Today I told my boss to move from windows server to Linux Based Server.

Boss: Linux Server is used for small and light projects only.
.
Me: 😠🔫

Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => little success
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => I think I've got it
Try => almost there
Try => fail
Try => fail
Try => oh, is that the problem?
Try => fail
.
.
.
=> SUCCESS

If restaurants functioned like Microsoft:

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. 
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? 
Patron: A SOUP bowl! 
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up? 
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer;what has that to do with the fly in my soup?! 
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? 
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! 
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? 
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?? 
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. 
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!

The check:

Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1.00

Your opinion > /dev/null

Friend : Hey bro I made an awesome program which shows your future wife's name.

Me : Hey that sounds interesting, show me the source code bro !!

Friend shows the code :

#include <bits/stdc++.h>
using namespace std;

int main()
{
string first_name , last_name;

cout << "Enter your first name\n";
cin >> first_name ;

cout << "Enter your last name\n";
cin >> last_name ;

cout << "Your wife's name is " << "Mrs " << last_name << "\n";

}

Me : Dude you are gonna crack Google some day :P

I hate those fucking sites which make you login first and then redirect to their home page.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ITS 2017. CANT YOU BASTARDS WRITE A FEW LINES OF CODE SO THAT I AM AUTOMATICALLY REDIRECTED TO WHERE I WAS AND I NEED NOT BACKSPACE EVERY TIME I LOGIN?

Procrastination is like masturbation: it feels good while you're doing it but you're only fucking yourself.

- I remember this every time, it doesn't help much but it does make me chuckle.

working on a better captcha...

Made me chuckle!

How the Fuck do you verify this shit???

That makes so much sense 😂😂

when i merge two files manually

When I was trying to learn about parameters 😂

And it ran forever

//TODO: Add Camera

Hopefully not a repost, just found this on Twitter
#firstPost

Even debugger can't beat this.

No doubts, the software engineers suggested this.

A group of chicken running Debian

The dev secret...