My life in one sentence: "Weeks of coding can save hours of planning". Sigh.

Client : Now mail me the project "directly". Don't send it in files. I donno how to open files!!
Me : Directly? o-O

Android Development be like:

- Has great idea for app or feature
- Boots up PC
- Starts android studio and creates new project
- Build error
- Gradle build failed
- Android studio crashes
- Java Error
- Shutsdown PC
- Goes and hangs himself

Pretty accurate if you ask me 😀😀😀😎

"Should I use Mithril or Durandal?"

"I'm sorry, I don't play Dungeons & Dragons.."

"They're Js libraries.."

Fuck sake, because we needed more reasons for people to think we're nerdy virgins.

My girlfriend's dad asked me to fix his printer.

I open it up, pulled the cartridge, blowed some air and put it back again.

It worked.

He now thinks I am a genius.

"Got a cool idea! Need to check if it is possible. "

*Proceeds to do some research on the internet*

"Oh great! A thread about it from two years ago! It must have the solution there!"
...

*It was me creating the thread two years ago*

Mfw

One of my most favorite quotes:

"UNIX is very simple, it just needs a genius to understand its simplicity."
- Dennis Ritchie

On Slack
Me: I can't access the VPN
Network team: You have to create a user incident
My browser: 403
Network team: Yeah you need to be on the VPN to access the incident system
Me: 😐

Me: I'm really underpaid and you know that. You gotta do something about it.

My Manager: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Few weeks later*
My Manager: Hey what's the status on that new POC?

Me: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Radio silence in the room*

Me: would you like me to design the website as well?
Client: no, we have a web designer. you just have to implement it.
Me: *receives the design, made with powerpoint* 😐

Early in my career I was assigned the task of implementing a 3D pie chart into our application that you could spin and rotate with your mouse. You know, because sometimes you want to see the sides and the back of a pie chart.

Does anyone else read:
!important
as
"NOT important"???

RAGE. FUEL.

Le monday morning after a commit on sunday evening...

PM: BLAAAH!!!! Your commit broke the site, nothing is working!!!!!!
Me: What? All of tests passed (coverage 95%), no issues were found.
PM: NOO!!!! Site is broken, we can't use it no more!!!
Me: Ok, what's the problem?
PM: I've tried to enter -10021 into this field on that page and it gived me an error.
Me: Ok? So, that single page is broken?
PM: No, whole site!!!! This is important
Me: Sure... Let me take a look

* PM tried to enter a negative value into an unsigned field that I've mutated yesterday after checking LIVE database if there was no records with negative value. Reason: we've hit an int limit and there was no chance that the value would be negative. Validation? Well, yes.... Except that page was added by him this morning without even checking everything else *

Me: Here, this is the issue, *gives explanation*
PM: Well.... You shouldn't do this. This is unacceptable. You must never leave int fields without negative values. Didn't they teach you in school that integers can be negative?!
Me: What? *consufed as hell*
PM: *More morale... blah blah blah....* Revert it back!
Me: Ok but if anything else breaks, copy of this slack conversation will be kept.
PM: Don't care! Fix it!
Me: * Reverts the fix, saves chat copy * - Done.
PM: Great.

* 5 wild minutes later *
PM: BLAAAH!!!! Site is down, service is not working, what have you done?
Me: Reverted the change needed for it to work. Todays schedule is full with other important tasks. * pastes a screenshot as a proof that he asked me to do this *
PM: FIX IT NOW! Apply your fix.
Me: You're the PM. - Done.
PM: Great, now I'll fix my code. You should be more careful next time.
Me: * YOU DENSE MATHA...KER * Sure.

How's your morning going? :)

First laugh then comment 😂😂😂

Just applied to a new job with this as my cover letter.
Wish me luck!

Current State

1 . Seen it
2 . Mind blown
3 . Why i didn't thought of that
I loveee the ideea

Total garbage

Ok......

oh god