do I do now?"
So, I try again...ring..ring...they finally pick up (we can only hear them)
Grandma: "Hello...hello? I don't hear or see anything, damn it Fred, what did you hit?"
Grandpa: "Nothing Betty, you aren't holding it right, turn it sideways .."
Wife: "Guys..we can hear you, can you see us?"
Grandpa: "Press this button with the line crossed through it .."
Wife: "Dad.."
Grandpa: "Hey!..See Betty, you had the phone turned wrong. Can you see us?"
Me: "No, you may have hit the video button..it looks like a little video camera, press it."
Grandma: "We did...nothing happened."
Me: "Are you sure? Try it again. The image may be grey or a little darkened, I don't remember."
Then we lose the sound.
Wife: "Oh good Lord they muted us. We're going to have to forget Skype and call them..."
All of a sudden we get video and sound. Cheers all around.
Then I hear in the background..
Uncle: "I thought 'PaperTrail' knew what he was doing? Apparently not."
I heard that and FU you, you old bastard. If you weren't a millionaire and paid for their London trip, I'd take 'knew what he was doing' and shove it up your ass when I see you.1 -
Just met with country brand manager of famous MNC automobile brand. They have their brand website for our country. He doesn't know any information and doesn't have any information regarding the website nor domain. He has been there for 2 years already and the website was made when the brand came to our country. So now he is stuck with that stupid ugly and most of all out-dated website.
So my point is, why the fuck did business people think domain and server information are less important and doesn't need to keep it documented and confidential?
Ok forget about server. They have to at least be very very careful with the domain name which they use it everywhere everyday.
What if it was some sick bastard like me who bought that domain and made that website? I could drop their butt ugly pages and put some animals seriously making love video up there.1 -
The only difference between a beginner dev and a veteran dev is that the beginner is afraid to touch what he doesn't know, while the veteran embraces it.
Accept that you don't know all and will never know everything. Even so, learn something new everyday. Fight your ego when it tries to make you keep only what you know and reject everything else. Fight that bastard.
The world needs less "I know", and more "I wanna know". And remember, devs should be in the "I wanna know" team.
sudo rm - rf ego
sudo apt-get knowledge-upgrade -
Tips on getting promoted on work:
1. Collect a list of all improvements and achievements that u did during your time in that workplace
2. Compare your output with your colleagues output, check their MR's, their complexity and compare with yours.
3. Talk with your manager about a raise. Tell him about your achievements, like maybe you are working on a wider scope than others. Maybe you are mentoring junior devs. Or maybe you deal with a bigger workload than others but still deliver on time. Maybe your communication is good or maybe you document stuff very well and in that way you make your team more efficient and increase team output. Whatever. Pitch and sell yourself. Also provide some personal reasons why you need a raise, like maybe u have kids or maybe your rent doubled. Inflation and so on. Selling point is that u are a human not a greedy bastard.
At the end of that talk the manager most likely will say that he needs to speak higher ups, he needs to gather feedback from your colleagues and so on. Give him a week or two if possible, no more.
He will probably get back to you with an offer. If there is none start applying, get an offer and put in your notice. In my case I waited 3 months for my raise to go through. I put in my notice, had a stressed call from manager, showed him my offer and my raise was arranged the next day. -
So the thick shit that features in a previous rant of mine (https://devrant.io/rants/782171/...) just decided to pull all my wet clothes out the washer and leave them on the floor all night. Next time he goes out I'm sticking a hose through his window, fucking moron now I have no clothes for work tomorrow... Bastard
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Finally got these sexy stickies. Gonna put them on my ASUS bastard when its back from repairs.
Thanks devs ! Gonna spread the world.
4 -
If this unit test were a real person, I'dsmack it across the face with a steel pipe and shatter its spine with a spiked mace coated in acid. Then I'd toss the fucker into a pit full of a hundred angry, rabid weasels and snarling, hungry raccoons, sprinkle some ground chestnuts and cocaine and tell bastard to run until I see some goddamn green.5
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you call your self master of CSS and the only thing you are good at is using frameworks always for animation and every little task. you can't even do simple animation with css. FUCKING BASTARD1
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Bad English aside I am so sick of incompetent customer service reps. Holy shit it's like they will hire anyone these days.
Here just read from this script and not the code version. That's all the tech you need to know right here on this single piece of paper.
Fucking incompetent bastards need to go work at a non technical job like Burger King because tech support is beyond them.
They'd probably fuck that up to. That's a completely different rant, those who can't even do fast food jobs right. At that point just go get on disability because your fucked.
To be fair I will occasionally get someone in the tech support sector who knows their shit but it's few and far between and its always a welcome surprise.12 -
My Team leader is such a bastard who doesn't do any work and every day he has parcel from some online shop like Amazon or something getting graphics card.raspberry pie etc etc and he literally does nothing. These are a guys who cost company and contribute to downfall of the company. If I would have been a CEO I would have fired such guys. But you know the shortcomings of the big company. And his face like a rotten tomato. No expression and most sadist face. You will ever find
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!rant
@dfox @trogus
I just watched the "die bastard die" cartoon and have to say it's fucking excellent.
I never actually laugh out loud at these things, but this made me piss myself a little bit.
Well played.1 -
!dev
First I miss my buss and now I have to wait next to useless bastard that uses a speaker instead of headphones. Do the world a favour and just slip on the ice and break them -
Welcome to post 2 of WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU?, a saga of competence, empathy and me being dick, even tho I didn't want to be one.
This is a follow-up to: https://devrant.com/rants/2363374 It's title is: "Oh, you can post only every 2h. Didn't know that". I also didn't know that the rest of my rant would be put into a comment. For consistency tho, this time I am still splitting the story.
A wise person once wrote in their book: "People judge other people by two things: Empathy and competence." This may not be an accurate quote, but it carries the same message. Also, I don't really remember who was the author. I only know they were probably quite wise. Anyway, I just wanted to share that sentence. Have a moment and think about it. Or don't. Here's my story:
A was a software house that looked pretty promising. They were elegant, their page and offer looked nice. Well, unless you consider the fact that they offered me internship. Unpaid. But I decided to meet with them anyway, since I had hope that I could negotiate some sort of paid internship or a job contract even. I did my homework after all, and I was confident I am able to keep up with their requirements. I arrived a little bit... no, way to early. One damn hour. Whatever, I waited. I was greeted by a woman. We had a cultural conversation, she had a list of 12 questions I needed to answer, as a form of a test. We begun. First question: How do you change a value in Oracle Database? "Wait a minute", I thought, "What kind of question is that?". Why in seven hells would you want your frontend developer to know how to handle oracle db? Well, I gave my answer, I did lick some of that SQL in my life. Next question: Java stuff. The bloody gal didn't even care to check what position I am applying to before the interview! At this point I didn't really have very high hopes. A shame on them forever.
The story of B and C is connected and a little bit more complicated. More on that in part 2. B stands for Bank. A big corporation then, by definition. A person I know decided called me that day and told me they're hiring, that he referred me and that they would like to arrange a meeting. And so we did. It was couple of days before Christmas. C was a software house again. Or a startup. Idk really. Their website wasn't finished so I couldn't read anything useful up on them. They didn't tell me much about themselves either. They also started with "unpaid internship".
In C, they would greet me and instantly sit me down next to a mac laptop and told me, "hey, do this stuff in python". What the fuck, not again... I told them that I am frontend dev, they guy said "it's no problem, you said you know python, it's a simple task". And yeah, I did host some apps in Flask and I did use psycopg2. It was in my CV. But never, ever, have I mentioned knowing heuristics nor statistics. I'm no data scientist, monsieur. Whatever, I tried, I failed a little bit, I told them that maybe if I did want to spend half of my day there I would finish this task, but back then I was way too nervous to focus and code. I told them what should be done in code and that I just was unable to code this at the very moment. They nodded, we said goodbye and I was sure not to hear from them ever again.
In B, I was greeted by a senior frontend dev. He told me the recruiter is sick and he couldn't come, so we're talking alone. I can buy it. We sat down in said meeting room, and he asked me if I wanted a drink. No thx, I had digested so much caffeine during last 24h, next dose could be an overdose. And then, he took out my resume printed in paper. With notes on it. With some stuff encircled. That bloody bastard did his homework. We spent over an hour, just talking in friendly atmosphere. It was an interview, but it was a conversation also. We shared our experiences, opinions and it went just perfect.
On December 20, I was heading home for Christmas. My situation looked like this: A called me they could offer me only unpaid internship. I was getting kinda bored of rice and debts, tbh. I gracefully rejected their generous offer. B didn't give me feedback yet(it was a most recent interview, so I didn't expect any message until after Christmas anyway). C told me that they could give me internship, but I managed to convince them to make it paid internship. After three months of very bad times, things were starting to get better.
On part III we will explore further events of my very recent past. That post will be same amount of storytelling and possibly a lesson for those who seek an employer and for those who seek an employee.6 -
Currently fuming at the sight of a store bought WordPress template that has social links that go nowhere, gibberish under CTA's and broken links galore.
I have contacted the poor bastard that has this website made and the soon to be poor bastard that made it.
Take some pride in your work, it's honestly insulting to be in the same industry as people like this!1 -
I started working for a startup as Server Administrator/ System Integrator beside university to get some dollars with easy work and nice people.
((I Know two of the C*Os so I got a had feeling with this. Besides the upcoming story I'm still really happy with my position and career chances here. God bless my Department which has the most funny/rude guys, love you.))
tl;dr:
Guy fakes his Skillset and fuckup whole department, can´t do most of his basic tasks. I had my first and hopefully last interaction with this bastard.
Heres how everything started:
I was more and more involved in the leading processes and decisions.
Heard about a story where and why the whole dev-department was kicked out of his position because they were crappy developers. And cant just believe the stories they told me about the former Dev-Lead
Now I met the former "Development Lead"
I was brought in because we in the IT wondered why he would like to share his local machine password with colleges. After some questions he came out with the Reason.
He is doing home-office for some days a week now and wants his colleges to be able to start his "software". (already confused by that)
The "better IT-guy" in me offered help for automatic deployment CI/CD stuff so that they can use it as an inhouse service.
BIG OOF incoming:
"The code is not in git because I wanted to clean it up before"
"My IDE is the only place where my PHP crap work is running"
"The 'PHP-software' is to complex for this"
My Lead and I were completely speechless,
I understand the decision to kick this "dev-Lead" from the lead position down to a code monkey/ script kid.
Now I´m thinking about getting my Hands on the Lead position after my exams because if such bastards with no clue about basic stuff, no clue about leading, no clue about ci/cd, no clue about generic software stuff get the job I would easily be the "good IT-guy" with more responsibility/ skill.
Now I sit here, hate people that fake their skills and set back work of colleges for multiple months and never asked for help or advice.
And the little "Bastard Operator from Hell" in my just wants to delete all his files, emails account during a migration to completely demotivate the person who failed to be responsible for a team nor their projects.5 -
//long rant ahead!
I need to plan a Wiki with SharePoint for not connected Sites.
Im now in dispute with my CoWorker since 3 Months, this is how the conversation goes. My two bosses are involved in this and also unhappy about SharePoint.
[C refers to CoWorker, M for me]
C: Hey, we finished SharePoint with Selfservice Storage Rooms. They even have a Wiki.
M: Okay cool, will check it out
C: Well we need to also plan the Wiki inside, I already asked our Department Head and he agreed, that you will be the one.
M: Okkkkaaayy, normaly it's your job to do such things, but welp, I will look into it, if we can work with it.
(2 Weeks pass)
M: I checked SharePoint out and tested everything. The Wiki is a Nogo, we need a other solution or programm for ourself a Wiki Integration/Engine. Did you maybe check out Confluence? It has also a SharePoint integration plugin.
C: We wont do Confluence, too expensive (already overspent the budget for SharePoint in six digits 🤬). Also we wont add to SharePoint Custom Code, it needs to stay standard.
M: Thats impossible, SharePoint Wiki is shit and also handels sites just like documents, no brain behind! Also you overspent the Budget and now it's my Problem?!
C: You need to do the best out of it.
(3 weeks passes and we get a meeting with the department heads)
M: Alright I made a UseCase and documented where the essential flaws are in SharePoint Wiki and why we cant use it.
Boss: Ok if it's impossible to use, then we will stay on our Fileserver for Documents and wont use SharePoint.
M: Thats not my Point, my statement is, as status today, SharePoint Wiki is not the right solution, code or buy software to it.
Boss: We will do a Prove of Concept, if it doesnt work then we will aboard it.
M: Well it is only some missing essentials, like hierarchy and Groups for the Pages, Example Confluence has this. If we could built in this features in SharePoint, everything would work out.
C: (angry) I told you that we wont use Confluence!
M: (calm) I said we need Features, not Confluence. Please mind the consent.
(3 weeks passes, and one more meating with bosses)
M: alright here again is a analyses, why already in Theory the current SharePoint Wiki wont work. It's already flawed in the core.
Boss: Yea SharePoint is crap, I checked out confluence and thats a real Wiki.
C: Well I dont know anything about Confluence and never looked at it. But if SharePoint is a fail we need the Proof of Concept.
M: Why do we need to do a Proof of Concept, when it already doesnt work in Theory! Thats nonsence and unlogical.
Next meeting will be in 4 weeks and I will give him the FUCKING PROOF OF CONCEPT. I will be a Bastard and build behind CoWorkers back a Confluence Wiki to show the Departmentheads how to built it right.
I hate CoWorker now, he makes a part of my loved Job a hell, I will goddamn cuk Coworker to space, that fucking Cukatron of lazyness and shit 🤬. I provide the Solutions and you just say no, how dafuq will the project advance, if you always say NO! Are you so unflexible and fixed on your Castle of Ignorancy!5 -
Uni team project. Our presentation was on Friday. Code and report submission this Monday. We have to write on the report the % of work each person has done. One certain member of this team has been steadily moving functions other people have done into his personal package area to "clean up the code" and will edit your files without permission to clean them too. If it were from anyone else I would not be suspicious, but this person has proved himself to be a snake. The result of his efforts? Breaks your fucking code, let's him claim ownership when you run a git blame on your own files and the functions you made he can now claim responsibility for. Actual fucking bastard I'm going to murder this little fuck. Doing zero fucking work except breaking other people's and claiming a larger % of the work done than anyone else. Uuugh.
-
(a slide acoustic guitar plays on the background and the cowboy starts speaking)
It was a dry october day, back in good old 2017. I had this job from a client that I never met and was doing some coding for money.
After days of no sleep, no food and no rest, I finally decided to take a nap so I paused my music.
It was at this moment I found out my machine was making funny noises. Like a dingo makin' a run from it's enemies with a whelping noise.
Clicked on my computer and tried to find an ol' file from the archive drive but the machine won't let me, sayin' the disk ain't ready yet.
I tried disk manager, disk scanner, whatever the tools at my disposal all in vain. Then I said what the hell, I'll just restart my machine and it'll be alright.
The machine rebooted but the disk was gone. It was dead like a deer I ran over. I was upset, but not aware of the calamity headin' my way.
In just a few days my other 2 disks died suddenly. The loss of data, all the effort, none of them mattered. I felt numb and decided it was time for a fresh start.
Plugged in a Windows install disk, started the sequence, a screen came up askin' me which damned and alive disk I wanna install the fresh OS. I had two same make and model SSD disks, chose the one thinkin' it was the Windows drive, hell it wasnt... It was with all "my documents", "downloads", "pictures" folders and now I had two SSD drives with two Windows installations and nothing else.
The folks in town took a dab at me for months, even the bartender of the salloon refused to give me a drink. Sayin' it was a matter of reputation...
Turned out the bastard who fried my disks was the Madde Dog PSU Tannen who had a bad temper so here I am, tellin' my story to milk breathers and cherishing old days of data...3 -
!rant
If (LocalDateTime.now().toString(DateTimeFormatter.format(“yyyy-MM-dd”)).equals(“2017/10/17”)){
human.age++;
System.out.println(“Happy birthday old bastard!”);
}4 -
Asked prof for LORs for grad school application. Once he submitted 6 lors, I sent him a chart in email stating what schools are done, what are pending. STUPID MOTHERFUCKER refused to give me any more LORs because he suddenly thinks I've become un-recommendable due to sending him an email. These EGOISTIC BASTARDs will die of hunger if they are to survive in the industry. They are surviving on govt money, MY TAX MONEY, but still refuse to give LORs for absolutely stupid reasons. Does someone know a hitman ? I want to kill this PIECE OF SHIT.7
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TL;DR: don’t use Array.forEach use
for … of … instead.
Array.forEach is synchronous, but pass it an async function and the bastard does not await it.
I was so sure that it was sync….
Wasted 2h14 -
Basic imposter syndrome and fear of getting called out on something and losing my job.
Or in my current situation where I have a terrible bastard of a manager, fear of not getting my resume updated and start calling people about jobs.
If I got fired right now, I honestly wouldn't care that much. This world is going to shit. -
!dev
Left the window open to cool the room before going to bed. A fucking cricket got in. Didn't kill it at first, thought it'd leave.
Nope. It didn't. Lights off, comfy in my covers and there it goes... That noooooise! For fucks sake! It's not even loud, but it grates so muuuch. Agh.
And then it took me foreeeeever to find it. Bastard hide on top of the wardrobe, behind my luggage. Spend a good 10min looking for it. And he kept on taunting me, the fucking piece of crap. Well, at least its dead now. Good riddance, asshole. -
Okay, so there's this guy in my school who's an asshole. Everybody hates him. Even the teachers. But specially me. This bastard keeps messing with me. So one day I decided to take revenge shot. I was learning game development with unity at the time. So, I made a game on him. For androids. I was only a beginner, so the game was not as good as i expected but did the job. I shared the game with some friends over Google Drive.
And ...
Its been two weeks now and almost all my seniors now know me. They really liked the game. People probably just passed on the link to their friends.
Here's a link if wanna check it out:
https://drive.google.com/file/u/...4 -
Hey guys, I have a question.
If you ever had to deal with parity (Ethereum node software) and ever ran archive node, you perfectly know how long this bastard synchronizes. For our server it took almost month. Well, today or yesterday parity decided to spontaniously blow up (or crash) corruptiong database manifest file which greatly undercut us.
Anyone knows any viable way to rebuild manifest file withoud doing full sync from a scratfch?
If anyone has any suggestions other than what 95% of internet say "well, delete your database and sync from scratch" Im happy to test if it will solve our burning burning issue.
I am sure there is some way to rebuild database, especially where it's manifest file that's corrupt (Ive checked it, for wtf reason parity decided to truncate the file when it crashed).
Database backend is written in rust, and is called rocks db.
EDIT: if helps, its archive fat database (fat db means it should be easier to recover?)4 -
PM: I can't see the Facebook page, can you check what's wrong with it?
Me: *click click tab tab* There's not much I can do... I don't have the admin access
PM: Who is the admin?
Me: ABC (who is on holiday)
PM then decided to bombard ABC with emails & phone calls (& to ABC's family)
PM: When ABC comes back, ask for the login details
Me: But that's linked to the personal account.....
PM: It doesn't matter
Where the f is privacy?
p.s PM is an arrogant bastard who logged in to ex-colleague computer, read her personal emails, found out she went to a job interview, told the boss and asked her to come back then fired her on the spot6 -
I have 3 jobs but one salary... I look after some financial enterprise system as one of my jobs ... In short am an integration support specialist, earlier today system was down ussd gateway... Some client pinged me on fucking skype asking for integration support on uat i ignored cause i was busy fixing production issues , the nigga escalated me to the CTio, sneakey bastard.. Some clients are shitty. Hope they make money
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When the previous dev's function returns null instead of an empty list when no results were found. Why?!
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Here we go again! Fukerberg is up to his same 'ol played out trick, can't aquire'em, copy'em. 🙄
https://inc.com/jason-aten/...1 -
When you ask the project owner for a workflow explanation and his reply is "I don't know how it should work yet, just do whatever you get first", you know it's time to ditch the bastard along with his project.
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In the beginning I was a retard, but then found out about React Query, learned it, made some abstractions around Axios and my JWTs, and now I have 200+ IQ.
God bless Tanner Linsley, you mormon crazy bastard, you did it, you made my life easier.8 -
So my (windows 10) laptop decided to suddenly forget about its Bluetooth capability. And about its Bluetooth hardware.
Now, I did not restart my system, I just left it idle for a while. Heck, I played rainbow six before leaving it idle (with a Bluetooth mouse, of course)
Tried checking for the settings (didn't find any settings related to Bluetooth service), didn't find it in device manager, useful the troubleshooter (bastard says the problem is I have no Bluetooth hardware installed), tried restarting the system, checked in bios menu (couldn't see hardware info printed in bios system info), tried updating/reinstalling the driver.
The hell am I supposed to do?10 -
few hours back I ranted abt tired body and caffeinated mind, I came back from work and I alcoholized my mind. still the bastard is nt allowing me to sleep. I think it is the time for some phishing the people who are using my free wifi.
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As of this week, recruiters have been calling the company office number that I work for.
The first time this happened was Monday and of course, I answered my office phone after it was redirected from the support team. It was a man with an English accent offering me a job in Luxembourg. I politely said no thanks as I had no intention of uprooting. Plus, I was sure that he had no idea of my technical skills. The nerve of these insects.
Today, it happened again. The phone rang. It was my colleague. He said, "there is a guy looking for you. He sounds English". Alarm bells went off straight away. I replied, "He is a recruiter, I don't know anyone with an English accent. Ask him what he wants.".
He claimed to be from a company I previously worked for and had been requested to contact me, but would not say from which company that was. Sneaky bastard!
My colleague said the number came from a company called Theta Partners in Great Britain.
I think I need to prepare a good response to the recruiter, if it happens again. Any suggestions?1 -
I've been freelancing lately with an agency to develop an android app for their client and at the same time another person is developing the website .
The story begins when I first contacted the web dev to give me access to the database (because he started before me ).It turns out that this guy purchased an almost ready cms template with a shitty data structure that has no relations between object .This database has no primary keys , no foreign keys , no indexes ... no nothing . Adding to that the web dev refused that I rewrite a new data structure claiming that he has done a good progress on the website .
Forward couple of weeks , I managed to create the api and develop an alpha for the app and sent it to the agency manager .
This bastard told me that the website and design have changed and the app shouldn't be like that .He told me to contact the other bastard the web dev to seen what the changes are . I'm waiting for the response about the new updates and I'm praying that they'll be just minor colors updates or something not a whole concept update .
My problem here is I'm stuck with this fucking agency cuz they paid half of the payment when I started .
Damn I must learn to say no to people .1 -
I just saw this: Choosing between React Native and Flutter
Well fuck both, each has its ups and downs but native is the only thing that keeps mind clear, and I'm happy to do double the work than wasting time fixing dependency shit (RN you little bastard) and having to clone an entire project just to add support for Bearer tokens because it is not yet supported by Google out of the box (Flutter -_-)4 -
So I have some OPC server to pass a lot of data to another app. And this developer is telling me that a "delete" event for a tag is not arriving into that app. So few emails flow back and forth between us, me trying to explain where that bastard event goes, he insisting nothing sort of arrives on his side and it's my server's fault. Until a meeting is set with my manager and his.
Dev: so I have no actual data from your server.
Me: can you seek, please, within your code if struct X is passed on from the server?
Dev: yeah, it appears a lot of times but I haven't seen any instance with your delete event.
Me: ok then, is it any place where you implement the main interface of the OPC client? There is a method in it where all the events are sent. You can put a breakpoint and I cand send you only this event.
Dev: hmmm, I'm looking for it.
[after couple of minutes]
His manager: Dev, did you find that class?
Dev: hmmm, I'm don't know...
His manager: can you add that breakpoint?
Dev: it's not necessary, I can fix it the "delete". -
So I'm working on this codebase that has about 50k lines of code and I built a feature in it today. Spent 3hours on the feature + writing tests. Then I raised a pull request and that bastard codeclimate calculated the test coverage had dropped by 0.3%.
For 6hours now I'm still looking for a way to increase the test coverage by 0.2%. FML4 -
Most useless meetings I attended was in my previous company. Our f***king boss suggested that manager must have to take one morning meeting with the whole team about that tasks what needs to be done. And our bastard manager calls the whole team and wasted time all of us cause our work is not related to each other so he is explaining one on one and rest are looking at his face what type of species he is :P
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One of the most irritating things is when a marketing or a sales guy comes up with something so fucking simple and obvious but it starts gaining the smallest amount of traction and then the bastard starts acting as if he is Steve Jobs.
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Went to bed at 23:40, slept at ~23:50 - goal accomplished
Woke up, asked that little spying bastard besides me (echo dot) about the time. Understood sth. in the neighbourhood of 0:30.
Booted the phone, realized I've slept a bit more.. It's 2:30.
By now it's 6:32 (CET) I havn't done anything productive but to get out of bed and get some food.
Let's see if my head will produce some working code.2 -
!rant
Well not really a CS teacher but it did happen to me during my uni days.
I had joined a marketing class as an elective since my Information Systems degree did have some business related stuff thrown in there.
One day the lecturer strutted in all smug and told us to take out a sheet of paper and we were gonna have a surprise test.
He has the test on a pen drive , apparently it was just 2 open ended type questions he was gonna plug into the class pc and send it to the projector screen.
To this day i have no clue what the hell he did, but that smug bastard managed to delete the test permanently 😂
He popped it in and we saw a few files there he selected them and was about to either drag to desktop or open them , the cursor changed to the wait hourglass , he right clicked and refreshed as if it would
Do anything but .... PooF.... Bye test 👋
He took the pen drive out and plugged it in again, but couldn't find the test file
He scowled then checked the desktop and recycle bin, nope 👎
He took his pen drive and silently walked out....
The other IT students and I were in stitches 😂2 -
Fucking product manager...
Customer is struggeling with a feature implemented before I even joined the company. And he is absolutly correct. The logic is bullshit.
Guess what pm Said? Fuck Off, I Don't Care.
Damn fucking you. Should I Care? Is it one of our best customers? Is the feature financed by him? Are you bastard usually crawling in his ass?
Thanks that I'm on vacation for 2 weeks. I'm currious how they going to manage that.... -
I guess i have to be thankful for not knowing whomever wrote this fucking piece of shit of a PHP app that i have to fix stupid bugs in a daily basis.
Cause if i did know the bastard.. i'm pretty sure i would fucking bash his useless head in with anything i had in my hands at the moment... FUCK!.
The level of ignorance and stupidity.. i can't even begin to comprehend.
The worst is that we can't even rewrite this fucking piece of buggy shit cause the bosses are so fucking proud of their deformed creation and wont pay us decently to even to that in the first place.2 -
Should I just be a silly stupid evil selfish reckless bastard who is engages in wholesale rapine and doesn’t care about anything or make any rational or reasonable commentary on our system or any intelligent reasoning ?
Just remain curious
Seems to work for the garbage who should be getting punished and do everything to encourage their own punishment
Just saying
And wtf is that about ?
How can people who deserve it profit by this ?
Assholes4 -
debugging escalated hard. started with neos, went over Apache and nginx. no more problems there after a clean db import. spent the whole day on this and endet up with the "result", that varnish, this fkn (most of the times helpful) bastard, is the problem. didn't get any results after that. meh.
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I don't get the point writing SHIT code for a project you're paid less than you expected! Shouldn't you use that oportunity and improve your knowledge, instead of complicating your and life of a person who will take care of that code later? The fuck! You work in a TEAM and not in a stupid shithole of your dumb ass!
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I feel like some evil bastard NTP hacked the world.
on that note, seeing revision "12' wandering around.
I wandered by an apartment I remember from the old days today, in that apartment a woman wandered in, and left the door unlocked, you walked upstairs and she was already hidden inside one of the sub apartments, all of which had their doors unlocked.
if you wandered into the correct one a sexy chick was waiting, the one you followed, if you wandered in the wrong one you either got screamed at by an angry dude or looked at curiiously by an old guy cooking dinner.
the room changed across the years.
however i was warned away from this even before I remembered the events that followed and were buried indicating that this is not something i should be doing.
because now a woman in gray wanders in, meaning something awful is up there instead of some lighthearted game of chance where i coud either be looked at as an idiot, screamed out, or bonk someone for several hours.
I am really missing being young.3 -
Have you heard of blue whale game?
what do you think about it?
it seems like inspired from movie nerve however the bastard says he has been thinking about the idea for years.1 -
While doing an MVC application. My boss went to my desk.
Boss: all of our phones are down, can you call the support?
Kranz: (on my mind) you ask for the impossible bastard! -
so i was having snack time at my preschool, right after nap time guys, and this was recently btw. and then this IDIOT named jack comes over and steals some of the crackers, before snack time is even ready!! and he gets away with it, the fucking bastard he is and then i try it, and get in trouble BUT THE THING IS, THE TEACHERS WERE LOOKING AT HIM WHILE HE DID IT. THATS WHAT PISSED ME OFF!!! FUCK THAT BASTARD NAMED JACK!!!4
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"dont bother with unit tests we dont have budget for those" - still paying the price for naively following that one, every svn merge is a bastard now1
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That bastard wasp is circling around me like a hungry shark all the time today. Now what is distraction if this isn't?
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How is it that a customer ends up "failing" some development work which was our (my) idea, presented to them as a proof-of-concept solution to a problem?
Mentioning some phantom specification and saying "it's not this and it's not that".
You'll get what you're given you fucking little retard piece of shit. Sorry I opened my fucking mouth, you can struggle in future you stupid, inconsiderate fucking hollow-brained bastard. Shove it up your arse and take your manager's dick out of your mouth. They think you're a fucking prick too, just like your parents.
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